


Chronicles: The NERV-Aperture Laboratories Joint Testing Initiative

by BG_Character_592



Series: Chronicles [11]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Giant Robots, Let's Play, MST3k-Style Riffing, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 74,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BG_Character_592/pseuds/BG_Character_592
Summary: Perhaps to spite Ritsuko Akagi, a couple video games emerged from a Rift and into her lap.So what do they do? Why, they play them, of course!
Relationships: Aida Kensuke/Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyouko, Akagi Ritsuko/Ibuki Maya, Hiro | 016/Zero Two | 002, Horaki Hikari/Suzuhara Touji
Series: Chronicles [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1203856
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. TNALJTI 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Advice and Trust](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/629620) by Strypgia. 



> This is the eleventh instalment of Chronicles, a continuation of Strypgia's Advice and Trust, published here with his consent, originally posted on Sufficient Velocity. It is recommended one reads Advice and Trust first, as many of the characterisations and events differ from what is considered canon to Evangelion.
> 
> In addition to the above, as this is covering a video game, each chapter is paired with a video, which shows the exact gameplay performed in the story. Links to the appropriate video will at the start of each chapter.
> 
> While this story is a continuation of Advice and Trust, it's not set in its exact universe. This story diverges from Advice and Trust starting from Chapter 11.12 (on Sufficient Velocity).
> 
> This is a direct sequel to Chronicles: Evalied.
> 
> As usual for Chronicles, this story is rated Mature for sexual references, occasional violence and confronting scenes.
> 
> Many thanks to Jimmy Wolk and others for translation help.

* * *

** PLAYBACK FILE: [REC001_MELCHIOR.76:18_040218](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSF2H5Pu9P4) **

## 1\. Sunday Mornings

The sun creeped through the curtains, stirring Hikari from her slumber.

Her tired self took stock of her current situation. She was still in her NERV appropriate clothes from last night. She was currently in the bed of her partner.

And she was still _holding_ onto him, as he slumbered. Despite the discomfort she thought it would've brought. "...Man, how do you put up with me, Toji."

She couldn't help but scoot closer, though. This... was always enjoyable. Especially when the stresses of NERV got too much for her.

A part of her _always_ felt bad she was loading all of her luggage onto him, but... it was better than the _alternative_ she witnessed last night.

There was a small sigh, closing her eyes once more and settling back into Toji. "...I'll always appreciate your company, Toj..." But a whisper, as she fell back into a slumber, enjoying his warmth.

They only had about five minutes like this, before Hikari's phone went off. "...Grrr."

"mmhmWha..." Mumbled Toji. "Is... that yours, Hikari?"

" _You_ don't have a cell, do you?"

"...Fair point."

From out of her pocket, she answered. "...Yeah?"

It was the Subcommander. _"We'll be covering the new Rift Material starting from 1100 hours. You... can come in if you want."_

"I might as well." Mumbling, before her eyes fell back on her partner. "...Say, I know it's asking a lot, but... can I bring Toji along?"

A small silence.

_"...I'm guessing the Laserdiscs didn't settle well with you."_

"To say the least." Her phone went in front of Toji. "Say hi to the Subcommander, Toji."

"You could've rung us _later_."

Hikari knocked him in the arm with her phone, as she heard Ritsuko chuckle over the line. _"Good to hear he's taking care of you, Hikari."_

"There's a _reason_ I want to spend the rest of my life with him, Subcommander." A small smile, speaking that just loud enough so Toji can hear. "So... can I?"

_"Yeah, I'll allow it."_ Confirming. _"I don't think it's anything heavily classified anyway. Plus, if he_ is _going to be a future pilot with you, we might as well get him used to being in NERV."_

"...Thank you, Subcommander."

_"Don't mention it. Be here by 1100 hours, the both of you."_

"Yes Ma'am."

The phone clicked off. Hikari placed it to the side of the bed with another sigh. "Well, looks like _you_ get to come in to NERV today, Toj."

"...Means I can spend more time with you, eh?"

"You bet." Soft, as she leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"So... what time?"

"Eleven." She murmured. "We... can stay here for a bit, if you want."

Another small silence.

"...Yeah. I'd like that."

~

The sun was _not_ creeping into this darkened room, dimly illuminated by computers whose only purpose seemed to be flashing lights and beeping incessantly, at least according to Sayaka and Kyoko.

Still, the constant drone was easy enough to tune out. It was rather _comforting_ in some ways, they thought. It reminded the two of them of their times together. Being one of the _few_ precious moments they get to _properly_ spend with one another, at least during school days.

The various ways they shared the bed certainly brought them comfort, as well. Sayaka was clutching onto Kyoko, who was in turn clutching onto Kensuke, but often they swapped themselves around, or Kensuke was holding the _both_ of them to his sides. Sometimes it was _Kyoko_ holding the both of them like that, as well.

It always made her chuckle, thinking of that. She often had _plenty_ of these thoughts when she was with them, her _two_ loves.

A small smirk, as Sayaka unconsciously held her closer, and as she replied in kind with Kensuke, sandwiching herself more.

...It felt _good_ to call them that.

This moment was _ruined_ when Kensuke's cell phone went off, resulting in him suddenly waking up and dropping off the bed. And due to Kyoko holding him and Sayaka holding _her_ , they _all_ ended up as a pile on the floor. "Ken."

"...Yeah Kyo?"

"I know it's ultimately a _good_ thing you got a job at NERV, but it would've been nice if they _didn't_ interrupt our times like these."

He sighed. "I know. But... it's worth it."

"...Yeah, you're right."

She kissed his nape. "You get that, I'll tend to Sayaka."

He nodded, getting himself up of the ground towards his desk, with the ringing phone.

His other turned to their other. "You alright?"

"...What happened?" Sayaka was only _now_ waking up, and realising she was sprawled out on the floor. "We... must've had a _really_ fun night."

"Nah, this was _different_ to that." A small chuckle. "Plus, _you_ would've remembered, surely! Not like we can _drink_ yet."

"...Oh right."

His phone flipped down. "You two wanna join me at NERV, today?"

"Are we _really_ going to deny that, Kensuke?"

Scratching the back of his head, "Fair point, Sayaka."

~

You know the drill by now. Sun through blinds, Hiro and Zero Two sleeping soundly in one another's arms, loving moment ruined by a phone call.

Zero Two grumbled at how _common_ this was getting. "Yeah?"

_"You two gonna join us for that new Rift Material?"_

"We might as well, Misato." She shrugged. "Since we're _up_ now."

_"I'm making it a habit."_ In deadpan. _"Can't just have you two_ screw _all day long now, can I?"_

A small huff. " _We_ wouldn't mind."

_"I know. 1100 hours, Ritsuko's lab, you should know the drill by now Zero Two."_

"Yeah, we'll be there."

The phone clicked off.

"...Y'know, they _say_ we do _that_ a lot. But we don't really get an _opportunity_ to if they keep waking us up like that."

She shrugged. "There's always the _nights_ , darling."

~

Ritsuko continued her rapid fire typing on her terminal, as Kensuke was waiting in front of a more _ordinary_ computer. At least it _looked_ like it, in reality it was essentially just a fancier Magi terminal, in that it actually had a _colour_ display and _graphical_ capability!

"Okay, Kensuke." She eventually closed her terminal, turning to the triad who had gathered around the screen. "The Magi should have installed the _first_ Portal to the virtual machine by now. We'll have your gameplay going to _there_ , " Pointing to his current terminal, " _There_ , " Pointing to the standard CRT they would _often_ use to watch Rift Materials, "And the _Magi_ are also recording whatever happens within the VM."

"I'm sure he'll make sure _not_ to look at any porn, Subcommander."

A flat look at Kyoko's remark. "Even if he _wanted_ to, no way in _hell_ I'm connecting Whistler to the Internet. That's just _asking_ for it, at that point."

"So... where is everyone else, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Misato is escorting Hikari and Toji here, Zero Two and Hiro are on their way, and Maya was monitoring some thing... _beyond_ what you need to know, let's just say."

The Puella shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Speaking of, I'll go get her."

"I'm guessing you don't want me to start until you all come back?"

She sounded a confirmation. "Just play _solitaire_ or something. I'll be back soon."

The door slid shut.

"... _Windows_ has solitaire as well?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Windows has had solitaire since the _80s_. Wouldn't be a Windows system _without_ one."

And with a bit more typing, the virtual machine began its startup.

[**VIDEO START** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSF2H5Pu9P4) **(00:00)**

"Jeez, _that's_ quite a bit of memory."

"It's half that of _Kensuke's_ main computer, isn't it?"

"Then again, _my_ computer isn't exactly _standard_ , is it?"

**(00:20)**

The login prompt appeared. "...Who's _e_ Akagi?"

Deafening silence. "Who... do you know that starts with an E."

"...Oh." Sayaka realised. "Did... oh..."

Kensuke shook his head. " _Apparently_ , she's alright. So... don't worry too much."

"I don't see her _around_ , Ken."

Another silence.

And a sigh. "Lets... just log in."

He typed in his regular username and hit enter. "...Crap, they set a password."

"And they didn't _tell_ you?"

"Maybe it's just a _placeholder_ password?" Pondered Sayaka. "Since they obviously don't expect us to do anything _remotely_ secure with it."

A thought.

For the password, Kensuke decided on _space_. Lo and behold, it worked, the room filling with the sound of a Whistler login. "Well _that_ was easy."

"I assume _that_ icon is what you're gonna be playing."

He glanced to it. "...It _is_? That looks like the logo for _Half Life._.. hang on a minute, they made a _second_ Half Life?"

"That _does_ look like a _2_ , Ken." Deadpanned Kyoko.

"Why didn't we get _that_!" Admonishing the universe. "Half Life was one of my favourite shooters!"

"Well, you'll just have to bring it up with the _Gods_ , I suppose."

A sigh. "Maybe they'll hear my plea and send us _that_ like they sent us _this_." As he started exploring this system. "Now... solitaire... solitaire..."

Didn't take too long for him to find it. "There it is."

"How the hell is _pinball_ included?"

Kensuke shrugged, opening Solitaire. "Was never one for pinball myself."

And so he started.

**(03:40)**

The first game was a bust. "Ah _damn it._ " As he hit F2 to restart.

"Yeah, I always found it a bit bullshit how _impossible_ it can be." Kyoko mused.

"You play it as well, Kyo?"

A small chuckle. "It's the _only_ game on our school terminals, Sayaka. I'm guessing _you_ don't play it much."

"I... never really got the rules for it, if I'm being honest."

"Well, look what Ken's doing." Pointing her face to the screen. "Sort all the cards from Ace to King in their respective suites. A move from deck to deck is only valid if the number is _less_ in value and is a _different_ colour. See how he moved that five of diamonds to a six of spades?"

"...Oh. That's... actually kinda simple."

"Simple, but _really_ thought provoking sometimes." Kensuke thought, as he continued powering through his game. "It's more like a puzzle than anything, honestly. Could say it was _educational_ ; helps develop the problem solving and critical thinking."

"Well... _you_ certainly seem to like it, Kensuke." A small smile.

"Plus, if you want me to put some _more_ games on those terminals of yours, you only have to _ask_. They're _really_ easy to get into and add programs to."

"I'm sure _I'll_ take you up on that offer, Ken."

**(08:20)**

And so Kensuke continued this game. Until he hit _another_ wall.

"...Oh are you _kidding_ me?"

"Eh?"

"Look at the cards up there, Kyo. See how it's _exactly_ the right sequence so as to _screw_ me?"

Her eyes darted around the screen as she took stock.

Having _finished_ taking stock, she started _laughing_. "Yeah, as I said, Ken. _Bullshit_. But you might as well _try_ to fix it, eh?"

"Oh I'll _try_ , but I think I'm pretty screwed right now. And not in the _good_ way."

**(10:35)**

He spent another couple minutes trying to extinguish this garbage fire of a game before he bit the bullet and hit F2 to restart. "Well, I tried."

"You sure did, Ken."

He jumped from his seat, turning back behind him. "C-Commander?"

"I prefer Misato." Poking her tongue.

"I'm guessing _that_ wasn't the game you wanted to show us?"

"Oh _Gods no_ , Hikari."

Kensuke scanned. "Jeez, you brought _everyone_ here, eh?"

"Hikari _did_ have a tough time yesterday, Kensuke." Ritsuko mourned. "Plus, we've been seriously considering _Toji_ might be a pilot due to his _relationship_ with Hikari, so we might as well throw him in the deep end."

"Honestly, this might as well be _shallows_." Hiro thought.

"Now now, we haven't _seen_ this work yet." Mediated Maya. "It could be a _lot_ worse."

Toji, meanwhile, was rather _bewildered_. "What the hell am I getting into?"

"Basically, God hit Ritsuko in the head with a couple of _video games_ , and we're gonna play them."

The jock blinked. "Because that just happens."

Kensuke shrugged, hitting Alt-F4 on Solitaire. "It's happened to _us_ _four times_ so far. You get used to it."

"...I'm not even gonna ask." As they all sat down.

"Alright, Kensuke. We're ready when you are."

"One more thing, Subcommander. Why is the icon from _Half-Life_?"

She shrugged. "That's the executable. Which is strange, because there _is_ no Half-Life 2, as you'd probably know."

"Yeah, why couldn't we get _that_?"

Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "I'm sure the Gods will hit you in the head with the second Half-Life _someday_ , Kensuke."

"Is that _seriously_ what happened with you, Subcommander?"

A frown and a nod to Kyoko's question.

She giggled. "Sorry, that's just pretty hilarious how _God himself_ seemingly did that."

"You guys are just casually talking about the Gods giving you this game." Toji couldn't believe. "What the actual fuck _is_ NERV?"

"Maybe if you become a _pilot_ , I can actually _tell_ you about all this stuff, Toj." Hikari prodded his side. "I know _I_ certainly won't mind having you in my head again."

The group having calmed down, Kensuke started Portal.

...Which had the icon of the nonexistent Half-Life 2.

* * *

## 2\. Portal

Character Key:

Misato (Mi) Ritsuko (R) Maya (Ma)

Hikari (Hik) Toji (T)

Kensuke (Ke) Kyoko (Ky) Sayaka (S)

Zero Two (Z) Hiro (Hir)

**PLAYBACK FILE:[ REC001_MELCHIOR.76:18_040218](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSF2H5Pu9P4)**

_Valve_ **(11:35)**

A pounding note filled the room. "Yeah, I kinda expected this was from Valve."

R: "It was the _lambda_ , wasn't it."

T: "The hell is _Source_ meant to be?"

Ma: "Probably the _engine_ it runs on, I'd think."

They had plenty of time to think about it while the game loaded, at least.

Mi: "Just _how_ many resources have we pumped into this?"

R: "A few." She mused.

Z: "And it's loading like _that_."

Hik: "I mean, this has literally never _existed_ in our world, hasn't it? It's pretty lucky it even _runs_ on our computers, honestly."

R: "Indeed. And it wouldn't surprise me if it doesn't even work _completely_."

...

**(12:00)**

With only _some_ stutter, it loaded the menu.

Hir: "That looks pretty... bare."

S: "You get a _toilet_ , at least."

Mi: "No _privacy,_ though."

Ma: "Hell, that camera's looking _right at it_!"

T: "Hopefully the guy in there is a... well, _guy_ then. He can always face _forward_."

Hik: "Wouldn't help with the _other_ business, Toj."

R: "That _developer commentary_ might be good to go back through, once we get through a first run."

Ke: "Well, we gotta get through it _first_ , don't we? See how it's like."

T: " _Already_ , it's looking better than just about _any_ video game I've played."

Ky: "I'd say. And Ken plays a _lot_ of them."

Z: "Ah, no _wonder_ you guys picked him. He's the _expert_!"

Kensuke glanced away. "So... should we get started then?"

Sounds of agreement. "Lets see what Valve throws at us."

_Test Chamber 00_ **(12:35)**

The lighthearted and slightly tinny sounds of a radio filled the room, as the player character woke up.

Mi: "You get _that_ , at least."

Kensuke used the mouse to look around. "So what would the controls be? I'm thinking WASD, if I'm gonna be using the mouse."

Z: "Looks like you get a _mug_ as well, Kensuke."

S: "And a _clipboard_."

Ky: "See if you can throw them in the toilet!"

R: "Good to hear we're _immediately_ getting into messing around."

Ma: "Ah let them have their fun, Sempai. That's what a game is ultimately _meant_ to do, after all."

Upon being prompted on the controls, Kensuke _immediately_ started messing about. "See, I _would_ , but I don't know if you can grab stuff."

The PA started up, Kensuke jumping around and generally causing havoc.

Mi: "I swear I _recognise_ that voice from somewhere."

R: "We know it's a _computer_."

Ke: "So _Aperture_ have Magi, as well?" As he shattered the mug and tossed the radio to the floor.

Ma: "To have a computer _that_ capable, you _would_ need a biocomputer."

Hik: "So... this computer is _testing_ us?"

T: " _Sounds_ like it."

Ma: "Why do I get the feeling it's gonna be _dangerous_?"

The voice started warping.

R: "If the computer is _that_ susceptible to glitching, yes it _would_ be dangerous."

... **(13:40)**

Either way, the portal opened.

And Kensuke saw themselves. "...wait, What?"

T: "...Well I be damned she _is_ a girl."

Mi: "That makes the privacy situation even _worse_!"

Ke: "Guys, that's _seriously_ awesome! Look at that, it's like a _wormhole_!"

R: "...Or a _Rift_." She seemed to realise.

Ma: "Oh Gods, _they_ managed to figure a way to make _Rifts_?"

Z: "Maybe _that's_ why this was sent to us."

Hir: "You _already_ took the idea of the NACSS from us."

Ke: "You wouldn't see _me_ complain if you got this working in _our_ world." As he continued looking at the player character with the portals.

At least until Kyoko hit him on the head. "Oi, stop perving on her."

Ke: "Hey! I was wondering what those... shoes are? They aren't shoes, but I don't know what else to fall them."

Hik: "Could it be a _stabiliser_ of some sort?" She figured. "I imagine using those _portals_ might require something like that."

R: "Not a stabiliser, I would think. Good shoes would be enough for that, and they didn't even give her _that_ much."

Either way, that knock on the head was enough to encourage Kensuke to continue the testing.

... **(14:10)**

S: "So what do you do _there_?"

A cube dropped down.

Ke: "...Well, it looks like it wants me to put _that_ cube on that _button_."

T: "Does it think we're _stupid_ or something?"

Ky: "You gotta start _somewhere_ , don't you?"

R: "Shows you the _physics_ of this game, as well."

Mi: "And how to actually _pick up_ an object."

Z: "I'm sure _you_ would've found that useful in the _other_ room, Kensuke."

Ke: "I know, right?" As he threw the cube around once or twice, getting used to the physics. "So that goes _there_."

The door opened.

Hir: "What's _that_ meant to be?"

Ma: "I'm sure the friendly computer will tell us."

She did, the group listening in, as Kensuke went to the next level.

Mi: "...That actually sounds kinda _useful_."

R: "If a bit _wasteful_. There's _other_ methods of keeping something within a certain place without _destroying_ it."

Ke: "It wouldn't surprise me if they _manufacture_ those cubes en masse, anyway. They _could_ probably waste a few."

T: "What's to stop that from vaporising _you_ if ya go through it?"

His: "Well, you better hope _you're_ not unauthorised."

Z: "I know _our_ world had energy gates like that, but they were more _solid_ light, if that's a thing."

Hir: "And they didn't _vaporise_ you if you passed through them unauthorised."

Mi: "Either way, could be something _we_ could use. Maybe not safe for _humans_ , but it'd be good for disposal at the very least."

_Test Chamber 01_ **(14:55)**

Kensuke walked himself into the next chamber. "...Okay, only _19_ to go through."

Ma: "That doesn't sound like much."

Mi: "They'll probably get a _lot_ more complicated on him in the future."

Ke: "Hurray." His cheer had _no_ cheer to it, as he dropped down into the room. "Is there _another_ radio in here?"

Z: "Sure _sounds_ like it."

Either way, the friendly computer told him the task that needed to be done.

Hik: "Can she _really_ not just call that a _button_? Instead of a fifteen hundred whatever?"

R: "Why the hell would a _button_ require _1500 MEGAWATTS?!_ That's a _tenth_ of our current power output for _one button_!"

Ky: "Just how much power _would_ they have, then? If they can waste that much on a _button_."

Hir: " _A lot_ would be an appropriate answer, I imagine. Especially if they can just open _Rifts_ on a whim."

Either way, it was easy enough for Kensuke to solve the test.

R: "Oh and it has _side effects_ , as well?!"

S: "You know, a part of me is beginning to think Aperture doesn't really _care_ about safety."

Mi: "Shit, I know we don't have health inspectors or anything but _we_ are a _lot_ more safer than that, aren't we?"

Ke: "How do you even _engineer_ a button like that?"

T: "Maybe if you were _deliberately_ trying to make it as dangerous as possible. Hey did you see where that music came from?"

He shrugged, as the elevator went up. "It was either a hidden radio or a sound glitch. I dunno for sure."

_Test Chamber 02_ **(15:50)**

Kensuke observed into the room, as the friendly computer gave a disclaimer. "Is that a portal _gun_?"

Ky: "Oh _that's_ pretty awesome."

This feeling of awesomeness faded when they heard this disclaimer.

Mi: "Upon further reflection, the Emancipation Grill might not be the _best_ idea to incorporate into our world."

R: "And _she's_ just going through them like it's nothing." Muttering.

Ma: "As Sayaka said, I don't think Aperture cares for _safety_."

This lack of safety didn't stop Kensuke from acquiring the portal gun.

He chuckled. "Oh we're gonna have fun with _this_ , aren't we?"

The friendly computer continued their explanation, as Kensuke messed around.

T: "Who knew the Gods would've given us something _fun_ for once."

Z: "Well, at least the _Rifts_ themselves are safe."

S: "Gods know just _what_ that device does."

R: "Yeah I probably _wouldn't_ touch the operational end, if I were you."

As the friendly computer listed off what _not_ to do with the device, Kensuke's eyes found something. "Ah, _there's_ a radio!"

Hir: "You're going to get it?"

Ke: "Of _course_ I am! Why _else_ would they have a radio there?"

T: "Just _how_ are you gonna get it, Ken?"

Ke: "Well..."

Kensuke dislodged a security camera, and messed around with it.

R: "Was that _necessary_."

Ke: "No, but I felt like it." A small smirk. "But if I can put a portal _anywhere_ in the room..."

On the roof above the radio, Kensuke placed a blue portal. And jumping from a sideways position to an _upward_ position, he grabbed it.

Mi: "...Fuck, _that's_ gonna confuse me."

Another chuckle, as he jumped down with the radio. "Well, _that_ was easy."

The radio transmitted, Ritsuko's eyes going wide. "Wait wait stop!"

He did. "Eh?"

R: "Go back to where it's getting that."

He followed the order.

Hik: "What's it getting?"

R: "It's _SSTV_. It's a method of encoding images into audio... Maybe _that's_ why they were sent to us." She seemed to realise. "Kaworu said _your_ Rift material had something _important_ in it, that _really_ helped us."

Ky: "...It _did_? Man no _wonder_ you guys wanted it."

Kensuke stood still, as the transmission played out.

Mi: "Well, Ken. Looks like your new mission is to find as many radios as you can, eh?"

He shrugged. "I _knew_ there was gonna be a _catch_ to this." Tossing the radio, he went for the elevator. "The Magi are recording this, right?"

R: "Indeed. You just have to get a good listen in and we can look at it later."

Ke: "Works for me."

_Test Chamber 03_ **(18:30)**

Ke: "Oh, this seems pretty easy."

He jumped into the pit and put a portal down, popping up on the other side.

Ky: "I feel that was a bit of a _complicated_ way of doing it, Ken."

Hik: "Hang on, is _velocity_ sustained through the portals?"

R: "It wouldn't _surprise_ me. _Actually_ , that's a pretty good thing to keep in mind."

Z: "That's actually pretty cool, when you think about it. You can translate _vertical_ velocity into _horizontal_ velocity in an instant."

Ma: "Especially if there's _inertia_ between portals."

T: "I'm not even gonna _pretend_ to understand all that, but I found the other radio at least."

Kensuke popped to the exit. "Where?"

T: "The security camera just near the exit."

Mi: "Why on God's green Earth would I want to bring my daughter _there_?!"

A sad smile on Maya's face. " _Eliza_ might've liked it."

Ke: "Where's the camera?"

T: "Near the _roof_? Where I'd expect _most_ cameras to be?"

Toji grumbled as he walked past it _again_. "Gimme that."

The portal gun fired aimlessly as he wrestled the controls. "Right _there_."

Ke: "...Oh. Yeah I should've seen that."

... **(19:25)**

He popped the camera off.

Hir: "Now it's just finding _where_ that radio goes off."

R: "Try not to throw it in an Emancipation Grill, Kensuke."

Ke: "I'm as curious as _you_ guys are, honestly."

Kensuke wandered around the test chamber for a short while, trying to lock onto the signal. "It's over _here_ somewhere, but it's not steady."

The others thought. "What if it's _up_ a bit more? Like, you shoot one of those blue portal thingies onto the roof, and _then_ you see if you can find it."

Ke: "...That's actually pretty smart, Kyo."

He did just that. "Well, it went on."

R: "Not good enough for a _recording_ , though."

Hik: "What if you put the portal on the _wall_ , close to there? You might be able to hear it from the other side of the _opposite_ portal."

A shrug, before he did that.

R: "Still a bit quiet, adjust it a bit more."

After a _minute_ of adjusting the blue portal, they _finally_ got a good signal out of it. "Now _that_ should work!" He exclaimed in victory. "I'll let it go again so you can get a good recording."

R: "Much appreciated."

The Puella both smiled. "Man, you really _like_ this game so far, Ken."

Ke: "That obvious?"

S: "It _does_ look better than most _any_ game I've seen, Kyo."

Ma: "Could actually be an _educational_ game as well. An actually _fun_ educational game!"

T: " _That's_ certainly a rarity. Though yeah, that _does_ look like fun."

Mi: "Do you reckon we can give people _copies_ of this game, Rits?"

R: "Considering _your_ terminal could barely run it even _if_ it had the right operating system on it. Though I might throw it up on the Usenet. It _does_ seem pretty fun, admittedly."

Mi: "Ah, you _admit_ it!"

R: "Yes, but the Gods could've at least _not_ hit me in the head with it."

_Test Chamber 04_ **(23:30)**

Kensuke looked around. "So if we assume _that_ button opens the door."

S: "I assume you'll be needing _that_ cube, then?"

He approached the chute, and a radio fell out alongside a cube.

T: _And_ that radio."

It didn't take much for Kensuke to get it where it's meant to go, though he thought to check the room for signals first.

Mi: "Fuck, I swear that's gonna give me _vertigo_."

Hik: "Doesn't seem _too_ bad."

R: "Then again, you _are_ a pilot. You're probably _used_ to having your world turned upside down."

It tuned in. "Found it."

Ma: "...Is that _morse code_?"

Ky: "Still a form of communication, ain't it?"

Hir: "And still one I'm sure Ritsuko will appreciate."

R: "Indeed I will."

The transmission soon ended.

Ke: "Well, back to testing."

Z: "At least we can already _see_ the solution, eh?"

Cube was placed on button, and the chamber was solved.

Hik: "So is this _NERV_ not monitoring or _actually_ not monitoring."

Mi: "Oi, we don't monitor the _bathrooms_ or _lockers_ , do we? Can't say that of _Aperture_."

_Test Chamber 05_ **(25:05)**

Ky: "Ah, _two_ buttons."

Ma: "That's _two_ tenths of our current power output!"

T: "I assume that means two _cubes_ are there, then."

Kensuke looked down a pit. "There's _one_." And up to a platform. "And there's the other."

Mi: "Bit of an _easy_ solution, isn't it."

R: "So easy _you_ can see it."

Mi: "Oi!"

The portal was placed down in the pit, Kensuke falling down the portal and using his velocity to knock the cube off the platform. "I was _meant_ to do that!"

S: "Sure you were, Kensuke."

Z: "Makes it easier to get the _other_ cube, at least."

Ke: "Got _that_ going for me, at least."

He tried throwing the other cube onto the button, and failed.

Much to the chuckling of the Puella. "Tryin to be _fancy_ , Ken?"

Ke: "Maybe." A mutter, as he solved the test in the boring way. "Well _there's_ the radio."

The door shut behind him.

T: "Well, you're pretty screwed if the signal was _behind_ you, Kensuke."

Kensuke tried finding the signal but came up short. "Dang it."

R: "Just write it off, Kensuke. It's alright."

Hik: "I _knew_ she was lying!"

Ma: "Amazing a computer _can_ even lie like that."

S: "She promised to _stop_ lying, at the very least."

Ky: "Which _itself_ could be a lie, Sayaka."

S: "...I mean, _yeah_."

_Test Chamber 06_ **(26:45)**

T: "Well _that's_ new. I wonder what it does."

Kensuke, much like a moth to a flame, _immediately_ ran into the shiny ball.

And immeditely got _vaporised_ for his trouble.

The group broke into _uproarious_ laugh, as the friendly computer explained the _permanent disability_ it could cause. "Yes that _is_ a bit of a permanent disability, isn't it?"

Ke: " _I_ probably have a disability not realising _not_ to run into that." He muttered.

Ma: "Well, live and learn."

R: "He didn't even _live_ , Maya."

The game reloaded him back, Kensuke promptly solving this actually _easy_ test.

Mi: "It's a good thing that game _also_ has the concept of additional lives."

Ky: "Well, you know _not_ to make that mistake again, Ken."

Hik: "I think I found the _radio_ , as well. In the little alcove where the... ball thingy is on."

Z: "Could they not even _substitute_ the actual names for that?"

S: "I guess we won't know our character's name or hometown, then."

Ke: "Now I solved _that_ , I'm gonna get that radio."

What followed was approximately _ten minutes_ of Kensuke _desperately_ trying in vain to retrieve the radio, with many almost and many setbacks. All of which was being put on the record.

R: "Alright, I'm writing it off."

He sighed, heading towards the elevator. "Fair."

R: "...I do appreciate the effort though, Kensuke."

Hir: "Why the hell was getting the _radio_ a lot more complicated than the _actual_ test chamber?"

Ma: "Maybe they _really_ wanted to hide something."

R: "Honestly, we could probably just trawl though the game files and find them normally."

Ke: "So remind me again _why_ I'm finding the radios?"

R: "Because it will be easier on me if there was just _one_ file to go through and decode."

A small pause.

Before he shrugged. "Fair enough."

_Test Chamber 07_ **(35:15)**

Mi: "So what, they _disabled_ the warning devices for your own safety?"

Z: "That seems kinda counterproductive."

T: "How the hell does that even _happen_? What _is_ that energy ball, anyway?"

Ke: "Obviously powerful enough to _vaporise_ me, so yeah I probably wouldn't _want_ to mess with it."

Ky: "Though it _is_ pretty ironic, ain't it?"

S: "I think I see the solution for it anyway. The orange portal is right _under_ the thing that accepts those balls."

Ke: "Good find, but _first_..."

Kensuke went _under_ the stairs, finding the radio. "Oh _that_ was obvious."

Hik: "Why was _that_ a lot easier?"

Hir: "Maybe they didn't expect you to find it that easily."

Ke: "As I said, it was _obvious._ "

It didn't take him too long for him to _find_ the signal anyway.

Ma: "So what do you think _are_ these transmissions, anyway?"

Ky: "If Kaworu found something important in _our_ anime, then it probably _will_ be something important."

R: "That seems to be incessantly common with these works." Muttering.

T: "I mean, _I_ wouldn't complain. It's like a message from the Gods or something, ain't it."

Mi: "And like _any_ message from God, it's cryptic enough that we only find out _just_ when it becomes useful."

Ma: "I mean, _we_ shouldn't complain. Were it not for the intel Kaworu was able to pick up on, we would've been even _more_ screwed during Rogue-00's Incursion."

Ke: "Alright, hopefully that's enough for you to pick up on."

Now no longer distracted by the radio, it took Kensuke all of twenty seconds to solve the chamber.

S: "They even call a _platform_ like that?"

Ky: "Might as well be Aperture's thing, eh?"

R: "Be lucky _we_ don't tend to use verbosity like that. If you can't say it within a few seconds, it's not good in a battle situation. Imagine trying to call a button a _1500 megawatt Aperture Science heavy duty super-colliding super button_ every time you need to _refer_ to a button."

Mi: "Yeah, it wouldn't happen. I'd just call it a damn _button_."

Ke: "Though then again, she _is_ a computer."

A small huff. "...I know _Eliza_ tended to verbosity."

Ma: "She was getting better at that, I feel."

_Test Chamber 08_ **(37:20)**

Kensuke looked down at this _'consequence'_ for failure.

Ky: "Well _that's_ a bit much, ain't it?"

Mi: "I know, right? _I_ wouldn't want an unsatisfactory mark on my record."

T: "What the hell even _is_ that sludge?"

Hik: "The _consequence_ , obviously."

R: "Probably _toxic_ in some form."

S: "My point still stands, they don't give _any_ damn about safety!"

Z: "The vaporising energy ball didn't clue you into that _before_?"

Ke: "I think it's easy enough to solve anyway. Can't change the _orange_ portal but I can change the _blue_ portal."

They saw his solution, the unstationary scaffold starting up.

Ky: "Nice one, Ken."

A bashful smile. "Now there's just the _radio_."

Hir: "At the bottom of the platform."

He looked towards it. "Good find."

What followed was a comedy of errors, as Kensuke dropped to where the radio was, grabbing it, before realising the blue portal was just a bit _too_ high for him to get through. "Ah shit."

He tried placing the radio back down, but it almost slid off. "Nope."

So he bit the bullet and tried jumping through the portal.

Good news, he made it back to the platform.

Bad news, the radio fell into the water. "OH GODS _DAMN IT!_ "

The gathered couldn't help but laugh. "Well, you tried." Toji half comforted.

Ke: "Feh." As he went to the elevator. "Yes, I'm sure knowing I could _die_ at any time _would_ want me to test faster."

Ma: "You need _some_ sort of challenge, don't you?"

R: "Maybe for a _video game_ , but in any _other_ situation."

_Test Chamber 09_ **(38:55)**

Hik: "Is this _another_ enhancement of the truth?"

Mi: "Of _course_ it would be, why would they give you something _impossible_?"

T: "He can't take the cube through _that_ emanca-whatever grid."

Z: "Though there _is_ a convenient hole _above_ the Emancipation Grid."

Hir: "With a _radio_ , as well."

Ke: "Well, it's elementary, then. _That_ is how we solve it."

Kensuke first tried to use the cube as a platform to grab the radio.

S: "The woes of being short."

Ky: " _We_ certainly know that, eh."

But he eventually figured to get the cube on the _raised_ platform, where the orange portal was.

Ma: "So what are you _planning_ , Kensuke? You _could_ just portal over to the other side, now."

Ke: "I _could_ , but I want that radio."

On the roof close to the hole where the radio sat, Kensuke placed a blue portal. He then tried to _throw_ the cube through the hole.

Ma: "...I feel you're overcomplicating this some."

Ke: "As I said, _I want that radio_."

Second time's the charm. Kensuke threw the cube through the hold, dislodging the radio and _almost_ landing the cube on the button. "Damn, I wasn't sure that'd even _work_!"

R: "If that radio fell into the Emancipation Grill."

Ke: "I would've thrown _myself_ into an Emancipation Grill." He muttered, reseating the cube.

Hir: "Hopefully the signal isn't on the _other_ side of this Grill."

It wasn't, thank the Gods. "If it _was_ , I would've thrown _this_ into the Emancipation Grill. Is that good enough for the Magi?"

Ritsuko nodded.

Kensuke threw the radio into the Emancipation Grill.

Hik: "You did anyway." She flatly remarked.

Ke: "Call it petty revenge, if you want."

_Test Chamber 10_ **(41:15)**

Ky: "I heard the word _momentum_ used in that garbage."

R: "A _formal_ introduction to how momentum works with portals, I would think."

At first, Kensuke put his portal on the wall to jump over, but on hearing about _momentum,_ he did a small experiment. Blue portal on the ground, jumping into it, his vertical momentum was converted to horizontal. "That's neat."

Z: "What we suspected before, wasn't it."

Mi: "There's actually a _lot_ of really useful things you could do with that. Imagine if you could just accelerate something _laterally_ and then _instantly_ convert that to vertical acceleration."

Ma: "Might be good for _space_ exploration, eh?"

The friendly computer confirmed their observations.

T: "I know where the _radio_ is, at least."

Ke: "Ah it's not _too_ hard to understand."

Toji scratched the back of his head. "You know I'm not really one for the sciences and stuff."

Kensuke's _first_ order of business was to acquire the radio, inadvertently triggering the computer to reply.

T: "... _Ohhh_ , that's what you guys mean!"

Hik: "You're not _stupid_ , Toj. It just needs explaining in terms we can _understand_."

S: "Honestly, that's even more informative than how the _school_ taught us about momentum."

Hir: "Sounds like this is _already_ doing a good job at _educating_ us."

Ky: "It's far and away more _entertaining_. Why the hell can't we learn through _video games_?"

Ke: "Because educational video games are often _crap_?" As he _finally_ got the radio, and found the signal. "The best kind of those games are the ones that are _subtle_. They teach _while_ you play, but they don't bash a ruler on your head. Like _this_ one."

Mi: "It helps this is actually _fun_ , as well."

Z: " _You_ enjoying it, as well?"

Mi: "Hell yeah I am, even just _watching_ it. It's pretty _fascinating_ seeing how you solve these problems, actually."

A small smile. "Thanks, Commander."

The transmission ended, and Kensuke flew through the air to the elevator.

Mi: "But _that's_ still gonna throw me for a loop."

R: "Maybe we can use it to train against _vertigo_."

Ma: "Or just for training in general. It looks like a pretty good thing for developing _problem solving_ , eh?"

R: "I can't believe I can actually _seriously_ consider incorporate a _video game_ as _training_."

_Test Chamber 11_ **(44:10)**

Kensuke looked down from the observation room. "Ah, that's for _orange_ portals."

Ky: "Man, _two_ portals are gonna be pretty sweet, aren't they?"

Hik: "Can't say the same for that _advice_ of hers." She muttered.

Mi: "I mean, it's _good_ advice. Avoid the floor that can kill you."

T: "I don't think we need to be _told_ that, by now."

Z: "Those screens they have show you the dangers anyway, don't they?"

Either way, Kensuke began probing the room. He hit a button that opened a door, but before he could get through the portal he fired into the next room, the orange portal disappeared. "Oh damn it!"

S: "Missed it by a hair, Kensuke."

Hir: "I see the _radio_ , though good luck trying to get _that_."

R: "You don't have to get it if you don't want to."

Ke: "Eh, I think I'll just go for the ones that are more obvious." He shrugged, finally getting into the room with the vaporising ball. "I doubt this will go anywhere relevant, but let's see what happens."

Ma: "You'd be well _isolated_ from what happens, at least."

After a bit of silence, there was the sound of the ball getting captured.

Looking out the portal, the stationary platform was now _un_ stationary. "Huh, that works."

Ky: "Seems stumbling half blind can be alright sometimes."

T: "At least until you fall into the toxic drink."

Ke: "Yeah, I'm gonna try my best _not_ to fall into the obviously dangerous water."

It didn't take much longer before Kensuke could use _two_ portals. "Awesome."

Mi: "I mean, you could call the _Magi_ more valuable than incomes and _organs_ of _anyone_ in _any_ town. But you don't put it in _those_ terms!"

R: "Organs aren't even _too_ valuable to us, you know. We can _regrow_ them with a DNA sample."

Ky: "You guys can _what_?"

Hik: "Yeah, though it doesn't come up too often, does it?"

Mi: "Manly because _none_ of you required a new organ or a new limb during your employ."

T: "I'm sure _I_ could've used that, in another world." He muttered. "Oi Kensuke, wouldn't it be a good idea to hit that button?"

He did. "But I'm gonna get that radio first of all."

While Kensuke _did_ grab it, the platform left him stranded between the two portals. "Ah that's not good."

R: "It's a good thing the portals are _solid_."

So he waited, watching himself as the platform made the way back. "Alright, problem solved."

S: "Now we just need to find _where_ that signal comes from."

They didn't have to wait too long, the signal came from the centre of the room.

Z: "Well _that_ was easy."

Ke: "Thank the Gods." Transmission done, the radio was promptly dumped in the water. "Hey, do you reckon I should try _jumping_ to that wall, see if I can skip the platform?"

Ky: "I mean, if you _want_ to kill yourself."

Glancing between the platform and the wall. "On second thought, nah."

It didn't take much longer before he got to the elevator, either way.

_Test Chamber 12_ **(49:05)**

Hir: "Looks like it'll be _more_ momentum."

Hik: "Not that we could _tell_."

R: "They really need to go _debug_ that computer, don't they?"

T: "I haven't even _seen_ anyone else in this game."

Ky: "Does seeing _yourself_ in a portal count?"

Ma: "That'd be more like a _mirror_ , I would think."

Kensuke did as the friendly computer said, and flung himself. "I hear that damned radio again."

Z: "I haven't seen it yet, myself."

Ke: "Feh, I'll just continue with the flinging myself."

Indeed, he kept flinging himself, cube on button.

Mi: "It's over _there_ somewhere, ain't it?"

S: "It's where the _music's_ coming from, at least."

Ke: "It's gotta be up on that _wall_ up there, I reckon." As he tried manoeuvring himself. "It's not on the _ground_ there, isn't it?"

He spent quite a bit _more_ time trying to find the radio, the friendly computer giving an _apt_ line at his constant flinging.

Mi: "Sounds like _she's_ having fun with herself, eh?"

T: "A _weird_ kinda fun, watching some chick in deadly tests and stuff."

Ky: "Hey, some people are _into_ that kinda thing, Toji. Don't diss _that_."

He furrowed his brow. " _You're_ not into that kinda thing, are ya?"

Ky: "Ah, maybe if we had a bit more _freedom_ around one another, we might _explore_ a bit more."

Sayaka couldn't help but blush.

R: "Just skip it, Kensuke. Before _this_ lot gets as corrupt as our _other_ pilots are."

Hik: "They're really that bad, huh."

Mi: "You don't know the _half_ of it, Hikari."

T: "Maybe _that's_ why you sent them off to Germany. Let them do their... _business_ away from you guys."

Ma: "It's certainly _working_ , from what it sounds."

Kensuke spent just a _little_ while longer trying to find that blasted radio, before giving in. "Gods, these radios can be so _irritating_ at times!"

_Test Chamber 13_ **(54:05)**

Kensuke took stock of the chamber, as the friendly computer informed him of the task at hand. "Well _there's_ the radio." Flat.

T: "It's a damn _pattern_ , isn't it?"

Ke: "It's rubbing it in my face, that's what."

Ma: "At least they'll cater to you if you _pass out_."

R: "Yes, solving dehydration with the completely _wrong_ things you need to solve it."

Ky: "You just need _water_ , don't you?"

R: "For _severe_ dehydration, you would need an electrolytic solution and maybe even an _IV_. Which if you're _passing out_ from dehydration, that's what you'll need."

Mi: "So what, peptic salve and adrenaline is enough to get your body working again until you _die_?"

Hik: "I swear that computer's _trying_ to kill you, Kensuke."

Ke: "Pretty obvious, ain't it." As he immediately solved the issue of the vaporising ball, acquiring the first cube and the radio. "At least she isn't firing bullets at me while I do it or anything."

S: "Yeah, she can claim it was an _accidental_ death."

Kensuke threw the first cube onto the first button. "You could've used a portal, y'know."

Ke: "I know, Zero Two. But _that_ was more entertaining."

Hir: "You'd _definitely_ need a portal for the _other_ cube, at least."

Ke: "Oh for sure."

Back to the first room, radio in hand. " _That_ was kinda obvious, as well."

T: "Man there really _isn't_ anyone watching you, eh?"

Ma: "The _friendly computer_ does the job well enough, doesn't it."

R: "At _this_ point, the computer _barely_ factors into the dangers of these tests. Obviously they were _designed_ like this in mind, from _human_ creators. She's just following her protocol."

Mi: "So we can't really _blame_ her?"

Ritsuko shrugged. "If you _wanted_ to, though I doubt _she'd_ care."

Transmission over, Kensuke thought about the rest of the test. "Lets see if I can just _drop_ it on the button."

It _did_ , before immediately falling off the platform. "Damn it."

He repeated this a few more times, even getting it into small _loops_.

Ky: "Y'know, Ken. You can be pretty _stubborn_ at times."

Ke: "I know."

He _finally_ got it. "But that makes the eventual victory all the better." A small smirk, as he waltzed to the elevator.

Hik: "What does she _mean_ by us being _missed_?"

Z: "Maybe the computer will _deliberately_ kill us after all this."

Ma: "At the rate these tests are going, that wouldn't even _surprise_ me."

_Test Chamber_ _14_ **(57:20)**

Kensuke looked over the screen. "Well, this'll be fun."

The friendly computer began spurting out a _word salad_. "What the hell is she even _saying_?"

Mi: "I think she's trying to say we _may_ be informed of potential compliance issues with that tech."

R: "Not exactly _certain_ , is she?"

Z: "Would you _want_ to be informed about that kind of stuff."

Ma: " _I'd_ want to know if my portal gun was leaking _gamma radiation_!"

Kensuke chuckled, as he worked on getting the first cube. " _Something_ has to kill me, I suppose."

Ky: "You've done a half decent job at _not_ dying so far."

S: "Kyo, he ran into an energy ball like he were a _moth_ to a bug zapper."

Ky: "I said _half_ decent, didn't I?"

The cube was walked to the button, Kensuke thinking ahead and placing a portal above the ball receptacle.

Hik: "You're certainly _thinking ahead_ , at least."

Ke: "I might as well set myself up." As he walked into the other room. "It's obviously gonna be _used_ somehow. Radio's up there, I'll deal with the ball first."

His face fell flat. "Great, platforms."

R: "The price of forward thinking."

Ke: "Thing is, that's how it _gets_ you. You put portals down to get to the ball, suddenly you don't have a portal to the receptacle, do you?"

Ritsuko nodded. "Smart."

Hir: "The music sounds rather... _melancholic_ , doesn't it."

Mi: " _I'd_ be pretty melancholic if I was stuck testing for some glitchy computer that keeps trying to kill me as well."

... **(58:45)**

Kensuke's forward thinking paid off, the ball going in the hole. "Right, that's _one_ thing done."

Portalling to the previous room, he begun his strategy. "It'd be nice if I had a _sight_ or something."

R: "I was wondering that myself. I would've thought you'd need a central point to _aim_."

Ky: "Ken's doing rather fine _without_ , ain't he?"

T: "He just spent ten seconds trying to get that portal down properly."

Ke: "To be fair, that was more me being _stubborn_." As he walked down to the platform. "Had to go down there _anyway_ , but I wanted to check my aiming."

Mi: "Wouldn't be the _first_ time, eh?"

S: "He's certainly _persistent_."

Z: "Putting it _kindly_ , eh?"

S: "I _am_ one of his partners, Zero Two."

Now up on the lift, he planned to use momentum to his advantage.

Ma: "I'm wondering if that'll be a bit too _low_ , to get the right velocity."

It didn't matter, as Kensuke's _first_ attempt failed to even go through the portal.

Much to everyone's amusement, especially as Kensuke ended up temporarily _stuck_ in the portals. "Alright, take two."

He made sure to actually go _through_ the portal this time around, not that it ultimately _helped_ him.

Stubborn he was, he _still_ tried getting the radio from the lift.

Hik: "I think Maya's right."

Ke: "I think so as well." He thought, before having a brainwave. "Ah, I think I know _where's_ a good spot for some sufficient velocity."

Back up the stairs. "Okay, up _there_ won't work..."

His eyes went wide, before he figured it out. Blue portal high up off the ground, he positioned himself half within it.

The orange portal fired below the radio, forcing himself out and falling. A good thing he shot the _blue_ portal below him, then. Collecting the radio from there was _easy_. "I did it!"

T: "Not gonna lie, _that_ was pretty impressive."

Ky: "He's _always_ had a keen mind like that, eh Sayaka?"

S: "I'd say." With a smile.

Much to his blush, as he sought out the signal.

Mi: "It'll probably be in the moat part."

Ke: "It's _always_ out of the way." Bemoaning, as he went there. "Right in the middle of it."

Hir: "At least you can throw it in the water once it's done."

Ke: "I got _that_ , at least."

Indeed, he did, portalling himself back to the main room and to the elevator. "Alright, next chamber."

_Test Chamber 15_ **(1:03:05)**

Hik: " _That's_ quite a few dangers."

Mi: "I think she's _lying_ about caring about your wellbeing, Kensuke."

Ke: "You don't say?"

Ky: "But hey, at least you get _cake_ at the end of it all!"

T: "Ya seriously doing all this for some _cake_?"

Hik: " _And_ grief counselling. It's more than _we_ get."

Grim chuckling.

R: "Doesn't help you guys don't _trust_ councillors."

Z: "I think it's obvious _any_ councillors _you_ guys hire would be _required_ to inform you."

R: "I mean, that's a _given_."

A flat look from Zero Two.

Ke: "Man, no _wonder_ those four fell into each other like they did." As he _attempted_ to fling himself from one side of the room to the other. "They're probably the _only_ people that really _understand_ , eh?"

Mi: "That's one of the reasons why I don't _mind_ their... _activities_."

Ky: "If only _we_ had guardians as tolerant as _you_."

S: "Kensuke's dad has been pretty good with us, Kyo."

Third time's the charm, as he made it to the second room. "Mum taught him the _value_ of that sort of acceptance."

Ma: "Probably by bashing it into his head."

A barked laugh from Kensuke, as the second room was solved in short order. "Oh well, _we're_ certainly not complaining about it. It gives us at least _somewhere_ where we can be... well, _together_. I really appreciate him for that."

Ky: "And you bet _we_ do, as well. It... _is_ pretty weird, our relationship. Doubt there's _many_ people in a polygamous, bisexual relationship."

Hik: "In a society like _Japan_ , especially."

... **(1:04:00)**

Z: "I'm assuming _that_ room is where you'll get velocity."

Kensuke made a hum in agreement. "Can't place portals on the metal surfaces. I'll probably have to fire a portal in flight, as well."

Mi: "Should be _easy_ enough, at this point."

T: "I mean, he _has_ done it enough, at this point."

He flung himself into the next section. "Great, _more_ death balls."

R: "As long as you don't _touch them_ , they're rather safe."

Ky: "It's the _not touching_ part that Ken struggles with."

Ke: "That was _one time_." As he begun trying to manipulate said death ball into the death ball hole.

Ma: "Might be a _second_ time, if that gets rebounded to you."

Hik: "I think the _orange_ portal might be a bit off."

On her behest, Kensuke repositioned it.

This time it was only a _little_ bit off the mark.

Much to his consternation, readjusting once more. _This_ time it made it. " _That_ could've been easier."

Hir: "And that's _still_ not the end of the chamber."

Ke: "Bit of a long one, ain't it."

... **(1:05:20)**

He flung himself back.

Ky: "Ah, death water _and_ moving platforms."

Ke: "Fun." He muttered.

Hir: "At least you can speed things along with _portals_."

Ke: "You bet I can."

Portals fired, and he landed on a platform. "Woa _that_ was close."

S: "Now the _others_..."

He made his way deeper into the corridor. "One more."

One portal fired into the end room, and one in front of him.

He promptly _missed_ walking into the one directly in front of him, falling into the water and promptly getting an _unsatisfactory_ mark on his official testing record.

...Followed by death. "Oh _come on!_ " The mouse was bashed against the desk in frustration. "I was right in front of it!"

Mi: "Unsatisfactory." She sing songed, as the rest of the group laughed.

T: "Look on the bright side, Kensuke. At least you don't have to do _everything_ again."

R: "And he knows _not_ to make that same mistake again."

... **(1:06:25)**

Indeed, he made it to the final room of this chamber, this time with his life intact.

Hik: "We haven't found the _radio_ yet, have we?"

Ke: " _I_ haven't heard anything." He shrugged, as he took stock. "...Hang on, I hear it _now_. Gods know _where_ , though."

Z: "That room up there, maybe?"

Hir: "That's where you put the ball thought, right?"

Ke: " _Could_ be up there, though I need to get _in_ there first of all." Portals went to opposite ends of the room. "I have a feeling it'll involve _both_ of those buttons, however."

Using the portals, he was able to hit _both_ buttons, opening _both_ doors covering the energy ball hole.

And it was his quick thinking that got said energy ball _in_ the energy ball hole. "Done."

R: "Good job. And _there's_ the radio."

Mi: "I find it admirable Aperture Science runs a fund to help girls self esteem, it's a common problem that _every_ woman in her life faces. Especially at such a young age. But, _why in the ever loving FUCK_ would I donate my _vital organs_ to that?!"

Ky: "I imagine a good heart of kidney _would_ help the self esteem of some people."

T: "Maybe if their own organs were _failing_."

Ma: "I mean, you wouldn't donate _vital_ organs while you were still... well, _using_ them."

S: "It sounds like _you_ guys don't even _need_ organ donation."

R: "We don't, indeed."

Hik: "It _is_ pretty useful you guys can _grow_ them, though isn't there _still_ some ethical issues with that?"

R: "It's less of an issue than _harvesting_ organs."

Hik: "I mean, you're _right_."

It took him a bit of trial and a _lot_ of error, but he eventually got into the room with the radio.

Z: "So how are you getting out, again?"

The doors shut behind him.

Ke: "Y'know, I didn't think about that."

The friendly computer berated him, before letting him out.

Ma: "A good thing _they_ have your back, eh?"

Ke: "Hopefully I don't have to go out my way to get this radio working."

A spot of exploration revealed the signal to be at the _exit elevator_. "Oh thank the Gods for _that_."

R: " _Another_ morse code." She acknowledged.

As soon as the transmission ended, he was in the elevator to the next chamber. " _That_ could've been like _four_ different test chambers."

Hir: "Maybe we should _expect_ this length, from now on. The training levels are pretty much _over_ at this point, aren't they?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Fair enough."

_Test Chamber 16_ **(1:10:00)**

_Everyone_ gave looks ranging from disconcertion to disbelief. "You know how I said she was trying to _kill_ you?"

Ke: "I shouldn't have said anything about _bullets_."

Mi: "Why do they even _have_ a course designed for _military androids_?!"

R: "Obviously Aperture Laboratories is a diverse company."

He walked into the room. "...Are _these_ the turrets?"

Ky: "Oh my God _why are they cute_?!"

Ma: "Oh jeez they _are_ adorable."

Maya practically _squeed_ when she heard their voices.

Z: "You know they can kill you at the drop of a hat."

Ma: "Doesn't _change_ how cute they are, Zero Two."

T: "Did they design it to catch people off guard, or something? 'No _way_ something _that_ cute can kill me!'"

Hik: "Then all of a sudden you're _perforated_ with bullets."

Speaking of, Kensuke decided to stand in _front_ of one.

Hir: "I don't really know what you _expected_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "I didn't either. They're kinda _weak_ for what they are, though."

He continued disabling the turrets. "Aww why are you making me feel bad for _that_?"

S: "As Toji said, it's probably a part of their whole _desi-_ "

She and the others were caught off guard at the ajar panel.

Ke: "Well, _that_ has my curiosity piqued."

It _did_ , until turrets started firing.

They were promptly _dealt_ with. "Alright, let's see what... _that_ room is."

Crouching into the room, he looked around. "Doesn't look like much so f-"

He panned the camera around, to find the scrawlings of a madman.

Ky: "Jeesus Christ what happened _here_?"

R: "... _Someone_ went mad, obviously."

Hir: " _The cake is a lie_." He read.

Mi: "I'm sure you guys can gather the _implication_ of that, at least."

Ma: "I guess _they_ don't have cake, as well. What _happens_ , then?"

Ke: "...I'd guess _something_ dire. To warrant such _desperation_."

T: "I mean, we've kinda _expected_ this computer was gonna _kill_ you. I suppose _that_ oughta _confirm_ that thinking."

S: "Not like Kensuke could _do_ much else but march to his death, at least at the moment."

Hik: "You're sure optimistic." As Kensuke looked around. "...Jeez, looks like they were there a _while_."

Ke: "They cooked beans with a _computer_?"

Ky: "I wonder how they even _got_ food down there."

Z: "And I don't want to know _what_ that bucket was used for."

Either way, there was not much else in this back room. So Kensuke continued testing.

... **(1:12:50)**

S: "They're really rather _eager_ , aren't they?"

R: "They're _stupid_ , that's what. Not knowing _not_ to fire at bulletproof glass."

The turret problem was solved by Kensuke kicking them to the ground. "Hey look, a radio."

Ky: "Betcha 1000 Yen it's in that madman cave."

A small smirk, "You're on. I'll deal with the radio once I sort the turrets out, though."

It didn't take _too_ long before the remainder were disabled.

Mi: "You didn't have to disable that last turret _with_ a turret, Kensuke."

Ke: "Can't deny it was pretty _cool_ , at least." As he acquired the radio, eventually finding his way to the madman cave, as Kyoko described.

Ky: "Well look at that."

She took out her purse and handed Kensuke a 1000 Yen note. "You're buying me lunch today, by the way." As she poked her tongue.

T: "Ah, the catch-22."

Ma: "I'm sure _you_ know it well."

Hikari scratched the back of her head. "Might've done it a few times with him."

T: "Y'know I would've done that stuff either way."

Either way, the transmission was done in short order.

Hir: "So from the looks of it, there's one _more_ room with a turret."

Z: "Those turrets look pretty _easy_ to disable anyway, darling. _Especially_ with a portal gun."

Kensuke showed mercy for once by _not_ destroying a turret.

Ky: "How generous of you."

And so he reached the end of the chamber. "They didn't even change the _end_ message!"

Ma: "How does android hell even _exist_ as a concept?"

Ke: "I know on the show _Red Dwarf_ , there was a concept of a _silicon heaven_. So that's just the expected _opposite_."

S: "Wasn't that completely _fake_ , though?"

Kensuke threw a turret into an Emancipation Grill. "Either way, that turret is going to _one_ of those places."

The group blinked.

Mi: "I'm more surprised you even _know_ of Red Dwarf."

_Test Chamber 17_ **(1:16:50)**

T: "So how's the computer gonna kill us _this_ time around?"

A Weighted Companion Cube was delivered.

Ma: "Aww that's _adorable_!" She squeed.

Ky: "So you'll have to take that _everywhere_?"

R: "That's what I would assume by the name _Companion_ Cube."

Ma: "It's got little love hearts on it and everything!"

Z: "Hopefully you can't _lose_ it, then."

Hir: "I'm sure the computer would kill you for doing that."

Ke: "Either way, probably not gonna try _not_ taking it with me."

He almost ran into a High Energy Pellet.

Ke: "Especially with _those_ things flying around."

Hik: "I'm guessing the _cube_ can block it?"

Mi: "I don't know how _else_ they expected you to get through _that_ corridor."

S: "Well, it's a good thing the _cube_ can't be vaporised by that."

R: "And yet it can get vaporised by an Emancipation Grill."

The friendly computer spoke once more.

Z: "It's kinda concerning she even _has_ to mention this."

R: " _You_ try being alone with a murderous computer and _not_ go mad like that person in the back rooms."

T: "Sounds like the computer thinks we're _well_ on the way to madness."

... **(1:18:00)**

Kensuke, cube and all, found his way into the next room. "So we need to get _there_ , I assume."

Hir: "It certainly _looks_ like a button."

His eyes found _another_ alcove. "Though first..."

And they saw yet _more_ ramblings of a madman.

R: "Obviously, the computer had a _point_ with her disclaimer."

T: "Yea, that looks like madness right there."

Hik: "They're _completely_ obsessed with that damned cube, aren't they?"

Mi: "They don't want the _computer_ seeing it, as well."

Ky: "Just what the fuck were they _doing_ to that cube?"

Ma: "I don't even _want_ to know."

Kensuke scanned over the scribblings.

Z: "So the computer took the cube away, and they went completely _mad_."

R: "The fact they did this in the first place implies _some_ sort of pre-existing condition, I would think."

Ke: "How would they even get _back_ there? Unless the computer _doesn't_ know there's some loose panels in the test chambers."

Mi: "A question for the psychiatrists, I would think. Not like they _exist_ in that world."

Ma: "Or in _our_ world.

... **(1:19:20)**

Finding his way back to the main chamber, he started problem solving, the first ball and hole puzzle solved easily.

R: "I would've said _that_ was overly dangerous, if that wasn't the _solution_."

Ke: "A good thing I got my Companion Cube, eh?"

Ky: "You weren't using _yourself_ , at least."

Ma: "So what do you need to do, anyway?"

Mi: "I saw some platforms; wouldn't surprise me if those things _activated_ them."

Ke: "That's what I'm thinking at the moment."

Z: "Though the only _other_ ball things are in those _hallways_ , aren't they?"

T: "Well... the one on the slope, you could probably _rebound_ it off the roof or something."

Ke: "Using _this_ slope, eh?"

T: "Yeah."

Ke: "Well, let's try it."

After a bit of a false start with a misplaced blue portal, the _second_ ball was put in the second hole. "Nice one, Toji!"

He scratched the back of his head. "I's nothing."

As Kensuke started probing the _next_ room, the friendly computer spoke once more.

S: "Y'know? That _is_ good advice. In a way."

Hik: "I mean, it's telling you to _ignore_ the voices in your head from madness."

Mi: "Is that not what _you_ guys do?"

Ke: "Ah, I think I might have to get in front of a death ball."

Hir: "At least _now_ you know _not_ to get hit by one."

Ke: "I _know_ not to get hit by one, probably wouldn't _stop_ me." As he made his way to the _other_ death ball, getting his portal positioned. "As long as I stay _behind_ it, I should be alright."

The ball dissipated.

Kensuke started _hopping_ to the other end of the corridor, desperately trying to get more speed. "No no no I'm not dying to that again!"

Not one second after he got to safety, the ball passed him. Kensuke breathed a sigh of relief, as the rest of the group snickered. "...Okay, I live another few minutes."

After _that_ near miss, it wasn't much more effort to solve the third ball in hole problem.

T: "You don't have to worry about getting _vaporised_ , at least."

Ky: "That's probably the _least_ of his worries."

... **(1:21:40)**

The Companion Cube was retrieved.

Mi: "Yeah, you still have a _radio_ to try finding."

Ke: "I heard it _somewhere_."

S: "Hopefully it's not as obnoxious as _other_ radios can be."

Hopping the cube over to the end zone, he looked behind him and found the radio.

Ky: "Y'know, I can _tell_ it's irritating to find radios _that_ easily."

Ke: "Yeah, you're right." He muttered.

T: "Look on the _bright side_. Now you get to walk through the _whole_ chamber trying to find it."

Ke: " _Joy_."

He first tried the madman cave.

Hik: "They've already _done_ that once before, didn't they?"

Ke: "Yeah that was too obvious, in retrospect."

He kept wandering.

Ma: "Would've been _easy_ , at the very least."

Z: "Can't have _that_ now, can we?"

The radio started tuning in the corridor. "It's _somewhere_ here..."

Hir: "Why do I think it'll be in _that_ room?"

Ke: "Because it probably _is_?" A groan. "Dang it, that means I have to walk _back_ there."

The walk back was short enough, thanks to portals. "Yeah it's down here."

Ma: "I wonder what that _chute_ there is for."

Kensuke shrugged. "We'll probably find out when I put the cube down on that button."

Ky: "Maybe _that's_ the exit."

Mi: "What they couldn't afford an _elevator_?"

The Cube went on the button, and it was only _now_ they saw the pictograph on the floor. Which the computer all but confirmed. "...Aww we have to _dispose_ of it?"

R: "I mean, that _was_ to be expected."

Hik: "They could've used an Emancipation thing, right?"

R: "Unless they _wanted_ to be as cruel on you as they could be."

T: "Man no _wonder_ that dude went mad."

Maya pouted. "I _liked_ that cube."

Mi: "Maybe _we_ can replicate some of Aperture's stuff. Not like they can _sue_ us through dimensions and that!"

Ma: "...It'd make a nice keychain, I imagine."

The first thing into the incinerator was the _radio_.

S: "You're not throwing _yourself_ in there, right?"

Ke: "I _know_ that'll kill me if I do that, so no need to test it."

Hir: "Then again, you could've waited for the computer to _explain_."

Ke: "Well, they should've explained it _faster_."

The Companion Cube was euthanised.

Ma: "...And of _course_ they rub it in." She muttered, as Kensuke made his way to the elevator.

_Test Chamber 18_ **(1:26:40)**

T: "Man, we're starting to run out of these, aren't we?"

Mi: "What on Earth does she mean by us getting _baked_?"

Ky: "I doubt it refers to _cannabis_."

R: "That's probably _better_ than whatever the computer has in store for us."

Ke: "Maybe _we're_ the cake." Hopping from the first platform to the second.

Hir: "The madman _did_ say the cake was a _lie_ , after all."

Ma: "If _you_ were the cake, technically it _wouldn't_ have been a lie."

S: "Can you even _make_ a person into a cake? I can't believe I'm even _asking_ that..."

Z: "A pie, maybe."

Ke: "I mean, you could _classify_ a pie as a savoury cake." His panning camera found yet _another_ alcove. " _Hello_."

Hik: "Oh thank the Gods we might move on from the discussion of _cannibalism_."

Mi: "It's honestly not the _worst_ conversation I've even been in, Hikari."

Hikari blinked. "Just what the hell do they _talk_ about?"

R: " _Anything_." She muttered. " _There's_ a radio, at least."

Ke: "Not much else in here, by the looks of it."

Ky:" Yeah, just a regular madman's cave. They're practically a dime a dozen at this point."

Kensuke tried jumping to the _next_ platform, but not only did he end up throwing the _radio_ into the water, he threw _himself_ into the water. Much to everyone's amusement. "Damn it."

Once more, he got himself set up. This time making _extra_ sure he doesn't toss himself or the radio into the death water.

T: "It's _somewhere_ there, at least."

Ke: "Though I wonder where..." As he scanned. "...Hmm. There's a divot up there."

R: "It's there for a reason, Kensuke."

His _first_ attempt was foiled when the radio fell into the water. "Oh that wasn't my fault!"

He soon fell into the water, unable to think of a life without the radio.

S: "Well _that's_ going a bit too far for that."

Kyoko rested a hand on Sayaka. "He's getting stubborn again, ain't ya Ken?"

Ke: "You bet I am!"

While he _did_ hear the _start_ of the transmission, the radio fell back into the drink again.

He sighed, dropping _himself_ back into the drink.

This comedy of errors was repeated a few times.

R: "You know all this is being recorded, Kensuke."

Ke: "I know full well that, Subcommander."

Kensuke _finally_ found the signal, only to realise it was rather _weak_. "Oh come on!"

It took another minute or so to get the signal recorded.

Ky: "Man, _that_ took a fair while."

R: "Alright, you don't _have_ to focus on the radios, Kensuke."

Ke: "Works for me."

... **(1:33:00)**

He fumbled his way to the next part of the chamber. "So _that's_ the exit."

Ky: "And there's probably gonna be something _overly complicated_ to get to it."

Hir: "As befits Aperture."

Mi: "How much effort can there be to get a _cube_?"

Ma: "Misato, Kensuke just spent several minutes trying to mess with a _radio_."

Z: "Yeah if _that's_ complex enough."

A button was pressed.

T: "Great, the _cute_ turrets again."

Hik: "They don't even adorably _kill_ you, do they?"

R: "Getting perforated by bullets is _rarely_ cute, I feel."

S: "You could probably use that _ball_ there to deal with them, at least."

The sudden shooting prompted a temporary advance in the opposite direction. "That's probably the _only_ way I can sort those turrets out."

Once he made his way back into the turret room, he started trying to manipulate the energy pellet to _hit_ the turrets, on Sayaka's behest.

S: "...Oh wow, that actually _works_?"

Ky: "Why do only _you_ get vaporised from the death ball?"

Z: "Maybe it _only_ vaporises humans."

T: " _That_ seems a bit discriminatory."

R: "Or more likely, _everything_ Aperture makes has tolerances to that sort of thing."

Mi: "But not an Emancipation Grill."

Ma: "Even though _she_ can walk through it just fine."

Ke: "Even _that's_ debatable. _I_ wouldn't want to lose my _teeth_ going through that."

The last turret screamed as it fell. "Well, _that's_ solved."

... **(1:35:25)**

He turned to the ball hole. "Ah crap."

T: " _That_ looks a bit outta the way."

R: "I think it's more the fact he has to keep shuffling around portals in order to actually get the pellet _in_ there."

Ke: "Especially since that door's probably on a _timer_." As he tested it. "Oh yeah that _really_ doesn't give you much time."

Z: "Putting the pellet on the path to it _before_ you open the door could work out."

Ke: "Trying that now."

He managed to open the door a second before the pellet would have struck it.

Hik: "You _really_ like leaving it to the last minute, don't you?"

Ke: "I don't exactly _intend_ that, you know." Flat. "Platform's moving, though I doubt we're getting to that cube."

Mi: "I _do_ see a button down _there_ , God knows what it _does_ though."

He slowly made his way to said button, jumping down. "Ohh it activates _that_ as well?"

Ky: "I mean, _something_ must've. Else Ken would've been _stuck_ in there."

Misato seemed to realise. "Ehehe..."

S: "Looks like you can use _that_ for some flinging, as well."

Ke: "A good thing I saw that _lower_ platform." As his quick thinking allowed him to fly to the cube.

Ma: "You're making this look _easy_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "Ah it's nothing much." He downplayed himself. "Honestly, it's just _puzzle solving_ , isn't it? Using what you know to create a _solution_. It's really something I kinda _like_ , actually."

R: "Seems like the Gods have the right idea sending us this, then. Begrudging I might be to admit it."

Ke: "That's probably the _best_ explanation for such a great game!"

His enthusiasm resulted in the mouse unplugging from the terminal, resulting in him missing the platform cycle.

Ke: "...Whoops."

Ky: "Ya don't get that plugged in again, you're gonna miss it a _second_ time, Ken."

The mouse was desperately plugged into the PS/2 port, and Kensuke _barely_ made it to the button to get _out_ of the room. "Okay, crisis averted."

It didn't take too much longer for him to place cube onto button, and for him to make it to the exit.

... **(1:38:20)**

T: "That ain't an exit."

Hir: "At _this_ rate, the last test chamber will be _half_ this game."

Ke: "Not that _I'm_ particularly complaining."

Kensuke looked up at the platforms.

Z: " _Another_ velocity thing?"

R: "Certainly _looks_ like it. The _only_ way you can make it up there is if you acquire sufficient velocity."

Looking down a deep pit. "Will _this_ do?"

R: "I believe so."

He fired a couple portals. "Look guys, a radio!"

Ky: "Do you _really_ want to juggle the radio and the portals, Ken?"

Ke: "No, not particularly."

Hik: "I doubt it's in the pit, as well. Since it was oh you're looking down there anyway."

Ke: "But I might as well." He shrugged. "I'll at least _try_ getting that radio up there."

His attempt promptly ended with him in the drink.

And everyone laughed, as Kensuke sustained a flat look. "Y'know, after spending that long trying to get _that_ radio working, I'm not gonna bother."

R: "Fair. As I said, we can probably audit the files afterwards anyway. It's just easier to look through a single video than trying to decode whatever Gods forsaken formats the game uses."

And so Kensuke began rising and falling up the platforms.

Mi: "Jesus I'm _still_ not used to all that."

Ke: "If there's _one_ gripe I have with this game, it's that the _camera_ can be difficult to wrangle."

Ma: "It's almost like going through portals like that _would_ cause some sort of discombobulation."

T: " _That's_ a strange word."

Ma: "Means _disconcertion_."

R: "I imagine the lack of a _sight_ also doesn't help, Kensuke."

Ke: "That too, but I'm attributing that to a glitch or something. Doesn't make the game _impossible_ , at least."

Ky: "You've actually done pretty _well_ so far, lacking such thing."

And he _finally_ made it to the elevator.

Mi: "Oh _noooo_ , uninsulated electrical parts! Maybe _that'll_ end up killing her instead of the death balls or the death water!"

T: "Or whatever the hell _baking_ is meant to mean."

R: "I'm more shocked they actually have _safety seminars_."

_Test Chamber 19_ **(1:41:15)**

Ke: "Well look at that. It _says_ we get cake in this room."

Hik: "Could be an _enhancement_ of the truth."

Ky: "Honestly? This room seems _much_ more simpler to solve than the _last_ room."

R: "Maybe it's to give you something _light_ to do, before you get killed."

S: "You're certainly not hopeful."

Mi: "There's _no chance in hell_ there's _actually_ cake at the end of this."

Hir: "It'd be quite an _ending_ , at least."

T: "What, the girl in the game chows down a slice of cake and then the game ends?"

The girls in the room giggled at the thought. "I would _think_ they'd allow her _some_ decorum, Toj."

After _almost_ dying to a stray energy ball, Kensuke got the platform up and running. "Well _that_ was easy enough."

Z: "Didn't even have to touch any electricity, did you?"

Ma: "Now it's just an _obstacle course_ , from the looks of it. Before your _'cake'_."

Ke: "Y'know, it'd be pretty funny if there _was_ actually cake at the end of this. Cause _everyone_ sounds convinced it'll be my death."

R: "If the past 18 chambers are anything to go by, she's been trying to kill you from the start."

Mi: "It's a good thing the _Magi_ aren't that negligent of human life."

R: " _Some_ of them can be sometimes." She muttered, Kensuke continuing to navigate his way to the cake.

Ky: "I wonder how they got _that_ energy ball there."

He shrugged. "Should be a simple manner of portaling it out of there."

Which he did. "See? Easy."

S: "Hopefully the Gods didn't catch you saying that."

Ke: "Ah what else would I have to get through?"

The platform turned a corner.

Ke: "Ah. Well _that_ should be alright, as well."

He placed a portal down. And promptly brought the energy ball with him.

Ke: "Shit. I can fix it, though."

_Another_ blue portal went down, bringing the pellet _closer_ to him. "Nope _not good!_ " He exclaimed, and in a panic got a face full of death ball. "DAMN IT!"

Much to the rapture of _everyone_. "Ken, man, you were literally _right_ _there_!"

Ke: "I know and it's _irritating_." He muttered, as the game reloaded.

... **(1:43:15)**

Kensuke almost nearly botched it _again_ with his second life, but he eventually got passed the obstacle. "Thank the Gods for that." He sighed. "Well, looks like we're getting this cake now."

His camera turned to the _cake_. "...Hm. That looks a bit too _enflamed_ to be cake."

Mi: "Maybe it's spicy?"

Ky: "This week in _most obvious plot reveals_."

Hik: "I mean, she never tried _explicitly_ killing you before, did she?"

T: "Well she's certainly doing that _now_!"

Z: "At least you know what _baking_ is meant to be."

R: "Once again, they could've just used an Emancipation Grill, surely!"

S: "I don't think that's _exactly_ Kensuke's concern at the moment."

Ke: "Yeah I'm kinda just wondering how the hell I'm gonna get out of this without turning to ash."

Ma: "She didn't take your _portal_ gun, did she?"

Hir: "A mistake on _her_ part, I would think."

Ky: "Hell, the _walls_ in the incinerator are painted like they can accept _portals_!"

Ke: "Well, that's how I'm getting out, then."

He got out.

Mi: "Oh yeah, _pretend_ to murder her."

Hik: "Might just be me, but I'm not buying it."

Ke: "Either way, there's only _one_ way I can go now, isn't there?"

Kensuke flung himself up.

T: "So just what the hell are you meant to do _now_?"

The player shrugged. "I'm just gonna follow along and see where I go. Maybe I'll end up _escaping_ or something."

R: "Can't deny it looks a lot more _spartan_ in the backrooms."

Mi: "Then again, not like _test subjects_ were meant to see it."

_Escape_ **(1:45:00)**

A set of stairs collapsed under Kensuke.

Ky: "A good thing you have _portals_."

Ke: "...Oh right."

Up and through a door. "Hopefully _those_ stairs work, as well."

Hik: "It's almost like there's a _reason_ this game is called _Portal_."

The klaxon alarmed Kensuke.

Ma: "Looks like she'll be pulling out the stops to _stop_ you, Kensuke."

Z: "With _those_ useless things?"

S: "I mean, they _almost_ killed Kensuke a few times."

And through _another_ door.

Hir: "Why do I get the feeling she _knows_ where we are, anyway?"

R: "I haven't seen _cameras_ , so she probably can't _see_ her. Though there _are_ methods of sensing the presence of others _without_ such thing."

Mi: "Hell, she even said she can _feel_ her."

Kensuke kept up his navigation. "Man this is getting _really_ laggy now."

R: "The fact it _is_ slightly concerns me." She muttered. "It's fine in _that_ room, at least."

T: "The hell are the _screens_ meant to be saying?"

Ma: "Probably coding garbage, like any other movie or video game with scrolling screens. They match _our_ style, at least."

He found his way into a few observation rooms. "Hey I know that chamber!"

Before observing the screen, for the sake of Maya.

Ma: "...I mean, it _is_ garbage, but... is that a _recipe_ of some sort?"

R: "A recipe with _fish shaped, volatile organic compounds_."

Ma: "I didn't say it was a _usable_ recipe."

Mi: "The hell even _is_ that? Fish shaped _kerosene_ or something?"

Ke: "Why can I _see_ Aperture making a fish shaped molecule of some sort?"

R: "They probably _have_."

_PowerPoint_ **(1:46:35)**

T: "Lookit that, _another_ chamber we know of."

Ky: "At least _that_ screen has something more _not_ garbage."

Mi: "And here I am wondering why some of the keys on the keyboard are coloured differently."

Kensuke took it upon himself to read the different keys. "E, R, I, P, A, S, D, H, N."

Mi: "...Well _that_ tells me nothing."

Hik: "You probably have to _rearrange_ it or something."

Z: "Would've been cool if it spelt _Aperture_ , but that wouldn't work."

The player shrugged. "You guys can solve it among yourselves, if you want."

S: "I've already forgotten what the letters were."

Kensuke chuckled, as he waltzed to the other side of the room, stopping to watch a _PowerPoint presentation_. "Wait, this is in the same _universe_ as Half-Life?"

Hir: "What _is_ a Half-Life, anyway?"

R: "An old Doom clone."

Ke: "One that blows Doom _completely_ out of the water."

Ma: "Whatever Black Mesa is, it sounds like there was some _competition_ between the two. Like with us and JHCI."

R: "Except _we_ completely blew JHCI out of the water."

Mi: "Well, it's comforting to know that a place like Aperture _still_ has to deal with crummy PowerPoint presentations."

T: "You of all people could _stop_ them, y'know."

Mi: "I know, but they're _still_ necessary."

Ky: "Either way, it looks like _Aperture_ is getting blown out by Black Mesa."

Ma: "I suppose _we_ would rather be Black Mesa in that situation."

Ke: "Nuuuuuu you don't."

Ritsuko's interest piqued on one of the slides. "...Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System."

Maya gave a small smile. "Gladys."

Mi: "You've got a knack for names, don't ya?"

R: "She _did_ give Eliza her name, you know." A small smile, as Maya scratched the back of her head. "Though there's _another_ point to that slide. They're making what amounts to a Magi, for an _icing inhibitor_ for a _military fuel system_."

S: " _I'd_ call that overkill."

T: "The _military_ thought that as well, by the looks of it."

Ke: "Sounds like _Aperture_ is the one with not much sense."

The report over, Kensuke continued his exploration of the facility.

... **(1:48:30)**

Ky: "At least _someone's_ looking out for ya, Ken."

Ke: "I know, right?" As he flung himself where the exit sign pointed.

Ma: "I don't _want_ to know what that was painted with."

The _unfriendly_ computer continued antagonising Kensuke.

T: "I'm guessing Glados is _her_ name, right? The computer?"

Z: "I'd _assume_. I doubt such things are a dime a dozen."

Mi: "Who even _knows_ with Aperture."

Ken found a way into a cube pipe. "I imagine _that_ would be fun." Sayaka mused.

R: "Maybe, but it would've been rather _muted_ by the fact a _murderous Magi_ wants to... well, _murder_ you."

Hir: "Could Glados _not_ send you down that pipe to _her_?"

Ke: "Either way, we're _back_ in a test chamber."

He immediately solved it. "Man that pretty much _breaks_ when you got a dual portal gun."

Ky: "She expects you to go back, but she doesn't keep a _lift_ for you?"

Shrugging. "Good for _me_ , at least."

_Cut Cake_ **(1:49:30)**

T: "What a shame." He deadpanned at the computer's concerns.

Kensuke fumbled his way through this backroom. "Man this is _really_ getting choppy."

R: " _You_ try running a program when the right operating system for it doesn't even _exist_."

Ma: "It's rather amazing Whistler even _runs_ it."

Z: "Maybe it's _close enough_ to what it was expecting or something."

Ky: "It certainly _looks_ close enough."

R: "Well I'm sure if the Gods sent us a copy of _one_ of those Windows versions it mentioned, this would've been all well and good. Seems they weren't _generous_ enough."

Hir: "It's almost like there's some _compromises_ that needed to be made."

Mi: "Or God is just an inconsiderate asshole."

Hik: "That should've been _obvious_ at this point, I would think."

While they bickered at the logistics of running a program for a nonexistent system, Kensuke found his way through.

S: " _That's_ a pretty neat way of doing it, at least."

Ke: "You guys _really_ need to get this tech."

R: "We're still trying to figure out something from a _previous_ Rift material."

Hik: "Which I assume we _won't_ be privy too?"

R: "Even if you were, it literally _disappeared_. It's a good thing I took the notes about it I did."

Hikari blinked. "I'm not even gonna ask."

Ke: "The good thing about _digital_ stuff, you can make _copies_ of it." As he loaded into the next area.

_Piston_ **(1:50:55)**

Ky: "He's just following the _signs_ , computer."

Mi: "What's even the _point_ of those pistons?!"

R: "A video game obstacle." In deadpan.

Ma: "Knowing Aperture, it probably has _some_ Gods forsaken purpose."

Ke: "They're probably _compressing_ something, in all likelihood. Wouldn't be for _combustion_ ; maybe a pump or something."

Hir: "Some of them _impact the ceiling_. I doubt a properly working machine would do _that_."

S: "If you could describe Aperture Laboratories, it would be the _opposite_ of properly working."

Z: "You're probably gonna have to get _on_ that crushing piston if you want to get through, Kensuke."

Ke: "It's not _vaporisation_ , at least." As he tried her plan.

Promptly getting crushed.

T: "I dunno _what_ you were trying to do."

Ke: "Not _that_ , but I panicked admittedly." Reloading. "At least I know _how_ to get past it now."

Which he did.

Mi: "You didn't even _need_ to go on the crushing pistons."

Z: "My bad."

Ke: "Hey, I got through it, didn't I?"

Kensuke ran into _another_ pair of crushing pistons. "Ah damn it."

As the computer _continued_ trying to talk him out of it.

Ky: "Weird definition of _fun_ , but okay."

T: "So you _have_ to get crushed this time around?"

Ke: "It won't end up crushing me if I go through the portal, Toji."

S: "You didn't just _jinx_ yourself, did you?"

He didn't, much to his own relief. "Alright, exit up _there_."

At around three frame per second, he jumped back up.

R: "It's less the actual _game_ causing the lag. It's probably the _effects_."

Hik: " _I've_ certainly never seen effects _that_ great in a game."

Ma: "This game _does_ take a nonexistent graphics card, as well."

Ke: "I should've _expected_ this wasn't running on a Voodoo."

The smaller piston rooms were easy enough. "Oh come on, what are _they_ even used for?"

R: "Obstacles."

It was easy enough for Kensuke to _solve_ said obstacles, at least.

Mi: "They don't even work well as _those_."

_Right_ **(1:54:25)**

T: "Pfft, he even _looked_ to the left!"

Z: "Might just be me, but I think Glados lies a lot."

Ma: "Something to do with the _murdering_ , I'd think."

Ke: "It doesn't help her case, at least."

Hir: "So what's the ultimate _goal_ with this, anyway? I doubt _she'll_ let you out of this place _alive_."

Mi: "You might have to end up _fighting_ her."

R: "Yes, the ultimate showdown with a _computer._ "

S: "I'm sure _she'll_ make it interesting for us." Muttering, as Kensuke fell into a loading zone.

Ky: "Can't exactly call _dying_ too interesting, can we."

Hik: " _Another_ alcove?"

Ke: " _Someone_ had to paint those exit signs, Hikari. Doesn't look like there's _much_ , at least."

So he went the other way, immediately falling for the obvious trap.

T: "I'm not even gonna _fault_ you for that."

Mi: "Wasn't exactly anywhere _else_ to go, was there?"

Klaxons sounded. "Well _this_ ain't good."

While Kensuke was rather _seriously_ perforated with bullets, he was able to survive long enough to disable the _first_ turret.

S: "We know what they _are_ now, at least." As Kensuke used a _barrel_ to defend himself, with mixed results.

Ky: "You have _portals_ , Ken."

The barrel dropped. "It _worked_ , didn't it?"

Hik: "You didn't use the _brick_ to defend yourself, at least."

Ke: "That would've been even _more_ stupid of me." He muttered, finding his way out.

_Workshop_ **(1:56:05)**

Mi: "Ah Christ it's _another_ radio."

Ke: "Should I even _bother_?"

Glados berated Kensuke.

Ky: "Oi! Coming from _you_ , ya piece of crap!"

T: "This _machine's_ a piece of crap, lagging _there_."

Ma: "At least that _turret_ isn't attacking him."

Despite his better judgement, Kensuke _still_ tried finding the signal with the radio. "Not in _that_ room..."

R: "I swear it's struggling with the _lighting_ or something."

Z: "The fact the Magi are even _struggling_ with something."

Ma: "It's not even so much the _Magi_. It's the virtual machine _running_ on the Magi."

Ritsuko grumbled. "Maybe I should've just brute forced this program to run bare metal."

Ke: "I was kinda wondering why you couldn't do that in the _first_ place."

Mi: "Because she's too _proud_ to reduce the Magi to a mere _games console_."

R: "If I knew it was going to lag _this_ much, I would've _probably_ considered it."

_Still_ holding the radio, Kensuke continued the escape. "I might've _missed_ it, but I'm gonna keep it with me anyway."

Lucky for him, he found the signal almost _immediately_ after he said what he sad, finding it in another madman cave. "... _That_ was easier than I expected."

Hik: "Can't be _too_ many of those radios left, surely."

The transmission ended, and Kensuke got himself back to the business of escaping.

S: "Might be good to portal up _there_ and use your velocity."

He did just that. "Thanks, Sayaka."

_Missile_ **(1:59:00)**

Hik: "Oh yeah, blame _him_ why don't you."

Z: "And it _sounds_ like she was gonna kill you _anyway_."

Ke: "I was _already_ dead, then. At least like _this_ , I get to _fight_."

Mi: "No cake, though."

Ky: "That cake was a lie, anyway!"

The player found his way into a room.

T: "That _another_ turret or something?"

Hir: "A turret _that_ button over there activates."

R: "A turret that he needs to activate if he wants to get through."

Ma: "How _would_ he get through?"

R: "Get it to shoot out the glass?"

Kensuke activated the turret, and thought to run away as it launched a _rocket_ towards him.

Ky: "It's a _rocket launcher_?!"

Ke: "That's pretty _awesome_ , actually."

S: "Might be a bit more awesome if it _wasn't_ trying to kill us."

R: "It cleared out the _glass_ , at least."

Ke: "Which means I can do it for the _other_ side, too."

Which he promptly did, placing a portal in the room for future use.

Mi: "Ah, thinking forward again, Kensuke?"

Ke: "It's gotta be useful _somewhere_ else, other than that room."

R: "Rather _logical_ thinking, I would think."

He walked his way through to _another_ room, with the same sort of glass. "See, Commander?"

A small chuckle. "Smart."

Z: "Betcha you can fire on that _pipe_ as well, Kensuke. _Might_ be useful."

His eyes tracked a cube, within said pipe. "It _would_ be useful." As he tried to get the turret to fire at said pipe.

Indeed, a cube fell out. Which was useful, as his camera fell onto a vent _just_ high enough to require a cube. "Damn, _nice_ one Zero Two."

Z: "...Didn't think it'd be _that_ useful."

Ky: "Kinda a shame you can't just go _through_ the vent."

Ma: "Good thing he has _portals_ then, eh?"

And so he navigated though the sewers.

_Labyrinth_ **(2:01:25)**

Mi: "At least it's pretty _easy_ to go through these backrooms."

Ke: "Suppose I should _thank_ the company madman for that." As he portalled into a _spanning_ room.

Ky: "It's a trap."

Ma: "Kinda _obvious_ at this point."

Hik: "Probably the turrets again."

Lo and behold, a whole _heap_ of turrets appeared.

Z: "Surely if she _wanted_ to kill you, she could just put them _closer_ or something."

Ke: "Oh well, here I go killing again."

He moved from room to room, disabling turrets as he went.

R: "You _done_?"

Ke: "Yeah I think so." As he looked around. "Wait, there's one more."

Said turret was promptly defenestrated. " _Now_ I'm done."

Hir: "Now it's just a matter of getting _out_."

S: "Might have to fling yourself _up_ or something. Looks like you can place portals on those slopes anyway."

T: "You'd have _plenty_ of speed to shoot out a slope if you fall from a height like that, Kensuke."

Ke: "Let's _try it_ , then!"

He tried it, but it wasn't _enough_.

Ky: "Maybe the _other_ slope, Ken."

Ke: "Yeah _that'll_ probably work a bit better." Musing, as he did that. "There, thanks for that guys."

This celebration didn't last long, as two turrets were dropped in front of him, Kensuke dealing with it through _several_ desperate shots of the portal gun. "Crisis averted!"

Mi: "Looks like going _up_ is a general theme of this room."

He glanced up. "Nice find."

Mi: "...Oh that's _actually_ the thing to do? I mean, _yeah_ of course I knew that!"

While Ritusko rolled her eyes, Kensuke did what Misato suggested and went _up._ "Now it's just _there_..."

Up just a _little_ bit more, and he found a catwalk. "Easy."

_Computer_ **(2:05:00)**

They found themselves in an office environment again.

Ky: "We don't have to sit through the PowerPoint again, right?"

Ke: "We've _already_ seen it, haven't we?"

They looked in an observation room.

Ma: "Ain't _that_ ominous."

Hik: "Could _that_ be the computer room?"

R: "It's rather _grandiose_ for a computer, isn't it?"

Mi: "It's _perfect_ for that maniac of a computer."

Z: "Either way, this'll certainly be _interesting_."

Kensuke walked into the room of Glados.

Ky: "Man she's a _master_ of passive-aggressiveness, isn't she?"

R: "I swear the _Magi_ can be like that sometimes."

Hir: "What the hell are those _screens_ showing?"

S: "Could be her _thoughts_."

Ma: "Does anyone think she looks rather... _feminine_ , like that?"

Mi: "She _is_ a female computer, Maya. It'd make _sense_."

T: "Can you even _assign_ gender to a computer?"

R: "We did with _Eliza_ , though it helps she took the image of _Rei_."

Ky: " _Eliza_ is rather feminine anyway, isn't it."

Glados deployed her surprise.

S: "I'm assuming that _wasn't_ meant to fall off."

Hik: "Obviously that's a _key_ to defeating her."

Ke: "I would _hope_ , otherwise I'd be dead by now."

So he brought it over to a familiar looking chute.

Mi: "Ah, you're gonna _burn_ it, Kensuke?"

R: "Now _normally_ , I wouldn't suggest burning things that fall out a computer."

Ky: "I'm pretty sure you can make an exception for _that_ computer."

Z: "She certainly does _not_ want you to burn it."

Ke: "That just makes me want to burn it even more!" As he tried opening the incinerator. "Okay, I can't just walk there."

Ma: "I think Aperture designs most of their things to require _two_ people at least."

S: "Good thing you have a _portal_ _gun_ , then."

_Fight_ **(2:07:10)**

It was promptly thrown into the incinerator. "A part of me wonders why there's even an _incinerator_ in her room in the first place."

As Glados was berating Kensuke for his stupidity, her voice suddenly changed.

Hir: "...Morality core."

She revealed _what_ the morality core was for.

Ritsuko took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out.

R: "WHY DOES THAT FACILITY HAVE _NEUROTOXIN EMITTERS IN IT_?!"

Mi: "It's a bit more slow than Bakelite, isn't it."

R: "That's not the point! For what purpose did they _need_ that?!"

A timer started.

Ky: "Either way, Ken has _six minutes_ until his lungs melt."

T: "Ah are we getting a _boss fight_?"

The turret conveniently activated.

Ke: "I believe so, Toji." He couldn't help but smirk.

Z: "See if you can _fire_ it into her."

Ma: "That's probably what they _wanted_."

Kensuke did just that, promptly dislodging another core.

All the while, Glados continued her passive aggressive berating.

Ma: "Aww why do they make those things _cute_!?"

S: "It _is_ kinda cute, isn't it?"

Mi: "Betcha it has something to do with _curiosity_."

Ky: "It could've _not_ insulted my legs. Ken, chuck it in the fire."

Ke: "I was doing that anyway."

... **(2:08:55)**

The curiosity core noticed some _burning_ , which _it_ soon was. "Two down."

S: "I mean, she's _right_. 2 plus 2 _is_ 10 in base 4."

Ky: "Can't believe _that's_ finally coming in handy."

R: "I doubt that was her _intention_ at least."

Mi: "How can a computer _fail_ such a simple operation anyway?"

Another rocket hit the computer.

T: "I dunno, but I doubt the rockets are helping."

Z: "I kinda wonder what this _next_ core is, though."

The player acquired said core. "...It's a _recipe_?"

Hir: "Maybe _that's_ the cake."

Ma: "At least she knows _how_ to make a cake, I suppose. It wasn't a _complete_ lie."

Kensuke just stood there for a bit, as they listened more to the recipe core instead of Glados. "Yeah I suppose we have _some_ time."

Ritsuko did a double take as the core listed off increasingly _eccentric_ ingredients. "Wait, _that_ was the recipe on the screen?"

Ma: "What the hell is fish shaped _ethyl benzine_?"

Hik: "I'm kinda wondering what _sediment_ shaped sediment is."

Ky: "I don't even _like_ liquorice."

Ke: "I think they're kinda obsessed with _fish_ , myself."

They listened onto _more_ of this 'recipe'.

R: "Okay, so that's _polyester, fiberglass_ ,"

Mi: "How do you even make _volatile_ malted milk?"

T: "I don't even _know_ what a geowhatever membrane is."

It started going on about rhubarb.

Ke: "We all agreed this has worn out its welcome?"

Unanimous agreement.

Ke: "Good, cause I'm throwing it in the incinerator."

... **(2:10:55)**

Ky: "I'm wondering if that passive aggressiveness is _hardcoded_ in her or something."

Mi: "Wouldn't even _surprise_ me, at this point."

The final core was easily dislodged.

And _less_ than easily acquired.

T: "You got it in the end, at least."

Hik: "Jeez _that's_ a bit of an aggressive one, isn't it."

S: "Kinda _boring_ , as well."

Z: "We probably could've spent a bit more time listening to that stupid _recipe_ and _still_ have time to spare."

R: "You know, I don't even know if she's _lying_ about having a brain scan of you."

Ke: "Lying might as well be hardcoded in her, as well." He paused as he heard her mocking. "I'm inclined to believe it _is_ a lie, just to _mock_ us."

Hir: "If anything, that's just encouraging you to burn it _faster_."

Ke: "Oh it _is_." Muttering. "I'm kinda surprised she _doesn't_ know what's going on out there. If she knew _what_ happened with Black Mesa, whoah boy she'd be _giddy_."

Ma: "What _did_ happen wth Black Mesa?"

Ke: "Play the _original_ Half-Life and find out, Ibuki."

_Demise_ **(2:12:30)**

The final core was thrown down the chute.

And the computer exploded, berating them to her dying cycle.

Kaworu had a wide _grin_ of victory. "Hell yeah!"

A huff from Misato, as Glados _still_ had a capacity for sarcasm. "Never change, Glados."

Ky: "It looks like she's changing pretty _fast_ right now, eh?"

Ma: "A part of me feels _deleting_ that backup won't do much _now_."

Glados was sucked into the open air.

T: " _That's_ a bit over the top for destroying a computer, ain't it?"

Mi: "Can't deny it looks _spectacular_ , at least."

Soon enough, _Kensuke_ was getting sucked up. "Well, looks like I'm dying anyway."

R: "There's still _another_ game to go."

Hir: "Doesn't necessarily mean the girl from _this_ comes back."

Everything went white.

They woke up in a _carpark_ , the computer corpse of Glados scattered and scattering around them. "That _hoop_ would've killed us if it landed a metre or so _back_."

The sound of servos distracted them. "...Well I be damned, I guess that guy _does_ exist."

Ky: "It's more a _robot_ , isn't it Ken?"

The player character was dragged away, and everything went black.

_Cake_ **(2:13:50)**

At least until a camera started _flying_ through the facility.

Ky: "We don't have ta get _that_ radio, right?"

Ke: "Good luck in a _cutscene_." As he dropped the mouse down. "I'm guessing that's game, then."

T: "At least after _this_."

The simulated camera panned around a room of spheres, eventually settling on a Black Forest cake, Companion Cube close by.

Ma: "Well, at least the _Cube_ survived."

Mi: " _That_ actually looks pretty tasty."

Hik: "Worth the _deadly tests_ , though?"

Mi: "I'd say so." She shrugged. "Black Forest is _really_ good. Shinji made one for Asuka for her birthday one time, and I've been begging him to remake it ever since!"

One by one, the spheres lit up.

S: "I'd say this doesn't _bode_ well."

Hir: "Who's even _eating_ that cake, anyway?"

Z: "Maybe those cores and that Cube has to _share_ , darling."

A mechanised claw craned down, snuffing the candle.

**(2:14:40)**

Before going to a terminal. "Did the emulator break?" Ritsuko immediately queried.

"No, this is still in the game I think."

If Kensuke's word wasn't proof enough, Glados started _singing_.

"...Oh my God she's _singing_." Kyoko immediately bemoaned.

"She's _singing_?" Maya exclaimed.

"For a computer, she's pretty _good_ at it." Complemented Misato.

"Gods it even has _ASCII_ art." Sighed Ritsuko. "But... yeah, this is a pretty good song so far."

They chose to just listen to it for a short while. "So... what did you _think_ of this game, Kensuke?" Ritsuko eventually began again.

"What I think? Only one of the _best damn games_ I've _ever_ played!" He _very_ enthusiastically exclaimed. "Even _with_ the flaws and the lag and those Gods damned _radios_ , I _really_ enjoyed it!"

"Hell, even _watching_ you play it was pretty amusing, Kensuke." Toji thought aloud. "That computer is a _complete_ cow, but I liked her as a villain."

"She was _gloriously_ passive aggressive, eh?" Misato too thought.

"And not _just_ Glados." Zero Two thought. "The way it _plays_ looks pretty fun as well."

"Oh it _was_ , Zero Two. I'm really glad you chose _me_ to play it, Subcommander." A small bow.

To which she waved off. "It _is_ payment for letting us look at those discs of yours, right?"

"Looks like it _was_ a good payment, then." Maya couldn't help but smile, as the song continued some more. "And you get to play the _sequel_ tomorrow!"

"Once we figure out how to get it running." Mediated Ritsuko. "That's something _we_ can do after lunch, Kensuke."

He shrugged. "After being able to play a damn _video game_ on company time, I'm not even gonna _think_ about complaining about that."

"So _are_ you gonna put this up on the Usenet, Rits?"

She nodded. "With how _all_ of you seemed to like it, and how _relatively_ easy it seems to emulate. Yeah, I might." Scratching the back of her head. "Can't lie, it kinda interests _me_ as well."

"Ha!"

"Yeah, I know." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe I'll let the Magi optimise it for _our_ world, first. So we can actually _run_ it on a terrestrial computer."

"As long as I can play it on _my_ terminal, that's fine by _me_!"

"Might even be able to _publish_ it." Mused Sayaka. "If Valve don't exist nowadays."

"Even if they _do_ , we might be able to do a deal with them. They _did_ make it, after all."

"At least a _version_ of them." Hiro thought. "How would you _explain_ it to them?"

"Act of the Gods?"

"...Honestly, with what NERV does, they'd probably _believe_ you."

She shrugged. "Either way, we're getting quite a few _names_ for the Magi. If we _wanted_ to, the Magi could connect a few dots."

"...Hang on, is the character's name _Chell_?" As Kensuke observed the credits.

" _I_ think it's a nice name." Shrugged Misato.

**(2:17:45)**

And like that, the song was over, booting them back to the menu. "Oh Gods damn it I've had enough of those radios!"

"Well. I suppose you guys would like some _lunch_."

"I'm _always_ up for some lunch, myself." Shrugged Zero Two, getting up.

"I gotta make sure I _remember_ that name." Misato firmed.

"What, are you naming a _child_ of yours after them or something?"

"I could think of _worse_ people. A woman who kicks computer ass with a portal gun _is_ a pretty good role model to look up too, if I say so myself Rits." A small smirk, she too getting up. "An hour break sounds good?"

"Do we even _have_ any other business here, Commander?"

A thought at Hikari's query. "Don't _think_ so. Though feel free for both of you to come _after_ school tomorrow, when we get it working."

They _both_ smiled. " _That_ works! See ya then!"

Slotting her arm around Toji's, they walked out.

"Way to put us on the spot, Misato." Deadpanned Maya.

"What? At least it'll _encourage_ you guys to get it working." As she begun her leave. "I know _I_ wouldn't mind seeing the sequel to this."

"Gee, thanks."

She poked her tongue at the others, before leaving. "We'll see you two in the cafeteria, I'm guessing?"

The Klaxosaurs nodded. "You bet!"

Before they _both_ left.

The Subcommander and her Kohai _also_ began to leave. "When you're done, just shut down the virtual machine. The Magi will automatically stop recording."

"Good to know, Subcommander. And... thanks again." A somewhat bashful Kensuke said once more.

"Don't mention it, Kensuke." She couldn't help but smile. "As I said, call it payment for those discs of yours."

They soon left.

Just as the menu panned to the right. "Well, look at that." Sayaka noted. "That Cube's still there as well."

"At least you have the company of something that _won't_ end up killing you, eh?"

"Don't suppose I can _feed_ it the cake, can I?"

"What, do you want the Cube to _seductively_ eat it or something?"

"...It'd be _interesting_. Probably not _arousing_ but it'd be _interesting_."

"Heh, good answer."

"Is that giving _you_ an idea, Kyo?"

"Well... you're birthday's coming up in the month, ain't it?"

A small nod.

"What say you we get some _Black Forest_ cake for that?"

Sayaka couldn't help but give a small smirk. "...I wouldn't mind that."

"Do _I_ have to cook it?"

"Nah, _I_ can cook it." Kyoko said, a _cocky_ smile on her face. "I do most of the cooking anyway."

"Helps you're actually _good_ at it, Kyo..."

"Ah _you're_ not that bad, Sayaka." Patting her back. As Glados would say, it was _enhancing_ the truth some, but they loved her.

Sayaka _kinda_ knew it but she appreciated it anyway, as Kensuke exited the game.

**(2:19:55)**

"Though speaking of _food_ , should we go get some, you reckon?"

A small nod from the bluenette. "I'd like that."

They turned to Kensuke.

Who was _immediately_ back playing solitaire. "Aw _Kensuke_?"

"What?"

"Why the hell are you playing _that_ again?"

He shrugged, tossing some cards around. "I like it?"

"Well, _we_ want lunch."

"But we _also_ don't want to leave _without_ you."

"So if you make us wait longer than usual..."

"You'll be sleeping on the carpet of your room with _nothing on,_ next time we visit."

He cycled through a few more cards, weighing up his options. "...That's a _very_ good incentive, girls."

Solitaire closed, and soon enough the virtual machine was shut down. "Lunch?"

The _both_ of them kissed him on the cheek, offering the carrot instead of the stick. "Thatta boy." A small smirk. "Maybe we can find somewhere... _private_ before you clock on again, eh?"

"I hear the _lockers_ aren't monitored."

Kyoko glanced to Sayaka, "What d'ya say? Get some lunch than give him a _taste_ of what's to come?"

" _I'm_ not complaining." She slightly chuckled, as they _all_ left the room.

**VIDEO STOP**

* * *

## 3\. Exchange

Hikari and Toji found their way to their favourite park, where they'd often spend their Sundays. It was quiet and private, at least when the parents of two of Hikari's pilot comrades aren't involved in a car breakdown.

No, today was _pleasantly_ calm. The two of them simply resting on a park bench, overlooking a lake; the afternoon sun shimmering serenely and creating a pleasant reflection.

Hikari was _certainly_ feeling pleasant, her eyes closed and her head resting on Toji's arm, one arm wrapped around her shoulder and the other holding her hand. "...I really appreciate how you... _helped_ me last night, Toj."

He chuckled, his thumb running on the top of her hand. "You know I'm always there for you, Hikari. No matter _what_ happens."

"Even if it's something from _another_ world."

"Even if." Another chuckle. "I know they _exist_ now, at least."

"Though... that's not the _only_ thing you comfort me for."

A brief lull.

Before she was pulled slightly closer. "I... know piloting Evangelion can be stressful. Y'know I'm _always_ there." He gently messed her hair. "And... if _I_ somehow get into the pilots seat again. I know _you'll_ be there for me, as well."

"Well... it sounds like that new system works best with those who are... _close_." A small smile. "Can certainly say that of _us_ , eh?"

"You bet, Hikari."

Another comfortable silence.

"You... _still_ wanna marry me, right?"

"Mmhmm."

"Just checking." Somewhat cheeky. "It... wouldn't be too much longer to wait."

"Heh. _You're_ certainly eager to get hitched with me, eh?"

"Well, I _do_ love you, Toj. And... we've _been_ together long enough, haven't we?" As she looked towards him. "And... we've _both_ decided we wanted to spend our lives toge-"

Her words fell silent, Toji running a hand through her hair.

Before bringing her in for a kiss, Hikari _melting_ into him.

They soon parted. "I... take it _you're_ eager for it, as well."

"If it means I can spend my life with you, yeah." A small smile. "Dunno how we're gonna _afford_ it, though. Aren't they _expensive_?"

She couldn't help but giggle. "Actually, the actual _marriage_ , you can just go down to a prefecture office and fill out some paperwork. Pay the filing fee and you're legally married."

"...Huh. I mean, that's certainly _easier_ but it's kinda _boring_ as well."

"Hence the _ceremony_ , Toji!" A soft exclamation. "I looked a bit into a _traditional_ wedding but _jeez_ is it an expense."

"Even _on_ your pilots wage?"

"Oh _yeah_! And I've been _saving_ a bit as well; it's no _wonder_ most people go for the more _Christian_ style of wedding."

"It's still quite a bit to _organise_ , eh?"

"Yeah, admittedly." She bashfully chuckled. "But hey, we got some time, don't we?"

He agreed with a nod.

She settled back into his arm. "Plus, I'd rather spend that money on a place of our own. That's... one of the _other_ reasons why I'm... _eager_ , as you say. We could actually get away with _living_ together."

"And _not_ be Shin-man or K-man."

"Can't deny I'm kinda _jealous_ of that. T-the living together part, I mean." She bashfully clarified. "I... certainly wouldn't mind having you _hold_ me every night, like you did _last_ night..."

"It'd be a nice comfort, that's for sure." His hand still drifted over hers. "...Suppose our Saturdays are just our _warm up_ to such thing, eh?"

"Heh, you bet Toj."

A small nuzzle into his arm, and a small murmur of agreement, and a comfortable silence descended on the couple.

Hikari spent most of the afternoon like this, basking in his warmth and love and all of the above.

~

The Commander stood on the catwalks, overlooking the activities currently going on with Unit-01.

One of the admitted advantages of what happened (and with most of their pilots on vacation), it gave NERV _plenty_ of time to work on actually getting Unit-01 refitted with a NACSS.

Which was good, because a majority of the refit was getting the damn thing _manufactured_ , based on the prototype Massachusetts gave them. God knows they won't have the resources to make _another_ Evangelion, not until _after_ Massachusetts are done with them.

Her fiancee helped distract her from the thoughts of NERV politicking, at least, offering her a canned coffee. "Thanks, Ryoji."

Cracking it open, she took a few gulps. "Oversight as annoying as usual?"

"Yep." Sipping his own coffee. "Makinami's gone off to _Australia_."

She snorted. "Who in the UN did he anger?"

"That's the thing, it seems entirely _voluntary_."

"Well _that's_ certainly strange."

He chuckled. "Though he has his reasons _other_ than getting away from the world for a short while. Remember those images of VIRM, was it? That I showed you?"

"And how you got them from some ancient satellite or something?"

"Apparently, said ancient satellite ended up in _Antarctica_."

Misato blinked.

"Dirac Rift?"

"We believe so."

"That satellite was _close_ to VIRM, wasn't it?"

"Indeed."

"...Well _that's_ a bit disconcerting." A grim conclusion. "If _that_ could survive..."

"Indeed." He took another sip. "It's a good thing you're working to get Unit-01 working again, let's just say."

The can hit the railing, crushing it in her frustration. "It's _always_ one step forward, two steps _back_ for us, isn't it. What's wrong with us catching a _break_ for once?"

There was a small silence between the two of them.

"It'd be a bit _boring_ , I'd think."

Another silence.

"...I don't think I'd _mind_ a bit of boredom at this point, Ryoji."

* * *


	2. TNALJTI 2

* * *

** PLAYBACK FILE: [REC002_MELCHIOR.12:3_050218](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St9BdD_JHBg) **

## 1\. All Nighter

"Alright, I bumped the specs of the virtual machine as high as it can go."

"Trying it again."

"What is this, the _twelfth_ time you lot have tried getting it running on that?" Bemoaned Kyoko, having observed this for _several_ _hours_.

"It's almost like these things take _time_ , Kyoko." Prodded the Subcommander, _herself_ beginning to feel frustrated at this.

"We can't put more than 4 gigabytes of RAM in this thing?" Thought Maya, overviewing the current specs of the VM on her terminal.

"Whistler literally _cannot_ support more than 4 gigabytes of RAM. Like _any_ 32-bit operating system."

"What, did they expect us to run these programs on a _Nintendo 64_ or something?" Kensuke mocked. "I know _my_ Octane is _technically_ a 64-bit system, but that's coming from a computer that originally cost the same as a high end _car_."

"And I wouldn't even _know_ where to begin with trying to get _this_ running on that processor." Muttered Ritsuko. "Run it, Kensuke."

He double clicked the icon.

It took half a second this time before Whistler blue screened. "Well _that's_ a new record." Sayaka dryly remarked, channeling one of her other halves.

Much to the chagrin of the Subcommander. "Alright, this isn't working. And it's getting a bit late for you lot as well."

"Unfortunately."

"So... how are we gonna get it working for tomorrow, Subcommander?" Queried Kensuke, as the virtual machine was terminated.

"I'll get something done, don't worry."

A small pause, followed by a small nod.

Soon they were gone.

"...I can't believe I'm pulling an all nighter for a damn _video game_." Ritsuko muttered, a longing look at Maya. "You... don't have to join if you want to."

Maya responded by getting up for her chair, approaching Ritsuko, and _kissing_ her. "I'll go get coffee for _two_ , then."

"Heh. You might as well bring the _machine_ in here, Maya."

"Either way, I'll be back soon Sempai!"

So she left.

A small sigh and a smile, opening up her terminal. "Whatever did I do to deserve you."

And so she started typing.

~

Six and a half hours and several mugs of coffee later, and with _all_ of their fingers aching like mad, two thoroughly _exhausted_ programmers sighed. "Okay. If... this works _now_ , it should allow us to run it _directly_ on the Magi."

"Bit of an _if_ , isn't it."

"It's only _bruteforcing_ emulation of several architectures that don't exist, Maya. What's the big deal with it?"

"I think the deal with it is it's making you more like _Bond's_ Ritsuko."

"We've been up for over 20 hours at this point and we're running on nothing but coffee and _stubbornness_. Probably more _my_ stubbornness than anything."

"Does me being stubborn enough to _stick_ with you instead of sleeping count?"

A tired chuckle. "It sure does. Now let's see if this works first try so we can get some damn sleep."

The program executed.

It took around a minute to acquire the appropriate resources, but Portal 2 _did_ start up. "Oh thank the Gods!" Maya exclaimed. "Wait, this has _co-op_?"

"...That'd be kinda interesting, I'd imagine." A small chuckle. "I doubt we'd be able to do that _yet_."

"And what of the... _community test chambers_?"

"Maybe in whatever world this came from, you could download maps from the Internet." A thought. "Which means there's _no_ hope it works _here_. Unless we can have _interdimensional_ Internet, in which case we'd have a _lot_ more uses for it than a damned _video game_."

"So I'm guessing there's no point clicking it then?"

Ritsuko did anyway.

To which the game promptly crashed.

"I don't know what I expected, Sempai."

"Eh, close enough."

It was this moment that the determination left her, her head promptly impacting the keyboard and her promptly falling asleep.

Maya couldn't help but giggle, softly. She didn't want to disturb her Sempai, after all. "I guess we're sleeping _here_ , eh."

The Kohai diligently powered down the various devices in the lab, before searching the cabinets for a few items of particular interest. "...Ah, there they are!"

Small throw pillows and a blanket, that they got for this exact situation. This wasn't their _first_ night spent in the lab, after all.

She propped up Ritsuko a bit, taking out the keyboard from under her face and substituting it with said small pillow, the Sempai promptly thudding on the pillow.

The lights went out, Maya allowing her eyes to adjust to the dimness before she settled close to her beloved, nuzzling under her arm and settling on her pillow, draping the blanket over them both. "...good night, Sempai."

But a small murmur, as Ritsuko unconsciously held Maya closer.

"Heh... love you too."

Within the minute, she too fell asleep.

~

Ritsuko and Maya weren't answering their phones, so the next logical step was for Misato to check on their lab. She figured they were doing _something_ intense that she had little hope of understanding because it was related to computers.

Opening up the lab, she was greeted with a rather _heartwarming_ scene. Judging by the coffee machine and the empty mugs of coffee, they pulled an all nighter again.

"You'll let them sleep, I'm guessing."

"Yeah. I will Ryoji." A small smile, as she shut the door. "Wonder what they're working on."

"Maybe something related to Eliza." As they walked to her office.

"I can _see_ them pulling an all nighter for _her_." She sighed. "Though it'd be pretty hilarious if they did that just to get that _game_ running."

"After how you said she _reacted_ to getting a video game."

Misato rested her hands on the back of her head. "So how's Makinami going down in Australia, anyway?"

"Bendigo was rather pleasant. Not sure about _Swan_ , though I imagine it's more the same."

"Swan's the _western_ state, isn't it."

Nodding. "More a _confederacy_ of the remnants of old Western and South Australia. I can't imagine they're doing _too_ badly though; the lithium and steel in my car comes from _Swan_ , after all."

"I suppose that _would_ imply they were well off." A chuckle. "Hopefully he _enjoys_ that vacation of his, then."

"I doubt _he_ thinks of it like that." Muttering. "Though speaking of _vacation_ , how are your pilots going?"

Another small sigh. "I... still haven't gotten back to Asuka after our _previous_ chat. Do... you think I was too harsh on her?"

He audibly thought. "I'd say so. You were just preventing her from getting to in over her head with... _experimenting_. Though then again, _we_ sure experimented in college."

"We didn't _swing,_ though. I know _you_ went out with Rits after I broke it off with you, not like that _lasted_ long."

" _Both_ of us felt bad at that, though I'm sure you know we're still on _good_ terms with one another."

A flat look. "Maya would tear your balls off if you tried stealing Rits from her."

"I know. I wouldn't _dare_ getting in-between that." He huffed. "Though I _may_ have some information she could use."

Misato craned her head.

"Let's just say, it's a good thing you have _people_ in Germany."

~

The eyes of Ritsuko fluttered open, and she was greeted with a most agreeable sight.

Her other, soundly asleep, so close to her she could feel the breath on her face.

A realisation struck her at what the Kohai did, and she couldn't help but smile. "...Maya?"

Maya softly murmured, her own eyes fluttering open and locking with Ritsuko's own.

"Eheh... hey there, Sempai." The softest of smiles. "I'd say good morning, but I'm not sure if it's _still_ morning."

"We had a late night. It's... fine if we slept in a bit, Maya."

Her arm still draped over her other, Ritsuko pulled her in for a gentle kiss. "...Thanks, Maya."

"It's the least I could do, Sempai. After working yourself to the bone, like that."

"And... dragging you with me." She glanced away. "...Whatever did I do to deserve you, Maya..."

Maya's hand drifted through blonde hair. "You know, Sempai."

Their eyes once more met.

And once more, their lips met, for a little while longer.

Ritsuko held her Kohai close, foreheads touching. "So... how long were we out?"

The knocking on their door told them.

For the briefest of moments, they froze.

Before spending the next minute desperately getting affairs in order.

But _eventually_ , Maya opened the door. "I'm pancake! I-I mean, awake." All with a somewhat reserved grin.

A flat look from _everyone_. "You could've at least brushed your hair, Maya." Noted Misato, a sly grin growing on her face.

"I-it's not like that!"

"Suuuure it is." Prodded Misato, very much _enjoying_ herself. "Betcha you wanted to rub it in to our _friends_ , eh?"

"N-no!"

Said friends _laughed_. "Alright, Misato. I think that's enough."

"Never thought _you'd_ be the one mediating that sort of thing, darling."

"I can see _you_ pushing Maya's buttons like that, Zero Two." Thought Kyoko. "At least we don't have to wait _too long_ before we can start doing that on the _daily_ , eh you two?"

Her other halves blushed and nodded.

"Ah, you lot are planning _that_ as well?" Toji chuckled. "I kinda wondered how the _logistics_ of all that worked."

Hikari thwacked him in the back of his head.

"Oi, it was a genuine question!"

"Let's just say, we've gotten really good at _sharing_." Kyoko smirked, as she took her seat.

"Helps we grew to _genuinely_ love one another, eh Kensuke?"

He couldn't help but blush as Sayaka's remark.

And Hikari couldn't help but smile, seeing their love for one another. "I imagine in _your_ case, it's less _sharing_ and more... you all being on an equal field with one another."

"...In _some_ aspects." Sayaka smiled.

"He's only _one_ man, after all." Kyoko smirked. "Though he's gotten _really_ good with his mo-"

"Alright, alright." Interjected Ritsuko, _before_ this turned into a sex laden conversation to rival the likes of the _Tumbleweed_. "Let's get started with this."

"Did you get it done, Subcommander?"

"That's... why we're here, no?"

Kensuke couldn't argue with that logic. "Fair enough. So should we start the emulator?"

She shook her head. "I came up with a _different_ solution."

[ **VIDEO START** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St9BdD_JHBg) **(00:00)**

She logged in to her terminal. "Maya and I whipped this up last night."

"Oh my God it _was_ to get it working!"

"Y-you saw us?!"

Ritsuko responded to this by rolling her eyes. "Essentially, we're going to be running this _bare metal_. No hypervisor, it'll just be the Magi running it."

"I thought you said you did the VM route to say you _didn't_ use the Magi as a video games platform."

"Wouldn't be the _first_ time I reneged on something, Kensuke." She muttered, typing in the command. "I'll monitor the goings on, you can focus on playing the game."

"Hopefully running it like _that_ will prevent any _lag_." Mused Sayaka.

"Doubt it."

And with a hit of the return key, Portal 2 began startup.

* * *

## 2\. Portal 2 Part 1

** PLAYBACK FILE: [REC002_MELCHIOR.12:3_050218](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St9BdD_JHBg) **

Character Key:

Misato (Mi) Ritsuko (R) Maya (Ma)

Hikari (Hik) Toji (T)

Kensuke (Ke) Kyoko (Ky) Sayaka (S)

Zero Two (Z) Hiro (Hir)

**(00:40)**

...At least according to _Ritsuko_. "Subcommander, not to be incessant or anything, but how long does it take to start up?"

"It _did_ take a while, in our limited testing." She admitted. "It's allocating the resources right now."

"Just how many resources _could_ it use?"

"What was the number we decided on, Sempai?"

" _'Quite a few'_."

" _That_ doesn't exactly say much." Toji muttered.

"Honestly, we don't _exactly_ know." Admitted Ritsuko. "We're just letting the Magi do their thing with it. Since _that_ seems like the better option than dealing with Windows."

"Fair enough, I say." Kensuke lauded.

"Anyway, it's almost done, so..."

Ritsuko trailed off as her screen _filled_ with overallocation warnings. "...Hmm."

"Eh?"

**(01:15)**

The pounding of the valve note filled the room. "Oh Gods he's _turning_!"

"Rits? What was that _hmm_ about?"

"Maya? Mind giving me a resource count on the Magi?"

On _her_ terminal, Maya did as her Sempai told her to do. "99% on all cores."

Ritsuko's eye twitched. "...You're fucking joking."

"Well, looks like _both_ of them are alive." Kyoko muttered.

"It's fine if _Chell's_ alive, Kyo."

" _Glados_ , though." Noted Toji. "Though she's looking a bit different."

"I think she lost weight." Zero Two mused.

"Are we _seriously_ using almost _all_ the Magi on a damn _video game_?!"

Ritsuko's eye twitched again. "I swear I didn't get those when we _tested_ it."

"When did you guys test this again?" Kensuke queried, as it loaded.

"Two thirty in the morning."

A flat look. "That doesn't exactly sound like _peak_ _hours_ , Subcommander."

To which she grumbled, having to concede this point.

**(01:55)**

"Though I must say, " Misato started, as the menu loaded in, "I can _understand_ why it's using so much resources. That's looking a _lot_ more slick."

"That's probably the best damn graphics I've _ever_ seen!" Exclaimed Kensuke. " _And_ it has _co-op_ as well!"

"We _tried_ getting that started, didn't get too far."

"Well I'm gonna try it anyway."

**(02:05)**

"What controller _would_ it expect us to connect to it? A _Saturn_ controller?"

"Gods I wouldn't even wanna _think_ about playing this on a controller, Hikari."

Kensuke started a regular co-op game.

And predictably, it couldn't connect to a server. It being completely isolated was one issue, there was also the issue that the entire _infrastructure_ it would've used was nonexistent. "Y'know, I don't know what I expected."

"Kinda a shame; _I_ certainly wouldn't mind co-oping with ya, Ken."

He smiled at Kyoko's thought, as he was booted back to the menu. "I'm assuming the community test chambers are the same?"

"It completely _crashes_ when you select that, so _yes_ s."

"I'll just take your word on that." He deadpanned, filing through the single player menus. "Well, let's get this started then!"

And so they started on chapter one.

~

### 2.1: The Courtesy Call

_Compliance_ **(02:50)**

With a joyful chime, Chell awoke. "At least they're _following_ regulations for once." Hikari thought.

T: "I'm assuming it's the same controls?"

Kensuke moved his mouse around and walked back and forth, side to side. "Sure seems like it."

Ky: "And hey, you have an _aim_ now!"

Mi: " _Already_ it's an improvement!"

The player followed the prompts of the computerised voice, all the while continuing to look around what looked like a _hotel room_.

R: " _That_ was gymnastics?"

Ma: "They can _follow_ the regulations, at leas the _bare minimum_."

Hir: "That seems like _less_ than bare minimum to me, just saying."

S: "At least you get a _TV_."

The computer pointed out a painting.

Z: "Thanks for telling us it's _art_ , computer."

On the prompt, they _all_ stared at the art.

Mi: "Might just be me, but that didn't really reinvigorate me any."

Ky: "Sticking my head in the microwave would've reinvigorated me more." She muttered.

Classical music started.

Hik: "Well _this_ might h-"

Promptly interrupted by a buzzer.

Hik: "Oh _never mind_."

T: "I think _sleep_ would be more mentally reinvigorating for me."

Ky: "Dreaming _would_ be more invigorating. At least you can dream of _actual_ physical activity!"

Ma: " _Would_ they be dreaming? If this was suspended animation?"

R: "I wouldn't even know _how_ they did suspended animation in a _hotel room_ , though I can see why having a _comfortable environment_ could help."

Ke: "Wow, they actually thought about our _comfort_ for once!" As he climbed back into bed.

_Courtesy Call_ **(04:05)**

Chell awoke to _hell_.

T: "Now _that_ doesn't look compliant with any regulation _I_ know of."

Ke: "I doubt regulations even _exist_ this far into the future, if the voice is anything to go for."

Z: "They changed the _art_ , at least."

A knock on the door.

Mi: "Oh God it's an _Englishman_!"

Ky: "Guess he shouldn't even _bother_ , then."

Hir: "I mean, that's probably the _only_ way you can progress."

R: "If the _last_ game's linearity was anything to go by."

Ke: "Not like linear is _bad_ in any way." Kensuke was taking his sweet time. "Even _that_ on the TV is more invigorating."

Hik: "At least you can ponder your potential _death_."

He finally answered the door, a blue eyed core _screaming_ as soon as he saw Chell.

S: "Jeez core, you could be a bit more _sensitive_ to a girl."

Ma: "Not the _best_ first impression, to say the least."

Mi: "Maybe he's just a _dunce_."

The automated voice distracted him.

Z: "Must say, _Chell_ is being a _lot_ more calm than _he_ is."

Ky: "Helps she doesn't _speak_."

Ke: "That core's making up for it, that's certain." As said core _both_ suggested to stay still _and_ to hold onto something.

T: "I can think of _worse_ company." He shrugged.

_Cognito_ **(04:55)**

An engine started up, the hotel room jittering about and parts breaking off. "I must've been out for a _long_ time, look at that _mattress_!"

Ky: "That's a damn _crater_!"

Mi: "And yet, all the mechanisms of Aperture are still _working_. At least _somewhat_."

Hir: "As well as they did _last time_."

Upon not getting a response, the Englishcore began talking.

R: "I mean, yeah there _would_ be cognitive deterioration if you haven't been _using_ your brain."

Ma: "And that's after _months_."

The core outlined the _minor_ side effects.

Z: "That seems a bit more than _minor_!"

S: "It's only _brain damage_!"

T: "At least _we_ aren't brain damaged, responding like that."

Hik: "It _is_ the proper reaction, according to the core."

Mi: "I _would_ feel pretty fucking alarmed if I was told I had _serious brain damage_."

On the prompt of the screen, Kensuke 'spoke'. "That's _jumping_ , Ken."

Ke: "I just did what the screen told me, Kyo."

Hir: "Wouldn't help his _opinion_ on your mental capacity."

Ky: "He probably thinks you're a _drooling child_ or something."

T: "And it wants you to jump _again_."

_Alarum_ **(05:50)**

So he did.

And then the alarms started.

Ke: "Looks like we can't focus on _that_ anymore." The automated voice helpfully informed them that the _reactors_ were failing.

R: "We could focus on _that_."

The room started falling apart. "Or _that_!" As he ran to the other side of the room.

Ky: "What the actual fuck is that core _doing_?"

Z: "Trying to get you _out_ , perhaps?"

Mi: "What, by letting you plunge to your _death_?"

As the core bumbled around, the relaxation vault _continuing_ to fall apart, he went on about his various gripes.

S: "At least he's making _conversation_."

Hir: "Least as best you _can_ with someone who's mute."

R: "That actually seems _reasonable._ Power runs out, you can't sustain the suspended animation, you wake them up."

Ma: "Though then you'd have to _deal_ with them. And that'd also mean no _resources_ for the people in suspended animations."

Ke: "Which I imagine would include _oxygen_."

T: "They've got _ten thousand_ _test subjects_ there?!"

Mi: "That's _impressive_. How the fuck do they _do_ that?"

The core tried ramming through a tight space.

S: "Didn't he _know_ that was too tight?"

Ky: "Just gotta _loosen_ it up a lil." A small smirk at her little innuendo.

Ritsuko's flat look implied she _noticed_ this little innuendo. "So not only do these test subjects have _expiry dates_ like they were _milk_ , they expired _before_ Second Impact."

Hik: "I think there were going to be _vegetables_ regardless, core."

Ke: "He's gonna turn me into even _more_ of a vegetable if he keeps this up."

T: "If he's turning you into a _vegetable_ , he's turning _those_ people into _soup_."

The core found a 'docking station'

R: "It's 500 feet down."

Z: "He's not gonna listen."

Indeed, he _rammed_ into the wall.

Ma: "Is his CPU a _Pentium_ or something?"

Ky: "I'd say it was a _potato_."

Ke: "That wouldn't even _surprise_ me, at this rate." As he backed _as far as he could_ , the core attempting a _manual override_ on the wall.

Mi: "Oh I gotta _remember_ that line next time someone needs to break through a wall."

And with another couple of rams, the _manual override_ succeeded.

Hir: "Well, you didn't _die_."

Ky: "Yet."

R: " _He_ certainly has as much hope as _you_ have, Kyoko."

S: "It's a good thing _Kensuke_ doesn't have the brain damage."

Ke: "Yet." In deadpan. "If he keeps stuff like _that_ up, he's gonna make me bash my head into a wall."

T: "You guys can replace _brains_ , right?"

R: "Yeah, they aren't too hard. It helps the _soul_ exists."

Toji blinked. "Didn't expect _that_ response."

_Test Chamber 00_ **(08:30)**

The automated voice began his introduction.

Hik: "Now _that's_ certainly seen better days."

Ky: "The _timer_ isn't even working properly."

R: "They got the doors refurbished, at least."

Ke: "Thank the _Gods_ that radio isn't working." As he tried flushing the clipboard and the radio down the toilet.

T: "It's kinda _amazing_ how this entire place can still _operate_ in such a crummy state."

Z: "Maybe they expected _others_ to find this place and get it up to spec or something."

Ma: "It'd certainly have some pretty good _resources_ , that's for sure."

Mi: " _Company_ as well."

Hir: "If you can _deal_ with cores like _that_ core."

The portal opened.

S: "Is _that_ how it looks like when you hold an item?"

Ke: "Maybe Chell has telekinesis?"

Ky: "She's lookin a _lot_ more fine, this time around."

Mi: "It's the tank top, lemme tell you. _Always_ fills them out."

R: "You'd know." Flat.

Hik: "And look, she actually has _shoes_ this time around!"

Z: "Still with those weird protrusions but at least her _feet_ won't get cold anymore!"

Ma: "Because _that_ was her main worry in the previous game."

Soon enough, Kensuke walked into the next room.

... **(09:25)**

Ky: "Good to see we _still_ have to put cubes on buttons."

T: "Starting with something _familiar_ , at least."

R: "Even the _cubes_ look updated."

The cube was placed on the button, tried and tested. At least discounting the rubble falling and the door only half working.

Ma: "Heh, it even _glows_ when you put it on the cube."

Mi: "Maybe _that's_ why it's a 1500 megawatt something or other."

Ke: "I wouldn't _think_ you'd need that much energy to light up a _cube_."

Z: "I wouldn't want to use that much energy in an _emergency situation_ anyway."

Hik: "It's kinda amazing even _in_ emergency situations, they _still_ have so many resources at their disposal."

They noted the Emancipation Grill. "Even _that_ looks more slick." Kyoko noted. " _And_ the elevator."

S: "This _entire_ _game_ looks more slick, honestly."

Hir: "And that's with you guys saying the _last_ game was better than _anything_ you've seen."

Ke: "It _was_." As he stepped into the elevator. "Until _this_ game blew it out of the water, at least."

_Test Chamber 01_ **(10:05)**

Kensuke paused as they listened in.

T: "Nope I do _not_ wanna think about that!"

R: "That's even _worse_ than your teeth getting emancipated!"

Ky: "Yeah, at least you can get _dentures_ fitted."

Ke: "You guys can't replace _ear tubes_ , can you?"

R: "No, but there's ways to _bypass_ them."

Z: "I'm sure you guys could just replace the _head_ as well."

Still reeling from the image, Kensuke made his way into the test chamber. "Ah they have _buttons_ now!"

S: "Means we don't have to wait, right?"

Kensuke hummed in agreement, as indeed the buttons _controlled_ the blue portal. "Much _better_ , if I say so myself."

Hik: "It'd be less _downtime_."

Mi: "Gives you more time to focus on the _test_ instead of focusing on the possibility of your _ear tubes_ vaporising!"

Ma: "Gods know we _need_ that distraction." Muttering, as Kensuke made quick work of the test chamber. It helps he did this yesterday, of course.

Hir: "Are they doubling the elevators as _garbage chutes_ , as well?"

Ke: "Hopefully it doesn't drop me into an _incinerator_ , this time around."

Ky: "As long as _Glados_ remains dead, that won't happen."

Mi: "How do they expect us to write _any_ of the results down without any _paper_?"

T: "Maybe they want you to scratch it into the _walls_ of the hotel room or somethin'."

R: "I would've _thought_ a hotel room-alike would have _some_ sort of stationary."

Ky: "It's set in _America_ , so they might even have a _Bible_ if you needed some paper."

Mi: "Wouldn't be the _first_ time they spat in God's face."

_Test Chamber 02_ **(11:30)**

They watched the infomercial.

R: "I can _see_ Aperture taking over the UN with a giant turret."

Ky: "Or an _animal king_ , as they call it."

Mi: " _Leopard print_?"

The voice slowed and stopped.

Hik: "Thanks for the help." She muttered.

T: "I mean, if it doesn't listen to _reason_ , what chance do ya have?"

S: "It'd be like talking to that _turret_."

Ke: "Maybe they expect us to _prostrate_ to the animal king or sentient cloud, like _those_ guys are."

Ma: "For all the things wrong with Aperture, they know how to make things _cute_."

With that over and done with, Kensuke walked into the room. "Ah, _this_ is familiar!"

Z: "You're gonna get the _first_ portal gun here, right?"

The core said hello.

Hir: "Unless _he_ ends up killing us."

Mi: "It wouldn't even be _intentional_."

On the core's behest, Kensuke went to look for the portal gun. "No, I don't think it's th-"

The ground collapsed beneath him.

T: "Well _that_ went well."

Ky: "Just follow the _arrows_ , I suppose."

R: "The company madman has been _busy_ , it seems."

Chell stayed put, the core unsure as to if she was even _alive_.

S: "Aww, well at least he'll give us _that_ much."

Ma: "Certainly more _respect_ than Glados would've shown us."

Ke: "Glados would've just thrown us in an _incinerator_ or something like that."

... **(12:40)**

And so, Kensuke found the single portal device.

Surrounded by imagery from a madman.

Mi: "Well, you were _right_ , Rits."

Z: "That's _Chell_ , obviously."

R: "You could say _that_ was the scientists succumbing to the neurotoxin."

T: "I still don't know _why_ they thought neurotoxin was a good idea."

Ma: "And _there's_ the Companion Cube!"

Ky: "Seems this madman knows a _lot_ about what's going on in the facility."

S: "And yet, Glados couldn't _find_ them."

The gun was picked up. "Now _this_ puts a smile on my face."

With a reasonable amount of gusto, he found his way to an office.

Hir: "Wonder how long _those_ have been sitting there."

Hik: "At least we know it was around _ten to two_ when the batteries in that clock died."

Kensuke paused, noticing _something_. "... _That's_ pretty cool."

The blue portal was placed. "You can _see_ the portals through the walls. That's _so_ damn useful!"

Ky: "Heh, it's the _little_ things, eh Ken?"

He couldn't help but give a small chuckle, as he walked to the next chamber. "And it's _this_ one again, as well."

Z: "You go _through_ them a lot more fast when you _don't_ have to focus on a radio."

The group listened in to the automated voice.

Ky: "And we _still_ might see those turrets."

R: "How _backwards_ are they?" Upon hearing _how_ these lethal military androids are taught Asimov's laws. "If you're going to teach them Asimov's laws of robotics, why don't you just _upload_ them to their memory?!"

Ma: "Forgetting the fact that _lethal military android_ completely _violates_ Asimov's laws in the first place."

T "And thing is, if one of those lethal military androids _doesn't_ respect your rights, you're gonna be pretty _bullet riddled_ or otherwise _painted on the walls_ to even _file_ a complaint."

Ma: "Maybe they expected you to attend a lethal military android safety seminar."

_Test Chamber 03_ **(14:15)**

And so he walked into the chamber, as the announcer announced the apparent lethality of it. "Ooh it's _this_ one!"

T: "I don't _remember_ this being particularly lethal."

Mi: "Maybe you can hit your head with the cube."

Ky: "I think _all_ the chambers are lethal in _some_ way."

Kensuke tried being smart, as smooth jazz was deployed.

Ke: "Ah _damn it_ , I thought that would've landed."

S: "Well, you _tried_."

R: "It even _worked_ for a half a second."

He turned to the button, correcting the overshoot.

Z: "To be fair on him, that _is_ pretty bullshit."

Hik: "At least this _music's_ nice."

The music stopped working, as he moved to test chamber 04.

Hik: "Oh _come on,_ that's the _second_ time that's happened!"

Ke: "If we ever get any annoying music, I'll be sure to call on your aid, Hikari."

Hir: "At least _this_ chamber is familiar, as well."

R: "And we _don't_ have to sit through a loading screen this time around."

T: "This looked easy enough _before_."

Ky: "You can't find out where that _radio_ went, right?"

Ke: "I think that radio has _long_ since turned to dust, Kyo." As he _threw_ the cubes onto the buttons. "Nice I _got it_ this time!"

S: "And look at that, no radio."

Ke: "Thank the Gods." As he did what he did in the last game.

Breaking the glass below him.

Z: "I'm _still_ amazed how that facility hasn't turned to dust."

Hir: "Most of it _has_ , though."

Mi: "I wonder what's up _there_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "I would've checked anyway, Commander."

He walked up the stairs, into a small office.

And yet more ramblings. "Unreason."

R: "That's obviously _Schrodinger's cat_ , isn't it?"

T: "I know _that_ much, at least."

Ma: "And a _cat_ Companion Cube, as well!"

Ky: "Man you _love_ that cube, don't ya?"

Ma: "It's adorable, of _course_ I love it! I wouldn't mind having a _plush toy_ of it."

Mi: "It'd be something _else_ for you to snuggle at night, I'm sure."

Ma: "Sempai has nights _completely_ locked down, Misato. I'm not swapping _that_ out for anything."

The teens in the room couldn't help but snicker at Ritsuko's blush, as Kensuke left the room, having seen everything to see. "So the evacuation plan is _run_."

Hik: "That's genuinely more than I was _expecting_ from Aperture."

T: "I was expecting something along the lines of 'kiss your ass goodbye', myself."

_Test Chamber 05_ **(16:00)**

Ke: "And that's just the same infographic." Kensuke mused, walking into the chamber as the automated voice went on.

R: "The fact they have to mention it _could_ be a deliberate part of the test."

Ky: "I mean, you _could_ claim you've been bombarded with fireballs."

Hir: "Don't know about the _space debris_ , though."

Mi: "Maybe the computer's covering his bases or something. Can't really _know_ what could happen, after all."

Kensuke portalled into the main chamber. "Okay, let's see..."

T: "You'll need a portal for _that_ cube."

Z: "What's that _button_ do?"

He pushed it, revealing some stairs.

S: "Good thing there's a _cube_."

Ke: "And two more buttons up there, okay."

He acquired the first cube, and pushed it on the big button, travelling up the stairs that revealed themselves.

Ma: " _One_ of those buttons activates that _other_ chute."

Ke: "I'm gonna see what _this_ one does first."

Empirically testing, a small platform went vertical.

Ky: "... _Ahh_ , you use that to _stop_ that cube from going in the drink?"

R: "I'd certainly _suggest_ that."

He followed their suggestions, the cube being stopped in flight by the platform.

And from there, solving the chamber was trivial. "Thanks, Kyo."

Scratching the back of her head, "It's nothin."

Ma: "Looks like the _voice_ appreciates it as well. At least _simulated_."

R: "How on Earth do _those_ machines operate on _1.1 volts_? That's _less_ than a damn Double A battery!"

Ke: "They probably _could_ run on a potato, eh Kyo?"

Ky: "I didn't even know you could _make_ a computer out of a _potato_."

Ma: "Not a _computer_ , per se. A _battery_ though. Though good luck running anything more than a _small lightbulb_."

_Test Chamber 06_ **(17:40)**

Z: "Well, at least they're _trying_ to keep us calm."

S: "I'd prefer _real_ trees, myself."

Ma: " _I_ think it looks cute enough."

Ky: "That's been your opinion throughout our _entire_ play through, so far."

Ma: "And I'm _sticking_ with it."

The voice explained momentum.

T: "Oh _thanks for the advice_."

R: "They're _really_ covering their bases, aren't they?"

Mi: "How the hell would that even _happen_?"

Ke: "I wouldn't even put it past _this_ world, in all honesty." As he began exploring the chamber. "We need _that_ cube."

Hik: "Which you'll need to _fling_ yourself to."

Hir: "There'd be a portal surface at the bottom of that pit."

Z: "Kinda _obvious_ advice, darling."

Chell soared through the air, freeing the cube from its prison.

Kensuke _pouted_. "It would've been _easier_ if it just fell into the pit."

R: "And get the cube _looping_ again like last game?"

Ke: "Fair enough."

He dropped the cube through the lower portal, before dropping _himself_ through the lower portal. Cube on button and that was that.

Ky: "Would've been cool if you could make it land _directly_ on the button, Ken."

Ma: "He doesn't have a dual portal gun yet."

... **(18:20)**

The voice realised the person doing the tests might _not_ be an Aperture employee. "I think at _that_ point, there _would_ be no future." As he looked around this _new_ chamber.

Mi: "Momentum, cube, button. Seems easy enough."

He began flying, acquiring the cube in short order.

T: "Ya probably don't even _need_ to throw that cube through a portal, Kensuke."

Ke: "Depends if that _platform_ is low enough." His camera panned up. "Odds I can get up there?"

Ky: "I don't see any appropriate _surfaces_ for a portal, Ken."

Ke: "Fair enough."

Toji was right, he didn't _need_ to bring the cube through a portal with him. "Nice find, Toji."

Ma: "You're actually pretty _perceptive_ , Suzuhara."

A small huff at the complement, Kensuke flying some more. " _That's_ certainly something Hikari taught me."

S: " _All_ men start off pretty dense, Toji."

Ke: "It doesn't help we don't _get_ those regular cues."

Z: "I never got that, myself. Who the hell _teaches_ you guys about that?"

Ky: "Other girls, mainly."

Zero Two gave a flat look. "So you don't talk to boys about how to best _get_ to them?"

Hik: "I only really found out _after_ I got with Toj."

Hir: " _We_ certainly never had that problem."

R: "Even for _us_ , the way you two met was an _outlier_."

Z: "Ah we're used to being outliers, eh darling?"

Button on cube, there was only one more flight that had to be done. "I was kinda worried you were gonna have to _aim_ for that, Ken."

Ke: "Still am, though at least I have a _platform_." As he corrected his portal. "Bet I can jump from _here_?"

Mi: "Wouldn't hurt to _try_ ; you'll get sufficient velocity _regardless_."

So he jumped.

S: " _That_ was closer than it needed to be, Ken."

Ke: "I know."

The voice gave him a few words of advice.

R: "Thanks for the optimism."

Ke: "It's a good thing we're _none_ of those things. Unless we get shot with radiation while working at NERV."

R: "Rest assured, our radiation exposure is within acceptable boundaries."

Ky: " _That's_ certainly promising."

It wasn't.

_Test Chamber 08_ **(19:50)**

Hik: "Well _those_ screens are a bit screwy."

Mi: "At least they have a _good reason_ to disable the safety devices."

Ky: "So you have the right to be _concerned_ about this, but we don't have anywhere to _complain_ about it."

R: "You _do_. You fill out a grievance form at the end of your testing."

S: "And then wait _Gods know how long_ for you to reawaken and get it filed."

Ma: "That just sounds like _any_ bureaucracy, honestly."

He stepped into the chamber. "Well, I doubt it'll-"

An Englishcore called out.

Z: "Oh. It's _him_."

T: "He hasn't tried _killing_ you, at least _intentionally_."

Ke: "Not like we _have_ many options, anyway. At least he's _helping_."

For his part, the core was _ecstatic_ to find Chell.

Ky: "He could, like, _not_ call us brain damaged."

R: "In his defence, _we_ don't even know if she's brain damaged."

Hir: "It wouldn't even _matter_. Not like _she's_ controlling herself, after all."

T: "Instead, he's insulting the brain of _Kensuke_."

Ky: "Which is _even worse_!"

On the insensitive bastard's behest, Kensuke popped a portal and met him.

Mi: "So how many people here would _complain_ if he _did_ die?"

Z: "Other than the fact he's _required_ to do facility related stuff."

R: "I think what _they_ told him is a bit of _bull_. Glados' cores were perfectly operational when we disengaged them from _her_."

S: "He certainly _believes_ them, doesn't he?"

The _nervous_ core counted down, before immediately doubling back.

Ky: "So he's an idiot _and_ a coward?"

Ma: "If _you_ believed you were going to die, I'm sure _you'd_ have some thoughts about it as well."

Hik: "Are you gonna _catch_ him, Kensuke?"

Ke: "I'm still debating that myself."

... **(21:05)**

The core dropped off, Kensuke _not_ catching him.

Z: "He's not _dead,_ at least."

Ky: " _He's_ certainly excited 'bout that."

R: "I suppose _you_ have to carry him, now."

Like he were a _soccer ball_ , Kensuke tried _kicking him_ _around_.

Hik: "Oh he's not _that_ bad."

It amused his _birds_ , at least. "I'm sure _Glados_ would've done that to him, if she was around."

But _eventually_ , he had to pick him up.

Conveniently enough, a 'stick on the wall' appeared.

Mi: "I guess you _do_ need him, then."

Hir: "I doubt Chell could stick _herself_ to that stick on the wall."

Sayaka and Kyoko smirked towards one another.

Hir: "...That was innuendo, wasn't it?"

S: "Eeyup."

The core asked Kensuke to _look away_.

T: "He has _performance anxiety_?"

Ky: "That's _definitely_ something Kensuke _doesn't_ have!"

They all snickered among themselves.

R: "I swear it's _Lilith_ doing this." She muttered under her breath.

Ma: "If _Rei's_ anyone to go by, it _is_ her."

R: "Suppose _this_ is just to be expected, then."

Kensuke, ever the gentleman, gave him his privacy for his _business_.

Z: "Now _that's_ convenient."

They couldn't help but chuckle at how Kensuke _still_ tried kicking him to the passage.

... **(21:55)**

Kensuke paused, allowing the core to get his bearings.

Mi: "So he disengages from his rail, only for us to follow the rail again."

Ma: "In his defence, they don't exactly have a _choice_ in that matter."

T: "He could've opened _another panel_ , I guess."

R: "Or the door to another test chamber."

Ke: "Which could've _killed_ us."

S: "Not like the _back rooms_ are any better."

They found a lone turret.

Hir: "...Well _that_ turret seems different."

Ky: "It sounds almost _desperate_ for company."

R: "And here _I_ am wondering what that _other cube_ was."

Ke: "A surprise tool that will come in handy for _later_ , I'd think."

Kensuke left the turret alone, not like he could do much _anyway_.

Ma: "...I think they _are_ different."

Z: "It didn't try _killing_ you, first of all."

Hik: "They really _are_ different, then."

_Her Chamber_ **(22:50)**

The player observed the dilapidation of _her_ chamber.

T: "Well _that_ was quicker than last time."

Ky: "If only we had that hidden panel _last_ time around, eh?"

S: "It's a good thing she isn't _alive_ then. At least as far as we _know_."

Z: "Why can I see _that doofus_ somehow _reactivating_ her?"

Ke: "Maybe because he's proven himself air headed enough to _do_ something like that?" As he walked to the chamber.

Hir: "Then again, not like you _can't_. Unless you want to go with _his_ suggestion."

R: "It's either dying _now_ or dying _later_."

Mi: "What, might as well get it _over_ with?"

Ma: "I don't think the _Magi_ would like us idling in this game for too long." She mused.

As the door opened before Kensuke.

Hik: "Then again, he's got good _reasons_ to be scared of her."

The core's fears were unfounded.

Ky: "Good thing she's _dead_ , then."

Mi: "Hopefully it _lasts_."

... **(23:25)**

Kensuke started looking around her computer corpse. "It's certainly a _different_ position to where she last was."

R: "And even when _off_ , she was able to have some _cosmetic_ _surgery_."

T: "He doesn't _know_ who killed her?"

Ma: "He'd probably be _in awe_ if he realised _Chell_ was the one who ended up killing her."

Ky: "And that it was a _girl_ who did it, as well!"

Hik: " _You_ certainly seem in awe about it."

Ky: "That, and how _plain_ Chell seems to be, at least in the _first_ game. Need I remind you about _Tifa Lockhart_ , who had a skirt an _inch_ _long_ , wore nothing _but_ a tank top, and had breasts the size of _watermelons_."

Ke: "She was still pretty _badass_ , at least."

Ky: "Oh yeah, not discounting _that_. It's just most video games make their chicks as _sexualised_ as possible. Then again, _I_ really shouldn't be complaining about that, eh?"

Hik: " _I_ should be the one complaining."

To Kyoko's barked laugh.

R: "You guys know of _Lara Croft_ , then? Since you're _Playstation_ fans."

S: "Lara Croft, who had a literal _box_ as her chest?"

Ky: "And that's _still_ more conservative than _Tifa_ as well. At least she wore _pants_."

Ke: "Final Fantasy VII also had _Aeris_ as well. _She_ was pretty conservative, wasn't she?"

Ky: "Ken, she worked as a fucking _flower girl_. If _that_ isn't a euphemism for something."

S: "She _also_ suggested Cloud _cross dress_ to get Tifa back from a _brothel_."

T: "Damn, _I_ should get a Playstation."

Hikari thwacked the back of his head.

Ky: "Plus, Aeris got _penetrated_ by the end of the first disc, didn't she?"

Ritsuko, being a Playstation girl, facepalmed as she got the reference.

Z: "I'm not gonna pretend to understand _any_ of that, but I find it funny the _incinerator_ survived."

Hir: "It's a good thing we can't _fall_ into it."

_Drop_ **(23:55)**

Kensuke _almost_ dropped at his behest, but realised it was a pretty _deep_ pit.

T: "Ya got those _boots_ , don't you?"

Ma: "They wouldn't help with _endless_ drops, I'd think."

R: "Even though I doubt it's _endless_."

He looked down, and indeed it _wasn't_ endless.

Hik: "That core seems confident with you." He wasn't.

Mi: "Just gotta rely on that _grip_."

Ky: "Chell's a _girl_ , at least." A small smirk. "Maybe she has _experience_ with grip."

S: "You're _enjoying_ prodding the Subcommander, eh Kyo?"

Ky: "You bet!" She grinned. "It just keeps flowing into my mind; I'm on a _roll_ today!"

R: "Damn it, Lilith." She muttered once more, as Kensuke jumped down.

Z: "Seems he didn't have anything to _worry_ about."

Hir: "Again."

Mi: "Just gotta apply the _grip_ , eh Rits?"

R: "You're _not_ helping, Misato."

As they walked over the catwalks, the core couldn't help but look down. Twice.

Ke: "I can kinda see _why_ you'd be tempted to look down."

Ma: "He did it _twice_ , though."

And so they finally got to the breaker room.

T: "Uhh, core? How do you expect her to _find_ the switch?"

Ky: "Just switch _all_ of them on, what could go wrong?"

Hir: "I don't even think they're _labeled_."

Hik: "Why would there even _be_ switches? If it was _computerised_."

R: "Maybe Aperture thought about the potential that the computer could be _disabled_."

Ma: "They certainly thought that with _other_ aspects of the facility."

Mi: "Either way, _he's_ probably the best option in finding it. Being a _computer_ himself."

Ke: "I'd rather plug in a _calculator_ but we don't have many other options."

_Genesis 1:3_ **(25:00)**

Mi: "Well, at least knows _who_ said that."

Ky: "He knows more about Christianity than _most_ of us, at least."

R: "Not like there _are_ many Christians here, after all."

The platform rotated.

Ma: "He's gonna screw everything up somehow, isn't he."

Ke: "I already put my money down on that."

The platform started _moving up_ , flipping _every_ switch as it went.

S: "I think a calculator would've been the _better_ option."

Z: "At least they wouldn't just _blindly_ flip switches."

It reached the top.

And Glados cold booted.

Hik: "Well _that's_ bad."

T: "It's only the computer that tried _killing_ us."

Hir: "That core better _stop_ this."

Said core started decoding the password required to stop it.

Ritsuko's eye twitched.

Mi: " _I_ can decode a password faster than that!"

His _second_ attempt at cracking the password only caused Ritsuko to twitch more. "You _missed a letter!_ How the hell can a computer be so _stupid_?!"

Ma: "How can a computer be so _slow_?"

Ke: "So we're screwed?"

The startup completed.

R: "Very."

... **(25:55)**

Glados _immediately_ identified Chell.

Mi: "Oh you're _beyond_ screwed, Kensuke."

Hik: "She's taking this rather _well_ , honestly."

T: "Which she?"

Hik: "Both."

Ky: "She hasn't lost her _passive aggressiveness_ , at least."

R: "I feel that'll only get _exacerbated_."

Using a pair of cranes, she _grabbed_ onto Chell and the hapless core, who was rather _justifiably_ shitting his metaphorical pants at the whole affair.

Z: "I'm sure if _Chell_ could speak, she'd be saying the same thing."

Glados shut the core up, her focus _completely_ on Chell.

S: "Oh that _she's_ going to regret."

With _barely_ a thought, the core was seemingly _killed_.

Hir: "Honestly, after being _that_ idiotic, I'm not even sorry."

Ke: "I'd say he's got a _Darwin Award_ for that."

Ky: "She doesn't think too highly of us, does she?"

Ma: "I mean, you _did_ kill her, according to her."

R: "And now she's _back_. She'll make _extra_ sure you suffer, I'm sure."

Ke: "And I have that _core_ to thank for that." He muttered, as Chell was being carried to the incinerator.

Mi: "Bet she's showing _you_ what it was like."

Z: "Well, at least you're not _dead_. Yet."

Hik: "She might make you _wish_ for that."

_Incinerator_ **(26:55)**

A curious hum was made at the loading screen. "You're gonna have to deal with _lasers_ , Ken?"

Ke: "Hopefully they don't _instantly vaporise_ me, this time around."

T: "Run into one and find out."

A flat look was offered to Toji, as he loaded in.

In the midst of falling.

Z: "Kinda reminds me fo the ending to the _last_ game."

S: "We _definitely_ aren't getting any cake at the end of this."

Chell impacted the bottom, Kensuke looking around as Glados continued her berating.

Ma: "She's a _master_ of shade, isn't she?"

Ky: "It's like she was never shut down."

They saw some of the trash. "Was _that_ a Companion Cube?"

Mi: "Of course _you_ point that out, Maya."

Ma: "What? I _like_ them!"

Kensuke grabbed a turret, which immediately exploded in his face.

Hik: "There's a _reason_ it was thrown in the trash, Kensuke."

Ke: "I don't know what I expected."

It wasn't too long before they found the dual portal device, buried under rubble with Glados so _kindly_ removed for Chell.

Hir: " _This_ place looks strangely familiar."

R: "It was where you were _baked_." She noted. "Just without any of the _flames_."

Z: "Well, at least you have _both_ portals at your beck and call."

Ke: "I'm sure we'll be _needing_ them." As he moved further.

_Test Chamber 19_ **(28:15)**

Ky: "Oh I'm sure _we_ wouldn't mind the lack of interaction."

Mi: "I dunno, I'm _liking_ how caustic she's being."

Ke: "As long as she doesn't throw _us_ into anything caustic."

Kensuke kept going backwards through the 19th chamber, as Glados continued her _talk_.

S: "Oh wow it _is_ the last test chamber."

Ma: " _Now_ there's exposed electrical parts."

R: "It makes _sense_ a computer like that would have a _black box_."

Z: "Though it sounds like _hell_."

Hir: "She _is_ 'arguably alive', after all."

Hik: "Yeah I can _see_ how that might make someone a bit... _vindictive_."

Ky: "Well it's a _great_ thing Glados is a bigger person than that. Computer."

T: "She's expecting you to test for the rest of your damn life."

S: "Means she won't _kill_ you, at least."

R: "That or she'll kill you, and _then_ bring you back to life."

Glados mentioned her potential _hobbies_ after Chell passes away.

Mi: "I'm pinning that on you, Rits."

R: "Honestly, if _we_ could bring people back from the dead, _she_ could as well."

~~~

### 2.2: The Cold Boot

_Test Chamber 01_ **(29:50)**

Ky: "What the hell is _that_?"

R: "The laser." In deadpan.

Mi: "That looks _very_ inefficient."

Ma: "Actually, it's pretty neat how they're using _portals_ to keep the whole machine in one location."

T: "They don't have to shoot the laser through an _office_ , at least."

Ma: "I'll admit _that's_ a bit inefficient."

They saw the _official_ name of the laser, as Glados apologised for the mess.

Z: "Thermal discouragement beam?"

Hik: "It's _accurate_ , at least." She shrugged. "It discourages you from _touching_ it."

S: "Here's hoping it works better than the energy ball."

Glados passed her sarcasm self test.

Hir: "At least _that's_ still working."

Kensuke entered the chamber, the energy ball dispenser and hole haphazardly getting replace with a _laser_ dispenser and hole.

Ke: "A part of me feels _most_ people wouldn't react well to being stuck in a room full of deadly lasers."

The laser fired.

T: "Seems easy enough, anyway. Just stuff it in the hole, like the energy ball."

Ky: "Good to hear _you're_ getting into innuendo as well, Toji."

He blinked. "That was innuendo?"

Laser met hole, and the platform went up.

_Without_ Kensuke on it. "Ah. Well, _now_ I know."

Laser was temporarily taken _out_ of the hole, and with Kensuke now _on_ the platform, he thrust it back in.

Z: "At least Glados _still_ knows when to complement you."

Hik: "Even _if_ she does it so sarcastically, you'd think it wasn't genuine."

R: "She has entire _programming_ dedicated to sarcasm."

Ke: "I'm guessing that's something the Magi _lack_."

Ma: "Not that _I've_ noticed. Maybe _Eliza_ has." She shrugged, as Kensuke noted to look at the Thermal Discouragement Beam infographic, now the screens were working.

S: " _Still_ pretty concerning they funnel a laser through an _office_."

Ke: "Not like there's any _other_ people to worry about it."

_Test Chamber 02_ **(31:25)**

Mi: "I wonder if _those_ were the cubes you saw, Rits."

R: "I suppose if _anything_ could redirect them, it'd be a glass cube."

On the computer's behest, Kensuke acquired the cube from the corner.

Ma: "That it, Sempai?"

She nodded, as Kensuke tested the cube out. " _That's_ what they're used for."

Ky: "Pretty neat how they showed us _before_ we knew what they were for."

Hir: "Means you don't have to use _portals_ to redirect it, at least."

Z: "That _frees up_ said portals for Kensuke to use however he wants, darling."

The laser was redirected, activating a flight of stairs.

T: "Ah, but there's still a _button_ to deal with."

Hik: "If the redirection cube is a _cube_ , then that should be suitable enough for _activating_ it, right?"

S: "And not like he'd _need_ those stairs once he's _up there_."

Kensuke overheard their musings, and did what they said. "Good job, guys."

Glados had _other_ things to say about them.

Kyoko huffed. "At least _Ken_ appreciated you guys."

Ma: "How _do_ you even test for that?"

Ke: "I'm sure her thinking us as _murderers_ doesn't help."

Mi: "At _that_ point, it might as well be _self defence_."

_Test Chamber 03_ **(32:40)**

They _all_ gave rather _dumbfounded_ laughs at Glados' roast. "Jesus _Christ_ , girl!"

Ky: "She _really_ fuckin hates us, doesn't she?"

Ke: "We only _murdered_ her, according to her." As he entered the chamber. "Oh _this_ room!"

Having noticed this room from a load screen, Kensuke managed to find his way on the centre platform as it rose up.

R: "I'm not too sure what the point of that was."

Ke: "My own satisfaction." He chuckled.

Mi: "A fair point, I'd say."

From his perch, he looked around the room. "So I'll need a _cube_ to open that up."

Z: "There's _two_ lasers, so there's _something_ else you have to trigger."

T: "I'm guessin one would be _portals_ , one would be _cube_."

Ma: "Looks like that other laser activates the door as well."

He acquired the cube, and the first laser was deposited into the first hole.

Hir: "And now the _other_."

Another glance around. "Oh I should be able to use the portals for _that_."

It took him a few attempts, but he was able to get it in there from his perch.

As Glados _continued_ her roasts.

Hik: "Oh _come on_ , you're a _girl_! Surely you know _not_ to prod at her weight!"

Ky: "Maybe _that's_ why. Not like Chell's even _fat_ or anything. Hell, she's _hot_."

T: "If _I_ said that, Hikari would thwack me."

Mi: "The joys of being a woman, Toji."

_Test Chamber 04_ **(34:00)**

Z: "Well _that_ looks like a new animation."

Ma: "Are they rolling out the red carpet or something?"

Ky: "Maybe if they were using more than two colours."

The unfriendly computer cleared some debris, berating Chell for going too fast.

Mi: "Rebuking us for going too _fast_ , I bet she's gonna do the same for going too _slow_ as well."

R: "At this rate, she'll take _any_ opportunity to insult Chell."

Hir: "At least _we're_ much kinder on her."

Ke: "Gods know _we_ would treat her better if she ended up here."

S: "Gods know how she'd _communicate_ with us, if that happened."

He entered the chamber. "Well _that's_ a good start."

T: "Hey look, it's our friend _death water_."

Hik: "So cube _there_ , is that a regular or a redirection?"

Ke: "Looks regular, so I'll be needing _portals_ to redirect that laser." As he kept looking around.

Mi: "Of _course_ the hole is so the laser would be _close_ to you."

Hir: "I imagine that's an _unstationary platform_ , as they put."

R: "Is it only triggered while the laser's activated?"

Kensuke tested this empirically.

Mi: "Is it just me or do the lasers make a _song_ when they're in the hole like that?"

Ky: "It's definitely not _just_ you, Commander."

Indeed, the platform stopped when the laser stopped hitting the hole. " _That's_ pretty useful, actually."

Ma: "You can actually _control_ what it does now."

Z: "Sounds like it's an _upgrade_ over the death ball."

Cube was acquired. "Now we should just be able to..."

The laser now redirected correctly, the platform started moving once more.

T: "Now how are you gonna _avoid_ that laser?"

Ke: "I can always just _jump_ over it."

The regular cube _blocked_ the laser.

Ke: "...Or I could do _that_."

S: "I'm sure _that'd_ be good to know for future reference."

Ke: "You bet it is."

Cube met button, as Glados continued her prodding.

Mi: "I knew it!"

Hik: "Even saying we were _waddling,_ like we were that _penguin_ of yours."

Kensuke waddled to the elevator, still serving dual purpose as a garbage chute. "Might just be me, but I don't think she _likes_ us too much."

Ky: "Whatever clued you into _that_ , Ken?"

_Test Chamber 05_ **(35:55)**

Mi: "What in God's name is _that_?"

Despite the dearth of screens, they were able to get the gist of what the mechanism was.

Hik: "Is... that a _catapult_?"

R: "I believe so, Hikari."

Hir: "Of course, it won't be _cubes_ it flings."

Z: "It _may_ , but I get the feeling it'll mostly be _Chell_ getting flung."

And so, Kensuke began walking to the chamber, almost getting caught up in garbage disposal. "Well, that certainly _looks_ like I get catapulted, judging by the screen."

Glados _confirmed_ the function of the _Aerial Faith Plate_ to the group.

S: " _She_ certainly has her hopes up."

T: "I don't think ya need to throw people in the air to _know_ that."

Chell was thrown into the air.

Ma: " _She's_ taking it well, at least."

Ky: "That, or she's screaming in her mind. Not like _we'd_ know."

Mi: "At least it isn't trying to fling you into the _death water_. So where is that cube getting dispensed anyway?"

The small button was pressed, the cube deposited into the _centre_ Faith Plate.

Mi: "...Gotta say, _that's_ pretty neat."

R: "We knew that from the animation, but... yeah it _is_ pretty amusing seeing it bounce like that."

S: "I'm assuming you're gonna have to fly to _get_ _that_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "I'm assuming that as well."

So he stepped onto the Faith Plate.

Missing the cube. "It's fine, I had to bounce back anyway."

Ky: "You're gonna look like a fool if you miss it on the bounce back, Ken."

Ke: "I know _that_ much."

Thankfully for him, he got it on the _second_ jump. "Phew."

T: "Lucky, Kensuke."

Cube on button, the test was over. Glados offering a _fun fact_.

R: "Why the hell does she care about _expenses_ now?!"

S: "As long as it makes Chell's life more _miserable._ "

Hik: "I _know_ that's not how the Geofront operates."

Ma: "We have a damn _forest_ in the Geofront, first of all."

Ke: "I mean, you _could_ freshen up carbon dioxide back into oxygen. Just scrub the carbon from it."

Ky: "Is it really _less_ expensive for Aperture to turn carbon dioxide back into oxygen?"

Mi: "They must be _really_ far down."

_Test Chamber 06_ **(37:40)**

Ke: "Oh boy, _more_ catapults."

T: "Why the hell do they have a wing made of _glass_?"

Ma: "Why is she even _complaining_ about that?"

Ky: "She's _trying_ to make us feel sorry for her."

Mi: "It ain't working." She muttered, as Kensuke looked around the room as it was seemingly falling apart. "So what, you just jump from plate to plate?"

Ke: "I'm _assuming_." As he began jumping.

Before noticing two portal panels and realising he was on a direct course to _splatter_ against them. "It's _more_ than that!" As he desperately tried firing his portals at the two walls, only getting them down at the last minute.

S: "I don't know _how_ you keep leaving stuff like that to the last minute, Kensuke."

Z: "You can say he's getting _good_ at that sorta thing, at least."

R: "Stress helps you think more, just look at how _NERV_ operates."

He landed at the end. "Okay, we're all good. _Now_ , to open the door."

Hik: "If that _path_ is anything to go by, the door button is all the way _there_."

Indeed it was, the game prompting Kensuke to _zoom_. "And the chute all the way _there_."

Hir: "You could probably cut out the middleman and just use the _portals_ to get the cube to you."

Ke: "I'll make sure to _do_ that, Hiro." As he hit the button.

And as garbage piled out.

Ky: "I wonder who _that's_ meant to be an analogy of."

Mi: "A question for the philosophers."

T: "D'ya think you could _use_ some of that garbage instead of a regular cube?"

Kensuke grabbed a hold of a _sphere_. "I can always _see_. Wait, was that a _radio_?"

A shrug from the redhead. " _I_ didn't see anything."

He sighed. "Guess I _still_ got radios on my mind."

... **(38:50)**

Ke: "I can test with whatever I want, Glados."

The sphere was placed on the button.

Which did nothing but bounce into the water.

Kensuke's face was so flat his eyes threatened to roll back into his skull.

Ma: "I mean, she had a _point_."

T: "The _thought_ was smart enough. I mean, it _looked_ like you could use it."

Ke: "Feh, I'll just get the cube."

Instead of _getting_ the cube, he cut himself out as the middleman and set up his portals so the cube would _immediately_ hit the button.

R: "Knowing Glados, _this_ won't work either."

Ke: "I know but I'm gonna try anyway."

They watched as the cube was dispensed, bounding on the Faith Plates and through the portal.

For half a second it hit the button, before Newton's Third Law had its way with the cube.

Kensuke bashed the mouse against the desk. "I'm doing it again!"

Second time's the charm.

Hik: "Well, it worked _that_ time."

Glados felt the need to clarify that, yes, she _did_ insult Chell with her words, as Kensuke vaporised a chair in the Emancipation Grill.

S: "As if she didn't make it obvious _before_."

Mi: "Chell must be made of fucking _titanium_ or something."

Z: "I wouldn't even put that _past_ Aperture to do."

_Test Chamber 07_ **(40:10)**

Ma: "I wonder what _this_ chamber's gonna b-"

A _loud_ train horn filled the room.

Ma: "Gah! Why the hell did she _do_ that?"

Z: "She was saying how people with guilty consciousnesses are more startled by loud noises."

Maya blinked. "...Huh."

Ke: "Shit, that startled _me_ as well."

Mi: "Wonder what _you_ could be guilty of."

Ky: "Oh, _we_ probably know."

S: "But we're _not_ saying, because you've _well_ redeemed yourself."

Ke: "...Thanks."

He entered the chamber.

T: "Hey look, a Companion Cube."

Ma: "Aww it's _pink_ now!"

It was vaporised as soon as Kensuke grabbed it.

Ma: "...Damn it Glados."

Another one fell out.

Ke: "So I'm guessing we need to _bloc_ -"

Which was _also_ vaporised as soon as Kensuke started using it.

Hir: "Was this chamber just designed to make _Maya_ suffer?"

Ma: "It's doing a good job at that." She jabbed, as Kensuke was _finally_ allowed to test with the Companion Cube.

... **(41:00)**

Ma: "Wait that's that core!"

T: "How the hell is _he_ alive?"

Hik: "I mean, _computers_ are a bit harder to kill. They can just start back up again, can't they?"

R: "Or transfer themselves _somewhere_ else."

Ke: "What a shame." He muttered, as he got on the elevator, using his portals to stop blocking the laser.

Z: "So I'm assuming you'll have to _redirect_ that laser somehow."

Hir: "Or like the _previous_ Companion Cube area, you need to _bring_ it with you."

Now on the higher level, Kensuke looked around. "If I assume that path is connected to a _button_ , I'll have to use _momentum_."

Ky: "Well, good thing you're much _higher_."

Getting the Companion Cube to his higher level, he dropped it from said higher level, allowing the cube to fly though the air.

S: "Would've been _cool_ if you were able to land it on the button, Kensuke."

Ke: "I know." As he dropped _himself_ from the higher level, cube on button. "Now it's just the _other_ panel..."

Reaching the exit was easy enough.

Mi: "Well, at least you don't have to get _rid_ of that Companion Cube this time around."

He walked through the Emancipation Grill, only to notice there was _no_ Emancipation Grill; Glados explaining it was _broken_.

Kensuke looked between the exit and where the Companion Cube was. "...Well, I know what _I'm_ doing." With a smirk.

It took him around ten seconds to smuggle the Companion Cube out of the chamber, carrying it to the elevator.

Ma: "You brought it with you, Kensuke!"

Ke: "You bet I did. Wasn't just gonna _leave_ it there knowing I _could_ take it."

It was vaporised, Maya giving out a choked cry as Glados twisted the knife.

Ky: "Yeah, I kinda expected that."

R: "Doesn't help _Maya_." Her hand drifted to the somewhat downcast Kohai.

Kensuke sighed, entering the elevator. "Can't say I _didn't_ try."

_Test Chamber 08_ **(43:01)**

They appreciated the new animation. "Oh, _that's_ a bit obvious."

Ky: "That's just the vaporising thingy, isn't it?"

Glados explained the relevancy of the animation.

Mi: "I mean, they _are_ used."

T: "Lasers can fire through that Grill, right?"

Ke: "It'd make it _easier_ , that's for sure."

Kensuke patiently waited for the test chamber to form itself, as the turbines stopped working.

Ma: "For being an all powerful computer, she sure as hell can't _multitask_." As Kensuke acquired a Redirection Cube.

Z: "Well, at least she's gonna _explain_ it for us."

She gave the _fast_ version.

Z: "... _That_ told me nothing."

S: "Just slow it down in your mind, easy enough!"

Hik: "...and _methodically_? something... then I something see as soon as I can?"

Hir: "So it was probably gibberish anyway?"

Hik: "I _think_ so."

R: "I'm impressed you _were_ able to get that much from _that_."

Hikari shrugged. "I just did what she said."

Kensuke solved the chamber a second or so later.

Ky: "Not like he even _needed_ whatever that was meant to say."

Ke: "She _also_ said to test on my own recognisance. Whatever _that_ means."

T: "From recollection or from your own problem solving, probably."

R: "That's not even the right _word_. _Recognisance_ is basically a _bond_ you make with the courts if you're summoned, basically saying you won't ditch or something."

Ke: "Well, on the _bright side_ , we get _a_ moment without her in our face." He mused, checking the more _complete_ animation out before entering the elevator.

S: "We're certainly lacking _that_ , ain't we."

Ma: "You could say it's kinda _cruel_ throwing those turrets into an Emancipation Grill."

Mi: "Aperture certainly isn't lacking in _that_ department, that's for sure."

~~~

### 2.3: The Return

_Test Chamber 09_ **(44:30)**

Ky: "I think we can all guess _who's_ returning."

Ma: "Didn't he _already_ return?"

Kensuke took some time to observe a set of platforms _failing_ to get seated back.

T: "That's not even the right _hole_ for it."

S: "Never had to tell Kensuke _that_ , at least."

The lot snickered, to the consternation of _most_ of the adults.

Mi: "They _are_ teenagers, Ritsuko."

R: "Suppose I'm expecting _too much_ from them." Muttering, as the chamber reformed itself. "I'm guessing _that_ Faith Plate is how you get up _there_?" She attempted getting things back on track.

The player glanced upward. "Sure _looks_ like it, Subcommander." He looked around a bit more for any _hidden_ areas, before a couple portals were placed.

The Faith Plate shot him up.

Ky: "I _knew it_!"

And Chell immediately fell back down.

Hir: "The Faith Plate didn't have problems _before_ , did it?"

Hik: "I bet it's _another_ opportunity for Glados to insult Chell's weight."

Chell bounced up and down again, as the Englishcore continued his story _despite_ lacking an audience.

Hik: "I _knew it_!"

Z: "It's probably a bunch of bull anyway."

Ma: "Certainly doesn't help _that_ core."

Once more, she bounced up and down.

T: "Why is he going on about a _bird_?"

Mi: "I didn't even know they _had_ birds down there."

Glados took a third option and lowered the ceiling.

Ke: "Well, we aren't finding out anytime soon." As the Faith Plate _finally_ functioned as intended.

... **(44:05)**

Chell landed. "Okay, taking stock. Laser hole connected to door, laser over _there_ , cube chute up _there_ ; don't know _what_ cube it is but it's probably a _Redirection_."

An angled panel popped out.

Hik: "Might have to use _momentum_."

Mi: "I don't know _how_ you're gonna use momentum. I didn't see _any_ sort of portal surfaces near the edge of that platform."

A brief thought, before Kensuke popped down a blue portal. "The _Faith Plate_ would give me sufficient velocity."

Orange portal above the Aerial Faith Plate, Kensuke flew to the button.

R: "Good thinking, Kensuke."

A small smirk, as he used much the same principle to fly to the _cube_.

Z: "Now it's just fitting it in the right hole."

R: "You're _enjoying_ this, aren't you."

A wide grin.

T: "You don't even need to _align_ it, Kensuke. The _portals_ could do it for ya."

Ke: "I know, but it _feels_ better."

Ky: "You'd probably wanna get up to the _exit_ before you deal with the laser, Ken."

He seemed to notice this, comparing both sides of the wall to the upper floor. "Good catch, Kyo."

Acquiring sufficient momentum via the Aerial Faith Plate, he was soon on the next floor up, Glados giving a rather _strange_ analogy as Kensuke cleaned up the test.

S: "I'm not even gonna ask _why_ an eagle would pilot damn _blimp_."

Hir: "I don't even know what a blimp _is_."

R: "Giant balloon that carries passengers and other cargo."

Hiro furrowed her brow. "That seems... _excessive_."

Ma: "It kinda _is_. During their heyday, their max passenger count was in the _thirties_."

R: "Even as _passenger vehicles_ , the only advantage they really had over _ships_ were it didn't take _nearly_ as much time to go from place to place. Of course, they were also a bit more _explosive_."

Ke: "That was mainly because _Germany_ decided to fill their Zeppelins with _hydrogen_. Which, fair enough, helium's expensive and I'm sure _America_ had something to do with it."

Z: "I'm guessing _that's_ why we don't see them around today."

Ke: "Yeah, and this was back _80 years ago_ , as well. Still, they look pretty _awesome_ regardless."

Mi: "Awesome, but _impractical_. Give me a good plane any day of the week."

_Test Chamber 10_ **(47:55)**

As Glados explained what she was going to do _instead_ of supervising Chell, Kensuke looked over the dangers of this test.

Ky: "Oh yeah, rub it in would ya?"

S: "But at _least_ she'll allow us to go to the _break room_."

T: "I'm kinda surprised deer still _exist_ this far into the future."

Mi: "I haven't seen a deer in _years_ , myself."

Ma: "In _rural_ areas, you can still see them."

Ke: "Deer don't stick around cities, what a shocker." As he stepped into the room. "Now _this_ will be fun, I'm sure."

Z: "That _cube_ there will be needed, for sure."

Kensuke jumped on the Faith Plate, testing its path. "Okay, block that laser, those barriers will go down, and I can bounce wherever else I'm going."

Hir: "Sounds simple enough."

It didn't take much for Kensuke to determine _how_ to get the cube.

Hik: "You could've jumped down from there to get the momentum required, Kensuke."

Ke: "Probably, but this pit seems deep enough anyway."

Indeed it was. "See?"

A few nods from the girl. "Fair, fair."

The cube in a more appropriate spot, Kensuke launched it on the Faith Plate before launching himself.

There was _great_ enjoyment to be had from the group, as the cube fell back down _after_ Kensuke shot himself up. "Oh _come on_!"

Ky: "I think it'd do ya better just to _hold_ any object with you, Ken."

S: "I'm sure he was gonna learn that _sometime_."

Ke: "I appreciate your concern, girls." As he hopped back down, taking their advice to heart.

... **(49:15)**

Cube in hand, Kensuke shot up. _This time_ , he was able to block the laser.

Ky: "See? _That_ was pretty easy, wasn't it?"

Mi: "Once more, we prove ourselves the _wiser_ sex."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes.

T: "So _now_ where does the plate send you?"

Kensuke tested this, and found it sent him into _another_ set, and _another_ floor.

Hik: "It was never gonna be _that_ easy."

Z: "We know where the _laser_ goes, at least."

Kensuke found a button and a chute. "And _how_ to get it there, as well."

On his command, a Redirection Cube dropped down, following the Faith Plates and landing right in front of him.

S: "Well _that's_ pretty convenient."

Ma: "Now you should be able to _swap_ those cubes and get the same result."

Blue portal in front of laser hole, he fell down a floor, swapping the cubes out and redirecting the laser through his _other_ portal.

Hir: "And _now_ , it's just a matter of _flying_."

Like an eagle piloting a blimp, Kensuke and his cube soared through the air. From there, it was easy to put said cube on the button.

R: "Not bad."

Ma: "A shame she didn't see the _deer_ , I guess."

Ky: "Yeah, humans are a _lot_ worse, eh?"

_Test Chamber 11_ **(51:00)**

They noticed a _new_ animation.

Z: " _They_ have hard light as well?!"

T: "So they can pump _light_ in, but they can't pump _air_ in."

Ke: "I mean, that's _still_ pretty cool."

Mi: "I'm sure you'll have a _lot_ of fun with that."

K: "You bet!"

Glados explained the quirks and features of hard light, as Kensuke surveyed.

Ky: "I probably wouldn't have done that _anyway_ but thanks for telling me."

Ma: "You wouldn't want to _trip_ , then."

Kensuke _immediately_ went for the hole that had opened up, managing to catch a glimpse of the Englishcore. "I _knew_ there'd be something here."

As he panned over to _more_ ramblings.

Hir: "This thing like seeing, only not with my eyes. Huh."

R: "I wonder how long the madman lived for. He couldn't have lasted _too_ long after everything fell apart."

Kensuke shrugged. "Oh well, back to testing."

... **(51:55)**

He portalled to the other side. "That's _really_ cool how I can _manipulate_ it with these portals."

And with a push of a button, a cube began constantly falling into death water.

S: "I'm guessing _that's_ how you get that cube."

Ke: "I'd think so."

T: "You better not screw up _which_ portals are used for which."

Ke: "My _orange_ portal is where the light bridge starts. Rest assured I'll _remember_ , Toji."

Like he had practiced it, he managed to acquire the cube. "Now button..."

He carried it about halfway over the current bridge before realising the button was _not_ on the direct opposite side.

Ky: "Well, that mistake didn't end up _killing_ you, at least."

A flat look, before he _corrected_ this, throwing the cube onto the button.

Kensuke was about halfway across when a thought occurred to him. "Do you reckon I can _jump_ that?"

S: "I mean, if you _want_ to die."

Ke: "I bet 1000 Yen I can make that."

S: "I'll take it. Means you might get me some _ramen_ tonight." A small grin.

Kensuke chuckled. "I'll take it."

Probably as _everyone_ predicted, he missed it.

But _against_ everyone's predictions, he saved it by a _hair_. Much to _Kensuke's_ entertainment. "Okay I _know_ I lost that bet, but _that's_ surely worth the 1000 Yen!"

Ky: "Pay up, Ken."

He sighed, doing a walk of shame to the elevator as Glados continued her berating. "Lemme get to the ele- what the hell is _that_ turret?"

Mi: "A turret that _packed on a few pounds_ , it seems."

Ma: "I _knew_ she'd prefer the sharks over you."

R: "She could've even said sharks were _instinctual_ , and couldn't be held to account."

Upon entering the elevator, he handed Sayaka a 1000 Yen note. "That was _Kyoko's,_ by the way."

Ky: "I'm sure it'll end up back in my hands _soon_ , Ken." As she poked her tongue.

_Test Chamber 12_ **(54:05)**

Glados explained what she wanted to spend _her_ money on.

T: "One, why does she _need_ money. Two... _why_."

Ma: "I don't even think her bone structure would be _too_ different from any other female."

R: "Oh yeah, just _don't_ have wide hips."

The door malfunctioned.

Ky: "Ain't _that_ convenient."

Ke: "I'm sure _someone_ found it convenient."

Glados went off to fix the broken door, and the Englishcore revealed themselves.

Mi: "Speak of the devil."

S: "Speaking of _birds_ , as well. How did he even _grab_ the eggs?"

Z: "How were _eggs_ enough to cause it to malfunction?"

Said bird started _accosting_ the core, much to the entertainment of _everyone_. " _They_ certainly didn't appreciate it."

Hik: " _You_ try throwing someone's child into a door mechanism and see how they react."

Once _dealing_ with said bird, the core explained his plan.

Hir: "Let me guess. It'll be some half done idea that'll probably end up killing us."

T: "Considering he doesn't even know _how_ he's gonna do it."

Ke: "Well, I guess I just keep testing, then." As he walked through the now open door, Glados explaining _how_ she got the door working again.

Z: " _That's_ a bit extreme, ain't it."

Mi: "Rather _fitting_ for her, I'd say."

... **(55:15)**

On her behest, Kensuke got back to testing, surveilling this chamber. "Bridge there, cube _there_."

Hik: "There's almost _certainly_ a way to portal that bridge _under_ that chute."

Ke: "Oh for sure; I'll have to get to that bridge to _see_ it, though."

So he did.

Ky: "Helps the chamber would've been pretty _impossible_ otherwise."

Both portals went down, and the bridge spanned across the room.

R: "Honestly, in _our_ world, I can see _plenty_ of uses for something like _hard light_."

Mi: "Might be a pretty good _weapon_. If it can set your hair on fire."

Z: "You'd have to _limit_ it somehow, of course. Unless you _want_ a kilometre long sword."

Ma: "I honestly don't think Asuka would _complain_ about that."

After a small reposition, Kensuke acquired the cube. "I mean, it _is_ a pretty cool idea. Though yeah, you'd _need_ a limiter on it."

S: "Gods know what the _energy requirements_ on that are."

Hir: "You _could_ probably hook it up to the Evangelion directly."

R: "But then you have to deal with the issues that come with _tethering_. And if it becomes useless as soon as the power cable gets cut, you might as well just have a _prog knife_."

As they conversed, Kensuke continued. "And then it's just..."

He dropped the platform lower. Now able to access the exit zone, cube was placed on button.

Ky: "Nice, Ken!"

Mi: "She's even putting it on the _record_ you did good."

Ma: "And yet she _still_ managed to turn it into a prod."

T: "It's not even _well_ , it's well _enough_. That pretty much _changes_ the whole thing, doesn't it?"

Ke: "It's more commendation than she _ever_ got, so I'm gonna take it."

_Test Chamber 13_ **(56:20)**

Ma: "Oh look, it's the _turrets_ again."

The animation caught the eye of Kensuke.

Ky: "Man they _really_ load them up with bullets."

It wasn't the _bullets_ that was the focus of gun nut Kensuke, it was the _firing mechanism_. "You call that a _firing mechanism_?! That's a fucking _slingshot_!"

Mi: "What, do they think firing the _whole_ bullet is _better_ or something?"

S: "What was it Kaworu said when we watched Gurren Lagaan. 'Fires more bullet per bullet' or something like that."

Kensuke's eye twitched. "That _still_ does me in."

R: "Did Kaworu _really_ say that?"

Ky: "Probably to prod Ken, yeah."

Z: "It _looks_ like they took his advice to heart."

T: "Judging by Kensuke's _face_ , that's _not_ advice you are _meant_ to take."

Hik: "I suppose it explains _why_ the turrets feel so weak. They aren't even _firing_ the bullets; it's more like a rapid fire _slingshot_."

Ma: "Can Aperture _really_ not afford gunpowder? I know in _Gurren Lagaan_ it was pretty understandable, but surely _they_ could _make_ it if they had to."

Hir: "So these turrets really _are_ useless, then."

Ke: "Man that just makes me hate them even _more_!"

Ma: "It's not _their_ fault they were designed like that!"

... **(56:55)**

Now with some _anger_ at these abominations of the Gods, Kensuke took _great_ pleasure in disposing of the turrets that laid in his wake; the first three posing no trouble.

He finally paused when he got to the next set. "Is that _glass_?"

R: "Even if it _was_ , they'd try firing through it."

One of the turrets deployed, but _didn't_ fire.

Z: "Looks like they got an _upgrade_ in the however many years have passed."

S: "I doubt those upgrades would do anything against a _cube_." She noted.

Kensuke took the hint, knocking the two turrets down with a couple of cubes. "One more room."

After a brief survey, he killed two birds with one stone. Or more accurately, two turrets with one turret.

Before he grabbed the very last one. "Now what to do with _you_?"

Ky: "Leave it in the corner as a warning to others."

Kensuke decided on _mercy_ , doing as Kyoko suggested.

Mi: "Oh how _gracious_ of you, Kensuke."

Destroying a camera for good measure, the chamber was soon resolved.

Ma: "...You didn't have to be _that_ cruel to them."

Ke: "I let _one_ live, didn't I?" As he _tried_ jumping to the elevator, but fell down a hole instead. "Guess I'm going _this_ way, then."

Not after trying to jump to a _lower_ catwalk.

T: "I doubt Glados would be _that_ stupid again."

Ke: "A shame." As he walked to the loading zone.

_Test Chamber 14_ **(58:55)**

The computer explained her _additions_ to the recycled air, as Kensuke observed the rapid reconstruction of this chamber.

Hir: "Do I _want_ to know what adrenal vapour is?"

R: " _I_ don't even know what it's meant to be. It's either _adrenaline_ related or related to the _adrenal_ gland."

Ma: "Would _either_ help with keeping Chell awake?"

Mi: "If there _is_ vaporised adrenaline in the air, that explains a _lot_."

R: "Adrenaline doesn't even _last_ long in the air. Though knowing _Aperture_ , they developed a reliable way of delivering such thing like that."

Ky: "And knowing _Glados_ , it probably _wasn't_ her birthday yesterday."

Z: "Not like time even _exists_ in that. _Thanks_ Aperture."

They finally got to the chamber.

Toji whistled, impressed. "Damn, that's starting to look pretty _good_ actually."

S: "Fault her all you want, can't deny she works _fast_."

R: "She's _tidy_ , as well." She noted. "More than I can say for _you_ , Misato."

Mi: "Oi, I have you know it's been almost a _week_ since Shinji and his Tumbleweed left for Germany, and my apartment _isn't_ a pigsty!"

Ky: "And that's an achievement."

Hik: "You should've _seen_ her apartment, like how the hell could you _live_ like that Commander?"

Mi: "Sometimes I wonder that myself."

As they were discussing, Kensuke had solved the chamber. "Those kind of switches are pretty cool, actually. It doesn't _terminate_ the laser like the regular hole does."

Ma: "Do I _want_ to know what this present is?"

T: "I'm just surprised she's even _giving_ you a present. Even _if_ it's some violation of the Gods or something."

R: "Thing is, I'd _trust_ her to keep Chell alive. She ends up killing her, that's _her_ fun all over."

Hir: "She'll probably end up killing her anyway, like _last_ time."

S: "Depends how long that _vengeance_ lasts for."

_Test Chamber 15_ **(1:00:00)**

Glados immediately insulted the clothes on Chell's back, as Kensuke was once again drawn to the turret animation like a moth to flame. " _Still_ hate it."

Ky: "Oi, she _rocks_ that look!"

So he walked into the chamber.

Z: "Ahh that thing _block_ turrets?"

Ma: "It blocks better than _glass_ does. The turrets can at least _see_ you through glass, even if they can't shoot through it."

As Glados was noting the pedigree of the person insulting the clothes Chell was wearing, Kensuke picked up a turret and knocked down the blocked turrets with it.

Hik: "I feel that was unnecessary."

Ke: "Maybe, but I wanted to see if they could be like _dominoes_."

Mi: "I'm guessing medical degrees in fashion don't exist."

Ritsuko gave her a flat look. "If they _do_ exist, they'd be a rarity."

T: "Wouldn't even be a _doctorate_ , would it?"

Kensuke promptly got a face full of bullet.

Hir: "Light thing."

He set the barrier in the exact right area to dislodge a security camera, and promptly got a face full of bullet.

The lot snickered. " _Now_ ya got it, Ken!"

Z: "And _Faith Plates_ , as well?"

He launched himself on one.

Hik: "Use that portal up _there_ , maybe the hard light can _stop_ you."

Taking her advice, he did just that. "Thanks for that, Hikari."

Ky: "And now you can enact _revenge_ on those turrets!"

Ma: "What'd they do to him?"

R: "They _did_ shoot at him."

Reaching the turrets, one by one, he threw them off the platform.

Ma: "...They even _yelp_ when they're thrown, Gods damn it."

... **(1:01:40)**

Turrets senselessly slaughtered, the cube was soon placed on the button.

More turrets being revealed; a good thing Kensuke remembered to use the hard light.

S: "Looks like you _are_ learning, Kensuke."

Ky: "Now how to _deal_ with them."

Ke: "A part of me wonders if the _hard light_ would do anything."

Curiosity getting the better of him, he positioned the two turrets slightly forward, attempting to bisect them with said hard light. "Oh it just goes _through_ them."

Mi: "Not so _hard_ light, eh?"

T: "Maybe it just has _performance anxiety_ , like that core."

The teens in the room snickered.

Ke: "Either way, _that_ was a disappointment." As he left the chamber, Glados prodding him some more.

Ma: "A last name of _what_."

R: "She's _American_ , so it's probably something like _Smith_ or _Johnson_ or something like that."

Hir: "Either way, it's probably an _enhanced_ truth, I'd think."

Z: "Glados _has_ proven herself unreliable, hasn't she."

As they got to the loading screen, Kensuke facepalmed. "Damn it, I should've thrown one of those turrets on the Faith Plate!"

_Test Chamber 16_ **(1:02:40)**

Glados mentioned a _surprise_ , but that wasn't exactly Kensuke's focus at the moment. "They come in different _colours_!"

Z: "Not just colours, _patterns_ as well."

R: "Because a turret is just the thing that _needs_ that kind of customisation."

Ma: "That's more than _my car_ offered!"

Mi: "Why the hell would I want a _leopard print_ turret?"

Hik: "So what's the guess at who these two _people_ are?"

T: "Fake."

Ky: "Yeah that's the same sorta hope _I_ have."

He entered the chamber.

Hir: "Is that a _turret_ there?"

Kensuke tested this by getting in front of it, almost getting shot for his trouble. "Yep!"

Much to the amusement of all involved, as he started surveying. "So _that_ button..."

Activated a laser.

S: "What's that _pictograph_ say, Kensuke?"

He noticed it, a turret on fire.

An _evil_ grin grew on her face, as he realised what to do. "Looks like we're having _roast turret_ tonight!"

Portals down, he bored through the turrets with lasers.

Ma: "Why do they react when on fire!?" She cried.

Mi: "If the _cores_ are as intelligent as they say they are, the turrets probably are as well."

Ma: "That doesn't help!"

He acquired the cubes.

Ky: "And it looks like _they'll_ be roasted as well."

Indeed they were, Maya choking out a cry.

R: "I swear Aperture are _deliberately_ trying to get you upset, Maya."

Ma: "It's working!"

... **(1:04:00)**

The beam redirected _away_ from the exit. "Though _before_ we get out of here, I wanna see what that _other_ turret is there for."

T: "Ya _should_ be able to hit it with a laser."

Ke: "That's the _plan_ , Toji." As he experimented with the portals.

Hik: "I think that's a bit too much of an angle."

Blue portal on the floor didn't work out too well.

S: "There's a white gap on that wall near the pictograph, is _that_ enough space for a portal?"

On her suggestion, he did just that. "Barely, but yes. Thanks, guys."

From there, it was easy to roast the turret.

Ma: "...Did that break open the hole there?"

Z: "Sure _looks_ like it. Check it out!"

Ke: "Not like I _wouldn't_." As he went to look. "Probably another madman's den or something."

What they _heard_ was very much _not_ that.

R: "...What the hell is _that_ music?"

Ky: "Is that coming from _turrets_?"

Kensuke found said turrets.

Ky: "Oh my God it is."

Maya _squeed_. "Their little arms are even moving to the music! That's _adorable_!"

Mi: "Good thing they haven't _noticed_ us, otherwise they would've filled us with _bullets_ instead of music."

The player panned around to the conductor. " _That's_ the big turret I saw in that elevator!"

S: "Maybe that turret does _opera_."

T: "It'd fit the _size_ , I suppose."

Hikari thwacked the back of his head.

T: "Yeah I expected that."

Ke: "And you still said it." In deadpan, as he explored further. "Ah so it _is_ still a madman's den."

Hir: "At least they would've had _some_ company, for once."

Hik: "Anyone know what _that_ says?"

Z: " _Unmorality_?" She read.

R: " _I'd_ call that an apt description of our friendly neighbourhood computer."

After looking around a little bit more (and seeing if he could fit through a small gap to a catwalk, he couldn't), and with a last glimpse at the choir, he went for the chamber exit.

Ky: " _She's_ singing, as well?"

Mi: "'For he's a jolly good fellow', as well." A chuckle. "She's really building up this _surprise_ , isn't she?"

Ke: "Can't wait to die." He muttered.

_Test Chamber 17_ **(1:06:20)**

Mi: "Oh _they_ get a Nobel prize but they _don't_ get written up on all the _crimes_ they did?"

T: " _That_ sounds like a rather _specific_ complaint."

Z: "This chamber seems easy enough, anyway."

Ke: "Is she _sure_ it was from a Nobel prize winner?"

R: "Maybe it was a Nobel laureate in _literature_. You could write a good book, doesn't mean you can _design_ a good chamber."

The cube was quickly acquired, the elevator going up.

Hir: "It looks like you'll _still_ need to open that door up there, as well."

Kensuke noticed how the laser hole and the button were aligned _just right_. "Well ain't _that_ handy."

He was able to block the laser just _above_ the button. "I remove that bridge, that should solve it."

Ma: "...Gee that _was_ easy."

At least until he glanced upwards. "Heya Ken?"

Ke: "Mhm?"

Ky: "What're the _chances_ there's something in that _hole_ up there?"

Knowing there was _something_ , he disengaged the portal and proved his solution, before looking up. " _Might_ be." As he began making his way there.

Hik: "Maybe some turrets will _sing_ for us again."

Ma: "I know _I_ certainly wouldn't mind that."

Mi: "Man you're really _smitten_ with those turrets, ain't ya?"

Maya couldn't help but blush.

The change in music indicated yes indeed there _was_ something.

Z: "That's the same eyes thing we saw earlier, wasn't it?"

R: "Maybe he's got a _stencil_."

They found a _new_ graffiti, at least.

S: "Well _that's_ Chell."

T: "Ya _could_ call her tenacious, could you?"

Ke: "If her actions are anything to go by."

H: " _'The bell invites, hear the turret, for it is knell that summons blank to heaven or to hell'_."

Mi: "They're certainly a _poet_ , aren't they."

Without much else to do, Kensuke returned to the test chamber, which was soon resolved in a positive manner. "It takes more time to _explore_ these chambers than it does to _resolve_ them, I swear."

Glados directed them to her _surprise_.

Ky: "She's _really_ building this up, ain't she?"

~~~

### 2.4: The Surprise

_Test Chamber 18_ **(1:09:15)**

And so they walked to the surprise.

S: "Turrets."

R: "Nothing."

T: "It's _not_ gonna be cake."

_Ritsuko_ was right. "Knew it."

Ky: "She lies again, what a surprise."

To emphasise this, _confetti_ came flying out of a tube.

Hik: "She even skimped out on _that_?"

Mi: "I'm kinda surprised they even _have_ confetti."

Z: "All to make us feel _worse_ , eh?"

... **(1:09:45)**

After that thoroughly _unsurprising_ surprise, they _finally_ got to the chamber. "Turret, laser, hard light."

Hir: "There'll be a laser cube somewhere, I imagine."

Ky: "Which you can use to _fry_ that turret."

Ma: " _And_ solve the test chamber."

Ke: "Looks like they _want_ us to use the light as a barrier, anyway." As he probed the turret.

S: "There's probably a button up _there_ , Kensuke."

He portalled to the far side of the room, and indeed there was. "Looks like _that's_ for the cube."

Clicking the button, _two_ cubes fell down, hitting two Faith Plates and _impacting_ one another, falling into the death water.

The group couldn't help but _laugh_. "I'm assuming _that's_ why ya need that light thing, Kensuke."

Ke: "It'll certainly _help_."

Now using the light as a barrier, he hit the button again. _This_ time around, both cubes ended up _not_ in the death water.

Mi: " _That_ went well."

Hik: "Now to just get them _without_ getting riddled with bullets."

He _almost_ got riddled with bullets. " _I'mmmm_ just gonna use the portals."

Both cubes and him now in appropriate positions, he began putting the pieces in place.

...But not before frying that blasted turret first of all, much to Maya's chagrin.

In came Glados, with a _'phone call'_ , as Kensuke made his way to the exit.

Ky: "Yeah cause _that's_ completely legit."

R: "Even _if_ they worked for the phone company, they wouldn't do _that_."

Z: "It'd just make it all the _more_ impressive."

T: "I doubt phone lines even _exist_ that far into the future, anyway."

While they _were_ expecting a loading zone, as befits an elevator, they were pleasantly _surprised_ when they saw the Englishcore.

Ma: "How on Earth do they have _nanobots_?"

Mi: "How did he _convince_ those nanobots he was one of them?"

S: "Maybe he told them he was just a bigger nanobot than usual."

Mi: "What, like it were a _condition_ or something?"

His bigger than usual size for a nanobot resulted in a steel beam falling down, and resulting in Jerry _firing_ him for that.

Ritsuko snorted at the core's resulting argument. "You can _tell_ this was made in America."

_Test Chamber 19_ **(1:12:40)**

The computer gave her formula for comedy, as Kensuke surveyed the chamber. "Now _this_ looks like a bit of a beefy one."

R: "A good thing, I would think."

Ky: "I'm assuming there's gonna be a _ton_ of those cubes there, eh?"

Hik: "It'll be the _only_ way he could get the laser where it's _meant_ to go, so I'd _assume_ so."

T: "It'd allow him to _fry_ those turrets, as well."

He jumped down. "Well _there's_ one, already."

Z: "I reckon if you need _velocity_ , that Faith Plate can provide it."

Kensuke noticed this, and tested out her theorem, ending up several metres in the air. "You're right about _that_ , Zero Two."

As he jumped, he looked around further. "Cube _there_."

Ma: "Use your _momentum_."

He placed the portal, and on first glance it _looked_ like he missed it. "Oh GODS DAMN IT!"

Much to _everyone's_ amusement, at least until he _found_ it. "I _got_ that?!"

That _still_ amused everyone. "It even _looked_ like you didn't get it, Kensuke!" Misato pointed out.

S: "I doubt he's _complaining_ about that."

Ke: "Oh I'm _not_ , it's just _surprising_."

Hir: "Rather _apt_ for this chapter. Speaking of _cubes_ , there's _another_ one close to that one."

Kensuke noticed, piling his cubes, before going back to bouncing.

Mi: "There's a portal surface _above_ the cube, Kensuke."

He _flung himself_ towards it. "Yeah, but _that's_ more fun."

... **(1:14:00)**

All his cubes gathered, he began the light show. "No portals there whatsoever."

S: "That's probably _why_ they gave you so many cubes, Ken."

The first cube went into place. "Ow."

Z: "Good thing it's not _instant_ death, like those energy balls."

T: "I doubt it _tickles_ you, though."

Kyoko shrugged. "Some people are _into_ that kinda thing."

T: "I thought the _boys_ were meant to be the perverted ones." He muttered.

Kensuke decided to apply his findings on momentum to the _cube_ , flinging it to where it was meant to go.

Mi: "Now do the same with _you_."

He did, managing to avoid getting burnt this time around.

Hir: "At least _there_ , you can just portal yourself and the cube _without_ flinging yourself."

Hik: "What if he _likes_ flinging himself?"

He decided to go the _easy_ way, as Hiro suggested.

Once again, _almost_ getting burnt.

R: "Now the turrets."

Ma: "Aww why'd you have to point them out Sempai?"

On the Subcommander's behest, Kensuke continued his vendetta against the turrets.

To Maya's pout.

Z: "And _one more fling_."

Well practiced with such thing, it didn't take much for him to reach the exit. "Nice one, guys!"

Glados talked about their _dilemma_.

R: "One _or_ both?"

Mi: "Probably leaning more to helping _Glados_."

Ky: "I wonder what ever indicates _that_."

_Test Chamber 20_ **(1:16:15)**

They walked into the chamber, Glados _very_ proud with her work.

Mi: " _Damn_ , I mean she's _right_."

R: "Amazing what a bit of polish does to a place."

Hik: "And this is only _twenty_ chambers in, as well."

Z: "We _did_ say she works fast, didn't we?"

Ke: "Kinda a shame, cause I think I see the solution for this _already._ "

Blue portal in front of the laser holes, orange portal close to the lasers, it was only a matter of cube management, and the chamber was solved.

Ma: "...That _was_ pretty quick."

T: "Maybe she focused too much on the _looks_."

Hir: "Are they making _noise_?"

S: "Kinda no wonder the Magi are _maxing out_ , from what it sounded like."

Mi: "Speaking of, how are they like?"

Maya went for her terminal. "Magi load _still_ 99%."

Ke: "Look at those _graphics_ though. That's damn near _realistic_ , ain't it?"

Ky: "And all it took for our world to even _display_ them was the fucking _Magi_."

R: "Be fair on them, they're running this without _any_ sort of optimisation or even _finesse_ that I would've expected on the world where this _came_ from."

Hik: "The fact this comes from a world where that's even _possible_ tells a lot about how _our_ computers are practically _dinosaurs_."

Eventually, Kensuke made his way to the elevator.

T: "Is that meant to be _another_ joke about her weight?"

Ky: "Wouldn't surprise me."

_Test Chamber 21_ **(1:17:40)**

The computer mentioned _another_ surprise.

T: "She's gonna _kill_ you."

Ma: "She's not even _hiding_ it anymore, is she?"

Ke: "That's probably why this chamber looks so _simple_. She can't _wait_ to feed us turret bullets or neurotoxin."

R: "Well, might as well complete it."

Ke: "Yeah, get my death over and done with."

Z: "Oh but at least she'll use _real_ confetti!"

Hir: "What was the stuff she used _before_ then?"

Mi: "My money's on _asbestos_."

He probed the big button. "I'm guessing we're gonna be using that light bridge quite a bit."

Portalling a light bridge to the small button, a cube dropped down.

Hik: "Then you can just-"

The power cut out.

Hik: "Oh?"

In a _Texan_ accent, the core called out for Chell.

Ky: "He's an _idiot_ thinking that'll work."

S: "He _is_ an idiot, we've established that already."

Glados was certainly a psychopath, but she wasn't an _idiot_.

So the _metal ball_ elected to pull a Joseph Joestar and _run_.

Z: "Ah, we're getting a _jailbreak_!"

Hir: "I know _we_ certainly did something like that."

R: "Having a _portal gun_ would've made it rather _easier_ , I imagine."

Now running on the catwalks, the ball gave a quick recap.

Mi: "Yes, I _gathered_ we were escaping."

Ma: "It sounds like he's actually _planned_ something."

Hik: "And it actually seems like a _solid_ plan. Shut down turrets and neurotoxin, that's her two major weapons _gone_."

Ky: "And what's stopping her from just pounding the two of them into dust with a claw, that we _know_ she has."

Hik: "Nothing, admittedly."

R: "Still, it's _more_ intelligence than he's _ever_ shown."

... **(1:19:10)**

Glados showed them the _last_ test chamber.

To which Kensuke _paused_. "Okay, look, I _know_ this will end in my death."

Mi: "You know what they say about curiosity and cats."

R: "But also the _last_ bit of that idiom, that people forget a lot."

Ma: "She even put a _love_ _heart_ in the chamber!" She squeed. "She's _so_ going to murder you!"

T: "Well, at least the ball will think he's in good company." He mused. "So what's the death gonna be?"

Z: "Turrets or neurotoxin, since the ball mentioned it."

After a bit more pause for thought, Kensuke decided to _empirically_ test this. "Well, we know it's _neurotoxin_ now."

And a few more seconds later, he was dead.

Hik: "That was _completely_ expected."

S: "I find it kinda amusing from a _game_ perspective they even _designed_ it like that."

Z: "It's clearly an _idiot trap_ , isn't it."

Ke: "At least I _noticed_ it was an idiot trap."

Hir: "You _still_ triggered it, though."

R: "It's all in _noticing_ it." She had a small smirk, as he reloaded back in. "Even _if_ it was rather obvious."

He soon got his bearings, and then he was back to _actually_ escaping and _not_ falling into any idiot traps.

Almost falling into a pit for his trouble. "Where the hell _is_ that core now?"

Ma: "A part of me doubts he has a _complete_ plan, anyway."

Mi: "It's one thing _saying_ what you want to do. It's a whole 'nother thing putting it into _action_."

... **(1:20:30)**

After _another_ brief spot of loading, they were back to escaping. "So how's she gonna _kill_ us this time?" Kensuke queried to the group, as he ran.

Ky: "She tried the neurotoxin _last_ time. Might be _turrets_ now."

Chell was trapped within an alcove.

Ky: "Damn it, I'm right."

T: "Not _too_ many turrets, at least."

Ma: "No portal surfaces, though."

Z: "Don't think he _needs_ portals to deal with them."

Indeed, it was easy enough to dispose of the turrets.

Not that it helped the _core's_ worries.

S: "Thanks for the advice _after_ the guns went off."

Hir: "I'm amazed he even _noticed_ the gunfire."

Much to the core's relief, Kensuke was completely fine, portalling out of there and following him once more.

At least until a turret showed itself. "Oop."

It was dealt with as soon as it appeared.

Mi: "They really _are_ pointless."

R: "A part of me feels Glados could position them more _effectively_."

Hik: "She _could_ , but then Kensuke wouldn't be able to _complete_ the game."

They were _almost_ to the exit, when Glados decided to send the _entire facility_ crashing down on them. "Okay not _there_ or _there_..."

The group couldn't help but feel _tense_ , as Kensuke made a desperate dash for the elevator.

Which would explain the minute increase in carbon dioxide, as they all sighed in relief when he got there, the facility closing in behind him. "Thank God for _that_!" Kyoko exclaimed.

S: "Yeah that would've _killed_ you for sure."

Kensuke couldn't help but chuckle. "Pretty _spectacular_ , isn't it?" As he entered the loading zone. "Now, just to do the _rest_ of it."

~~~

### 2.5: The Escape

_Door_ **(1:22:10)**

The door failed to open completely. "Well _this_ is a good start."

Ky: "Good thing you can use _portals,_ eh?"

He did such thing to get out.

T: "Now, where the hell are we going?"

Z: "While it's not the _best_ option, we're probably gonna follow that metal ball, aren't we?"

R: "We don't _have_ other options. It's either them or _Glados_ , after all."

Speaking of, they _found_ him and began following.

At least until the lights went out.

S: "He jinxed it, didn't he?"

Hik: "I mean, she didn't touch _them_. She just touched the _lights_."

Hir: "I'm guessing we _won't_ be navigating in the dark, though."

Ma: "That's _always_ kinda annoying in games."

Mi: "I'd _expect_ that core would have a _torch_ or something."

With a scream, he activated said torch.

Mi: "That excuse worked _again_?"

Ky: "Sounds like he _still_ believes it somewhat."

R: "He _is_ an idiot."

On they marched to the dawn, lighting the way with their lanterns on.

Hir: "At least he's making _small talk_."

Ke: "Is he trying to do a _horror_ story or something?" As he jumped on a conveyor belt of trash.

S: "Because _that's_ certainly appropriate in escaping a murderous computer."

T: "So the caretaker cut up his robots, they made replicas of these robots to replace them, and they _still_ scream at night?"

Mi: "Despite not even _remembering_."

Ma: "I mean, that's _still_ horrifying. Why would they make a screaming robot?"

R: "Why would they let machines feel _pain_? At least it _seems_ like they can feel pain."

_Jump_ **(1:23:40)**

The core haphazardly illuminated a jump.

Ky: "At least he warned you _before_ you fell to your death, Ken."

Ke: " _That_ would've been annoying." As he jumped down, soon enough finding _another_ conveyor belt to jump down on.

S: "Might be _factory_ related."

R: "They have to make all their tools _somehow_."

T: "And they do it with _lasers_."

Ma: "We actually use laser cutters _here_ , don't we?"

R: "Not _that_ kind of machine. Laser cutting requires the laser to be a _lot_ closer to the material than what we see _there_."

Z: "Then again, they _do_ have those kinds of strong lasers, don't they? Might as well _use_ them."

To which the Subcommander nodded, Kensuke finding his way off the belt. "Indeed."

As the player played further, the core explained how he _almost_ worked down here.

They couldn't help but snicker at _who_ got the job. "I mean, that _is_ nepotism, isn't it?"

Hik: "I wouldn't have _thought_ it could apply to exact _clones_ of oneself, but it _does_ work."

This conversation would've continued, had the core not _insulted_ the humans.

R: "Good to see discrimination is still present within _robots_ , as well."

Ke: "Wouldn't be the _first_ time that happened." He thought, walking through the mess of tubes and jumping over a bottomless pit. " _Eliza_ doesn't think like that, does she?"

Ma: "Oh Gods no, and even if she _did_ , we'd teach her _not_ to think that."

R: "It helps she isn't even really a _robot_. She's a sentient computer in the body of a _person_."

T: "I _still_ don't get how that happens."

R: "Rei's influence caused her to develop a soul _and_ to view herself in Rei's self image. That's why they look practically _identical_ , save for the eyes and the haircut."

Chell and the core temporarily split up, as she portalled up. "Gods know _we_ certainly mistook Eliza for Rei when we first met." And as he followed the core's instructions to progress.

Ma: "And that was _with_ a haircut."

_Manufactory_ **(1:25:20)**

Ky: "He's _really_ trying to suck up to humans now, ain't he?"

S: "He doesn't want to be seen as _discriminatory_ , does he?"

Mi: "Considering it's a _human_ helping him."

Kensuke's eyes caught something. "Is _that_ how they make the turrets?"

R: "It's no _wonder_ there's so many. _One_ of those modules could probably make one every twenty or so seconds."

Hir: "And multiply that by however many they _have_."

Ma: "It's no _wonder_ they marketed them."

They paused on one of these modules, watching the construction take place.

T: "Is there even a _use_ to packing them up like that anymore?"

Hik: "Maybe they sell them to post apocalyptic tribes or something."

Z: "It's cool how they can just make the packing material form _instantly_."

Ke: "I think that's just a video game thing." Half muttering, as he moved on to _another_ mess of tubes.

S: "All this _can't_ be efficient, surely!"

R: "Having a super intelligent being controlling things would _help_ , but yeah there's _glaring_ issues with how Aperture does things."

Ky: "In other news, the _sun_ rose today."

T: "They'd make good _platforms_ , at the very least."

Kensuke took the hint and began traversing them, even following a stray Companion Cube with his camera.

Ma: "I _still_ wouldn't mind having a Companion Cube trinket of some sort."

R: "Or a plush toy." A small smile at her Kohai's utter _infatuation_ with it. "Don't suppose any of _you guys_ have experience with such thing."

Hik: "I mean, I know _basic_ sewing, I guess. Not enough to make a _toy_ but enough to patch clothing up."

Mi: "Maybe you'll be lucky, and God will throw _that_ at your head, Maya."

Ma: "It'd be better than _most_ things they throw at us." As they entered a loading zone.

_Redemption_ **(1:26:55)**

The automated voice explained _what_ the conveyer belt was for.

S: "That's certainly _a_ way of calling it turret _disposal_."

Z: "Those bits and pieces of turrets that get left behind in the test chambers have to end up _somewhere_ , don't they?"

R: "At least they actually get _recycled_. That's actually rather _thoughtful_."

Kensuke made his way onto the line.

Ky: "Oh good to see _he_ has the mind to berate you sometimes, as well."

Ma: "That's just OHS at that point, isn't it?"

Mi: "And since when have Aperture cared for _that_?"

Hir: "I swear that _other_ computer cares more for you than _Glados_ does."

Ke: "And it's hard to say whether the other voice is even _sentient_ or not."

He jumped onto a _second_ conveyer belt, and noticed a turret.

Ma: "...That's the same turret from the start!"

Ky: "You're gonna _save_ it, aren't you?"

He saved it, the turret _thanking_ Chell.

Maya _really_ wanted to melt into a puddle.

S: "I guess it _is_ different, rambling on like that."

Mi: "Does it think itself an _oracle_ or something?"

Hik: "I don't even see how all that's _related_."

It talked about _Prometheus_ , as Kensuke carried it further.

Ma: "DON'T THROW IT IN THE EMANCIPATION GRILL!"

Ke: "I won't, don't worry yourself." The different turret was dropped outside, and Kensuke progressed further.

_Target Practice_ **(1:28:20)**

They saw how the turrets are _practiced_.

Hik: "I feel this is _still_ inefficient."

This included _defective_ turrets.

Ky: "Even the _broken_ ones are cute." She muttered.

Ma: "Oh Gods even the _broken_ ones are cute!" She squeed.

R: "I don't even know _how_ they get that defective. They have completely different _voices_."

Z: " _And_ personalities. They sound more... laid back?"

Hir: "And _rough_ , as well."

Mi: "Rather _fitting_ of a turret like that."

Ke: "At least they don't pose any _threat_ to us, eh?" As he figured what to do.

S: "Make sure _you_ don't become the target, Kensuke."

Ke: "I'll certainly _try_ , Sayaka."

He jumped into the room, and the Gods must've smiled on him because there were _two_ broken turrets in a row.

Which was _still_ barely enough time for him to clear it before he got perforated by a working turret. "You _almost_ became a target, Ken."

Ke: "The important thing is I _didn't_."

_Template_ **(1:29:00)**

They got to see first hand Aperture's QA process when it came to turrets.

Which was _catapulting_ defective ones into an incinerator several metres away.

Of course, everyone _laughed_. "How much more over the top can you _get_?"

R: "Speaking of _in_ efficiencies."

Ky: "That's just _stupid_! Why don't they just _drop_ the defective turrets below them?"

Z: "Maybe cause it doesn't _look_ nearly as good?"

S: "Barely anyone would go down here _anyway_."

Hir: "Wouldn't it be _easy_ to get past that verification, anyway? Just say _hello_."

Ma: "There's probably a bit more _nuance_ to that."

They found the Englishcore, who explained his plan.

Hik: "Must say, that _is_ rather thoughtful of him."

Ke: "Quite the change, isn't it."

T: "Course, I doubt it'll be _that_ simple a process."

Ke: "Oh it's _never_ as simple as they suggest."

Once more, the core asked for some _privacy_.

R: "I still don't know _why_ you'd need privacy to hack a door."

Ky: "As we say, _performance anxiety_." A small smirk.

Kensuke turned around, and _everyone_ furrowed their brows when instead of hearing a few beeps, they heard _shattering glass_.

T: "...Well, I suppose you _could_ call that hacking the door open."

R: "In the more _physical_ sense."

Mi: "I mean, it _works_ , didn't it?"

Not one to look a gift core in the mouth, Kensuke acquired the template turret.

_Response_ **(1:30:15)**

It began operating from memory.

T: "What did I say?"

R: "Once more, he didn't really _think_ it through."

Ky: "Leaves all the mental work to _Chell_ , doesn't it."

S: "And in turn, _us_."

Ke: "Mental work isn't too bad. It's one of _my_ key skills, after all."

Z: "That's probably why they got you _playing_ this."

Hik: "We _do_ help him, don't we?"

Ke: "Indeed you _all_ do. Speaking of, any ideas?" As they viewed more of the QA process.

Ma: "Huh, I was right. There _is_ more nuance to it."

T: "...Hey Kensuke? Do you think you could _grab_ a broken turret or something?"

Ke: "I _could_ , but..." His eyes went wide. " _Ohhh_ , that's _smart_ Toji!"

He scratched the back of his head.

Mi: "So what's the plan?"

T: "Well, I thought since it runs from a _template_ , what if you can replace that template with a _broken_ turret?"

Hik: "That _is_ a pretty smart idea, Toji."

A slightly bashful chuckle. "Guess that means I got more brains than that _core_ there, eh?"

Ky: "Not like that's _difficult_." As Kensuke made his way _back_ to the incinerator. "Nice catch, Ken!"

R: "That's even _better_ than disabling the turret manufacturing. Glados could just _reenable_ it again; _this_ way you practically _spike_ her turret supply."

Ma: "I doubt she'd even _know_ , as well. She'd just see each turret as having passed the QA, and assume it was all good."

It didn't take much longer for Kensuke to walk back, broken turret in hand.

And indeed, it accepted the new template.

Hikari _hugged_ Toji, "Even _he_ calls it brilliant, Toj!"

Which _definitely_ didn't help his bashfulness.

Ma: "But now the _regular_ turrets are being thrown away."

Mi: "What a shame."

R: " _Maya_ certainly thinks so."

_Hack_ **(1:31:50)**

The core _greatly_ underestimated how long it'd take to hack the door, as Chell frightened him.

Ky: "A part of me wonders _what_ he was doing, then."

R: "Probably nothing of note." Muttering. "We know what his _ideas_ of hacking are."

T: "I don't think he _knows_. _I_ certainly don't know the _first_ thing about hacking, at least I'm _honest_ about it."

S: "Though then again, there wasn't really any _feedback_."

Ma: "The feedback you _would_ get would've been rather _nuanced_ , I imagine."

Hik: "That similar to when you hacked into Jet Alone, Subcommander?"

R: "Yeah, I just dropped into a command prompt."

Ke: "You _hacked_ Jet Alone?"

Mi: "Explains a lot, doesn't it."

R: "It ran _CP/M,_ Kensuke. If _that_ wasn't asking for it."

Ke: "It _WHAT_?"

Ma: "Yeah, JHCI deserved to go bankrupt."

Ke: "...I mean, if it _did_ run on CP/M, yeah fair enough." As he followed the core. "And to think I _actually_ thought it could give the Evangelion a run for its money, back in the day."

Z: "With what _civilians_ would've known, I imagine _most_ people thought that."

Hir: "At least until you guys _completely_ tore it to shreds. Not _literally_ , of course."

_Daycare_ **(1:32:10)**

Hik: "Why on Earth would they put a _daycare_ next door to the _neurotoxin facility_?!"

Ky: "Jeez, not even _kids_ are immune from Aperture's incompetency."

S: "Not like there even _are_ kids anymore."

Ma: "Glados probably murdered them all the same."

So Kensuke made his way through the room.

Mi: "Did they print that banner with a _dot matrix printer_?"

R: "You _could_. _Mum_ said she did that, back in the day. Dot matrix paper is just one giant spool anyway."

Ke: "Thing is, this would've been going on around when _Glados_ took over the facility."

T: "That core certainly thinks so."

Ky: "And _all_ of them made _potato batteries_."

Hik: "Cut them _some_ slack, they're _kids_. It's kinda cool how they wanted to get their kids into the sciences, even _if_ this science is not ethical _at all_."

Mi: " _One_ of them made a baking soda volcano, at least. It's not _just_ a starch-fest."

S: "What is _that_ machine connected to the potato?"

Ke: "Maybe it's a flux capacitor." He mused, laying eyes on a _big_ potato. "Oh jeez."

Z: "Well, you're not going hungry anytime soon, at least."

Hir: "Not that you apparently _need_ food."

The core stole Zero Two's joke. "Oi!"

Much to everyone's amusement.

Ke: "Good to hear _he's_ confident in where we're going." He double took a pipe. "...I guess that _is_ the right way to go."

Ky: "Quite the convenient label, ain't it."

Flat looks at how the core _still_ went the wrong way. "Obviously _he_ hasn't seen it." Ritsuko prodded, as they entered the loading zone.

_Neurotoxin_ **(1:34:00)**

Their eyes caught the _neurotoxin facility_. "That's fucking _massive_!" Exclaimed Kyoko.

Hir: "How did he expect to _destroy_ it?"

Ke: "I think we established the dynamic of the core _making_ the plan, and Chell figuring out _how_ to do said plan."

R: "Oh he _had_ a plan. He wanted to _push it over_."

S: "A shame he _lacks_ any of this cleverness."

The group still in _some_ sort of awe over the size, they progressed further.

To the turret disposal. "Aw..."

Z: "I doubt _his_ words help."

Ma: "No, not really..."

T: "So they _do_ feel emotion?"

Mi: "If that wasn't evident _before_."

Kensuke moved to the elevator. "Well hopefully, if all goes well, there won't be a _need_ to bring more of them into the world."

Ma: "Or repurposes them for _non-violent_ things. I imagine they'd make good company, if they didn't have a thirst for perforating people."

Now at the _top_ of this elevator, the core explained how the door was beyond even _his_ great capabilities.

Much to the flat stares of everyone. "It's that button, Ken."

Ke: "I know."

R: "Why did they _name_ it that? Why the hell would you even want to _observe that_?"

Hik: "Hopefully we can make it into an _apt_ name."

Kensuke pushed the shiny red button, promptly doing a lot of things they didn't know of.

And opening the door, which was the _main_ thing they wanted. "Well _that_ was easy."

_Look Directly At Implosion_ **(1:35:05)**

Ky: "Aw shit, a _password_. We're gonna be here for _centuries_!"

Mi: "Seems like Glados doesn't _have_ to worry about us. We'll just die of old age!"

Ke: "Well, might as well see if the neurotoxin generator gives us anything, since he's _busy_."

They walked up to the observation annex, the core doing his business.

Ke: "...Hey guys, do we know if portals stick to _moving_ platforms?"

R: "Nothing like _empirical_ testing, Kensuke."

Doing as she implied, a portal was placed on a vertically moving platform.

And something clicked in Kensuke's mind. " _OHH_ I know what to do!"

Moving back down to where the red button was, he saw a laser. Shining directly onto a portal surface. "You guys see what _I'm_ seeing?"

Sounds of agreement. "It's a better idea than whatever that _core_ has in mind." Misato thought.

Orange portal down, Kensuke _would've_ gone back up, but was distracted by the utter _ramblings_ of the core.

Z: "He knows what a _monitor_ is, at least."

T: "Not what the _box part_ is, though. _That's_ the computer itself, ain't it."

R: "Indeed, you are now a part of the 10% of people that _know_ the monitor isn't the computer."

While the core could identify the _monitor_ , he apparently couldn't identify the _keyboard_.

R: "Kensuke, _please_ get this over with or I will start _pulling my hair out_."

Ke: "Yeah I'm beginning to feel that way, as well."

Back up to the annex, he used the laser to _full_ advantage. "Now the _other_ tubes."

Hik: "Surface on the ceiling."

Ke: "Thank you." The portal was placed on said ceiling surface.

It was only _now_ that Kensuke noticed the sign. "...I mean, I can _see_ the logic in that."

Mi: "You're not meant to look at _explosions_ , so an _implosion_ should imply the opposite."

R: "That's not how it works!"

Ky: "Well, d'ya reckon we should do what the sign says?"

Ke: "The answer is _yes_." As he intended to follow the sign's instruction.

Alarms blared, and indeed there _was_ an implosion, the structure crumpling and taking much of the surrounding facility with it.

And upon seeing what the core was exclaiming about, they got even _more_ excited. "We get to ride in that _again_?"

Ke: " _I'm_ certainly not complaining." As he jumped in.

_Pipe_ **(1:37:30)**

The core felt _joy_ as they flew through the facility, and as Kensuke panned his camera around.

T: "How spanning _is_ that place?"

R: "I _already_ put it on an equal span to _our_ facility."

Mi: "Of course, the Geofront is a lot more _open_ , compared to Aperture Laboratories."

Ma: "That's not a _bad_ thing. I _like_ the open space and the greenery."

S: "Not that Aperture _doesn't_ have greenery."

Ke: "Those plants were probably _fake_ , anyway."

Z: "The _surface_ sounds calm enough, at least."

Ky: "Probably _abandoned_ , as well. If Glados _did_ see a deer."

The Englishcore did indeed _confirm_ the spanning nature of Aperture.

Hir: "Oh it _is_ like the Geofront."

Hik: "It sounds like they worked _up_ from the bottom, though. _That_ certainly didn't happen here."

R: "Nature did that for us. I don't know _why_ they'd do that; do they just _abandon_ the facility if it gets too old or something?"

Z: "Which would mean _rebuilding_ every few years or so."

Mi: "Aperture is _fond_ of inefficiency, after all."

The core got knocked onto another track. "Won't be the _last_ we see of him, I'd think."

Ky: "What a shame."

_Turkey Leg_ **(1:38:35)**

Kensuke took in his surrounding. "Well, no going back _now_."

He traversed up the stairs.

Mi: "This place looks familiar, at least."

They looked over the abyss.

R: "That's probably why, that's _her_ chamber."

Z: "Now conveniently more _sealed off_ , compared to last time."

Hir: "I imagine she _learnt_ from last time."

Kensuke panned to the most _obvious_ portal surface of all time. "Okay, I _know_ it's a trap."

Ky: "At least _now_ , there's literally _no other way_."

T: "You got rid of most of her advantages, anyway. If anything, getting closer would be better for _you_."

Ke: "Alright, falling for the trap."

He dropped into a room with no portal surfaces, complete with a door.

Ma: "Oh _and_ it has cake in it, as well."

Ke: "As I said, it's a trap."

He opened the door.

Which promptly fell flat. Glados took _great_ pleasure in mocking the group.

Mi: "Honestly I wouldn't have _minded_ the turkey leg thing. Might've gotten _some_ food out of it, for once."

Hik: "I don't see Glados as being the type to _give_ last meals."

They dropped into a cell.

Ky: "Oh but at least she gives us a way to void our bowels before we die!"

And they were carried into her chamber.

T: "Gee she _really_ spruced things up a bit, didn't she?"

Ke: "It looks pretty _awesome_ , doesn't it?"

R: "I'm sure _Chell_ isn't thinking that."

And so, Glados deployed the turrets.

Or, as the Englishcore called them, the _crap_ turrets. "Oh wow, _that_ worked."

All of them promptly detonated.

S: " _She_ certainly isn't happy about that."

In reply, she introduced an old friend.

Who was instead the _Englishcore_ , much to Glados' chagrin and to the group's _amusement_.

_Transfer_ **(1:40:35)**

Mi: "Of course _you_ wouldn't know if you were corrupt!"

Ma: "Explains a lot, really."

The automated voice mentioned a _core transfer_.

T: "Well _that's_ certainly useful."

Z: "I'm guessing _that's_ how we defeat her this time around?"

Hir: "Certainly less _violent_."

R: "It's _always_ great when you can use bureaucracy to your own advantage."

Ky: "I mean, I _would_ question _why_ you would want a dunce like _him_ to run the facility, but maybe he'll allow you to escape before he destroys it."

S: "That's ultimately what _we_ want, isn't it?"

Glados and the little idiot bickered. "Should I plug the little idiot in, then?"

Hik: "He may be an idiot, but he hasn't _deliberately_ tried to kill you yet."

Ke: "Plugging him in it is."

... **(1:41:10)**

The Englishcore was plugged in.

Ky: "I see a flaw with this system."

R: "Of _course_ the corrupted core is going to say _no_ , why the hell would they do that?"

S: "Maybe on the off chance they _want_ to come quietly?"

A stalemate was announced.

Mi: "Surely there'd be a way to _resolve_ this sorta thing, right?"

The voice revealed the way to resolve this sorta thing.

Ke: " _There_ it is."

Z: "So it's just pushing a button?"

Hir: "Seems _much_ easier than last time."

T: "Yeah, last time you had to hit the button _four_ times."

Kensuke walked to the button, but was catapulted back by Glados.

Hik: "Since when was her _not_ being qualified an issue?"

Ma: "Since when did we need training to push a _button_?"

R: "That core said it himself. You have a _finger_ , you can push buttons all you want."

Ky: "Though fair enough on _her_ , _sometimes_ you need training to use your fingers."

R: "What do y-" The innuendo hit her like a freight train. "Gods damn it, Kyoko."

She poked her tongue, as Kensuke continued barreling through the defences Glados put up.

Z: "Well _that_ was... strangely _easy_ , wasn't it."

Ke: "It was." He noted.

T: "There's _so_ a catch to this all, isn't there?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Probably. But we don't exactly have too many options, do we?"

... **(1:42:30)**

And so he pressed the button, Glados _immediately_ disabling.

Mi: "If we knew _that_ button existed in the _last_ game, that would've been _much_ easier."

Glados, great person she is, did _nothing_ to soothe the other core's worries.

R: "It probably _would_ hurt. Since they _do_ feel pain."

The core transfer began.

They couldn't help but feel... _uncomfortable_ at how Glados _screamed_. "... _That_ was a bit more disturbing than I expected."

Ky: "It's only a woman getting forcefully manhandled." She noted the comparison.

Soon enough though, she was tossed to the side. And the _Englishcore_ was now in control.

Z: "Even the _lighting_ changed."

S: "I can't believe putting the idiot in charge is the _better_ option."

Ma: " _He's_ certainly having fun, at least."

Hir: "Can't say the same for _Glados_ , can we?"

The lift was called.

Hik: "Good to hear he's _already_ speaking like a megalomaniac."

T: "Be fair on _him_ , he's actually _thinking_ about removing himself to join you in the elevator."

Ke: "I doubt that's happening but alright." Shrugging, as he entered the elevator."

_Turn_ **(1:43:45)**

The stupid computer _juggled_ and spoke a language that neither he _or_ the group understood.

T: "At least we're in good company in not understanding that. What _is_ that, anyway?"

Mi: "Spanish, I believe."

R: "They _are_ American, remember?"

The lift started going up.

It took the core all of five seconds before he descended into _evil cackling_.

Ky: "Shit, _that_ was quick."

Hik: "I _knew_ he was beginning to think that!"

The lift went back down, along with the light in the room. An orange glow now underneath the 'face' of the Englishcore.

Z: "I mean, he _did_ have a part in it. But _all_ of the heavy lifting was from _Chell_."

Hir: "I'd say he made things _worse_ for you, even _before_ he started this."

Glados certainly believed that.

Ma: "You guys _are_ right. Not that I believe _he_ would listen."

So he took Glados' core for himself. "Oh God what's he doing with her _now_?"

S: "I'm starting to get worried what he has in mind for _Chell_."

Ke: "Does _anything_ that gets in control of Aperture go mad with power, or something? Because this was _completely_ out of left field for him, wasn't it?"

Ky: "How can a mute _boss you around_?"

Mi: "If anything, _he_ was bossing her around."

Hik: "He still is."

... **(1:45:05)**

The core revealed _what_ he did to Glados.

S: "He really _did_ make her into a potato!"

Z: "Almost like you guys _knew_ that was gonna happen."

R: "It's a good thing core can run on _1.1 volts_."

T: "So she's currently running on a damn _potato_."

Despite her current status as a potato, she _still_ had the capability to get under the metallic skin of the Englishcore.

Hir: "You know something? That explains _so much_ about that core."

Ky: "God damn _deliberately_ designed to be a moron."

Ma: "Or a _tumour_ , as she described him as."

Ke: "Is she _trying_ to get murdered?"

Mi: "Not like she's in a great position _now_ , Kensuke."

Hik: " _I_ wouldn't call someone a moron if I was in Glados' position."

R: "I don't think she _gives_ a damn, anymore."

The potato was shoved into the elevator, the _enraged_ Englishcore beginning to pound the elevator into a pit.

Ke: "...Well this ain't good."

The bottom gave way.

_It's Such a Long Way Down_ **(1:46:30)**

Ma: " _That's_ a new loading screen."

And so they fell.

Ky: "It's good to hear she's _still_ dripping in sarcasm."

Mi: "She's so sarcastic she has a damn _slow clap processor_."

R: "That would've been going off _constantly_."

Z: "So where the hell _are_ we falling, anyway?"

Ke: "I don't know, but we just passed 3000 metres."

Seeing as they weren't _busy_ , Glados offered a few fun facts, as Kensuke kept track of their depth.

T: "Man no _wonder_ he's pretty sensitive about that."

Hir: "I knew he was an idiot but I didn't know it was _that_ bad."

Hik: "And he's in charge of the entire facility now."

Glados' slow clap processor did the work for her.

Z: "So what _are_ we gonna see down there?"

R: "If that core was anything to go by, it'd be _old_ Aperture."

Ma: "We probably could've gathered _that_ much just looking at the loading screen."

Ke: "4000."

They hit some debris.

Ky: "Do you know how far they got?"

Ke: "Last one I saw for sure was 4250, I think?"

Ky: "Pretty deep, got it."

~

**(1:48:15)**

A crow took potato!Glados away, and Chell got up.

Ritsuko looked over to Maya's terminal. "Alright, I think I'll call it there, Kensuke."

He couldn't help but feel _some_ disappointment. "How long have we been playing?"

"A couple hours, almost." Maya confirmed. "I'm sure the _Magi_ could use some rest."

"Are they _still_ running at 99%?" Queried Misato.

To which Ritsuko nodded, sighing. "Plus, they say it's not _healthy_ to spend too long playing video games."

Kyoko scoffed. "During the last summer break, we spent a week straight locked in Ken's room playing video games."

"And _other_ things, as well." Suggested Sayaka.

Much to Hikari's intense blush and Ritsuko's intense chagrin. "Well as I'm _sure_ you know, the locker rooms are _always_ open for you to... _use_." She huffed. "Everyone _else_ uses it for that."

"I swear people don't even use the lockers for their intended purpose anymore." Muttered Maya.

"Well it's easy for _us_ , isn't it?" Misato suggested. "We have _offices_ we can _lock_. Though speaking of," As she looked towards a clock in the room. "You two have any business with Kensuke?"

"This was one of his _off days_ , right Sempai?"

She nodded. "Of course, playing a _video game_ was too good an opportunity to pass up, eh Kensuke?"

**(1:48:40)**

He scratched the back of his head, before he went to exit. "Oh wow, they changed the _menu_ as well."

Not that he stayed there too long, dropping back to a command line and getting up from his chair. "Alright, it's all you, Subcommander."

"Thank you." She swapped in.

"I'm sure the _Magi_ will be happy there's much less load going on."

"I _know_ they will, Zero Two." Thought Ritsuko, as she terminated the session.

**VIDEO STOP (1:49:20)**

The blonde gave a sigh. "You lot are dismissed. Same time tomorrow?"

"Maybe we might get _through_ it tomorrow, eh?" Toji pondered. "I kinda _like_ it."

"Unlike the _last_ game, I doubt many computers could _run_ it." Thought Hiro.

"With _some_ optimisation, we could get it working." Shrugged Ritsuko. "I'll see what the Magi can do, though of course the _first_ game has priority."

"Which is certainly _fair enough_." Admitted Zero Two, as they all got up. "So what're _you lot_ doing for the rest of the day?"

"Well, we _might_ get a good hour of wandering around before we have to break off for the night." Hikari wondered. "Though I'm sure _everyone_ would prefer if you could _stick together_."

To which the Puella shrugged. "It's certainly something we look forward to, that's for sure."

"I'm _still_ kinda jealous of Asuka and Rei." Chuckled Kyoko. "Why couldn't _you_ be my guardian, Commander?"

While she realised it was in jest, Misato couldn't help but feel flattered. "Oh I'm not _that_ good a guardian."

"You managed to raise _those four_ alright." Toji shrugged. "Ya doing _something_ right."

She was _blushing_ now, shooing them away. "Get going, you lot."

So they did, the school kids most likely going for a wander before retiring for the night. "What are _you two_ planning, then?" She asked the remaining Klaxosaurs.

Zero Two shrugged, grabbing the arm of her darling. "Probably the same thing we do most nights. Wander the Geofront surface and chat for a good while, get my darling to cook up dinner, bonk for a few hours. Y'know, standard stuff."

" _Hours_?!"

Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "You see _why_ we get you two out and about."

"Yeah, I know." Zero Two poked her tongue at the three, before bounding away with her darling in tow.

"You'd think they were making up for lost time, or something." Mused Maya.

"Wouldn't _surprise_ me, honestly." Chuckled Misato. "You two end up seeing the second half of Franxx yet?"

They shook their heads, "We've had quite a bit on our plate, if you hadn't noticed."

"We _still_ do, don't we?"

Ritsuko huffed. "Well, I know _we_ got business. What of _you_ , Misato?"

Shrugging. "More paperwork, probably. Ryoji's been in a meeting for the past few hours, not like _I've_ been doing much anyway."

Ritsuko raised her eyebrow. "How long has it been since I heard you call Kaji by his _first_ name?"

Misato's eyes snapped away. "I-I can call my fiancee by his first name all I want, Rits!"

"Uh-huh." A small smirk grew, her eyes drawing to Misato's _belly_.

"I-It's not like that!" She pouted, before making her leave.

The Sempai and the Kohai only began giggling _after_ she left. "Wonder what they were _talking_ about, eh Sempai?"

"I bet there wasn't much _talking_ going on, Maya." Turning to her terminal. "Don't suppose we can know for sure unless she stops drinking that _water_ of hers, eh?"

Another small giggle. "Yeah, we _really_ shouldn't prod her for _that_." Admitting, scratching the back of her head. "Can't say _I_ really felt like that. At least _before_ we got to know Eliza."

A small huff from the Subcommander. "Got a taste of motherhood and now we want more. Though... _speaking_ of Eliza."

The terminal shut, and she got up. "Should we check on her?"

* * *

## 3\. Tank Girl

Halogens illuminated the spanning tank of LCL, developing clones of Rei Ayanami mindlessly watching on. "I can't believe Rei _agreed_ to this."

"She wants Eliza back as much as _we_ do, Maya." The Subcommander noted, their eyes on the larger of these clones.

"What of the _others_?"

"For their _other_ passengers. If they _ever_ wanted to come back. Which... at least judging by _Misato_ , they might not take us up on."

Such words seemed to depress Maya. "They... won't?"

Shaking her head. "Kaworu's passenger does not _want_ to return to this world. Which... after all that happened, I can't even fault her. Eliza is all well and good, but _Sovereign_ is in _no_ state for such thing."

Some silence.

"At least we have them, just in case."

Maya walked up to the larger one, neutrally buoyant, eyes shut in a fetal position. They... seemed rather peaceful. " _This_ is Eliza's?"

A single nod. "It should be ready by the time they come back from their... vacation."

Another small silence.

"...Will her eyes be the same?"

"They will. Her soul will change her windows as she sees fit. But..." A small chuckle. "I... took the liberty to change a few things, regardless."

"Do tell, Sempai."

"Well... she always wanted to have _our_ hair colour, didn't she? Not like we were able to do much beyond you cutting her hair. But... if the changes take hold. She'll have _our_ hair colour."

Maya seemed to ponder this. "I'm... sure she'll love that."

A comfortable silence descended, as they continued observing.

"...I suppose it's a _good_ thing, in a way, their _other_ passengers aren't ready." Ritsuko thought aloud. "We'd suddenly have _four_ Rei Ayanami's running around, from what it'd look like."

"And all of them with _some_ connection to Kaworu, in one way or another."

The Subcommander couldn't help but _snort_. "Gods know how Eliza will be like with them _after_ she comes back."

"Y'know... I don't think it'll be that bad. There's certainly _worse_ people she could be with, Sempai."

"...Fair point." She noted. "Rei and Mari certainly seem to trust him."

"...And if _Mari_ came back in one of Rei's shells, suddenly Kaworu would have _three_ Rei's pining over him, in one way or another."

The Sempai _laughed_ at the thought. "Now _that's_ what I'd call a _tumbleweed_."

* * *


	3. TNALJTI 3

* * *

** PLAYBACK FILE: [REC003_MELCHIOR.2:3_060218](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaWz_p62aBk) **

## 1\. Look In

A good bit of research was always great at distracting Misato. And boy, was there a _lot_ she could look into.

On her Powerbook, she brought up the file of one Randall Vogel. _Relatively_ recent addition to NERV-Berlin, having joined _after_ the shift from Gehirn to NERV.

Though certainly with a... _colourful_ history. Similar to Carmen, actually. "Christ, if I knew the guys at Berlin were _this_..."

Rapidly shaking her head, as she realised _they_ were probably not much better. "Guess that's just a NERV thing."

At least _Carmen_ had some physical history, having served in intelligence before her current tenure at NERV. _Randall_ , meanwhile, was practically an unknown. University education from the 80s and his own tenure at NERV notwithstanding, there was practically _no_ information the Magi could dig up on him.

The _one_ thing the Magi could get was that he was apparently a notorious womaniser. To which she just rolled her eyes.

Though _speaking_ of womanisers, Kaji popped into her office. "Was something going on with the Magi today? The meeting was _really_ choppy for me."

"...Ehhh _maybe_." She made a note to _tell_ Ritsuko about that, next time they met.

She was _also_ hoping that note saved in her mind, as Kaji sauntered behind her, wrapping arms around. "Ah, _research_."

"Just seeing who I left the kids with, Ryoji."

A huff. "Preferably, that would've been done _before_ you sent them away."

"Yeah, well it was organised quickly and I just assumed NERV staff would've been _sane_."

Kaji offered her a flat look.

"Yeah, big mistake on _my_ part, I know."

"So are you going to tell your charges about that?"

"I was planning on telling them tomorrow. _After_ I looked into it more." A small huff. "Probably would've helped if that book just stuck around for a bit."

He laughed. "I guess sometimes the Gods are funny like that, eh?"

"Still, _how_ could it even happen, anyway?" Querying. "If Randall _is_ Ritsuko's father, that means either _he_ went to Japan or _Naoko_ went to Germany in the _80s_. And _they_ would've had to have hooked up in that time."

"Which would have had to result in _Ritsuko_." He thought further. "The 80s _were_ a wild time, from what I've heard."

"Yeah, I'm sure if you were born a decade or so _earlier_ , you would've had a _lot_ of fun."

A huff. "Still, you know how _we_ were like in college. Who's to say _Naoko_ wasn't like that, either?"

"Might just be me, but I don't really find it _pleasing_ to think of the mother of my close friend like that."

"I think it's a rather _interesting_ thought, no? You said Ritsuko _never_ knew about her father; her mother never brought it up, and she never asked about it. We can't ask _Naoko_ about it, obviously."

"All a _puzzle_ , ain't it. And we're missing most of the pieces."

"Well... perhaps if you can find a few DNA samples, you can do a _paternity test_." Suggested the agent.

"And _where_ would we find the DNA of _Naoko_ , who died eight years ago?"

"The Magi would _surely_ have a profile of her. Being the _base_ of the cores of the Magi, after all."

"Rits, then?"

I imagine her profile is there as well, but if not it'll be easy enough to acquire some, I imagine."

"What of Randall?"

A small smirk. "You know when we were _interrupted_ with news Fourier was caught?"

"How's... wait, was she _Carmen_?"

"She's in _Ops_ for a reason, Misato."

"...Man she _really_ gets around, then."

"Oh she _did_."

A flat look, before she pulled on his tie. "Well if you're _lucky_..." As she navigated on her terminal. "Ah, they're currently in _Terminal_. You might be able to sneak your way into their lab and get some DNA, _before_ they come back."

"And I'm guessing before you _geld_ me for suggesting such thing."

"Eeyup."

"Welp, that's all the incentive _I_ need."

And so he soon left.

Much to her giggling, as she returned to her terminal. "Might as well see if I can _find_ her mother, then."

~

Speaking of mothers, the mothers of Shinji and Asuka had retired for the night, the both of them settled into their slumber. And holding one another, as they would. A good comfort for both of them.

Of course, surface appearances can often be _deceiving._

_A river flowed._

_It was always strange, when she ended up in this place. It only happened in her sleep, and yet this was not a_ dream _of hers. And she would always wake up tired, whenever it happened. She could only suspect it was a side effect of her close interaction with the Evangelion, and yet she did not know if her_ other _was experiencing this same thing._

_The surroundings were one thing. But the_ memories _were another._

_Often, she found herself just sitting still, lest she triggered something within this strange realm that would only serve to make her upset._

_So... there she stayed. Until she woke up from this._

_"...Fancy seeing_ y-you _here."_

_Turning sharply to this voice, she saw_ another _._

_Her burgundy hair stood out against the pale skin. Golden eyes looking upon the elder in sympathy, as she set herself down next to them. "I didn't t-think_ you _were a Neph... Nephilim as well."_

_"I'm... not?"_

_The burgundy Nephilim hummed a thought. "Your p-presence here is even_ more _of an..._ outlier _, then."_

_"How so?"_

_"Even for a_ Nephilim _, it uses e-energy. My... host was generous e-enough to allow me to use their... resources to visit. Helps keep me o-occupied, at least."_

_Yui continued her scan. "Do... we_ know _each other?"_

_The Nephilim chuckled. "You would've_ s-seen _me, though I was in_ n-no _state for interaction, back when we... first met." She soon offered a warm smile, though. "I can always_ show _y-you, at least."_

_Yui craned her head._

_Using her one arm, she got herself up, offering said arm to Yui to offer herself up._

_"B-but, if I_ move _from here..."_

_"Are you s-seeing what happened?"_

_Nodding._

_"Yeah. T-that's a thing, here." She softly tutored. "Be careful with your steps, and f-for God's sake don't_ r-run. _"_

_She kicked up the regolith._

Yui and Kyoko squeezed in the back, Annette in between them. "So... are you sticking around for a bit, Aunt Yui?"

A small nod. "Yeah. There's... still quite a bit to catch up on, isn't there. Especially with _you_." A warm smile.

_"Because_ t-that _is how this realm works." She continued, as the look into the past ended. "They... are not_ memories _."_

_"...This is_ time _, isn't it?"_

_Nodding. "My h-host calls it the astral plane. I liked rivers of t-time, myself. I... spent a l-lot of time here, if you didn't gather that."_

_She offered her arm again. "Do you w-want to come with me? I... can guide you, if you wish."_

_The elder thought for a short while._

_Before taking the arm._

_"Thatta g-girl." As she helped lift her up. "Would've been a bit easier if I s-still had my other arm."_

_It was only now she noticed how the Nephilim's right arm was just_ gone _, her stumbling back onto her back._

Softly giggling, as Yui's imagination went wild. "That _does_ sound entertaining."

"And they did it all for a grand prize of _100 Euro_ ; 10000 or so Yen. _'The cost of a brand new Trabant'_ , they called it." Another soft laugh. "And who says us Germans can't have fun."

"Well, I'm certainly not saying it."

_"Oh it's not_ that _b-bad." The Nephilim rolled her eyes, offering said arm again._

_Which Yui took, getting herself up a_ second _time. "It's just..."_

_"Most people have t-two arms, yeah." She chuckled, taking all this in her stride. "You get u-used to it, believe it or not."_

_Yui decided to take her word for it, and so they walked. The Nephilim making sure the mother watched her step._

_Soon enough, however, they were where they were going. "So... you want to know w-who I am."_

_She kicked up the regolith._

"Look, do you want to be rescued or not? I'm burning through a lot of energy doing this and I think Makinami's close to fading away."

" _She's Mari_ _Makinami_?!" An exclamation from Asuka and Shinji, as everyone else sans Rei looked perplexed at the significance.

"...how the hell does everyone _except_ me know what's supposedly _my_ identity?"

"A question for the philosophers. Maybe we should ask them _when we get out_."

_The reminiscence faded._

_"...Heh. Little d-did I know, that was one of my..._ last _memories."_

_"...Mari."_

_She nodded._

_"How are you... I thought you were_ dead _."_

_"Still am, t-technically. That's... one of the t-things about the_ soul _. You..._ persist _. As_ I _have."_

_Yui connected something in her mind. "I_ know _, I... hosted another soul."_

_Mari sharply inhaled. "That did not... last."_

_"...No, I was... too weak."_

_The Nephilim's one hand held one of Yui's. "I... don't know_ w-who _this other soul was. But... you shouldn't_ b-blame _yourself. Even for_ N-Nephilim _, supporting other souls is..._ intensive _. It says a lot about_ y-you _, that you were able to give them safe harbour for even a_ day _."_

_The elder seemed to gather something from her outburst. "You... talk about a host. You're one of them, aren't you?"_

_A small nod. "Gone and y-yet still here... heaven within s-someone else." She softly philosophised, sitting herself down and prompting Yui to do the same. "The fact you p-provided the same thing..._ despite _lacking the resources. That says a_ lot _about y-yourself."_

_There was a small silence._

_"...Thanks, Mari."_

_She smiled. "Happy to h-help." As she stretched her arm. "I'm... not too busy m-most of the time, if you hadn't gathered, so... if you find yourself here again. I'll be s-sure to give you some company."_

_Yui couldn't help but feel touched. "I... appreciate it."_

_Another small silence._

_"Well, I introduced_ m-myself _." With a small huff of amusement. "I'm s-sure it's still common courtesy in..._ Japan _to return the favour."_

_A huff. "It is."_

_And so these two souls, both of them_ remarkably _different in almost_ every _way, talked through the night. Keeping one another company._

~

The sun creeped through the window, and the eyes of Yui Ikari fluttered open.

A... _rested_ Yui, she noticed.

Her other stirred with the sun. "Did... you sleep well? You were _stirring_ again."

"Yeah." A small chuckle, as she nuzzled herself closer to Kyoko. "Nothing like some... _company_ to comfort the soul."

The candle softly sighed. "That's... one of the reasons I'm here, Yui." Her hand drifting. "Can't say I can know what goes on in that head of yours, but... hopefully I can help _outside_ there."

Yui turned herself around, and pecked the lips of her other. "You do."

Kyoko couldn't help but feel _surprised_ at this sudden affection, a blush creeping up.

Much to Yui's _great_ amusement. "I like how _that_ of all things got you flustered."

~

Another day, another Rift Material to cover.

Only _this_ time around, Ritsuko had informed the facility that the Magi were to be 'maintained' in the time they were meant to play. Hopefully _that_ means they could get a bit more breathing room, resource wise.

The door opened. "And I said ' _Oatmeal_? Are you _craz-_ '"

Kyoko couldn't finish her story, the Subcommander and her Kohai softly chuckling at their small talk. "Hopefully you lot weren't waiting _too_ long."

"We haven't even gotten outta our _uniform_." Toji mentioned.

"You barely _wear_ uniform anyway, Toj." Lightly chastised Hikari.

"Not that _you_ mind, _outside_ of Class Rep mode."

Rolling her eyes with a smile.

"So do you guys think we'll get _through_ this in one sitting?"

"I _hope_ so, Zero Two." Muttered Misato. "I got a _lot_ of angry emails about the Magi being out of commission."

" _You_ got a lot of emails?" Ritsuko incredulously remarked.

"Wow, you're _really_ putting out all the stops to play a _video game_ , Subcommander." Prodded Kensuke.

"Not that _you_ should complain, Kensuke." Sayaka elbowed his side. "Being able to play _video games_ on company time."

"And maybe if he's _lucky_ , " Started Zero Two, "There'll be a _lot_ more."

"I know _I_ wouldn't complain." Smirked Hiro. "Has there been progress into co-op?"

[ **VIDEO START** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaWz_p62aBk) **(00:00)**

"We want to _optimise_ Portal 2 for our world, first of all." Mused Ritsuko, loading her terminal. "Since we can't run _one_ instance of it without damn near _maxing out_ the Magi."

"Hopefully the small optimisations we _have_ done would help." Maya hoped. "Though even _with_ optimisations, we'll either need to emulate an appropriate _network_ , or connect _controllers_ to it."

"Split screen is suffering." Muttered Kyoko. "It's a good thing Ken has _plenty_ of spare computers, it's easy enough just to _connect_ them all together and just _play_."

"I would _think_ just connecting a few more controllers to a console is easy enough." Toji thought.

"I mean, they have a _point_." Admitted Maya. " _You_ try playing _four player splitscreen_ on a Nintendo 64, it'll chug almost as hard as the _Magi_ do playing _this_ game."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes, as she started Portal 2 up once more. Though this time with a lot _more_ of the Magi's resources available to them, on dint of them not being _used_. "Alright, give it a minute or so." As she swapped out with Kensuke, taking her seat next to Maya, diligently monitoring the Magi.

And so, after even _more_ concerning alerts, the game started.

* * *

## 2\. Portal 2 Part 2

** PLAYBACK FILE: [REC003_MELCHIOR.2:3_060218](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaWz_p62aBk) **

Character Key:

Misato (Mi) Ritsuko (R) Maya (Ma)

Hikari (Hik) Toji (T)

Kensuke (Ke) Kyoko (Ky) Sayaka (S)

Zero Two (Z) Hiro (Hir)

**(01:00)**

"That _still_ creeps me out." Sayaka thought aloud, as the valve man turned his head.

Soon enough, the menu loaded. "Well, I guess that means it _remembers_ where we were."

"Good thing too, cause we didn't _save_." Thought Maya.

"Even _if_ it didn't save, it was right at the start of a _new_ chapter." Kensuke pointed out. "Maybe we would've had to have seen Glados complaining about being a potato again."

"Good job, by the way." Kyoko sarcastically jabbed.

"Yeah, probably not the _best_ decision to put _that_ core in charge of everything."

"Oh well." Kensuke shrugged, as he continued the game. "Live and learn."

"Doesn't help that was the _only_ option, eh?"

"Either the core that'll _certainly_ kill you, or a core that'll end up killing you through sheer _incompetence_."

"Not great options, eh Hikari?"

"I suppose the next chapters will be _how_ we get the hell out of this mess."

"Maybe if we stay _deep_ enough, the nuclear explosion won't reach that far down."

"That's probably our best option, Ken."

~

### 2.6: The Fall

_Bottom of the Well_ **(02:15)**

A crow took potato!Glados away, and Chell got up.

Kensuke looked around. "Okay, taking stock. We're currently 4500 or so metres down."

R: "That's pretty much as deep as _Terminal_ is."

Hik: "And I doubt we _can_ stay down here, anyway. Unless we _want_ Wheatley to destroy the facility."

S: "Is _that_ his name?"

Hik: "I _think_ it is; he said it during his breakdown."

Ky: "Even his _name_ sounds stupid!"

Z: "Either way, I doubt we're going back up the way we came."

Mi: "But at least you guys get to explore _old_ Aperture now!"

Hir: "And see if they were _always_ completely insane."

Ma: "They _were_ the ones who _designed_ Glados, after all."

With nothing much to look at now, Kensuke walked onwards, continuing to take in the surroundings. "It _is_ pretty eery now here, admittedly."

T: "As one would _expect_ , being that far down."

Ritsuko furrowed her brow. "And yet there's _still_ power, this far down."

Ma: "How is the _infrastructure_ still operating? Surely this would be _decades_ abandoned at this point!"

Ky: "Might convenient for _Ken_ , at least."

He used his portals on the illuminated walls, pushing his way further into the deep. "No _wonder_ they have massive power requirements."

Z: "Do they just have _limitless_ energy or something?"

Mi: "It's _Aperture_ , it wouldn't surprise me."

... **(03:50)**

He pushed further. "Alright, _this_ is starting to look a bit promising." As he continued looking.

Ma: "So what do you think we'll _find_ here? Since it seems the _core_ infrastructure is still intact."

T: "It's _Aperture_. Only the _Gods_ know that."

S: "I don't even think _they know._ "

Hir: "...Tartaros 09?"

R: " _That's_ certainly a forbidding name."

Z: "What even _is_ Tartaros?"

R: "Hell."

Z: "Ah. Yeah I'd say that was an _apt_ description for this place."

Ky: "Especially if _Aperture's_ involved."

Not like Kensuke could go anywhere _else_ , so he jumped down and walked the path.

Passing _several_ signs. "I wonder what they're trying to say." Deadpanned Misato.

Hik: "They were testing _this_ far back?"

T: "What do the _signs_ say?"

Kensuke went up to read. "Condemned 15 June _1961_."

Mass exhales of disbelief. "Jesus _Christ_ they've been around for a while."

R: "And this was when it was _condemned_. In all likelihood, they were using it for _decades_ before they did such thing."

S: "I'm guessing we'll have _to engage in conversation_ with the substances beyond this point."

Ma: "Wouldn't be a game _without_ it."

He looked to _another_ sign. "Spallation?"

R: "When a nucleus breaks up into constituents, basically _fission_."

Ke: "So they're basically saying we might interact with _Gamma radiation_."

R: "Yep."

A flat look on Kensuke's face. "Wouldn't be Aperture without deadly radiation."

_Vitrified_ **(04:40)**

None of the signs giving too much else away, Kensuke began probing for a way to _bypass_ the barrier.

T: "Well _that's_ convenient." As the camera panned towards an illuminated wall.

S: "So we know to use _that_."

Mi: "It's just where the _other_ portal goes."

Probing further. "There's a gap _there_ , but I don't see any portal surfaces."

Hik: "See if there's anything _above_ you."

Glancing up, he found _another_ illuminated wall. "Ah, thanks Hikari."

From there, it was easy enough to get beyond the wall.

Ky: "You probably could've just _jumped_ down from there, Ken."

Ke: "Probably." He shrugged.

Ma: "They even have _floodlights_ down here."

Z: "I wonder if Glados even _knew_ there was this much energy being used."

R: "She probably didn't _care_ , which says a _lot_ about Aperture's power infrastructure. This were _us_ , we would've cut _all_ power as soon as it was condemned."

Hir: "Aperture has massive inefficiency, certainly wouldn't be the _first_ time."

Kensuke dropped further into the condemned facility, passing yet _more_ keep out signs.

T: "The signs ain't _working_ well, are they?"

Ma: "Why'd they even put _up_ those signs if they were just gonna block it off?"

Mi: "You might as well be _sure_."

R: "If _one_ sign wasn't enough to stop someone curious, extra signs won't."

Ke: "Hell, it'd only _encourage_ them. There's obviously _something_ there."

_Vault_ **(05:40)**

He walked through the darkness, towards the catwalk.

And finding a breaker.

T: "What the hell is _that_?"

Ky: "Flip the breaker and find out!"

On their and the _game's_ behest, Kensuke flipped the switch.

And the floodlights illuminated.

Mi: "What the hell _is_ that?"

R: "It's a _door_. Probably a pressure sealed _vault_ door."

S: "That seems a bit _extreme_ , doesn't it?"

Ma: "Kinda worrying what _is_ in there, if they go to _this_ length."

Ke: "Knowing Aperture, it's probably some mantis men or something."

Hik: "Wouldn't even _surprise_ me."

Z: "So are we _opening_ it?"

Ke: "Of course we are!"

So they walked to the control rooms, still in awe at the sheer _size_ of the vault.

Hir: "Well we can't use the _catwalks_."

Ky: "A good thing they painted the walls in _portal conductor_."

He took tome time to read more decals. "Same date it was _condemned_."

R: "In all likelihood, it has _never_ been opened since then."

Mi: "That would've been around when _our_ mothers were born, eh Rits?"

S: "I can't wait to see what _horrors_ await us." She flatly remarked, as Kensuke portalled to one of the control rooms.

... **(06:45)**

Z: "So I assume you just hit that?"

He clicked the button, and a timer counted down to zero.

R: "It looks like a _dual_ system. Two people need to hit both buttons within four seconds."

Ma: "Actually kind of a _reasonable_ security system, I'd think. Not one person can _open_ it."

Hik: "Unless they have a _portal gun_."

He took the suggestion, setting up his portals.

T: "Hold up, is that a _new_ sign?"

Kensuke moved the portal to see it.

Ky: "Oh great, it could _flood_ down here?"

Mi: "It's kinda amazing water _hasn't_ swamped the facility, honestly."

Hir: "Considering how much time has passed."

He reset his portal. "Alright, let's crack this baby open!"

Chell hit both buttons, beginning the opening process as Kensuke repositioned themselves _closer_ to the door.

Ma: "They've _really_ overdone the door, though."

R: "I find it amazing that one hinge can _hold_ such a massive door."

Mi: "They probably made it out of _fiberglass_ or something stupid."

Ke: "Or asbestos."

The lights illuminated the contents of the vault, as Kensuke was just about there.

And they _all_ burst into hysterics when they realised this massive vault door simply blocked _another_ , more reasonably sized door. "Oh for God's sake, that really _is_ over the top!"

T: "I mean, it's _kinda_ reasonable. Don't need a _completely_ gaping hole, don't ya?"

Ma: "What's even the point of that _chair_ there, then?"

R: "Security guard, maybe."

Hik: "What, just in case someone opened this vault door without permission?"

S: "It's not even a _fancy_ door, that's like a _fire exit_!"

Kensuke went through said fire door. "Well, let's see what was so _worth_ the sealing."

_Old Aperture_ **(08:25)**

Kensuke opened the door to old Aperture.

Mi: "Ah so there _is_ water."

Ky: " _Death_ water, at that."

Z: "I wouldn't lean on the rails if I were you."

As he walked the catwalks, he panned over several dilapidated symbols. "So we know it's at least _half a century_ since the last time this place has been maintained."

R: "We have _no_ perspective on time. We just know a _lot_ of it has passed."

T: "Even the fact this hasn't completely _caved_ in says _something_ about how Aperture builds stuff."

Hik: "And there's _still_ power down here."

Ma: "Maybe they figured out how to mass produce _S2's_."

Ke: "That or they have more nuclear reactors than the _world_ has."

S: "I'm assuming you'll have to _get_ to those platforms somehow."

Ke: "Wouldn't surprise me, but for now I'm just trying to get _somewhere_." He mused, as he continued walking around.

R: "We know this goes back to _1952_ , at least."

Mi: "That's _way_ before _our_ folks were born, wasn't it?"

T: "That broken door is where we need to go."

Ky: "Pretty obvious, ain't it." As he placed his blue portal. "Lemme see what _that_ light has to offer, at least."

Z: "We're kinda like _moths_ , aren't we?"

S: "It helps that's what they _used_ to show us where to go."

Said light showed nothing but a locked door. "Well _that_ went nowhere."

Walking further into the darkness didn't reveal too much as well, so he just portalled to where he was meant to go.

_Cave_ **(09:55)**

They found yet _another_ breaker.

T: "Wonder what _this_ will bring."

Kensuke read the sign. "Looks like just about _everything_."

R: "I'm amazed they even _have_ breakers for all that."

Ky: "Looks like we'll _still_ be testing." Flat.

Mi: "Wouldn't be Portal _without_ it."

And so he flipped the switch.

The suave voice of a man filled the room.

S: "Damn, they actually had a _pedigree_?"

Ma: "I wonder if they all changed their minds as soon as they realised Aperture was _insane_?"

Alongside the voice of a _woman_.

Z: "It's good to hear that guy had _someone_ , at least."

As the atom in the Aperture logo fell out, the man introduced himself and his secretary.

Hik: "Oh wow he _does_ have Johnson in his name."

R: "Told you so."

Hir: "I wouldn't think _Cave_ was exactly common."

Ma: "I think _Caroline's_ a nice name, though. Has the same sorta ring _Eliza_ does."

Mi: "Sounds like _they_ have a Sempai-Kohai relationship like _you two_ do, eh?" She chuckled. "And you can bet since it was the _50s_ that they were probably doing it on his _desk_ or something."

R: "You're as bad as _they_ are, Misato." She was flat. "Not like _you're_ any better with _your_ quote unquote _secretary_."

Ky: "Ah, looks like the _adults_ can be just as lewd as _we_ can be!"

Ritsuko simply sighed.

... **(10:55)**

Ke: "So we're gonna have to get up _there_ , I imagine." Aiming towards the raised catwalk.

S: "I doubt they'll let you go up _that_ elevator."

T: "A good thing the walls are _painted_ with portal paint."

Looking around a bit more, portal high up on his left. "I doubt this'll get me somewhere, but I haven't seen anything else yet."

Indeed, he didn't have enough velocity to reach the catwalk with his first attempt.

R: "They would give you _somewhere_ up high."

Z: "Be like a _moth_ or something."

Kensuke glanced around more and found a _light_ , high up. "Ah, should've seen that _earlier_."

Z: "Oh wow we really _do_ need to be a moth."

He got himself up, and immediately fell back down.

Ky: "Probably could've _controlled_ that a bit more, Ken."

Ke: "Yeah I know."

This time around, he landed. "Alright, now to see whether I can reach that catwalk."

He dropped down, missing it.

Hik: "Well _that_ was a bust."

Mi: "Hey Kensuke? What're the chances you can fly _through_ that Aperture logo?"

Kensuke thought about it, as he got himself back up high, picturing what Misato suggested. "Y'know, that's probably what they _wanted_ you to do."

S: "As I said, it won't be _that_ easy to get out of here."

Portals down, he dropped. Flying through the air like an eagle piloting a blimp.

R: "Good suggestion, Misato."

Ke: "Well, I suppose it'd be more _entertaining_ to go through the rest of the facility." As he looked towards the main shaft elevator, so far away.

_Lounge_ **(12:30)**

So he entered the lounge.

The recording of Cave Johnson played out, as Kensuke explored the offices. "Look at _those_ old terminals!"

Ma: " _Are_ they terminals? They look like _typewriters_."

R: "This was back in the _50s_. Odds are, they _are_ typewriters."

T: "I kinda _gathered_ those messages of his were prerecorded."

Ky: "He'd probably be dead a hundred times over, at this point."

Hik: "I'm kinda astonished all this _furniture_ survived."

Mi: "You can _tell_ this was furnished in the _50s_."

They found a painting of this Cave Johnson.

S: " _He_ doesn't look too bad."

Ke: "He's kinda _dashing_ , as they'd probably say back then."

Z: "And they didn't even bother to move the _awards_ when they abandoned this place?"

Cave kept talking about the tests coming up, as Kensuke looked over the awards. "47... 55..."

Ma: "I suppose we know what _state_ they're based in, now."

Ky: "Why the hell is there a _shower_ _curtain_ award?"

Kensuke _would've_ looked at the shower curtain award, until Cave Johnson mentioned _praying mantis DNA injections_. "...Shit it might _actually_ be mantis men."

Kyoko barked a laugh at this unintended clairvoyance. "They really _were_ fucking insane back then!"

R: "More like _Cave Johnson_ is the insane one. He's the one who _started_ Aperture."

The shock from _mantis men_ now gone, Kensuke went back to looking at the various awards Aperture were awarded in days gone by.

Ky: "They started in _shower curtains_!?"

Mi: "How the hell do you get from _shower curtains_ to _mantis men_!"

Hir: "And whatever that _repulsion gel_ is."

And yet a few _more_ awards. "Looks like they were _better_ than Black Mesa, once upon a time."

S: " _That_ sure didn't last."

At least until he looked as a certificate with a giant number _2_.

S: "...Or maybe they _always_ played second fiddle."

Now to the newspaper.

Hik: "Oh no _wonder_ Aperture goes so deep, it started in a damn _mine_!"

R: "How much money did he _have_?"

Ma: "And all from _shower curtains_."

Mi: "I _guarantee_ he was misappropriating money somehow."

He gave one last look at Cave, before looking around the furnishings some more. "They even have _ashtrays_ everywhere."

R: " _Some_ things don't change, at least."

_Elevator Shaft_ **(14:00)**

They finally left the lounge. "Going _up_ , I imagine."

Ke: "Up is _good_ ; gets us closer to _Weetabix_ or whatever his name was."

Hik: "Wheatley."

They got to the elevator. "I doubt we _need_ an attendant to hit a damn _button_."

T: " _Glados_ certainly thought so." As Kensuke went up. "Though I guess _that_ button was a bit different."

R: "And it ended up putting that core in charge of the facility."

Z: "Maybe we _did_ need training to do such thing."

It finally got up, Kensuke laying eyes on a sign.

S: "I'm sure we'll keep _that_ in mind."

Hir: "You might _have_ to end up falling down the elevator shaft."

Mi: "And you think that's a _clue_ of some sort?"

Hiro shrugged. "Could be."

Kensuke looked around, zooming on the prompt. "Okay, there were lights to my left, _that_... is a _pipe_ of some sort."

Following said pipe, he found a door leading to _pump station Alpha_. "Ah, _that's_ where we need to go, I assume."

Ky: "Which _now_ I'm assuming you can use those lights to the left to _fling_ yourself."

Probing further. "Sure _looks_ like it." As he went to look at the catwalks.

... **(15:00)**

Kensuke noticed a few switches next to the vitrified doors. "...Hold on, can you _click_ those buttons next to the doors?"

R: "Might as well _check_."

He clicked the first one, and the voice of Cave Johnson came to life.

Ma: "They're pointing _superconductors_ at you."

Mi: "I gotta remember _that_ line, throwing science at the wall and seeing what sticks."

R: "Might as well be _my_ life." She muttered.

Ky: "Oh but at least they'll cut out our tumours!"

S: "But now I'm _really_ curious as to what the _others_ say."

T: "More how _screwed up_ it'll be, I imagine."

They listened to the second speaker.

Hik: "Well _that's_ a bit disgusting to think about." She shuddered.

Z: "And it lasts a _week_ as well?"

Hir: "I don't even _want_ to know how that happens."

To the third.

R: "How the _fuck_ does that even work?!" Ritsuko _shouted_. "You can't just turn blood into _petrol_!"

Ke: " _Aperture_ sure as hell figured out a way."

Mi: "I know petrol is a fossil fuel and it's finite and all that, but surely _that's_ not the best way of making _renewable_ fuel!"

T: "Maybe _that's_ why they said your _piss_ may be cold. Could be _antifreeze_."

Ky: "What, are they turning you into a _car_ or something?"

S: "I wouldn't even be _surprised_ , in all honesty."

R: "Kensuke, get back to testing so I can get that nonsense out of my head."

Ke: "Aye aye." As he looked down.

... **(16:00)**

Ke: "So we can't drop down _there_ , unless we _want_ to fall down into the water." He traced out the arc he was suppose to make.

Z: "Is that _light_ at the bottom of that elevator shaft?"

Kensuke noticed it. "Well I be damned, looks like you were _right_ , Hiro."

Hir: "I mean, it _was_ a bit of a suggestion, wasn't it."

He made his way back to the shaft. "Can't get the elevator back down."

Ma: "It _probably_ has multiple spaces."

They went down a flight.

Revealling a gaping hole all the way down. "Thanks, Ibuki."

T: " _That_ will give you the momentum required."

Blue portal on the angled surface, he jumped down, placing and passing through the orange portal and flying onto the catwalk leading to pump station Alpha. "Nice!"

Mi: " _That_ went rather well."

S: "Now let's see what this _station_ has to offer."

_Pump Station Alpha_ **(16:55)**

They entered.

Hir: "It looks like you _need_ to go through there to go up, anyway."

Hik: "A good thing we _are_ going through there."

Into the main room.

Ky: "Oh they actually _care_ about allergens?"

Kensuke looked over the list.

Ma: "I mean, I imagine just about _everyone_ is allergic to _anti-matter_."

R: "That's certainly _a_ way to describe how anti-matter reacts to _matter_."

Z: "Which is?"

R: "Complete annihilation of both matter and anti-matter."

Zero Two blinked. "Huh. I mean, you _could_ call that an allergy."

T: "I find it kinda concerning out of _all_ the animals they could use to describe animal dander, they use a _monkey_."

S: "You know America sent _monkeys_ to space before they sent humans, right?"

R: "Chimpanzees, actually."

Sayaka shrugged.

Ke: "I wonder _how_ pollen gets down here anyway." As he moved to the next posters. " _Both_ of these just seem like common sense, at least."

R: "Other than the fact if you know they smell _good_ , it's already too late."

Mi: "The fact they even have to _mention_ that."

Finally, they got to the main control panel. "Welp, time to flip the breaker again."

Which he did, a _decades_ old pump spun to life.

Ky: "And _that_ still works, as well!"

T: "I wonder what they're even _pumping_."

Hir: "Probably that _gel_ Cave mentioned earlier."

Hik: "That's probably composed _entirely_ of asbestos."

Ke: "Wouldn't even _surprise_ me." As he portalled upwards. "Sounds like we have _another_ fun thing to deal with, at least." His eyes caught a safety poster.

R: "Once again, the fact they even have to _make_ posters like that!"

Mi: "I know _we_ don't exactly follow OHS, but at least our personal don't get _injured_ to that extent!"

R: "We haven't even _had_ an injury outside of our Evangelion pilots since the _Seele Incursion_."

T: "I like how you have to clarify they're _exempt_." Flat.

Hik: "And _you_ might get to join in, Toj!"

A flat look to his girlfriend, as Kensuke began navigating to the elevator, over a pipe, Cave explaining Aperture's relative _independence_ from everyone else. "Wow, they had Emancipation Grills back _then_ , as well?"

Ma: "They don't even look too _different_ , eh?"

And so the elevator went up.

_Enrichment Sphere 01_ **(18:50)**

The lights lit, and Cave's voice filled the room. "We got a _long_ way up." Mused Kyoko.

Hik: "It's good to hear we _actually_ get the gel and _not_ the blue paint."

T: "Ya might get out of here with your _legs_ intact."

R: "Sounds like they didn't invent the long fall boots, back then."

Mi: "But at least they got _science_ out of it!"

Kensuke took in the surroundings, as he walked up. "I'm assuming that _blue_ stuff up there is the repulsion gel."

Hir: "Blue pump, makes sense."

Eyes laid on a sign. "Jeez, was _that_ how big the portal gun was back then?"

Z: "Can't deny they certainly _reduced_ the size, eh?"

Ma: "Even fitting all that into _there_ would've been a miracle."

Ma: "It's much more _useful_ in the form _you_ have, eh Ken?"

Ke: "Got a lot more _mobility_ , that's for sure."

They entered the chamber, and they found _another_ sign describing the repulsion gel.

Which they _all_ read, and _all_ immediately furrowed their brows. "Oh my God you were meant to _eat_ that?"

Ma: "Slightly less _non-toxic_. So... _toxic_?"

R: "It's basically _fibreglass_. They wanted you to eat fucking _fibreglass_."

Hir: "And the food would just... _bounce_ out?"

Mi: "I wonder _why_ it was recalled." She muttered.

Ke: "But... it sounds like _that's_ what they meant by repulsion gel. You can _bounce_ on it."

... **(20:00)**

And so he jumped into the repulsion gel covered pit. Bounding over.

Kensuke _giggled_. "That's _awesome_!"

He bounced back into the pit, bounding around like a pronking pink pony.

Kyoko couldn't help but chuckle at Kensuke's amusement. "It's _very_ easy to entertain you sometimes, Ken."

S: "I mean, it _is_ pretty cool." Like Kyoko, she couldn't help but smile.

T: "So what, you can just _paint_ surfaces with that stuff and use it as a _springboard_?"

Z: "Sure _looks_ like it."

Ke: "Man I could just bounce on this all day!"

R: "There _is_ still testing to be done."

Ma: "And I'm sure the following tests will use it _extensively_."

Kensuke _finally_ portalled himself up. "So that button opens the _door_."

Hik: "Meaning you'll need a _cube_. Maybe that button on the _other_ side."

Ke: "...Ah, maybe your velocity is _reflected_ , as well."

He tested this empirically, bouncing over to the platform. "Now _that's_ cool."

Clicking the small button, the cube dropped down onto the gel. "Woa _that_ bounces on the gel as well?!"

Mi: "Heh, he's getting _excited_ again."

Kensuke _immediately_ threw the cube back into the pit, laughing at how it bounced around like it was the most amusing thing he's seen.

Which, in all honesty, it _was_.

T: "Shit, _I'm_ finding it kinda amusing as well, Commander."

Ke: "Ah I'm sure I'll get bored of it _eventually_." As he threw it back into the pit, _still_ giggling. "Maybe."

R: "Kensuke."

Ke: "Okay, okay." A small sigh, as he grabbed the cube and bought it through the portal.

Before throwing it from the height. Much to Ritsuko's flat stare. "Sorry! Couldn't help myself."

She sighed, as they were watching the cube bounce around. Ritsuko found it somewhat disconcerting that _everyone_ was enraptured watching this cube bounce around.

Mi: "It _is_ pretty cool, admittedly."

R: "Are video games _really_ in such a horrid state nowadays?"

Ke: "Yep."

The cube eventually came to a stop. "Alright, I'll solve it."

He bounced to the exit with the cube. "Button's on the other side, Ken."

Ke: "I knew that."

... **(22:00)**

He bounced back, placing the cube on the button, and bounding to the exit.

R: "Yeah, _I_ probably would've suggested that to Cave as well."

Ma: "I imagine telling them _that_ would've _concerned_ them some."

Ky: "Not _Chell_ , of course."

Z: "You've _seen_ her tenacity, right?"

Mi: "Sounds like _Cave_ has this sort of tenacity as well."

T: "He has _another_ point as well. _He's_ funded it."

Ke: "Sounds like he didn't _fire_ them, at least." As he got himself up to another platform. "Man it's kinda _annoying_ when you don't know _where_ to go."

Hik: "And then you double think yourself."

Which Kensuke did exactly, going to one end of the path before going the exact opposite.

Only to find a small office. "And then you realise you were going the right way!"

Much to the amusement of _everyone_ , as he did the walk of shame back the _right_ way. "Yep, that's the same with _me_ as well."

S: "Practically _all_ of us, at this point."

_Bounce_ **(22:55)**

Passing an Emancipation Grill, Cave spoke once more. Kensuke was able to tune it out as he looked around the chamber, not so much the _others_.

Ky: "Can I say old Aperture was even _more_ insane than new Aperture?"

R: "You can."

S: "How can you imbue a chair with _radiation_?"

Ma: "Make it out of _plutonium_ , perhaps."

Z: "At least they're _trying_ to heal those tumours of yours. At least I _think_ they are."

Ke: "That, or he's making Chell into a mantis girl." As he barely missed an unstationary scaffold. "Damn it!"

It was easy enough to correct this mistake and acquire the cube, at least.

T: "I can't believe _Glados_ is the more conservative one."

Hir: "She would've gotten it from _somewhere_."

Ke: "And onto the button."

A panel flipped.

Mi: "So after _all_ this, Chell is gonna be a tumour riddled mess with _petrol_ for blood."

Hik: "Maybe if she's lucky, all that stuff stopped working in the many years."

Kensuke jumped from the high panel, onto an equally high platform. "Hang on, I can bounce on the _walls_?!" As he unintentionally stepped on the button, remembering it for future use.

Ky: "Well, at least _you're_ having fun, Ken."

S: "Can't say the same for _Chell_ , knowing all that stuff is going on."

His first attempt fell flat. "Well I'm sure it _would_ be fun if I got it."

R: "You came _really_ close to falling down that pit."

Ke: "I would've bounced myself against the wall if that happened." Muttering, as he bounced up and around like he were a ball.

Much to his and the other's amusement. "Sounds like there's a bit of a _cue_ with that gel, as well." Noted Maya.

Mi: "Maybe to make it appear more _magical_ or something."

Hik: "That's probably just the asbestos or something."

Misato snorted, as Kensuke acquired the cube and bounced right on back. "Probably would've been faster if you _walked_."

Ky: "That's less _fun_ , though."

Ke: "Yeah!"

... **(24:50)**

Amazingly _not_ flinging himself and the cube into the Emancipation Grill, cube was placed on button.

Z: "Now just _one more_ bounce, from the looks of it."

Bounce down, and bounce up, and they reached the exit. "Man that gel's _amazing_!" Exclaimed Kensuke.

Speaking of gel, Cave gave a small piece of advice about the gel.

Ky: "Oh _that's_ some fucking great advice right there!"

Hik: "How do you not know what _element_ it is?"

Ma: " _We_ found something which element we're _still_ trying to identify."

T: "You didn't find _repulsion gel_ , didn't you?"

R: "I _hope_ not, if it's _that_ reactive to the human skeleton."

S: "Well, we'll know if you turn into a _puddle_ , Subcommander."

Ke: "So Chell will be riddled with tumours, her blood is entirely replaced with _petrol_ , and her skeleton is gonna melt."

Z: "That's a _lot_ more than Glados was _ever_ gonna do to her!"

Hir: "And Aperture _still_ attracted war heroes and astronauts."

Mi: "A part of me honestly doubts that _lasted_. You'd have to be desperate or _insane_ to participate in whatever hell Aperture had planned."

Ky: "You could _say_ Chell was _both_."

Ke: "That, and she doesn't have a _choice_." As he made it to the elevator. "Which I suppose you _could_ lump into _desperate_."

R: "And if she _is_ as mentally impaired as Wheatbox suggested."

Hik: "Wheatley."

_Enrichment Sphere 02_ **(25:55)**

The second sphere was entered, Cave giving _another_ fun fact.

Ky: "I'm gonna say you guys _jinxed_ that by mentioning asbestos a lot."

R: "It's not even _surprising_ , back in that day. Asbestos is pretty much a _miracle_ insulator."

Hik: "The only problem with asbestos is if you breath it in, you get _mesothelioma_."

Ma: "That's a pretty _big_ problem, admittedly."

Mi: "I'm kinda surprised he even _knew_ about the problems of asbestos back in the _50s_."

S: "Oh but it's all fine, Cave says we might be _dead_ before then anyway!"

Ke: "We probably _are_ dead before then." As he dropped down, navigating over broken metal.

Z: "What even _is_ mesowhatever?"

R: "Cancer of the tissue that covers organs."

T: "Just the fact it's _cancer_ is concern enough."

Hir: "I'm assuming you'll have to go _up_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "And there's probably no _stairs_ for it, eh." As he looked up, finding a stray light. "Is that..."

The portal landed. "Yep."

Orange portal down, moving up to the top, it was trivial to enter the next test. "Wow _that_ was easy."

Ky: "Ya even got _Cave_ to complement you."

Hik: "Obviously he _expected_ people to do that. These are _prerecorded_ , after all."

R: "Can't say the same thing for that _invalid_ , unfortunately."

Mi: "...I mean, I can _see_ how expensive it could be but you _have_ to do it, don't you?"

Ke: "A part of me doubts Aperture is friendly to _any_ disability." As he started the test.

... **(27:25)**

The small button was clicked, and a glob of repulsion gel fell down, flying through the portals that Kensuke had set down.

His jaw dropped. "You can _control_ it?!"

R: "Oh boy."

Ky: "Try not to melt your skeleton, Ken."

He was immediately splattered.

T: "Well it's been nice knowing you."

Z: "He's not _melting_ , at least."

Mi: "That _is_ pretty cool, admittedly."

S: "So what's the _deal_ with this chamber?"

Ke: "Eh? Oh yeah." As he looked around. "Grills around there..."

Probing his jumping.

Hik: "You'd probably need to jump up those _smaller_ platforms there, they seem about the right height for the gel."

He portalled up there.

Hik: "Or you could do that." She shrugged.

Hir: "He's _already_ covered in that stuff, can't get any _worse_ for him."

Ke: "So now I should be able to get up _there_..."

Bounding across the gap.

T: "Yeah, but how are you gonna get through _that_ grill?"

He bounded back, realising and probing a bit further. "Probably _more_ of that stuff... Yeah I can't shoot past that Emancipation Grill."

On the surface of the platform, he placed a portal. The gel flew up and flew back down, splattering on it on account of Kensuke _moving_ the portal.

The player couldn't help but chuckle. "That works."

Once more he intended to bounce over, only to hit a stray glob of repulsion gel and completely whiff the jump. "OH COME ON!"

Much to everyone's amusement.

... **(28:45)**

Failing to jump back up, he put down some more gel.

Which he _still_ failed. "Man you _really_ need to make sure you get some momentum _before_ you hit the gel."

R: "So the gel _perfectly_ repels your momentum."

Ma: "Pretty _fascinating_ , isn't it?"

Hik: "That sounds like a bit of a _violation_ of momentum. Any action has an equal and opposite reaction or something?"

T: "It's got the _opposite_."

R: "Odds are, it has the _equal_ , as well. Maybe the fibreglass is good at _absorbing_ the force."

Ky: "Is it usually decent at that?"

R: "More so than most materials, it's glass fibre reinforced plastic after all."

Z: "Oh _that's_ why you found it concerning they _ate it_!"

S: "It's a _very_ good reaction, isn't it."

He _finally_ made his way through the first Emancipation Grill.

Hir: "I imagine there's a way to _fling_ that gel over."

Kensuke probed the chamber some more. "That's probably what they _want_."

Mi: "Can gel go through an Emancipation Grill intact?"

R: "It _is_ an authorised material, I imagine. At least through _those_ Emancipation Grills."

He tested this empirically.

Hik: "So did that go _through_ , or-"

A glob of gel flew through the grill, impacting the floor close to a pair of orange arrows.

Hik: "Guess that answers _that_ question."

Ky: "Should just be a matter of _jumping_ over that gap now, Ken."

S: "You think he can _clear_ that gap?"

Ky: "1000 Yen says he can."

S: "You're just trying to get your Yen back, aren't you?"

Kyoko poked her tongue.

Meanwhile, Kensuke was thinking. "...I reckon I'll need _momentum_ , though."

He fell from the raised platform, flinging himself through the Emancipation Grill and rebounding off the repulsion gel.

And like that, the chamber was done.

S: "... Wow, I didn't even _see_ that."

Ky: "Almost worth _money_ , ain't it?"

Rolling her eyes and handing Kyoko her 1000 Yen note, as Cave went on about coffee. "If anything, I should be giving this to _Kensuke_."

R: "They put _what_ in the coffee?!"

T: "It's a damn good thing we didn't drink any of the coffee there, eh?"

Hik: "A good thing it's all _nonexistent_."

Mi: "It probably vitrified or something."

Once more shocked at the sheer _violation_ of every single safety standard in existence, Kensuke made his way to the elevator. "Cave goes on about all this, my mind's gonna turn to stone _anyway_."

_Enrichment Sphere 03_ **(30:35)**

Hik: "So what violations of basic human rights will we get _today_?"

Ky: "Well we got the _gel_ , so that's _already_ a violation of your skeleton."

Cave spoke once more, his words aimed at control group Kepler-7.

Mi: "They _had_ microchips back then?"

R: "The size of a fucking _postcard_. Though fair enough, that _would_ have been considered micro back in the late 50s."

Ma: "They weren't even really a thing until the early _60s_ , at least not in mass produced form."

T: "I don't think my _head's_ the size of a postcard."

Z: "And why the hell would it run _that_ hot if it's in your brain? That'd _cook_ you!"

Ke: "Remember, this is _America_. They use a _different_ temperature system.

R: "500 degrees Fahrenheit is 260 degrees Celsius."

Ke: "Oh. Yeah you still have a point, Zero Two."

Hir: "They probably should've gotten that out _long_ before." He muttered.

Ma: "You _really_ don't want wetware to get hot. And _hot_ in this case means anything above _37 degrees_."

S: "At least _Chell_ doesn't have a damn _postcard_ embedded in her brain. She _already_ has to deal with the melting skeleton and the tumours and the genes latching themselves _onto_ the tumours and _petrol for blood_."

Mi: "And God help her if she drank any of the _coffee_."

... **(31:00)**

Concerns out of the way, Kensuke finally made his way to the chamber. "What _that_ gel?"

Ky: "I think it's just _water_ , Ken."

R: "Knowing Aperture, it's just as dangerous as the _gel_ is."

Hik: "Yeah, it's probably loaded with lead or something."

To test this, he _bathed_ in it.

T: "Y'know, that's probably the _first_ shower Chell has had in ages."

Mi: "That water's probably older than _she_ is, though."

Ma: "Is the gel _soluble_?"

Ke: "I would _assume_ ; the water is there for a _reason_." Testing this, he tried launching the repulsion gel into the stream of water.

S: "Is it really _that_ easy to get rid of?"

R: "I wouldn't call _fibreglass_ soluble, myself."

Hir: "I suppose the _first_ thing would be to get that _button_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "Working on that _now_." As he painted the ground with the gel.

Hik: "Might not need _that_ much gel, Kensuke."

His first bounce failed to hit the mark, but the second did. "Now what did _that_ do..."

The water stopped. "... _Oh._ "

His mind rushed as he knew what to do, perhaps rushing _too_ hard as he placed the wrong portal down. "Nooooo don't start up again!"

He managed to get the gel down, and to bounce up to the exit. With around two seconds to spare.

Ky: "Ya did it _again_ , Ken."

Ke: "Yeah I know, sorry for giving anyone a heart attack." Scratching the back of his head, before going for the exit.

... **(32:05)**

Cave started talking again, as Kensuke looked around.

R: "Only _trace_ amounts?"

T: "What even _counts_ as a trace amount of _time travel_? That seems like a pretty big deal _no matter what_!"

Ke: "It's _Aperture_." He deadpanned.

Ky: "It's even _got_ an appropriately Aperture side effect."

Mi: "Only the _destruction_ of everything!"

Z: "Well, I guess you should do what he says, eh?"

Hir: "That's probably what that _poster_ says, as well."

The player noticed this, going to read.

Ma: "I dunno, I think if something bad enough happened that a _me_ from the future came back and said _don't_ do that, I'd probably listen."

S: "But then _time_ goes down the drain."

Ke: "Well, I'm just gonna paint the walls and hope I don't wipe out _time_ , then." As he did just that. "Well, the ones on the _top_ go nowhere."

T: "What about that _angled_ one?"

Portal down. "Well, we got paint on the _wall_ now."

Hik: "...Hey, do you reckon you can _rebound_ off that?"

A hum of curiosity, before he jumped through the portal. "I'd need more _momentum_."

Ky: "Well it's a good thing you got portal surfaces up _high_ then, Ken."

He looked up. "Oh yeah!"

Portalling up, blue portal on the angled surface and placing the orange portal as he dropped, he rebounded off the gel and flew through an Emancipation Grill. "Nice one, guys!"

... **(33:10)**

S: " _Now_ where are we?"

Ke: "The _roof_ of the chamber, obviously." As he wandered over to the gel tube, and snickered. "You can still tell it's a _video game_."

Ma: "Or maybe Aperture made it so the gel just pops into existence."

Hik: "I'm guessing you're gonna have to make it to an _elevator_ of some sort."

T: "That's how the _rest_ of the chambers work."

Ever curious, Kensuke focused on a _sign_ instead.

R: "How delightfully macabre."

Ky: "I like how they care more for the damn _company_ as well!"

Mi: "You'd think they were _Japanese_." She deprecated.

Z: "I doubt companies here mention skirting _police_."

Ma: "It'd depend on their _ties_."

Hir: "At least they say it because they want to progress _science_."

R: "It's a better motive than _most_ criminal work, admittedly."

Ke: "Speaking of, back to the testing." As he looked down onto white painted surfaces, probing a few possibilities.

T: "Can you get that gel, maybe?"

Ke: "I think that's what they _want_ , though Gods know _how_ I'll get it."

Hik: "Wasn't there a hole into the chamber?"

Now curious, he looked back. "Well I be damned, looks like you're right Hikari."

She couldn't help but smirk.

S: "Now it's just a matter of painting the walls blue until we figure out what to do."

Kensuke chuckled, doing just that. "I don't think anything _that_ low will work for me, if I need to get to _that_ elevator up there."

He finally placed a portal down on the more elevated surface, the gel dropping through it and painting an angled surface. "...Ohh I think I have an idea!"

Getting said angled surface painted completely, he dropped down and through a portal he placed, acquiring sufficient velocity to rebound off the gel and onto a catwalk. "Yes!"

Ky: "Nice one, Ken!"

S: "Good one!"

Kensuke couldn't help but smile, as he _almost_ went the wrong way. "Ah that wasn't too much."

_Blue Cube_ **(34:50)**

He got up to the upper catwalk, and into the next chamber. But not before listening to Cave _almost_ chastising him for taking his time on the catwalks.

Mi: "Maybe if they actually _maintained_ this place."

R: "To be fair on Cave, he's most likely been dead for _decades_ now."

Ma: "He's certainly got a... _way_ of tacking this sort of mental stress."

Hik: "It's a good thing _you guys_ didn't deal with me like that."

T: "Yeah, they just left you to _me_." He huffed.

Mi: "Not that _you_ should complain."

Ky: "It worked for your pilots, didn't it."

Kensuke probed the chamber as Cave continued going on about namby pamby mental problems. "Tells you a lot about the _50s_ , at least. So _this_ controls an elevator."

Z: "How're you gonna get that _cube_ out of there, though?"

S: "...Can you _paint_ the cube with the blue gel? Since it looked like you could at least _bathe_ it in it."

Ke: "...Hmm."

He allowed gel to flow in and hit the cube.

Which _immediately_ started bouncing around, shattering the glass and bouncing around the test chamber.

Kensuke was _giddy_. "Ahahah! That's so _cool_!"

Ky: "It even sounds like a damn _basketball_!"

He caught it. "Oh man there's so _much_ I wanna do with this!"

Kensuke threw the bouncy cube onto a raised platform, which promptly bounced at an angle and bounced on Chell's _head_.

Which _everyone_ found entertaining. "Jeez that _is_ pretty cool." Admitted Toji.

R: "I suppose teens are just _easy_ to amuse."

Mi: " _I_ find it amusing, Rits."

R: "You practically have the mind of a teen anyway, Misato."

Chasing it around for a lot longer, he finally caught it. "So I know you gotta throw it in the _water_ in order to get it cleaned and that, but I wanna see if I can bounce it _in_ the water."

His attempt failed, breaking more glass as it rebounded off elsewhere. "Come back!"

He caught it, and tried again. Which _also_ failed, even getting stuck _between_ the vent and a wall. "Damn it!"

Third try, which _did_ hit the vent but failed to clean the cube. "Oh come on that hit it!" As he vainly hit the E key several times, it bouncing completely opposite him.

Ma: "I think you need to _hold_ it, Kensuke."

Because Kensuke was _stubborn_ as a mule, he _still_ tried throwing it in there.

R: "Kensuke."

Ke: "Alright, alright." Holding the cube, it was _finally_ cleaned. "That's _still_ cool, though."

... **(32:35)**

The cleaned cube finally hit the button, bringing the elevator down. "Now to get _up_ there."

Hir: "A simple application of the _gel_ , I believe."

Kensuke placed his orange portal down. "Uhh..."

Blue portal went down, which only served to _cycle_ the blue gel between them. "Ah damn it all!"

Z: "My darling said a _simple_ application of the gel."

He managed to get up on the platform, at least."

Ky: "Still _worked_."

T: "Though _now_ , it's getting that cube off the button."

Ma: "The gel managed to get the cube moving _before_. Could just apply the same principle."

Getting his portals down, it only took two attempts and accidentally placing the wrong portal to get the cube off.

S: "It can even _trigger_ the button while bouncing!"

Hik: "Course, if you stick around and watch that cube for _longer_ , the Subcommander might tear your head off."

R: "Oh I'm not _that_ excessive."

Cave talked about the why's and why nots.

Mi: "What was it we said about him _not_ firing people?"

Ma: " _I_ probably wouldn't mind marrying safe science."

S: "Is that meant to be a euphemism for the _Subcommander_ or something?"

A small pause before Maya illuminated red. "...Not exactly, not that I'd mind _that_ either."

Only _adding_ to her embarrassment, Ritsuko took this moment to _peck_ her on the cheek. "...Aaaaaa-"

R: "You're _adorable_ sometimes, Maya."

Ky: "Wow, never thought I'd see _you two_ affectionate in front of us."

The Subcommander _smirked_. "We _are_ usually a lot more private about it."

Z: "Having someone to call your own is really _nice_ , eh?"

T: "Sounds like we _all_ have experience in that department."

Warm smiles all around, as the elevator went up.

_Pump Station Beta_ **(38:20)**

Cave congratulated them on a job well done. "Well _thanks_ , I guess." Misato mused.

Ky: "The simple fact we're _there_ means we _survived_."

T: "It's _Aperture_ , that's _well_ worth the congratulations."

Kensuke panned the camera over to a distant installation. "Oh great, we're going into the _seventies_ next."

R: " _Still_ before us."

Ma: "Before your _folks_ , even. At least as _adults_." As Kensuke looked _down_.

S: "Man that goes down a _lot_ , doesn't it?"

Z: "You probably went up a good _kilometre_ , I imagine."

Hik: "Least it gets the _petrol_ pumping."

Ke: "I might as well check where _this_ goes, first of all."

Hir: "Probably nowhere, even though there _should_ be an elevator."

Mi: "That probably snapped off its cables long ago."

Ma: "Caroline's just _precious_ , isn't she?"

Ky: "The _Kohai_ to Cave's _Sempai_."

Mi: "You probably see a bit of _yourself_ in her, eh Maya?"

Ma: "Ehh a _bit_ , admittedly." Scratching the back of her head. "Sempai's not _insane_ , though."

R: "At least to _that_ extent."

Mi: "We know of _a_ Ritsuko that _was_ that insane, at least."

Hik: "Not the _Laserdiscs_ , I'm assuming."

Mi: "Oh God no, it was _another_ material that we lost."

T: "You _lost_ one of these materials."

Mi: "Oi it wasn't _our_ fault! If you looked at the security footage, it literally _disappeared_."

Toji blinked. "Right, not gonna question that."

Ke: "Yeah _that_ was obvious." Kensuke muttered, looking over the _empty_ elevator shaft.

Z: "Oh it wasn't even a _kilometre_."

Ky: "Well, let's have a look what the _next_ pump station has to offer then!"

... **(39:00)**

And after one last look at Cave Johnson, Kensuke began making his way to the next pump station. "So what Gods forsaken thing do you guys think _this_ gel was used for, at least I'll _assume_ it's another gel."

S: "Probably started off as _another_ dietary thing."

Mi: "What, their _first_ attempt wasn't enough for them?"

R: "It wouldn't surprise me if it was _recalled_ almost _immediately_."

Chell portalled to the future of 1971.

Z: "Still, I'm kinda curious as to what _this_ gel would be. If the blue gel was _bouncy_."

Ma: "And considering how much fun Kensuke had with _that_ gel."

Zooming in on the name of the station. "What kind of property would you associate with _orange_?"

Hik: "I _would_ say speed, but I wouldn't have associate blue with _bouncy_."

Mi: "Maybe that _is_ why. It's _alliterative_ , in English."

Either way, he entered. "Ah good! We _still_ get to use the bouncy stuff!"

T: "I'm sure you _love_ that, Kensuke."

Hir: "I imagine the switch for those are _up_."

Ke: "In all likelihood." As he portalled up to the catwalks. "Oh Gods it's _already_ starting to look like the seventies."

S: "Gotta get _higher_ , though."

Ke: "Mhm." He tried placing another portal on a visible white panel, only to get blocked by the glass.

A good thing he looked down. "...Ah!"

Both portals down on the ground, he acquired momentum and started bobbing through the portals.

Mi: "Good to see _that's_ still the same."

R: " _Still_ gives you some vertigo?"

Mi: "Yep."

He flung himself to the control room. "Oh my _God_ was _that_ what the seventies looked like?"

Ma: "Gaudy tiles, excessive wood trim? That's so seventies it's probably going to start playing _disco music_."

Ke: "Even the _computers_ look seventies! Paper terminals and _tape drives_!"

R: "And _regular_ terminals, as well."

After a minor geekout, Kensuke hit _both_ pump switches, starting said pumps.

Which _also_ had the side effect of opening the door to the disco era.

Ky: "I hope no one here actually _plays_ disco." She muttered.

_Swinging Seventies_ **(40:35)**

The player looked around. "The seventies weren't _this_ decrepit, I imagine."

T: "Where the hell are we even meant to _go_?"

Exploring a bit more, he noticed an elevator into _another_ enrichment sphere. "Probably _there_ , I assume."

Z: "Which might mean _that_ catwalk, if it's on a crane."

S: "Even the _logo_ looks like it was from the seventies!"

Cave reintroduced himself.

Ky: "Well _he_ sounds a lot more caustic than usual." She muttered.

Mi: "Sounds like they went through a few too _many_ astronauts for the government's liking." Chuckling.

Ma: "The fact it looks like they have to give _monetary incentive_ to test nowadays."

Ke: "And _60 dollars_ , at that. What's that, 60000 Yen or something?"

Hik: "You'd get a good meal out of that, at least."

R: "Recall this was the _seventies_. 60 dollars had a _lot_ more buying power back then. Probably around 36000 _modern_ Yen, throwing it at the wall."

T: "That's not _too_ bad, actually. It's more money than _I'm_ earning right now."

Ke: "Do you even have a _job_ , Toji?"

T: "I _was_ gonna go for an apprenticeship at a mechanics, but if I'm gonna end up piloting _Evangelion_ , might put that on hold."

Ky: "Ya'd probably get more money as a pilot anyway."

Hik: "I _already_ earn enough money to be the breadwinner in our relationship anyway." A small smirk.

Hir: "Sounds to _me_ like this _Black Mesa_ was not exactly _honest_."

Ke: "I'm more surprised Black Mesa existed _this_ far back."

Ma: "And we know the heights _they_ got too."

Ke: " _Ehhhh_ I wouldn't _call_ it heights."

R: "A good thing _Caroline_ was able to keep him in line."

Mi: "Even _she_ sounded a bit more serious."

T: "So even in the _seventies_ , Aperture fell so far _out_ of favour they have to _pay_ people a _significant_ amount to take these tests."

Ky: "And _bums_ , at that."

S: "At least they got _paid_." She scoffed. " _And_ twenty minutes in the waiting room!"

Ke: "How the mighty have fallen." Muttering, as he looked around at the signs. "Yeah that platform's not moving without a switch of some sort."

_Lower Office_ **(42:00)**

They entered the lower offices, catching sight of Cave Johnson as he was in the early 70s.

T: "Jeez, _he's_ looking a bit worse for wear."

Mi: "I imagine all the shit Aperture had to deal with wouldn't be great for the health."

Ma: "Good thing _we_ don't have to go through all that."

Misato snorted. "You got _that_ right."

Kensuke continued looking around this lower office. "Maybe _he's_ starting to get affected by the stuff Aperture has done."

Hik: "Can't imagine having _petrol_ for blood is too healthy for the body."

Z: "The _skeleton_ is also a pretty important aspect."

Ky: "All the science in the world and he _still_ can't stop male pattern baldness."

_Another_ sign. "So basically, alert Aperture if you see _anyone_ that could imprison _anyone_."

Hir: "How would they even get _that_ far to warrant _signs_?"

R: "Obviously, they've had problems with this _before_. We remember that sign from the _60s_ ; 'Investigations impede progress'."

S: "I can get _some_ of them, even the _mine_ inspector I can understand, but what's a _GAO_?"

R: "I believe it's America's _Government Accountability Office_ , if I'm remembering correctly they basically _audit_ what federal funds are used for. Basically _our_ Board of Audit."

Ma: "The fact they're even _trying_ to skirt the government in the first place."

After the prerequisite roasting of Aperture's policies, they entered the test subject waiting area. " _This_ is looking a _lot_ more bare, as well."

Ke: "Looks like a _lot_ of people went through here, judging by the _tickets._ "

Ky: "And look at what _sixty dollars_ can get you!"

Mi: "I mean, to someone _homeless_ , that much money _would_ be worth it."

S: "Of course, saying you can buy a _yacht_ with sixty dollars is kinda _overstating_ it."

Hik: "Even accounting for _inflation_."

To the next poster, "Oh God that chest hair!"

R: "It _is_ the 70s, Kyoko."

Guessing she didn't _want_ to look at that much longer, Kensuke soon left the lower office.

Z: "Looks like all those people were _waiting_."

_Upper Office_ **(42:55)**

Now outside, it was time to determine just _what_ to do.

S: "The _catwalks_ up there look like a good starting point."

Ma: "Helps there's a _light_ , there. They really _do_ think we're moths."

R: "What we're doing doesn't _help_ their case."

As the player got up. "We're gonna have to fly through the Aperture logo again, aren't we?"

Ky: "Would they do that _again_ , Ken?"

Mi: "It _does_ look like that's where we need to go."

He quickly glanced around. "Don't see an appropriate slope _here_ , at least." Before waltzing to the upper office.

T: "Doesn't look like _anything_ of note here."

Hik: "Just computers and cabinets and that."

Just as soon as he arrived, he was about to leave. At least until he saw a _poster_.

Ky: "Jeez they even got _prisoners_ to do the tests?"

Mi: "At least then you wouldn't have to _pay_ them, or at least _as_ much."

R: "If _I_ was the government, I'd commute a _lot_ of their sentence for participating in this."

T: "Maybe they used _condemned_ prisoners or something."

Ke: "That's just _outsourcing_ the state's job, at this point."

Back to the upper catwalk. "So _that_ was a bust, though..." He trailed off, his camera focusing on the _middle_ office.

His eyes were drawn to a softer light, zooming in. "...We haven't been _there_ , have we?"

Hir: "Wasn't the bottom _or_ the top. Might be _that_."

S: "Now it's just _getting_ there."

Hik: "Angled surface on your right."

Ke: "Thank you."

Portals down, he flung himself. "Well _I_ almost missed that, but lets not talk about it."

_Staying Alive_ **(43:55)**

He stepped in, and a familiar voice said _hi_.

Mi: "Oh wow we _found_ her?"

The potato asked for something.

To which they chuckled. "Ah _now_ you need me, Glados?" Prodded Kensuke. "Should I?"

Ky: "Nah."

Kensuke went to leave.

Glados started _begging_ , which only made the crowd laugh harder.

T: "D'ya reckon she'll keep up that end of the deal?"

Hik: " _I_ certainly don't think so."

They _would've_ left, but conveniently enough the door _locked_ behind them.

_Despite_ Kensuke bashing himself against it.

Maya huffed at this vain gesture. "I guess you _have_ to rescue her."

S: "What a shame."

Ke: "Fine, I'll rescue the computer that tried to _kill_ us."

Z: "Looks like that's where the _controls_ are, anyway."

Ke: "How convenient for her."

The crow flapped away.

Hir: "Well _she's_ certainly worried about what Wholegrain is doing."

Hik: "Oh come on that isn't even _wheat_ related!"

Ky: "I think I'd honestly _prefer_ sawing my head off to putting _her_ back in charge."

R: "It's either _her_ or _Wheatley_. At least _she_ can keep the lights on without blowing things up I _can't_ believe I'm defending her."

T: "It _is_ also a pretty big _solid_ , ain't it."

Mi: "Because we _all_ know Glados is the element of _honesty_."

Ke: "Sounds like the potato actually _helps_ her be honest, then."

S: "That's the _absolute minimum_ a core can run on, isn't it?"

Mi: "Though she _also_ has a point. Either way, we're _dead_. At least _this_ way we might have a chance _above_ zero of surviving."

Ke: "Works for me."

_Reunion_ **(45:25)**

The potato was _stabbed_ onto the portal gun. "I _guess_ that's a way of doing it."

S: "Not like they have _tape_."

Z: "Activated _that_ thing, as well."

Hik: "So the portal gun _outputs_ energy as well?"

R: "Probably as a function of what it does. A _half_ volt is not much potential, though."

Ma: "To someone like _Glados_ , who _was_ operating on the _absolute minimum_ of 1.1 volts."

Ky: "Now they're up to 1. _6_ _volts_ , what an increase!"

Ke: "She'd have _breathing room_ , at least."

Glados shut down.

Hir: "Course, that _still_ doesn't sound like a lot for operations."

R: "Well, we _see_ what happens when a core overloads their energy source."

Ky: "I _want_ to hope it stays that way, but she's probably our best way _out_ of this mess in all honesty."

As the crane finished lifting the platform up, Glados respringed.

Ma: "Sounds like you were _right_ , Sempai."

R: "It makes _sense_. Glados _still_ needs to be careful, even _with_ half a volt more."

Ke: "Considering you wouldn't even be able to run a _lightbulb_ on 1.6 volts, it's a miracle she even _functions_."

T: "It's a testament to Aperture's _electrics_ , at least."

Glados thought too hard about _what_ Wheatley might do, and halted once more.

T: "...At least when they ain't stressing."

All the while, Kensuke had been setting up _his_ next plan. "I reckon I can _leap_ over to that platform now."

Ky: "Well let's see if it works!"

Readjusting his blue portal for more height, he dropped through and flung himself.

Right into the door of the platform, stopping _instantly_.

R: "Even _with_ those boots, this weren't a video game that would've _splattered_ you."

Ke: "Good thing this is a _game_ then, eh?"

And so Chell _and_ Glados entered the elevator. "It's a good thing she wasn't _Emancipated_ , eh?"

Ma: "She _is_ an Aperture device. Makes sense _she's_ allowed."

~~~

### 2.7: The Reunion

_Enrichment Sphere 04_ **(46:45)**

To Glados' question, Kensuke merely shook his head.

By jiggling the mouse back and forth a bit. The gesture amused _most_ people in the room, at least.

Cave asked Kensuke to hurry up. "Oi I'm doing it!"

What intrigued _everyone_ , however, was Glados' _reaction_ to Cave, and _Caroline_.

Hir: " _That_ is certainly interesting."

Hik: "I'm calling it now. _She_ is Caroline."

T: "How would that even be _possible_?"

R: " _Our_ Magi are biocomputers, based off the personality of my mother. You could argue they _are_ my mother."

Ma: "And since we've already established Glados as being _similar_ to the Magi, perhaps they use similar _mechanisms_ , as well."

Z: "So Glados never _realised_ it, until now?"

Ke: "But that would mean she was merely _based_ off Caroline, like the Magi are based off your mother, Subcommander."

R: "As I said, you could _argue_ they were all my mother, if they are based off _her_."

Ky: "Well, what I _do_ know is this is all confusing me."

Mi: "Kensuke better get to the testing _before_ you fry your brain like Glados did."

Rolling his eyes, Kensuke looked around, probing a button. "It's a... _ramp_?"

S: "Do they expect you to speed across it, or something?"

Ke: "...Hang on a minute."

Clicking the button to dispense the _orange_ gel, he ran over the surface it clung to.

Several times. "It _is_ speed gel! Oh this is _sick_!"

Hik: "I was _right_?"

Ky: "I bet you can make _paths_ with that."

Portals down, the button was pressed again. Conveniently painting said ramp. "Do you guys think that'll be _enough_?"

Ma: "You can always put down _another_ path, and use your portals."

R: "There'll _probably_ be a max speed you can reach on that gel, keep in mind."

Laying another path. "Always good to be _safe_ , Subcommander. Otherwise I'm falling into a bottomless pit."

So he dropped down, readying himself.

And he ran, jumping over the pit and landing in a corridor. "Nice one Ken!"

... **(48:15)**

T: "Though _now_ where are we?"

Probing some more, finding a portal surface. "I bet I have to lay that paint down _here_." As he set down his portals and pathing what he was planning. "That way, I'll have enough speed to _clear_ that gap."

Ky: "After which I'm _assuming_ there's a cube for that big button?"

Hik: "You _might_ wanna think about repositioning your portals, Kensuke."

Ke: "Eh?" Before he caught sight of the gel _vent_. "Oh yeah, can't exactly get to the _button_ like that." He quickly corrected himself. "Thanks for that."

Now near the small button, he reset the orange portal above the gel vent and painted the hallway.

S: "And now you should just be able to _run_."

Mi: "I'd _suggest_ jumping at the end of it, as well."

He did both. "Alright, step 2 done. _There's_ the cube."

Ky: "Knew it."

Cube acquired, he made his way back to the main chamber.

Z: " _That_ gel has a music cue as well, doesn't it?"

Ma: "Bit more of an _energetic_ one, isn't it?"

Hir: "A contrast to the more _bouncy_ cue of the blue gel."

R: "That was deliberate, wasn't it."

... **(49:25)**

Cube met button for the nth time, raising the ramp. "Almost there..."

T: "I don't think ya _need_ that other path, Kensuke."

R: "As I said, there's a _max_ speed you can acquire."

Kensuke elected to use it anyway. "Over-preparation is better than _under-_ preparation."

He ran, and flew.

And _missed_ , Kyoko barking a laugh.

Ke: "...Well _that_ didn't go to plan."

It was easy enough to find the path again, where his _second_ attempt also failed. "Gah! What am I doing?"

R: "Are you _jumping_ , Kensuke?"

Ke: "It's what I did _before_ and it worked."

R: "Try _not_. Perhaps jumping _cancels_ some of your velocity."

A hum of curiosity, before he attempted her idea.

And _of course_ , he got it first try.

His face impacted the keyboard before getting back up. "Thanks."

Ky: "And it's _still_ not the end of it!"

Z: "What's _that_ sign say?"

He read.

S: "Man they _really_ don't want you to touch the glass."

Ma: "Do they _have_ to clarify you need to wear a shirt and shoes at all times?"

Mi: "Ah so no _pants_ are fair game?"

Hik: "It's a good thing Chell has _shoes_ in this game."

Ke: "She won't get kicked out, then." Wry, as he looked _up_ at the button to the exit. "Ideas?"

Hir: "They're expecting you to bound _upward_ , aren't they?"

T: "Now he just needs _speed_."

Ky: "Good thing he's got _plenty_ of speed gel then, eh?"

Taking the hint, he decided to _use_ this speed gel.

Flying up, hitting the button, and flying right back through the portal. "Feh, of _course_."

It took his _third_ attempt to finally get through the portal.

S: "Got it in the end, Kensuke."

Ke: "At least." A huff. "It's pretty _cool_ , that propulsion gel. Though I think I like the _repulsion_ gel better."

R: "You didn't play with this gel _nearly_ as much." She noted.

_Outburst_ **(50:50)**

Glados decided to keep her emotions in check, after her reboot.

S: "I bet there's something _behind_ that gate there."

Ke: "Good to hear _you're_ curious as well, Kyo." Portalling to there, and finding an office. "...Is _that_ Caroline?"

Glados certainly thought they looked _familiar_.

Mi: "I dunno about _you guys_ , but _I'd_ put money on Hikari's suggestion."

Hik: "That or something like the _Magi_ , from the sounds of it."

Ma: "We do know of _a_ design that uses an _actual_ person's mind as a computer, don't we?"

R: "You think Glados could be like the _Herod_ design?"

Ma: "If anything, it'd explain her... _emotion_ , let's go with that."

Ky: "Ah, so Caroline was a _yandere_."

T: "We're not _meant_ to know what this _Herod_ is, right?"

R: "Yes."

T: "Alright, I won't ask then."

Other than the painting of Cave and Caroline, there was nothing much else of note within this office.

And soon enough, Kensuke made it to the _next_ test. "Righty, orange gel, portal surface on that pillar there..."

Impulsively clicking a button, he was pleased to find out it there was _blue_ gel as well.

Z: "Ah we're _combining_ the foodstuffs now!"

Hir: "I imagine _that_ is what you'll use to _bounce_ over."

Ke: "Probably. Though I'm not sure _how_..."

A small pause for thought later, he placed a portal on the pillar. His _other_ portal where the blue gel is dispensed, he clicked the button.

Painting a stretch blue.

Ky: "Reckon you need the _other_ colour for that, Ken."

Hik: "I think they want a combination of _both_."

Portal now below the _orange_ gel, he clicked the button.

Painting the same stretch orange.

It was only _now_ he noticed another portal surface, directly _above_ the edge of the platform. "Oh."

The others couldn't help but snicker. " _That's_ where the blue stuff comes out."

Ke: "Shame I didn't realise it earlier." Muttering.

... **(52:15)**

The edge of the orange was painted blue. "Now we _should_ bounce to the other side."

He tried it, and _succeeded_.

Before grumbling as he realised that was _not_ where the elevator was.

Z: "So _how_ are you gonna get _there_ then?"

Hik: "He _hits_ that portal surface dead on, don't you?"

Another thought, before he looked up, finding a portal surface before finding _himself_ up.

He _immediately_ got distracted by a light, which ended up to be nothing.

Mi: "I guess we _are_ moths."

Ky: "So there's no _barrier_ there; you _can_ fling yourself through that portal."

R: "And as Hikari said previously."

The player probed around, checking in his head whether this solution could work. "...Yeah, I reckon that'll work."

Back to the orange and blue path, his portals now in place, he ran and jumped and flew _all the way_ to the exit elevator. "Nice! Thanks guys!"

Cave certainly thought so, as well.

Ma: "Bit generous to _call_ them that."

T: "Probably an _old_ recording."

It ground to a halt, a 'live' Cave taking over the microphone.

Hir: "The fact he had to _mention_ that."

S: "I don't think I've even _seen_ a bathroom since when _Glados_ captured us."

Mi: "It's a good thing you don't have to _focus_ on bodily functions in a _video game_." As the elevator made its way up.

_Enrichment Sphere 05_ **(53:55)**

Ky: "Even the _loading screen_ is out of the seventies now!"

They were soon loaded in, Kensuke looking around as Cave went on about _another_ opportunity for $60.

Mi: "Y'know, it _is_ 120 seventies dollars, so it's certainly _tempting_."

T: "I'd say it depends _what_ they put in ya. Maybe they give you a titanium skeleton or something."

Ma: "Or they just fill you with tumours."

S: "You might as well flip a coin."

Z: "There's... quite a _few_ things to this chamber, actually."

Ke: "Can't deny it'd be _interesting_ to solve, at least."

R: "Do you know where to _start_ , at least?"

He was now close to the gels. "Probably _that_ section there." Said section consisting of a long stretch of path and two portal surfaces. "Orange gel down _there_ , I might be able to _fling_ myself."

Hik: "Depending how _far_ that upper surface goes, you might want to paint that _other_ angled surface with the _blue_ gel."

Ke: "I'll see where _this_ takes me, first of all."

Now on the orange painted path, he set his portals down, and used his velocity to fly through the portals, _slide_ on the angled surface, and get set down in a small room. "Well, I know _where_ the cube for that button is, at least."

Hikari couldn't help but give a smug smirk.

... **(55:00)**

Back to the main chamber. "So you'll do what _Hikari_ suggested, I'm assuming?"

Ke: "It's how I'd get to the _cube_ , at least I'm _assuming_."

It was trivial enough to get said angled surface painted blue, and it was trivial enough to end up back to the orange painted path.

Once more, he used his velocity to fly through the portals, only _this_ time he _bounced_ off the angled surface, arcing over to the platform where the cube was located with a _concerning_ crash.

T: "Ya probably don't wanna be on _that_ platform longer than ya need to."

Ke: "Yeah you're probably right." He took the opportunity to place a portal _next_ to the big button, dropping back down to the room of shame and finding his way to the button soon enough. "Now the question on my mind is, what _does_ this button do?"

R: "Normally, I wouldn't _say_ you should click unknown red buttons."

S: "This _is_ Aperture, though."

R: "Exactly."

Kensuke traced the path of the switch, finding it connected to a _rotating surface_. "...Hmm."

Cube off. "So it's _not_ a portal surface."

Ky: "It'd be easy enough to paint with that surface _below_ , though."

Z: "I'd say the _blue_ paint was the thing you needed."

With the hint, he went _back_ to the gels, zooming in from a distance in order to paint said surface blue.

_Now_ the cube could be placed onto the button.

Hir: "That would mean there was a _ramp_ somewhere close, that would probably require the _orange_."

Zooming in onto said ramp. "You'd be completely correct, Hiro."

Back to the gels _again_ , he painted _that_ ramp orange. "Now, as long as I can get the _velocity_ , that _should_ bounce me to the elevator."

Ma: "A good thing you have a perfectly good _path_."

It didn't take too long to set this up. "Alright, moment of truth."

Running and flying and bouncing, he flew straight into the _elevator_ , Cave speaking some more. "Yes! Thanks guys!"

Mi: "Are they _sure_ they know how to do that?"

T: "They would've had to get that _'micro' chip_ in ya head _somehow_."

Hik: "The way he made it _sound_ like, it doesn't even sound too _bad_."

R: "Yeah, but remember, this is _Cave Johnson_ saying it."

_Pump Station Gamma_ **(57:50)**

Cave (reluctantly) thanked the group for participating. "Might need to go _there_ , but for now I'm just following the path."

Which he did.

Ky: "So where's our sixty bucks?"

R: "I think the people who _would_ give us the sixty dollars are _long_ dead, Kyoko."

Ky: "So what the hell did we _do_ this for?"

T: "The chance to _potentially_ get out of this alive, maybe?"

Ma: " _I_ reckon that's worth more than $60."

Z: "Shame there's no _elevator_. I'd spend my $60 getting _that_ working."

Kensuke shrugged, realising he could get up on the ventilation. "As I suggested."

It was soon traversed, the door locking behind him.

Hik: "Great, _another_ pump station."

Mi: "I wonder what cancer _that_ will bring."

Hir: "We can't be too far from the surface _now,_ surely."

R: "We aren't too far away from the quote unquote _modern day_. Remember, some relaxation vaults expired in the _90s_ , and that was in the _main_ facility."

Ke: "Almost there, then!" As he portalled his way up to the station, before his curiosity started eating at him. "Hey, do you guys think there's anything _there_?"

Ky: "Wouldn't _think_ so, though you can always go _back_ I imagine."

Ke: "Works for me." Entering the pump station itself, as Glados thought. "...Welp, you're wrong about _that_ , Kyo."

Ky: "Whoops."

It was in this moment that Glados _realised_ something.

T: "...Well, at least she'll be quiet for a bit."

Ma: "I think you _are_ right, Hikari. If _Glados_ reacted like _that_ to Caroline."

Scratching the back of her head. "With how she _reacts_ , it's not too surprising."

... **(59:20)**

Kensuke found and activated the pumps. " _This_ is looking a bit like regular Aperture, at least."

Z: "If _Gamma_ is white, would that mean it's _portal_ gel?"

Hik: "A gel you could put _portals_ on?"

R: "That's what I'd assume by the _name_."

White gel immediately started flowing out, painting a roof surface white. Curious, Kensuke put a portal down. "Well look at that, it _does_ conduct portals."

Mi: "I'm kinda curious how they _did_ that."

Ma: "Surely you could just use what you painted the walls with and... actually, you could just use _that_."

T: "Beats having to _paint_ the walls."

Kensuke once more looked at the shut exit door. "... _Damn_ this curiosity of mine."

He _loaded the last save_.

Ky: "With _your_ luck, it probably _autosaved_ over that, Ken."

Loading back in- "Damn it!" Shaking the mouse in anger.

And everybody laughed. "Well, looks like you aren't finding out _what_ could be back there."

Hir: "Though thing is, there _does_ seem to be a lot of hidden things within this game."

S: "We've _found_ a lot of them so far."

Now locked out of these potential secrets, Kensuke elected to begrudgingly solve this room.

R: "Looks like there's a bit of convenient gel, at least."

Ke: "Got _that_ going for me." As he bounced off the leaking blue gel. "What's even the _point_ of these pistons again?"

Ky: "Obstacle."

T: "It _does_ say 'keep out'."

Mi: "Wow they gave adequate signage for once."

He raced through. " _Speaking_ of signage..."

Z: "Did a robot _write_ this sign?"

Hik: "It'd explain the _discrimination_. Of course, _Glados_ wouldn't mind."

Ke: " _Or_ Wheatley."

Hik: "You got it right!"

... **(1:00:30)**

After looking over the discriminatory sign, Kensuke made his way to the exit door.

Glados _immediately_ getting scared by a bird. "Oh we're back out _here_?"

Snickering from the redhead. "Looks like ya _didn't_ need to reload, Ken."

Ke: "So I did that for nothing." Muttering, looking around.

T: "Betcha need to fling yourself with that angled wall, Kensuke."

Ke: "Lemme sate this curiosity first."

He _almost_ fell into a bottomless pit doing so.

S: "Good thing that _barrier_ was there."

Mi: "It's a good thing you have a lot of _portal surfaces_."

Ke: "Means I can get _out_ of this mess, at least." With a sigh, jumping down to a lower catwalk. "Nah, nothing here."

R: "We shouldn't _fault_ this curiosity." She remarked. "Odds are, we _have_ missed a few things."

Ma: "Maybe someone can go over this with a fine tooth comb, later."

R: "Once we get resource usage down, perhaps."

Hik: "So if you're going to _fling_ yourself, where would you get the _velocity_?"

Ke: "Well there's nothing but _death_ down, so that's out." As he walked back into the pump station.

Before doing a double take. "Hang on."

On the _other_ side of the orange path, was a portal surface.

Z: " _That_ might work."

Hir: "Going the _other_ way of the pistons, though."

It wasn't much issue for Kensuke, flinging himself. "Okay, _that's_ done at least."

_Mandatory Testing_ **(1:01:45)**

Cave greeted them again.

A _deathly ill_ Cave. "Geez _he_ doesn't sound healthy."

R: "All that Aperture experimentation is catching up to him."

Ma: "So _is_ this voluntary or is it _required_?"

T: "He _says_ mandatory, but the _posters_ suggest it's voluntary."

Misato huffed. "Volunteering is mandatory."

Hik: "That defeats the _purpose_."

Ky: " _Aperture_ doesn't give two shits."

S: "At least they _were_ going to use robots instead."

Speaking of, Kensuke found a sign.

R: "Yes let Glados read the sign of _paradoxes_."

Ke: "I thought that was a _movie_ thing."

Ma: "It makes _sense_ ; gets a computer in an infinite loop."

R: "All _our_ AI and computer constructs have paradox mitigation programmed in. So no, you _can't_ get Eliza into an infinite loop by saying any of those lines."

Ky: "Damn it!"

The voice explained _what_ the white gel was made of.

Hir: "Oh _fiberglass_ wasn't enough for him, he had to make it out of _the moon_?!"

Z: "And look where that got _him_ , darling." Flat.

Ma: "He's looking on the _bright side_ , at least."

Mi: "Fault him all you want, he's _dedicated_ to science."

R: " _Too_ dedicated, I'd say. And that's coming from _me_."

... **(1:02:30)**

They saw his painting. "...Man he _really_ looks sick."

S: "Coming from a _painting_ , as well."

R: "Stress from Aperture alongside _moon mesothelioma_ and Gods know whatever else they've riddled themselves with."

T: "Maybe that petrol for blood thing would _prevent_ getting poisoned by moon rocks."

Hik: "...I guess he _does_ make lemonade." Thinking back to what the turret said, as Cave mentioned it, and as Kensuke looked over _another_ poster. "And _still_ abusing humans."

Ke: "They _did_ say they were phasing out human testing, after all." Hitting a button to open a door. "And this was back in the _80s_ , as well. Personal computing was _barely_ getting off the ground at this point and they were already making _robots_."

Other than a poster _encouraging_ human on robot relations, there was nothing else of note in this waiting room.

Ky: "Though I guess that's _one_ advantage of a robot not needing rest." She mused, as Kensuke found another sign. " _Stamina_."

S: "I'm sure we can strap you _to_ a machine, once we're old enough and living together." A smirk, as Kensuke read over a sign. "How _would_ you know you're allergic to _moon rocks_?"

R: "I'd be more concerned myself if they were allergic to _starch_. Being one of the _core_ carbohydrates humans consume. At least if you're allergic to lunar material, avoiding the _moon_ is easy enough."

Ma: "At least they don't test them to death." She shrugged. "And if you're good enough, you can _not_ do it."

Mi: "Of course, what the _sign_ says might not be what _actually_ happened."

Z: "So it _isn't_ voluntary."

Ke: "As Misato said, volunteering is mandatory." Walking to the elevator. "No _wonder_ they lost a lot of employees."

Hir: "Can't imagine _Black Mesa_ doing the same, with how it sounds."

Ke: "Ehhh you're right about that in _some_ aspects."

_Enrichment Sphere 06_ **(1:03:35)**

Ke: "...Huh. I was expecting a loading zone."

Walking into the chamber, they _immediately_ noticed the lack of portal surfaces.

Ky: "Good thing you have a lot of that _moon juice_."

T: "So what, just coat _everything_ in that stuff until you solve the test?"

R: "Or until you _see_ a solution."

The camera focused on twin pillars. "I have a feeling _those_ are important."

Z: "Now it's just getting that paint from there to _there_."

Ke: "Can't be _too_ difficult." As he panned around some more. "Exit _there_."

Hik: "Man that place _really_ fell apart, didn't it?"

S: "And this is the _latest_ sphere, as well."

Ma: "Maybe they couldn't afford decent _materials_ at this point."

Mi: "They _did_ just spend 70 _million_ dollars on moon rocks. And this was back in the _80s_."

R: "We haven't even been back to the _surface_ of the moon since the _70s_."

Ke: "It's obviously different in _that_ world, then." A small chuckle, readjusting glasses. "Time to _paint_ , then."

Blue portal in front of the gel vent, he began the process of utterly _drenching_ the Enrichment Sphere with white stuff.

Ky: "Y'know, I just had a thought. This could be _very_ suggestive, could it?"

R: "I was _wondering_ when you were going to jump to that conclusion." She muttered, having conceded the fact _this_ group were just as perverted as the usual tumbleweed.

Mi: "As long as he doesn't start getting _covered_ in that stuff."

T: "Ya know he's _gonna_."

Mi: "Yeah, but I wanted to rile Rits up a bit."

A flat look was offered, especially as Kensuke _stood_ in the stream, trying to get _out_ of the small pen he was in. " _I'll_ at least focus at the task at hand, Subcommander."

R: "At least _someone_ is." With a sigh.

... **(1:04:45)**

It took 3 attempts and getting stuck for a bit, but he _finally_ got out.

Ky: "Now ya just _spray_ it all over the walls."

R: "You're enjoying this, aren't you."

Ky: " _Waaa~ay_ too much." She grinned, Kensuke doing just that.

T: "I mean, it _does_ look like the right thing to do."

Hik: "Still pretty _messy_ though, ain't it."

R: "And now _everyone's_ getting involved." Muttering.

Mi: "Ah let them have their fun, Rits!"

Kensuke finally got up the tower, getting drenched in the process. "Jeez I _really_ got it everywhere, didn't I."

Ritsuko grumbled.

S: "Where to from _there_?"

Z: "That broken catwalk might be a good idea."

Kensuke went to look. "Those are _stairs_ on that platform over there, so perhaps _that's_ where we ned to go."

R: "And _please_ make it quick, I've had enough of this innuendo."

Ky: "But I _like_ when they last longer!"

Ritsuko audibly facepalmed, as Kensuke started spraying it everywhere once more. "Though thing is, I'm not sure if we _can_ get up there." Jumping down to look. "All those pillars are blocked."

Hir: "You literally had your camera pointed to an angled surface, Kensuke."

_Finally_ noticing this angled surface, he immediately painted it. "Should've noticed that."

Mi: "Maybe all this _innuendo_ has your mind in the gutter."

Ke: "Most likely." Getting back up the tower. " _This_ should solve it, at least."

He flew through the air, and landed in the endzone.

Ma: "Good aim, Kensuke."

The Subcommander sighed. "You too, Maya?"

She gave an innocent grin.

_Don't Make Lemonade_ **(1:06:35)**

Cave expressed his... _thoughts_. Rather _bombastically_.

Glados' encouragement didn't help.

Mi: "Jeez he's _really_ going off."

R: "He's dying of moon sickness and has had to deal with the stress of Aperture for his entire life. No _wonder_ it's coming to a head."

Hikari furrowed her brow at the _familiar words_. "That's what the _turret_ said! 'Get mad' and 'Don't make lemonade'!"

Ky: "Maybe we found an _oracle_." Jesting.

Z: " _Glados_ is certainly liking this outburst."

Ma: "... _Can_ you burn down a house with lemons?"

S: "Gods know _Cave_ would be the guy to figure it out."

Ke: "Hopefully we don't have to deal with _that_."

As he was making his way to the exit, Cave expressed yet more of his thoughts, now more _collected_ than he once was.

T: "I guess _that_ was the start of Glados, then?"

R: "A logical thought. Though even in _our_ world, we don't store the intelligences on something like a _compact disc_. We use _wetware_ , _brains_."

Ma: "It still doesn't sound _exactly_ like what we were doing. We focused on _computing_ , they wanted full on _artificial intelligence_."

Kensuke opened another door. "We only went up one and a half kilometres?"

The Director of Aperture Laboratories put it on the record, as Kensuke began to traverse the shaft.

Mi: "...Well, I suppose that _confirms_ it, then."

Hik: "So Glados _is_ Caroline? Not _based_ off her, she _is_ her?"

Ky: "There's _so many things_ wrong with stuffing someone _unwilling_ into a computer."

Hir: "I wouldn't even put it past Aperture. A _version_ of NERV did it anyway."

R: "Said person also destroyed the mind of their most prominent scientist with her action that _resulted_ in her getting stuffed into a computer. I doubt _Caroline_ did the same."

Despite whatever animosity she might've had towards Cave, Glados still wished him goodbye.

Z: "...Even so, doesn't change what she _felt_ for him."

Ke: "It _does_ explain why Glados flooded the facility with neurotoxin, I think. Getting revenge on the people who _put her there_."

S: "It's almost like putting someone that hates your guts in charge of that sorta system is a _bad_ idea! Whoda thunk it!"

_Onward and Upward_ **(1:08:00)**

Now with a lot _more_ for the group to think about, Kensuke begun the journey up.

Ky: "At least _this_ is a lot less _dangerous_."

R: "I _would_ say you could fall to your death, but she _does_ have those boots."

Ke: "I'd say it was a nice _break_. After all that testing and trying to navigate Old Aperture."

S: "Still kinda slow work moving _up_ , though."

Ma: "It's not like he's gonna traverse _three kilometres_ instantly. Even _here_ in _our_ elevators, it takes a good while to go up and down."

Hir: "Would've been a _lot_ more slower _without_ a portal gun."

Kensuke finally made the way to the elevator. "I bet this isn't even _working_."

Mi: "It'd be _convenient,_ of _course_ it's not gonna work!"

If the flying sparks weren't any indication, the lack of a _button_ was.

Z: "At least you get a _portal surface_! Maybe you can be your _own_ elevator!"

Looking up, and glancing around _trying_ to find a portal surface, and subsequently _failing_ in finding a portal surface. "Y'know, that's probably what's _intended_."

Portal down on the floor of the elevator, he dropped a few stories into a freshly placed portal, flinging himself upward.

Placing another portal on the ground, "Wrong portal!"

He saved it, at least, this time finding an _angled_ surface and placing a portal down again. "Damn it not again!"

He saved it _that_ time as well, astonishing the group. "God _damn_ it, Ken."

Ke: "Yeah I know, I need to remember what _portals_ I've placed down." As he entered the loading zone.

_All Your Colours Combined_ **(1:09:40)**

And so they entered the spanning room.

T: "I don't even _want_ to think what you need to do here."

R: "Well, we _have_ to." She dryly noted.

Glados did her best to _assure_ Chell, as Kensuke began making his way upward once more.

S: "Well _she's_ certainly hopeful."

Hik: "She kinda has a _point_. If you're gonna die, might as well die on your two feet."

Ke: "At least _then_ you could say you _tried_."

Ky: "So how are we gonna shove these lemon's up Wheatley's robotic ass?"

Mi: "He's stupid enough to do it himself, I imagine."

Z: "That angled surface is probably what you need, Kensuke."

Ke: "I know _that_ , but it's just getting off this small platform here."

Ma: "There's portal surfaces on those _pillars_ , right?"

He noticed that. "...Right."

From there it was trivial enough for him to fling himself up.

Z: "Hey look, _another_ angled surface!"

Hir: "So how are we-"

His question was answered when Kensuke panned over dripping repulsion gel.

With a smirk, " _That_ , I imagine."

Portal underneath the gel, the _second_ angled surface was soon painted blue.

S: "Now it's just a matter of _jumping_."

Which he did, dropping down and through the portals, flying through the air and rebounding off the blue painted panel, ending up on a higher floor. "Nice one!"

Mi: "Though _now_ where do you go?"

T: "There's a white spot over _there_. Betcha you can put a portal on that."

Ky: "I'm sure that orange paint is _also_ hint enough."

He took the hint, placing a portal on said white spot and dropping down again.

Soon ending up in a small room. "Thanks guys."

... **(1:11:30)**

They walked through a small Emancipation Grill and into another room.

With all _three_ of the gels dripping down. "Well, _this_ is gonna be fun to figure out." The player mused.

R: "I'd say start with the _white_ gel. Get some portal surfaces down; you can always overwrite it with the gel later."

Ke: "...Yeah, I'd call that a good start."

Though a single white panel, the portal gel flowed, painting a small surface.

Now with more portal surface to portal on, he began painting.

Ky: "Well _that_ angle went nowhere."

Hik: "Maybe you'll have to fling _yourself_ through that, once you get it all setup."

Mi: "Like _most_ angled surfaces."

That a bust, he painted _other_ surfaces.

T: "I doubt you'll be able to keep _that_ bit painted for too long."

Ke: "If I'll have to _fling_ myself..."

To the orange paint, now overwriting the white.

The cogs were spinning in his mind, trying to figure out the solution.

Ma: "You automatically bounce on blue gel, don't you?"

Ke: "I can certainly _try_ that."

Blue gel now on the angled surface, he lined himself up on the orange runway.

He ran, and jump, and flew through his two portals back to the entrance. "Oh come on!"

And everybody laughed, as he attempted to correct this.

With his 'correction' in place, he ran and jumped and flew right back the way he came.

His stubborn nature forced him to do it a few more times with a few _more_ vain corrections to confirm, yes, this solution _wasn't_ a solution. "Alright, I think _that's_ a bust."

S: "You don't have enough _height_ to just simply _jump_ to that blue stuff."

And so he _still_ looked around for a solution.

T: "Thing is, Hikari even _said_ a solution."

Ke: "Hmm?"

Hik: " _Flinging_ yourself? Do what you had before, with the _white_ paint on that surface. And we _know_ you get high enough to reach a _portal_."

Kensuke blinked, before attempting to do just that.

Of course, it worked first try. "...Well _that's_ embarrassing."

R: "She _is_ an Evangelion pilot, Kensuke. She _notices_ these things."

... **(1:15:30)**

Ky: "So I'm guessing _that_ blue paint will be needed."

S: "We already know it _bounces_ us."

T: "D'ya think you can get that blue paint to _there_?"

Hik: "It's where he _hit_ , after all."

Portals down, blue paint hit the _ceiling_.

Z: "Well _that's_ not too useful."

Ke: "I might check what's over _there_ , first." As he went to sate his curiosity.

Ma: "That's the _entrance_." Flat.

As he laid eyes on it. "Oh. Yeah I knew that."

Ky: "And you _still_ walked over towards it, Ken."

R: "That's what we call _autopilot_."

Ke: "Maybe I have petrol for blood or something." He self deprecated, as he trudged back through the portal.

Hir: "Though thing is, you _could_ paint the ceiling with a _useful_ gel, can't you?"

Taking the hint, he painted it with the _conversion_ gel. "...Ahh, and _now_ I should be able to use the blue stuff!"

Said blue stuff was now painted on the floor. "There we go!"

Mi: "Now it's just doing what you did _before_."

He went to do that, reapplying paint where it needed to be. "I don't know _how_ I'd do this stuff without you guys."

Ky: "Ah _you'd_ probably figure it out eventually, Ken. We just help _push_ you."

T: "Many hands and all that. Or, many _heads_ in this case."

Ke: "I _do_ appreciate it." With a small smile, as he lined up.

He ran and bounced and flung himself, bouncing and bouncing and ending up where he needed to go. "Thanks guys."

_Shaft_ **(1:17:20)**

With some helpful white gel, it was easy enough to get in a shaft chock full of pipes. "Oh wow, we finally get working _ventilation_!"

S: "I wonder if you could _use_ this ventilation."

Kensuke laid eyes on an angled surface. "...Y'know, I think I can."

Portal on the angled surface, the conversion gel flew _into_ the ventilation, drenching the small room in portal conductor.

T: "Now _that'll_ be useful."

Now with plenty of surfaces to place portals on, he got himself up.

Mi: "That _really_ doesn't help the vertigo."

Hir: "Suppose we just follow the _arrows_ , then."

Ky: "Up _is_ the right way, after all."

He got himself up to the top of the shaft, placing his portal, before going _all the way down_ again.

Z: "Are you _sure_ there wasn't anything you could use up _there_ , Kensuke?"

Ke: "Might've been, but I _know_ this bit works."

R: "And if you fell down that pit?"

Ke: "I would've eaten my glasses." Muttering, as he went through.

_Pump Station Omega_ **(1:18:20)**

Hir: "...That's a _lot_ of pipes."

Hik: "Maybe it's _another_ pump station."

Looking around, as he walked up the catwalks. "It sure _says_ that."

Ma: "Just gotta get _up_ there now, then."

He reached an _upper_ catwalk, trying to open a door.

T: "That would've been _too_ easy."

Ke: "I know."

_Both_ doors a bust, he tried to figure out a way to get to this station. "Can I..."

Portals were placed in the void.

Hik: "While the _angle's_ right, I don't think you'll have enough _velocity_."

Kensuke tried it anyway. Predictably, he failed. "Feh!" As he bumbled his way up again.

R: "Think _laterally_ , Kensuke."

Ke: "Lateral?" Looking around again, finding a _lateral_ portal surface. "Oh! Why didn't I see that _earlier_!"

Z: "Why didn't we notice that _vault door_ earlier?"

S: "Wait, are we almost _there_?!"

Ky: "Sure _looks_ like it, as soon as Ken opens that door!"

Kensuke flung himself laterally, landing right in the control room.

Where Glados had an _idea_.

T: "I'm kinda surprised _she_ can read that without frying herself."

Ma: "She even _says_ no AI can resist!"

R: "Unless they have mitigations in place."

Mi: "Which Aperture probably _neglected_."

Ke: "Good thing Glados isn't _exactly_ an AI then?"

_Return_ **(1:20:35)**

And without much further ado, Kensuke hit the big red button.

Slowly, the hatch opened, the light shining down.

Hir: "I'm a bit confused as to why the hatch override would be _in_ what's being locked.

Ky: "Obviously it's there just in case _someone_ gets locked out."

R: "I can't believe Aperture even _thought_ of that, for once."

Pipes came down from the now open vault door, connecting the gels to the main facility.

S: "Oh and we _still_ get to use that paint!"

Ke: " _I'm_ certainly not complaining about that, especially the _repulsion_ gel."

Ma: " _Still_ like that stuff, eh Kensuke?"

Ke: "Yep. It'd probably be _impossible_ for you guys to _actually_ make, though."

Mi: "I'm wondering just _what_ you would need all those gels for, anyway. Especially if they're _that_ dangerous."

And from the heavens above, came a catwalk. "Looks like _that's_ our ride."

Ky: "Conveniently _not_ going near us."

Hik: "A bit of exercise is never _that_ bad."

Ke: "I'm sure Chell has had enough exercise to _well and truly_ make up for her sleep in."

Kensuke made his way to the mobile catwalk, which promptly started moving up, as Glados said her plan.

Z: "While I _think_ that idea's sound, I don't think it'll be _that_ easy. Even _for_ an idiot like Wheatley."

Ma: "If even _Glados_ is concerned at what a paradox could do to _her_."

And after so long, they _finally_ made their way to regular Aperture. "Geez look at those _springs_!"

R: "And _all_ the facility is on that."

Mi: "It's _really_ amazing how Aperture hasn't utterly _collapsed_ in on itself."

Reaching a _regular_ elevator, they began going up.

~~~

### 2.8: The Itch

_Frankenturret_ **(1:22:50)**

Ma: "What the hell did he _do_ to those poor things?!"

Ky: "Maybe he wanted _test subjects_."

They finally loaded in.

T: "Y'know, it's kinda strange that the _screens_ ain't running."

Ke: "I don't think he knows _how_ to."

They walked into a backroom, as Wheatley expressed his distain towards his _'test subjects'._ It didn't take long before they found _why_ he was expressing his distain.

Ma: "That's _horrible_!" She cried.

R: "He didn't even _think_ about that, did he?"

Hir: "He literally just combined turrets and a box."

Z: "And he expects them to have _intelligence_."

S: "The turrets never even _walked_ normally. You can't even expect _that_."

Mi: "Of course, Wheatley's an _idiot_."

Hik: "A _cruel_ idiot, at that."

Ke: "I can't even _hate_ those things, that's just sad." As he was looking over.

Maya was _still_ upset at this scene. "Some of them are on their backs!"

Ky: "He's been doing this for _twelve fucking hours_?!"

T: "It hasn't been twelve hours, surely?"

R: "It's a video game, time works differently."

Ke: "That or his own clock isn't working."

Wheatley finally left the group to their own devices, Kensuke portalling through a vent and eventually reaching a small lift. "At least the _actual_ turrets could talk and had _some_ sort of intelligence."

Z: "I'm kinda amazed he even _made_ something like that."

R: "As we said, he didn't _think_ about it. I doubt he even _made_ them intentionally."

... **(1:24:20)**

They entered the chamber, Kensuke going to solve the puzzle. "Hopefully they still function like _regular_ cubes." As he picked one up.

Ma: "Aww it's _scared_ of you!"

Before _trying_ to throw it in the screen.

Mi: "Expressing your anger for making _Maya_ upset, Kensuke?"

Ky: "The _Subcommander_ should be the one doing that, eh?"

R: "I wonder if you _can_ smash those screens."

Ke: "I'll keep trying when I can." He decided, placing the 'cube' on the button.

Wheatley _immediately_ returning.

Z: "Now for this to _not_ work."

Glados said her paradox.

R: "... _Really_? Is he really that idiotic that he doesn't even _understand_ what a paradox is meant to do to him?"

Hir: "Maybe he accidentally coded a mitigation for it."

S: "I mean, that _is_ a mitigation. Can't get stuck in a paradox loop if you don't even know what a _paradox_ is."

Failing this, Glados tried pleading to reason.

T: "Well _that_ didn't work as well."

Hik: "If a _paradox_ didn't work, _reason_ sure as hell won't."

On the automated system's behest, he _'fixed'_ the reactors.

Ke: "Nice _fix_ , idiot." As he angrily shot his portal at the screen.

Ma: "...Well, looks like we're back to testing."

Ky: "Can he even _make_ test chambers?"

S: "That or just _steal_ what Glados made before."

Z: "Hold up, are those _cubes_ broken now?"

Kensuke paused and looked at one of these cubes. "I guess the paradox _did_ work."

Maya whimpered, especially as Kensuke threw one through an Emancipation Grill. "You didn't need to do _that_!"

Ky: "That's just _mercy_ at this point, Ibuki."

_TEST_ **(1:25:40)**

As they walked to the next chamber, Wheatley expressed how it was like to be in charge of Aperture.

T: "I suppose _that's_ the itch mentioned."

Hik: "So testing's like a _drug_ to them?"

Z: "Would've been like that to _Glados_ , as well."

R: "No _wonder_ she likes to test. That system makes the digital equivalent of _dopamine_ whenever science is done."

Ma: "Would computers begin to develop a _resistance_ to this, like people can?"

Ky: "Either way, that adds a _lot_ more voyeurism to Aperture."

Mi: "Good to see you can see it from _other_ angles, Kyoko."

Hir: "At least it's _science_ , and not anything _else_."

And so, Kensuke entered the first test chamber, as Wheatley told the automated voice to shut up.

S: "Yeah, I'd say you were _right_ , Glados."

Kensuke twitched. "Did he _seriously_ write _TEST_ in the test chamber?"

R: "He didn't even complete the _T_."

T: "I guess he _did_ build this."

Hik: "Pretty obvious, isn't it?"

Ma: "I doubt it's just _one_ chamber he wants from us, as well."

Z: "So what're the odds the solution is completely _stupid_?"

Ke: "Certain." He muttered.

Mi: "He's _really_ playing this chamber up, isn't he?"

Ky: "...Hold on a minute, is that cube dispenser _over_ the button?"

After furrowing his brow, he clicked the small button, a cube dispensing and immediately solving the test, much to Wheatley's... _pleasure_.

And much to the group's _rapture_. "How the hell is _that_ pleasing?" Complained Misato. "Even _with_ that itch, surely something _that_ simple can't bring _that_ much pleasure!"

Hir: "Wheatley _is_ a simple construct, isn't he?"

Ma: "I'm more concerned by the fact it sounded like he _orgasmed_."

R: "That's that _itch_ getting satisfied." Muttering. "Just go to the exit before this lot gets _too_ sexual again, Kensuke."

Ke: "I don't even _want_ to think about _Wheatley_ getting pleasured."

Z: "...How would that even _work_? They don't have-

R: " _Exit_."

Ke: "I'm doing it!"

_Do While Satisfied_ **(1:26:50)**

Wheatley, in his grand wisdom, suggested doing the test _again_.

Hir: "I don't think it _works_ like that."

Ky: "Most of the pleasure would be in how it's _solved_ , eh? If you've _already_ seen it solved, that's the pleasure in it _gone_."

R: "Either _he_ doesn't know that, or he's about to find out."

Ke: "I'd rather _not_ have to do this same chamber again." Rolling his eyes, as Wheatley opened a secret panel.

T: "Well I'm sure Wheatley _could_ grind your mind into dust with his babbling."

Not wanting to spend too much longer in this chamber, Kensuke hit the button again.

Predictably, it did _nothing_ for Wheatley.

Hik: "So this next chapter will just be us trying to _pleasure_ Wheatley until he ends up _killing us_ or something." Furrowing her brow in disgust.

S: "Or they figure out a way to _get_ to him."

Z: "They have to get Glados back there _somehow_ , don't they?"

Mi: "Until _then_ , though."

Ma: "If _his_ chambers are anything like _that_ one, they're gonna be _easy_ enough."

Ky: "You don't think Glados _stockpiled_ chambers before she got torn out of her socket?"

Ma: "If she _did_ , I'm hoping _Wheatley_ doesn't realise it."

Kensuke finally made his way to the elevator, screens now active and showing _emergency notifications_.

T: "To be fair on _Glados_ , she _tried_."

R: "Maybe she should've _known_ Wheatley was idiotic enough to _not_ understand what a paradox is."

Mi: "As she and Maya said, though. If _his_ tests are like that, all the easier for _them_."

S: "Unless what _Kyo_ said comes true."

Ke: "I'm kinda _hoping_ that happens, actually. At least we could use more than _one percent_ of our minds solving it."

_Test Chamber 01_ **(1:27:50)**

T: "Man he didn't even do the _loading screen_ right."

They loaded in, the screens giving a _helpful_ reminder of the evacuation training.

S: "I'm sure _we'll_ remember that."

And so they entered the chamber. "What is _that_?!" Exclaimed Kensuke.

Ky: "Dunno, but the _chambers_ are still looking pretty slick, at least."

Flat looks were offered to Kyoko. "This _is_ one of her tests!"

Ky: "He added _something_ to it, at least."

Hik: "Well, at least they'll be _thought provoking_."

Hir: "Speaking of, what does _that_ light do?"

Kensuke stepped in, and began floating.

Mi: "Well, _that's_ pretty cool."

Ma: "I hope that doesn't use the _same_ light the hard light bridges use."

Ky: "Actually I take that back." Muttering, as they reached the second floor. "So you can _float_ in those tube things, can _objects_ float?"

R: "There's a _vertical_ button. I would _assume_ so."

Z: "We gotta figure out how to get to _that_ cube, first of all."

S: "I'm assuming you could use _portals_ to route them."

Kensuke found an appropriate portal surface, and ended up floating right towards the cube. "What are these things even _called_?"

Mi: "Knowing Aperture, probably something stupidly verbose, like _excursion tube_ or something."

Acquiring the frankencube was easy enough, Kensuke having the mind to portal the funnel back to the _lower_ level.

Perhaps having _too_ much mind, as he realised he was right _above_ the button. "Well _that_ was lucky."

The solution _pleased_ Wheatley, much to the chagrin of everyone, as Kensuke made his way to the exit.

Hik: "So while they _can_ probably kill you now, at least it should keep _him_... _occupied_."

T: "At least _you're_ able to see a bright side to that. Can't say the same of _Glados_."

_Test Chamber 02_ **(1:29:30)**

Glados excused herself. "Gee, _thanks_." Muttered Kyoko.

Mi: "Ah it's more fun seeing you guys trying to figure it out, anyway."

So they made it to the chamber.

T: "You barely _made_ half of it!"

Hik: "He probably _unmade_ most of it."

R: "Doesn't even sound like he _thought_ about making these tests."

S: "What, mashing several smaller ones together makes it _new_?"

Ma: "Might make it _impossible_ , even."

Kensuke entered the funnel, portals down, as Wheatley talked. "It involves _these_ funnels, at least."

Hir: "So it _should_ have some challenge to it."

His eyes laid on a flat portal surface. "Aha! I _was_ going to place a portal down on that."

Ky: "But you realised it would _kill_ you. Congratulations, Ken."

Z: "Depending on your angle, you _should_ be able to get to that."

R: "Just make sure you're _over_ a funnel before you reposition your portal."

Ke: "I'll keep that in mind, don't worry."

The portal was placed on this flat surface, and he flew up.

Wheatley _tried_ to tell him the solution, only to get _shocked_.

Much to everyone's _amusement_. "Okay, _fair enough_ Glados." Conceded Kyoko.

Ke: "I'll see _what_ this button does, at least."

Clicking the button, a frankencube fell into the void. "Aww..."

Hir: "A good thing we have _funnels_."

Kensuke thought the same, placing the funnel below the vent, towards Wheatley's screen. "Damn it."

S: " _Still_ trying to break the screen?"

To which the player shrugged. "Always worth a shot."

... **(1:30:45)**

Yet another look around. "Okay, button on the _ceiling_ , so we _need_ the funnel."

Ma: " _Please_ don't let that cube fall into the void again, Kensuke."

Ke: "I'll certainly try my _best_."

On her behest, Kensuke began the process of getting this cube towards the _first_ portal, so that it may rest on the big button.

Dropping the cube into the void, because he placed the wrong portal down. "Sorry! That was _not_ intentional!"

Maya pouted.

S: "At least _now_ , you could probably set it on a more _direct_ route."

Taking her suggestion, the funnel below the vent now went _parallel_ to the television, Kensuke dispensing another abomination of Silicon Heaven.

A few well placed portals later, and the test was solved. _Despite_ some wonky physics almost condemning this frankencube.

Z: "At least he managed to save _that_ one."

They couldn't help but laugh at how Glados _deliberately_ shocked Wheatley. "She's probably right, that _is_ a bad idea."

Ky: " _I'd_ say that was worth it, Hikari."

Mi: "You gotta find your entertainment _somehow_. Especially in a situation like _this_."

Hir: "Sounds like it helped _her_."

R: "Comedy _is_ a good way of dealing with situations. Among _other_ things."

_Test Chamber 03_ **(1:31:55)**

Glados _finally_ had good news.

Ma: "Huh, so she _didn't_ stockpile tests?"

Z: "I kinda wonder why you'd even need _more_ than the original testing course."

Mi: "Glados wants more of that digital dopamine, obviously."

As soon as they entered this test chamber, this good news suddenly became _invalid_.

To their flat looks. "Gee, _thanks_ Glados, you spud."

Hik: "That's just _accurate_ , at this point."

T: "So what, you have to solve _this_ frankenchamber?"

R: "He probably doesn't even know _how_ to solve it."

Hir: "How did _she_ not even know that?"

Ke: "If the _skeletons_ are anything to go by, it's been a _while_."

The chambers crashed together.

S: " _Mementos_ , she calls it!"

Ky: " _Can_ we tell it's not two chambers mushed together?"

Kensuke looked over this. "Yes _perfectly seamless_." He muttered, before getting to work.

... **(1:32:35)**

Hik: "So there's a _horizontal_ button, now."

R: "A similar solution to the _previous_ couple chambers, then."

Blue portal down in front of the funnel, Kensuke struggled to find _where_ to put the orange portal. "Uhh... ah!"

He was soon floating over the bottomless pit, towards the button that controlled the cube vent.

Ma: "Why does he keep putting it over bottomless pits?!"

Mi: "Obviously to torture _you_ , Maya."

A panel was replaced with a target.

Ky: "Great, there's _Faith Plates_ again."

Ke: "They aren't _that_ bad." As he hit the button, the cube falling into a bottomless pit.

Ma: "You _knew_ it was over a bottomless pit!"

Ke: "Whoops."

Using the funnels, the cube slowly floated towards the two. "Happy?"

Ma: "As long as you don't catapult it into the void."

S: "I doubt he _will_. He'll have to get _another_ cube."

His hands on the cube, he flung himself to the freshly placed funnel, and from there it was back to the main room.

Z: "You gonna try throwing the cube into Wheatley again?"

Ke: "I don't think there's any portal surfaces in _front_ of him, unfortunately." As he tried _throwing_ the cube into the funnel above him."

T: "I feel there's an _easier_ way."

R: "I feel he _knows_ that."

Said easier solution was just to use his portals to throw the cube into the funnel.

From there, hitting the button was easy.

Ky: "Ken, quick question. How are you gonna get _to_ the door?"

He seemed to realise this. "...Oh. Uhh..."

Kensuke got himself up to the exit platform. Conveniently enough, the cube landed on a portal surface, and from there he was able to perform a similar solution to what he did before. "Like _that_ , Kyo."

Wheatley was rather _disappointed_ with what happened.

Mi: "Hey Maya, didn't you _say_ they could develop a resistance to that sorta thing like _people_ can?"

Ma: "I didn't expect it to _actually_ happen!"

Hik: "It won't be fine, would it?"

R: "I don't think so."

_Test Chamber 04_ **(1:34:55)**

The potato insisted this is fine.

Ky: "She says that as Aperture is falling to bits around them."

Wheatley admonished the two of them for doing the test right.

Mi: "Oi, don't blame _us_ you can't handle your addiction!"

Ke: "Great, he got the _turrets_ working again."

Z: "He's an idiot but he got _those_ working?"

S: "He's not even good at _insulting_ you. At least _Glados_ knew how to _really_ twist the knife."

R: "If she wanted to call you fat, she wouldn't use such _crass_ language."

Much to their _shock_ , however, Glados seemed to _defend_ Chell.

Hik: "Y'know, I _should_ say this was rather _hypocritical_ of her."

Hir: "Maybe knowing she's _Caroline_ has helped her."

T: "She even _said_ to Chell she was _adopted_."

Ma: "So she's just doing that to rile him up more."

On Wheatley's insistence, Kensuke continued what he was doing.

Which was funnelling a turret over a bottomless pit.

To the turret's credit, it _tried_ shooting Kensuke as it fell into the abyss.

Ky: "What was even the _point_ of that lone turret?"

Ma: "Upsetting _me_." She huffed. "So what does _that_ button do, then?"

Clicking it, they realised it made the funnel change _colour_.

S: "That has _other_ functionality, doesn't it?"

T: "Nah it just changes the colour."

Experimenting, Kensuke picked up the cube with the funnel. "Ohh it _reverses_ it!"

R: "Gives you even _more_ control over it, doesn't it?"

Once the cube was on the main path, Kensuke placed a portal in front of him, allowing the cube to come towards Chell and Glados. "Now if I place it on _there_ , I should just be able to fly _towards_ it."

Which he did.

Ky: "It's pretty _cool_ , admittedly."

Hik: "Unless there's a surface _opposite_ the door, you might have to reverse that _again_."

Kensuke placed a funnel so that it'd take the cube off the button. "Easy enough."

And he went up. "And I even stopped the cube from flying off."

Ma: "Thank you."

Much to Wheatley's _frustration_. "We _solved_ it, you moron!"

R: "I wouldn't say you were _helping_ , Kyoko."

_Test Chamber 05_ **(1:37:20)**

A harpsichord filled the room. "Looks like ya finally get some of that _music_ you wanted, Hikari."

Hik: "What even _is_ that instrument? It sounds like a tinny _koto_."

Mi: "I _think_ it's a harpsichord, but _Kaworu's_ the expert on instruments like that."

Ke: "Either way, _Glados_ doesn't like that."

R: "It's all trying to make himself seem more _intelligent_."

Pages were turning, as Kensuke entered the chamber.

Z: "He's even _pretending_ to read."

S: "What _would_ he read, anyway?"

Ma: " _Why_ does he need to read? Can't he just instantly upload the information to himself?"

T: "You saw how he hacked passwords, didn't ya?"

Hir: "And he's doing all this while _not_ focusing on keeping Aperture running."

Ke: "I don't even think he thought about _this_ chamber." As he was glancing to a cube tube, before flinging himself over. "So, Faith Plates and funnels."

R: "A part of me highly doubts he's read _Machiavelli_ , anyway."

Mi: "Christ, _Kaji_ tried telling me about that and I got the _gist_ of it."

Ke: "It's all about _unethical_ strategy, isn't it?" He noted, as he looked around on the other side, noting a small button and an angled portal surface. "Of course _Glados_ has read it, she's practically the _postercore_ for that."

Funnel on the angled surface, he jumped back to the other side.

Ky: "I think ya had the right idea _before_ , Ken."

Hik: "And at least high up, you'd could _observe_."

T: "...Actually, we know angled surfaces are good for _flinging_ yourself. What're the chances you can use the funnel to go up, _then_ you place the portal on that surface?"

Kensuke blinked. "That's a _very_ good idea, Toji."

He did as Toji suggested, landing where the _two_ buttons were. "Thanks for that!"

T: "Ah it's nothing."

Hitting the button, a frankencube dropped, bounced off a Faith Plate and into a bottomless pit. "Aww..."

S: "And I suppose you could do the same for _that_ , Ken."

Ke: "I'd assume."

He did just that, the cube landed close by. "Would've been even _better_ if I could've _landed_ it on the button directly."

Wheatley was once again _disappointed_ by the apparently flaccid display, Glados taking the time to essentially _confirm_ what their thoughts were.

Mi: "So not only is it _practically_ dopamine, you build a _resistance_ to it like Maya suggested."

Ma: "At least _Glados_ was able to tackle this withdrawal head on."

R: "Can't fault her for what she _wanted_ to do. It's just the _way_ she gets this science."

_Test Chamber 06_ **(1:39:30)**

The televisions in the elevator room had _bluescreened_. "I didn't know Aperture ran on _Whistler_!" Maya immediately jested.

As Kensuke went to look. "Maybe not Aperture itself, but certainly the _reactors_."

R: " _Why_ would you run nuclear reactors on _Windows_."

Ky: "Maybe Wheatley tried _installing_ it on the reactors or something."

Ma: "It'd certainly explain _why_ they were acting up."

T: "And you just have to _vent_ whatever Gods forsaken thing they have into the _atmosphere_?"

S: "Not like _Aperture_ would give a damn."

Hir: "At least _Glados_ gives as much a damn as to keep things _running_."

Z: "Can't say that of _Wheatley_ , eh darling?"

Ke: "Well, hopefully they don't blow up _before_ we tear Wheatley to shreds." As he walked to the chamber.

Wheatley _moving_ the chamber.

Mi: "Why is he moving you _closer_ to him? Does he _want_ you to beat him?"

Hik: "At least we can use his moronic tendencies to our _advantage_."

... **(1:40:15)**

Kensuke waited for the chamber to stop moving before beginning to solve it. "Big button, Turrets, Emancipation Grill, Hard Light."

Clicking the button, a Faith Plate _immediately_ flinging a cube into an Emancipation Grill, to Maya's cry. "Cube _for_ the button."

Ky: "Block the cube from hitting it, don't torture her _too_ much."

R: "Glad to hear you care for Maya's wellbeing." In deadpan.

Second attempt was too low. "Damn it."

Third attempt was too _high._ "I'm not doing this _intentionally_ , I promise!"

Maya pouted.

_Fifth_ time's the charm. "Ya got it _eventually_ , at least."

Mi: "Needlessly torturing Maya all the way."

Using the hard light, he now _blocked_ the turrets, so that he could acquire the cube. "So he's at least got _regular_ turrets either stockpiled or manufactured."

Hik: "That's not a _good_ thing."

He managed to get out of the turret trap _before_ they all opened fire, at least. "Alright, so _now_ we just toss it on that Faith Plate..."

Which he did, it impacting the television and _shattering_ it. "HAH! You _can_ break them!"

T: "And he thinks _we're_ the idiots for doing so."

Ma: " _He's_ certainly thinking a lot of himself."

Ky: "If God was _that_ stupid, he would've done something stupid like thrown this world into the sun or something." Muttering. "Ya probably need to block the cube again, Ken."

Ke: "I can certainly _see_ that." As he did just that, the cube now rebounding off the hard light.

R: "You _can_ hold it, Kensuke."

Ke: "Yeah I know." _This_ time around, he and the cube flung up and impacted the hard light.

Z: "Remember there's _turrets_."

He _stopped_ his jump. "...Yeah I know."

Now with hard light _blocking_ the turrets, he was able to solve the chamber.

Wheatley _still_ admonishing him for solving it 'incorrectly', as he made his way to the exit.

Hir: "I wonder if he'll try getting a rush by _killing_ you."

Mi: "I don't think that'd surprise _anyone_ here in the slightest."

Ke: "If these bluescreens are anything to go by, he won't _have_ to kill us."

_Test Chamber 11_ **(1:43:05)**

The facility shook.

S: "She's right about _that_ , at least."

Mi: "It'd bad she _is_ right about that."

They entered the chamber, Wheatley explaining what he _wanted_ to do. "Hang on a minute, wasn't the last chamber number _six_?" Queried Maya.

Ke: "Maybe he's trying to _rush_ us."

R: "Or, him moving the previous chamber _skipped_ a few."

Ky: "Does a computer really need to use _tape_ for recording?"

Kensuke probed the nearby Faith Plate. "And I shouldn't have to solve it any _faster_ , he can just watch it _faster_."

T: "I'm astounded he even _knows_ how to record. Even using that _camcorder_ of yours would've been impossible for him, Kensuke."

Z: "Man there's _everything_ in this chamber, isn't there?"

Ke: "I doubt I _could_ solve this chamber fast if I _wanted_ to, then." He mused, jumping into the laser pit. "And a _redirection cube,_ as well."

He got himself back to the main chamber.

Hir: "Where to _start_ , then?"

Ky: "That _frankencube_ might be a good idea. Ya might just be able to use that _angled_ surface."

Kensuke placed a funnel on the angled surface. "Not a good angle for _that_ , at least."

The funnel was placed on _another_ angled surface, in front of Wheatley's screen.

S: "That wouldn't do much either, unless you _wanted_ to get in a cycle."

Z: "There's that _flat_ surface there, right? What if you funnel yourself _up_ , then you use _velocity_?"

Ke: " _That_ could work." As he placed the funnel down. "Oh there's a button up there as well!"

It was only _now_ they noticed what needed to be done to activate the two elevators. "So the _top_ button activates one of them, and the laser hole there activates the _other_."

R: "Those cubes were there for a _purpose_."

He hit the button, and indeed the platform descended. "Well, now we know for _sure_."

Dropping down. "And then _that_ cube there can be used for the laser."

Ky: "Ya didn't have to show us _again_ , Ken."

Ke: "...Whoops. Well, lemme see if I can get that _without_ the cube, then."

He couldn't, the funnel getting blocked by _glass_.

Mi: "Just do what Zero Two suggested, Kensuke."

Ke: "...Yes Ma'am."

... **(1:45:50)**

Doing what was suggested long ago, he flung himself to the frankencube. "Now, we should be able to _block_ that laser. Which I _think_ turns off the funnel, otherwise it wouldn't make _sense_ to have that angled surface."

Which was easy enough. "Oh thank the Gods they don't _explode_."

Portalling back.

Ky: "Looks like ya _right_ , Ken."

Ke: "Least I got _that_ right." One portal on the surface. "Now it's just a question of _velocity_ , now the funnel's out of the question."

Hik: "Faith Plate."

Ke: "Thank you." Portal on the target of the Faith Plate, he flung himself to the redirection cube. "Alright, got the _next_ cube."

Which he immediately used to _redirect_ the laser.

Z: "Quick question, how are you gonna get _through_ that portal now?"

Ke: "...Oh. One moment."

Removing the laser from the redirection, he set up the frankencube below the button, and placed another portal in front of _another_ laser hole.

S: "So now _that's_ just a matter of using the funnel."

Hir: "And getting that _laser_ done, as well."

Which he did, getting burnt as he shared the portal with the laser.

Mi: "I'm sure you could've set up the cube, portal _yourself_ up there, _then_ get the laser there."

To which he shrugged. "It _worked_."

T: "Yeah, you _might_ have all your limbs intact."

Hikari grumbled, as Kensuke reached the first of the moving platforms. "Now it should be a matter of portal management." Suggested Ritsuko.

With said portals, he disengaged the laser, reactivated the funnel, allowed the frankencube to hit the button, before _removing_ the frankencube from the button. "I feel I could've gotten that done faster."

Ky: "Wheatley sure thought that." She chuckled. "Still, don't let it bring you down, Ken."

Ma: "We know _well_ at this point that it's _never_ a bad thing to get help from _others_. No point suffering alone."

Mi: "Yeah, we can suffer _together_!"

They entered the elevator, Glados once more complaining about Wheatley's lack of care. "We'll sure be _suffering_ , alright."

_Test Chamber 12_ **(1:48:15)**

The ground shook several times, as they entered the chamber. "What the hell is _that_?" Remarked Toji.

Ke: "I don't know, but I know red is not usually a _good_ thing." A look towards Kyoko. "With exception."

She poked her tongue. "Nice save."

R: "So it'll probably _kill_ you, one way or another."

Z: "As Glados would say, _try_ to avoid it."

Hir: "Wheatley might've flung himself into it long ago."

Despite their best instincts, they decided to continue testing. "Alright, aim for the hole."

S: "You're getting pretty _good_ at that, Kensuke."

Mi: "Helps you lot _trained_ him, eh?"

Ritsuko audibly facepalmed.

Hik: "So one activates the _platform_. I'm assuming the top one deactivates the death field?"

Ma: "It'd be required to get _past_ the death field, so _I'd_ assume as well."

The platform having moved a little bit, Kensuke decided to test their assumption. "Looks like you're _both_ right to think that."

T: "And now _you_ get to _manage_ that."

Ke: "Joy." Flat. "I fully expect to die once or twice."

Ky: "I'm sure _most_ of us expect that, as well."

He jumped onto the unstationary scaffold, and began the careful manipulation of the laser. "So when this gets halfway..."

The scaffold stopped, and the death field deactivated. "Nice, that works!"

It didn't take long before he reached to where the button was.

Hir: "That looked like _another_ laser hole connected to the door, so this cube should be a _redirection_?"

Ke: "On the _opposite_ side of the death field." He muttered, manipulating the lasers once more. "At least I _noticed_ where this cube was dropping, this time around."

Ma: "Didn't save those _other_ cubes."

... **(1:49:40)**

Platform stopped, he dispensed the cube. " _Hopefully_ that landed there."

S: " _You_ sound confident."

Ky: "Only one way to find out, eh?"

Placing his portals to jump to the platform, he realised the platform wasn't even _near_.

Mi: "Well, we know it's _there_ now."

Momentarily reactivating the platform, it was now close enough for Kensuke to jump on.

Z: "Say, you can't redirect that death field with the _cube,_ can you?"

Ke: "I won't even try that." Flat, reactivating and deactivating the platform.

T: "That's nowhere _near_ over, Kensuke."

Hik: "As long as he doesn't activate the platform _before_ getting away from the death field."

The platform started moving closer, however _this_ time around, his portal to remove the laser failed to land. "ShitshitshiOkay, we're good." He sighed, having _barely_ avoided making fried Chell.

Ky: "Jesus _Christ_ , Ken! If you were literally a _millisecond_ slower!"

R: "At least you _avoided_ an embarrassing death, Kensuke."

Ke: "I got _that_ going for me, at least." He couldn't help but laugh at his _precarious_ situation. "It's honestly a _miracle_ I survived that."

Deactivating the death field gave him a _lot_ more breathing room.

Hir: "You could probably solve the chamber just from _there_."

Ke: "Y'know, I think I ca-" The words died in his mouth. "Where's the cube?"

If this was closer to the surface, they might've been able to hear the cawing of a crow. " _GODS DAMN IT!_ " As he realised _what_ he must've done.

And _everyone_ burst into laughter, "After all _that_ as well!"

Ke: "Yeah yeah, rub it in would ya."

... **(1:51:00)**

T: " _This_ sure feels familiar."

Ke: "Uh huh." Flat as a pancake.

Ma: "Well, at least _this_ time around, you can _avoid_ getting a close shave."

Landing back on the platform. "Got _that_ going for me, at least."

Which soon started moving again.

Ky: "Man this game can _really_ fuck you when it wants to."

Ke: "Or if you're not thinking straight. Mostly _that_ , actually."

S: "It's a good thing you have a lot more _minds_ behind you, then." With a small smirk.

_This_ time around, he was able to get through the death field _without_ very nearly killing himself. "What was it you suggested, Hiro?"

Hir: "Depending on the position of the platform, you could probably just use the cube _there_ and _still_ be able to reach the door."

A few small nods. "I can _see_ that."

He repositioned the platform _closer_ to the button, before allowing a laser to shine close to him.

His _first_ course of action was to shine the laser onto the television with Wheatley on it, destroying it.

R: "Good catharsis?"

Ke: "Oh _certainly_." As he _finally_ reached the end of the chamber.

Which closed the door. "...Oh right, the laser."

He got the door open easily enough, Wheatley encouraging the two to _rush_.

Mi: "Sure _looks_ out of service."

R: "If by out of service, he means out of _existence_."

Ky: "We're getting a _tour_ out of it, at least." As Kensuke traversed the funnel that had appeared.

T: "Yes these are some very lighty lights, Wheatley."

Hik: "They're probably all he _understands_ of them."

Z: "It's more than _I_ know of them."

This tour was cut short by the imminent threat of a _test chamber_ threatening to _crush_ them.

Which Wheatley, bless his electronic heart, _tried_ to get them out of, as they landed in an old office. " _Now_ where are we?"

Ke: "We haven't fallen back into old Aperture, at least." As he walked out of this office, onto catwalks.

And _nodding_ to Glados' suggestion to kill him, once she gets control.

Ma: "Killing might be a _bit_ too much, but he _does_ deserve _something_."

Ke: "Well, I'll leave that to _her_." Dropping into a loading zone.

_Test Chamber 15_ **(1:53:05)**

Ma: "We skipped a few _again_?!"

Ke: "I suppose we were _going_ to those three chambers." Before he hit a big button. "Okay, toggle funnel."

Z: "Button behind that glass there."

Ky: "Small button _there_ , probably a cube."

T: "And _no exit_." Muttered Toji, upon hearing Wheatley's musings.

R: "That's usually an _important_ prerequisite to a chamber, admittedly."

S: "He included everything _but_ an exit."

Mi: "Bet he'll just _crash_ two chambers together and call it a day."

While he didn't _entirely_ do that, creating the exit _did_ require some destruction.

Hir: "Well, you got an _exit_ , at least."

Ke: "Just gotta _get_ there." As he hit the _small_ button.

Much to _Maya's_ relief, a small platform extended below the cube, preventing it falling to the void.

Hik: "This surprise is probably _death_."

Ky: "Aperture _does_ have a tendency to use that as a surprise, I noticed."

T: "It's not even a _surprise_ anymore."

Ke: "That platform is all well and good, but how do I get the cube _now_?" As he put his portals down, setting it up for the funnel. "I was _assuming_ I could put it _there_ and get the cube to me by quickly running over."

Z: "Well _that_ plan's down the drain."

He clicked the button again, another cube dispensing. "No, that doesn't change it."

Mi: "What's _opposite_ to the platform?"

Flipping himself around. "...Yeah I can work with that."

The opposite wall was the _right_ height to catch the cube, and from there Kensuke could enact his _original_ thought. "Thanks for that, Commander."

She scratched the back of her head.

... **(1:54:20)**

A cube in the hands, he went to the glass. "Now to see what _this_ does."

Propulsion gel dispensed. "...Wait, we get to use _gels_ as well?!"

R: "The pipes _were_ connected."

S: "I wouldn't have thought Glados _designed_ courses that used gels."

Ky: "And God knows _Wheatley_ couldn't do it."

Not only was there the _gel_ , there was a nicely sized _ramp_ to go along with it.

Z: "Well _that's_ pretty obvious."

Hir: "Looks like you're _flying_ again."

Ke: "It's landed on a _non-portal_ surface, though."

Mi: "You got a _funnel_ , don't you?"

Ke: "... _Can_ you put the gel in the funnel?"

Kensuke decided to test this empirically. "...Oh that's _sick_!"

And in an instant, he had a runway. "Now, let's see where _this_ goes."

He ran, and leaped, and fell to his death.

R: "Did you expect there was a _platform_ to catch you."

Ke: "Somewhat."

Ma: "Well, at least you can say you tested that _empirically_."

Ky: "Maybe the paint got to your head, Ken."

Ke: "Yeah that's probably the explanation for my brain fart."

... **(1:55:15)**

A cube in the hands, he went to the glass. "Ahh I have to do _this_ again."

Which he did, also getting the speed paint down in short order.

T: "Jeez you can even _see_ the frustration in your gameplay, Kensuke."

He found _another_ portal surface, suspiciously opposite to Wheatley's screen. "Though I wonder..."

His first two attempts at graffitiing Wheatley's screen failed, due to him placing the wrong portals.

Ky: "Eheh, are you a bit _tilted_ , Ken?"

Ke: "Maybe a little bit." He tried again. "Oh and the paint isn't even that _high_." He muttered. "Alright, let's see how to _solve_ this."

Z: "I'll _suggest_ you'll need that cube again."

Instead of going the easier route of portalling to where the cube was, he dispensed _another_ cube.

Much to Maya's chagrin. "Now _that_ wasn't necessary!"

Ke: "Yeah you're right."

Now with the _new_ cube on the funnel button, he walked beyond the ramp.

R: "You had the right _idea_ , using the ramp."

Mi: "You probably just _missed_ a step."

Ke: "I know that _now_." Placing a portal on a distant surface, a funnel appearing. "At least jumping to my death allowed me to see _where_ I should've put the portal."

S: "I bet they put that Emancipation Grill there just to spite you."

Hir: "Wouldn't even be an _intentional_ spite; that's a completely _different_ chamber."

Ky: " _Now_ , you should be able to leap over."

Which he did, landing in the funnel.

He sighed. "Yeah I think that _did_ tilt me a bit."

Kyoko did what she did, wrapping herself around Kensuke. "Lemme absorb your _anger_ , Ken."

He couldn't help but chuckle, even as Wheatley played up his surprise. "...Thanks Kyo."

Ky: "...Man, he's _really_ making it obvious, ain't he?" As she waved Sayaka over to this impromptu cuddle pile, ensuring he could _still_ control the game.

Sayaka soon joined in. "Thing is, I think _he_ thinks he's being _subtle_."

Ke: "His idea of subtlety is probably a _train horn_." Remarking, as he _enjoyed_ this. "...Thank _you_ as well, Sa."

They both smiled.

_Test Chamber 16_ **(1:57:55)**

They were now back in their chairs. "That's what _I_ said, Glados!" Exclaimed Sayaka.

The walkway to the chamber _collapsed_.

T: "I doubt he even has to _try_ to kill you."

Hik: "Whatever plan he comes up with is probably _safer_ than whatever happens around you."

Mi: "And he calls it _butterfingers_."

Ma: "He doesn't even _have_ fingers."

Z: "A good thing that _white_ paint still works then, eh?"

Ky: "Yeah, I wonder _why_ she gets that impression." A wry thought, as they reached the chamber proper.

Ke: "Turrets, funnel, few buttons."

Hir: "If I understand that pictogram, the big button _reverses_ the funnel."

Kensuke tested this, as Wheatley _cackled_. "Indeed, Hiro. He's _really_ not being subtle anymore."

Ky: "You're just gonna have to come up with a _solution_ before the three chambers are up, then."

T: "Should be easy enough with _him_ running the show."

Kensuke went to inspect what a pipe was, only to get riddled with bullets. "He might not _have_ to kill me if I keep this up."

R: "It looks like a _repulsion gel_ pipe."

Ke: "I wasn't riddled for nothing then, good to know."

S: "How will you _get_ those turrets, anyway?"

Z: "I'd _say_ the funnel, but those portal surfaces don't look right."

Kensuke had a thought, portalling to where the gel dispenser is. "So if _this_ dispenses gel..."

Placing a funnel in front of the gel pipe, he activated the gel. The gel now floating in the funnel. "Okay, it's _timed_ , but I can work with that."

T: "How're you even gonna get _out_ of there, Kensuke?"

He activated the gel again, but this time deactivated the funnel as the paint was above him.

T: "Oh, like _that_."

... **(1:59:30)**

The funnel back down, Kensuke hit the button before entering the funnel. "Now if I hit this _button_ , I should be able to keep _that_ bit of paint within the funnel."

R: "Giving you ample time to _use_ said gel, good thinking."

Ky: "And then you can use _that_ gel to _deal_ with the turrets!"

Ma: "...Are you going to make those turrets _bounce_ , Kensuke?"

Mi: "It's what _I'd_ expect would happen."

Hik: "Especially since things automatically _start_ bouncing, when painted."

Indeed, that was what Kensuke was planning, the gel slowly floating above the turrets. "...Now _perish_."

The gel fell down, and the turrets bounced into the abyss, yelping all the way. Maya whimpered, as Kensuke looked around.

S: "Now you can get _that_ button without getting perforated."

He _finally_ found it. "Right."

The button revealed an _angled_ surface.

T: "Just a matter of _velocity_ now."

Ke: "Which I can use the _funnel_ for." He realised, portals down and entering said funnel. "...Maybe not a funnel _there_." As he hit a shallow ceiling. "Let's try _there_ , then."

Much to some snickering.

Z: "So the way _I'm_ seeing it: fly through the portal, bounce off the gel, get to the exit."

Kensuke sounded in confirmation. "Good to see my idea has _support_."

He dropped, and flew, and bounced to the exit. "Nice."

Hir: " _He_ sounded rather... _calm_."

Ky: "He must've found something _amazing_."

Mi: "Glados certainly thinks so."

Hik: "Well, we don't have to wait _too_ much longer to find out."

R: "I wouldn't say that was a _good_ thing."

_Test Chamber 17_ **(2:02:00)**

Wheatley continued being 'subtle'.

Ma: "Yeah, I'd back up the claim we were running out of time."

Z: "One or _both_ of them better come up with a _plan_."

And so they entered the chamber. "This... seems _easy_."

Ky: "Probably a chamber _he_ made."

S: "So what, grab the cube while flying, and open the door?"

Mi: "That _is_ easy. Dunno about _you_ guys, but _my_ bullshit sense is tingling."

Hir: "Maybe he just wants to get us to the surprise _faster_."

Ke: "Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest." With a sigh. "Well, let's see what _this_ has to bring."

He _jumped_ onto the Faith Plate.

...Going _right_. "HAH! Knew it!"

Hik: "You and me _both_ , Commander."

On the Commander's behest, the two high fived.

R: "That _was_ a pretty good one, admittedly."

T: "For someone like _him_ , especially."

Ky: "Even though some of us _still_ sensed _something_ going on."

Mi: "I knew _something_ was up, but I was expecting it _after_ the chamber."

Wheatley _explained_ his surprise.

Maya couldn't help but huff. "Ah, _that_ must be the _co-op_ mode."

Ke: "You _think_ it is?"

R: "It _would_ explain a few things, compared to using _humans_."

S: "So when do you think you could get co-op _working_?"

Ritsuko shrugged. "We can certainly _try_ getting it working. _I'm_ certainly curious about it, I shouldn't lie."

~~~

### 2.9: The Part Where...

#### ...He Kills You.

_The Part Where He Kills You_ **(2:02:55)**

They reached the part where he kills them. "Well, _this_ is the part where he kills us."

Ky: "Do ya _think_ this is the part where he kills us?"

S: " _I_ certainly think this is the part where he kills us."

Ritsuko would've hit her head on a desk, but settled for _loudly_ facepalming. "If I didn't know we were all going into this _blind_ , I would've said you guys _planned_ this."

Kensuke and his birds _all_ poked their tongues out at her.

Z: "Bit over the top, ain't it."

T: "He must _really_ want to kill us."

Ma: "The fact the game said it _three times over_ wasn't evidence enough for you?"

Hik: "They _really_ want us to know."

Kensuke panned over a portal surface.

Hir: "Course, I doubt he _will_ kill you."

Ke: "Oh yeah, I'm not gonna die to _him_."

Mi: "As soon as you figure out a way _not_ to die."

He panned around at the spiky panels. "Even just the _panels_ would've been enough."

R: "Throwing you into the pits would've been enough."

Ky: "Wouldn't be the _first_ time he thought of something idiotic." Before she chuckled. "Did you see what _I_ saw, Kensuke?"

Back to the screen. "Ehe, the white gel?"

Kyoko gave a nod. "You know what to do, Ken."

Ke: "I sure _do_." He smirked.

He painted his platform white, before getting the _hell_ out of dodge. " _Let's goooooo_!" He excitedly exclaimed, as the platform was crushed, and as he _legged it_.

S: "Go Ken!"

_Not Today_ **(2:03:30)**

Through the Emancipation Grill.

T: "Y'know, I don't exactly _believe_ him."

Ke: "Yeah and I'm _not_ going back, after that."

Z: "If _that_ failed, he's sure as hell _not_ gonna catch you _now_."

R: "Good for _him_. It'll allow him to _get_ to him."

Ky: "He's doing what _Glados_ did! Trying to make this seem all _friendly_ and that!"

S: "Oh he was _pretending_ he was gonna murder her, eh?"

Ke: "Not falling for that!" As he reached the end of a catwalk, noticing a few portal surfaces.

Hik: "Time to _fling_ yourself."

Mi: "It's _very_ convenient those portal surfaces are there."

Hir: " _Another_ way Wheatley screwed up, I imagine."

Chell was flung across, the music welling. "Oh it wasn't _obvious_ I wasn't coming back?"

Ma: "Why is there a _cube_ th-"

A mashy spike plate smashed the cube into the wall. "Nuuu!"

Ke: "Least _I'm_ not to blame for that, for once." As he got _across_ the now broken catwalk, entering the loading zone. "Let the games begin indeed, Wheatley."

Ky: "If you're meant to be playing chess, he's playing something like _janken_."

S: "He probably doesn't even know _that_."

_Crap Turrets_ **(2:04:35)**

Back to the action, Kensuke continuing to rush.

At least until Wheatley crashed a test chamber into the catwalks.

T: "Welp, _that's_ a trap."

R: "Good to see it's _obvious_."

Hik: "And I imagine we'll have to go _through_ whatever he has planned."

Ke: "Knowing _him_ , it'll be something _completely_ stupid."

Mi: "He _is_ capable of _some_ good thoughts."

S: "When the stars align."

Ky: "And when God decides on it."

Ma: "Hopefully they're smiling on _us_ , this time around."

Ky: "Pfft, since when was God smiling on _us_?"

Z: "I'm sure your _relationship_ can be one example."

Glados _also_ knew it was a trap, at least.

Hir: "Not like you can't _not_ trigger the trap."

Kensuke shrugged, placing portals. "Oh well, let's see."

They landed in the chamber, and were immediately surrounded by turrets.

... _Broken_ turrets, much to the amusement of _everyone_. "Well _good fucking job_ , Wheatley."

S: "He had _working_ turrets! Why are they the crap ones?!"

T: "He didn't even _unbox_ that one."

Ma: "Gods they're _still_ adorable!"

Kensuke began looking around the room. "Good to see even the _room screen_ is broken."

Ky: "I don't know _how_ he got a boxed turret down there."

Hik: "Thing is, it's probably _functioning_."

Z: "He just forgot to _unpack_ it, obviously."

With this brief break, all the while Wheatley _tried_ to determine if they were being killed or not, he began _tipping_ them. "You don't have to torture them _more_ , Kensuke!"

Ke: "I genuinely don't think I can make it any _worse_ on them."

Hir: "So he's angry you're _not_ telling him if you're dead or not?"

Mi: "I'd be _amazed_ if he could tell us he was dead."

_Good Turrets_ **(2:06:15)**

His fun over, Kensuke left the quote unquote _death trap_. "No, we're still _very_ much alive, dumbass."

T: "I still dunno _how_ he got the crap turrets."

Kensuke twitched at the various incorrect card based phrases. "That's not how it works!"

S: "At least you got _proper_ turrets to let out your anger."

R: "You'll most likely _need_ the funnel, anyway." She noted. "As it looks like the catwalk ends."

Hir: "Why _does_ that room have a funnel, anyway?"

Z: "Because Wheatley doesn't have a brain, darling?"

The player used his brain to disable the turrets, with the funnel.

To one turret's credit, it was able to riddle him with bullets even _while_ it was floating away. "Gah don't kill me!"

Ma: "Can't say I feel _too_ sorry." A small huff.

As he confirmed Ritsuko's observation. "Yeah that's probably deserved." Before jumping into the funnel.

Wheatley revealing _another_ deathtrap. "Not again!" Maya pleaded, as the turrets were ground up.

Chell was able to avoid this fate, almost _comically_ easily as a matter of fact. "Is he even _trying_?"

Ky: "That's the thing, I think he _is_."

R: "I wouldn't use _Machiavellian_ to describe him." Muttering, as Kensuke entered the next room. "Well you use the _funnel_."

Ke: "Pretty obvious, ain't it." Funneling through the open door. "Let's see how this screws us over _this_ time."

T: " _That_ , I take."

Chell being Aristotle, Wheatley once more tried crushing her with a mashy spike plate.

Key word _tried_ , Kensuke placing a funnel down on a conveniently placed surface.

Mi: "Thing is, if he just sped up the crushing thingy, he'd _get_ you."

R: "Good thing he's an _idiot_. He could've just _disabled_ that funnel."

S: "Good for _us_ , at least."

_Bouncing Around_ **(2:07:55)**

Kensuke continued making his way through the facility. "It _really_ doesn't help his case he dragged me _closer_ to him."

Ma: "If he has _any_ sort of intelligence, he would have done what _Glados_ did and _proof_ everything."

Ky: "That didn't even work out for _her_ , what chance does _he_ got?"

A pipe full of blue paint fell down, destroying the catwalk.

Hik: "Good thing it's _blue_ gel."

R: "Good thing it didn't _kill_ you, despite his hopes."

Kensuke inspected a broken window pane. "Might have to deal with _turrets_."

He went into the _next_ room, as Wheatley had an idea. "A _lot_ of turrets!"

S: " _That_ could've ended badly."

T: "Getting turned to Swiss cheese is _never_ a good thing, I feel."

Fleeing, he glanced up. "Good thing _that's_ there."

Landing in the room. "Button, Plate, blue gel."

Z: "The button probably activates that paint."

Hir: "And I'm assuming you'll use that Faith Plate _after_ you deal with the turrets."

Mi: "It's just _dealing_ with this turrets that's the thing."

Probing the button. "Yeah, it activates it."

Before turning to the turret room. "...And there's a _lot_ of portal surface."

Maya immediately grew dejected. "...Aww I _see_ what you have to do."

Ke: "Ah I'm sure they _might_ enjoy it."

Portals placed, he activated the gel.

The turrets immediately began bouncing around, as they were covered in the paint.

Everyone _except_ Maya found this amusing. "...Hmpf."

Neglecting to use a convenient portal surface, Kensuke jumped to the Faith Plate and _on_ the Faith Plate, now that the turret situation was taken care of. "Oh that one's still bouncing!"

Ma: "That's not a good thing!"

Said turret soon fell into the void, blowing up. "Why is everything so _cruel_ to them?"

Ky: "Don't blame _us_ , blame _Aperture_ for not only giving them _sentience_ , but making them _adorable_."

T: "He _is_ just trying to save his own skin, after all."

Ma: "I get _that_ much, at least..."

_Bombs_ **(2:09:30)**

Loading done, they soon found themselves in a small office.

All the while Glados went on _at length_ as to how she'll _torture_ Wheatley.

Ky: "I'm not even gonna _complain_."

Ma: "Why does she have a room full of screaming robots?!"

T: "Are those _bombs_?"

Mi: "What makes you think _that_?"

T: "They're circular and glowing _red_ , that's an obvious _bomb_."

Hitting the obvious button, Kensuke was pleased to find out it _moved_ the bomb chute, the bombs now harmlessly blowing up on the floor in front of the office. "Well _I_ certainly see a use for that."

Z: "What're the chances you could _use_ that to blow up that white gel tube?"

Hir: "It'd allow you to get _through_ to that room, that's for sure."

R: "I assume you saw that panel _above_ you, Kensuke?"

Ke: "Yeah I saw it." As he looked up. "Though the one in _front_ would be better for our purposes."

Portals down, he backed up to avoid the bombs.

...Perhaps backing up a bit _too_ much, as he passed an Emancipation Grill, promptly shutting his portals.

The flattest of flat looks on his face. "Damn it."

S: "I wonder if that was _deliberately_ designed to do that."

Ke: "It's sure making _me_ think that." Muttering, Kensuke replacing the portals before the bombs could drop.

White gel flew everywhere.

T: "Got it done in the end, at least."

Ke: "At least."

Kensuke portalled himself to the other side, continuing through an office and to _another_ catwalk.

_Morton's Fork_ **(2:10:50)**

To a conveyer belt. "Can't wait to see how he tries to kill us _now_."

S: "Key word _try_."

Kensuke dropped onto the belt, and lo and behold it started, threatening to toss him into a crusher.

Z: "I'm guessing he didn't account for that _other_ catwalk."

T: "Does he ever account for _anything_?"

On the catwalk was a shiny red button, that immediately deposited _bombs_ , as Wheatley began his negotiations.

Mi: "You bet your robotic _ass_ they've been a failure!"

Hik: "Bombing that pipe might be a good start."

Wheatley continued as Kensuke broke the pipe.

Hir: "If those are _portal surfaces_ , you could probably use that gel to _speed yourself up_ , on that belt."

Which he did, and was close to running on it before Wheatley gave his ultimatum.

R: "Oh so he wants you to kill yourself _now_ so he doesn't have to _later_?"

Ma: "Doesn't exactly _sound_ optional _._ "

Ky: "Either he dies _now_ or he dies _later_. Real fuckin great options there."

Ke: "I'm gonna tell him just _what_ I think about his options."

Placing his portals down, Kensuke attempted to bomb his television.

Taking _three_ attempts.

T: "Yeah _I'd_ definitely call that a _no_."

S: "You bet he's gonna do a _lot_ worse to him, when Kensuke gets to his _lair_."

R: "Glados didn't even call it her lair." She mused.

Mi: "Power went to Wheatley's head almost _immediately_."

The propulsion gel now back on the conveyer, it was trivial for Kensuke to get to the next section. "Well, we didn't get _crushed_."

Z: "A shame for _Wheatley_ , I'm sure."

_Velocity_ **(2:12:40)**

A part of the next room fell apart, Glados rueing the day Wheatley was ever created.

R: "Yeah, he _really_ did a number on this place."

Ma: "I'd say Aperture ran better without _anyone_ at the helm."

Hik: "So we need to reach _that_ funnel, I imagine."

Mi: "It's all _how_."

The player continued looking around. "Well, there's ample portal surfaces."

Z: "One _below_ the funnel, one in a corridor."

Hir: "I think that _gel_ might come in handy."

Ke: "I reckon you're _completely_ right, Hiro." Placing his portal down.

And paint _immediately_ rushing in. "Well _that_ was a fluke."

Ky: "You didn't know what _portals_ were where again?"

S: "I think he was distracted by the destruction." She mused.

T: "Worked out _right_ for him, at least."

Kensuke shrugged, portals down. "I was planning on walking back there anyway. Less exercise, at least."

Ma: "Not like that's a _bad_ thing."

He ran and shot himself up towards the funnel.

Ky: "Jeez it's _still_ falling to shit."

Glados started talking with Chell. "You _bet_ we don't want to put you back in there."

R: "Do we have any _options_?"

Ke: "And we _already_ concluded Glados is the _best_ option."

Z: "Which I _still_ can't believe."

Ke: "Oh but at least she has a _conscience_ now."

Hik: "Took Caroline long enough, didn't it."

Hir: "I thought _she_ was Caroline."

Mi: "Maybe she has several _aspects_. And the one in charge usually is just a _psychopath_."

S: "That can _happen_?"

R: "It certainly happened to _someone_ here." As Kensuke entered the loading zone.

_Core_ **(2:14:15)**

T: "So how're we getting out of _there_?"

Ke: " _Up_ , I'm assuming."

It was indeed _up_ , Kensuke finding his way soon enough.

At least he _would've_ , if he didn't fall back down again.

R: "It's a good thing you have those _boots_ , Kensuke."

Ky: "If he had a Yen for every time those boots saved him, he could _fund_ Aperture for himself!"

Now a bit more _carefully_ , he landed at the top.

Finding a few cores.

Z: "Now _those_ will come in handy."

S: "I'd hate to be the _light_ core."

Kensuke couldn't help but chuckle, as he looked up towards it. "Your job is to be a _lightbulb_."

Ma: "It'd be a _simple_ job, at least."

Hir: "So you just plug those cores _in_?"

Hik: "Bit of an _antithesis_ to the last game, isn't it?"

Mi: "It _is_!"

T: "Jeez that _yellow_ eyed one is _especially_ mental, ain't he?"

R: "There's a _reason_ they're all listed as _corrupt_. Wouldn't surprise me if they were all listed for _destruction_ , at least under _Glados'_ rule."

Ke: "She's got the right idea, at least." Walking towards the breaker room, passing by gels and bombs for days. "Get him corrupt enough to _force_ a transfer."

Kyoko couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. "We might be getting a _boss fight_ , Ken!"

To which he _smirked_. "Can't wait to see how we get him."

The potato core was plugged in, the lift going up.

Z: "Let's get some _revenge_!"

_Lair_ **(2:15:20)**

And so they entered Wheatley's lair.

Mi: "Man he's _really_ built it up."

T: "Oh _and_ you're on a time limit as well!"

Ma: "Just like the _last_ game. Only _this_ time around, _everyone_ will die."

S: "At least he's looking to get this affair over and done with."

R: "Even _scheduling_ how this will go." Muttering. "Why the hell would you schedule a _minute break_ in your precious six minutes of _not_ blowing up?!"

Ky: "Forgetting the fact he should be focusing _everything_ on _not_ blowing up the facility."

Wheatley actually showed himself as having _some_ sort of intelligence, learning from the mistakes of Glados.

Hik: "That _is_ actually pretty thoughtful of him."

Ke: "As we said, he _is_ capable of such thoughts."

Hir: "Rarely."

Z: "I see one _glaring_ issue with using _bombs_ , however."

Ky: "Pipes are good at carrying a _lot_ of stuff, but they're damn _fragile_ aren't they?"

The battle began, Kensuke taking their suggestion to bomb the pipe carrying the conversion gel.

Much to Wheatley's quote unquote _pretend_ screaming.

R: "Now, it _should_ be a similar process to the _last_ game."

Ke: "Throw the bombs in Wheatley's face?"

Ritsuko gave a single nod.

S: "Oh yeah you _are_ actually bombing him!"

The bombs started up again, Kensuke placing his portals down and almost _immediately_ throwing a bomb in Wheatley's face. "Nice _that_ works!"

Glados delivered the _first_ core, with Wheatley knocked out. It took Kensuke a few attempts to get to the upper catwalk, but he got there eventually.

T: "Gee I wonder what _that_ core likes."

Hik: "I think it's the ocean."

Hir: "Speaking of, that _blue_ gel will come in handy, I'm sure."

Ma: "Yeah, I can see why that core ended up in the bin."

R: "How does a core even find _out_ about space to become so obsessed with it?"

Kensuke shrugged. "Hopefully it screws up _Wheatley_ a bit."

... **(2:17:25)**

He jumped up, connecting the Space Core and corrupting Wheatley a bit.

Ky: "Okay, the _neurotoxin's_ off. But _that_ doesn't fucking matter since the _reactor's_ gonna blow!"

Z: "Not unless Kensuke _keeps_ bombing him."

Of course, Wheatley started with the bombs again.

Which was promptly thrown back in his face, Kensuke _immediately_ seeing how to counter the shield.

T: "Jeez that's just _pathetic_."

Hik: "Kinda _fitting_ for him, Toj."

Soon enough, the _next_ core was dispensed by Glados.

Mi: "Great, he's the _sexist_ core."

Ma: "Ah I think he's just trying to _complement_ us."

S: "It's more complements than Chell has _ever_ gotten so far."

Ke: "It could help if Glados _didn't_ sway him around." He muttered, as he portalled to the now _broken_ catwalk and failing his first attempt to grab the core.

At least his _second_ attempt was successful, the _Adventure Sphere_ introducing himself and trying to act all suave.

Key word _trying_ , all the ladies in the room flatly staring at them. "Yeah alright, maybe they _are_ a bit sexist." Conceded Maya.

R: "If _this_ was how he generally interacted, I can see why _Glados_ wanted to dispose him."

S: "He's _ogling_ Chell, isn't he."

Ke: "I assume you want me to plug him in _before_ you guys throw him through the screen up there."

Mi: " _Preferably_."

... **(2:18:30)**

The Sexist Sphere was plugged in, corrupting Wheatley yet more.

Hir: "I _should_ question how corrupting the main computer _destroys_ the reaction explosion timer."

Ky: "We have even _less_ time now!"

Hik: "Not that we'll even need more than _ten seconds_ to get Wheatley disabled again, if the _last_ bombing was anything to go by."

Ma: "I'm kinda amazed they _have_ that sort of contingency for if they don't know _when_ the reactor will explode."

Mi: "Bit of an _extreme_ one."

To Wheatley's credit, it took _more_ than one bombing cycle for Kensuke to disable him, but that was mostly due to unfortunate positioning.

T: "You _still_ saw right through his shield."

R: "Thing is, he's _protecting_ all the places he was bombed in."

Ke: " _That_ wasn't enough, obviously."

The last corrupt core was dispensed.

Z: "How the hell are you getting to _that_?"

A pipe carrying propulsion gel broke, splattering everywhere.

Ke: " _That_ , I'm assuming."

The core was easily acquired, which allowed them to catch the utter _garbage_ it was speaking.

S: "I mean, it's a _terrible_ mnemonic but it _does_ _work_."

Ky: "What is that, an _anti_ intelligence core?"

It talked about the discovery of cow's milk.

T: "Can't deny his _logic_ , I suppose."

It talked about the best name.

Mi: " _CRAIG_?!"

It talked about the origin of the automobile brake.

R: "Kensuke, plug him in before I start pulling my hair out."

Ke: "I'm running out of time anyway, so _gladly_."

_Stalemate_ **(2:20:05)**

The Wheatley Sphere was plugged in, corruption now at _100%_.

Ky: "Nice!"

R: "Now it should just be a matter of initiating the _transfer_."

T: "Unless Wheatley says _no_ to that."

Ma: "Wheatley's _completely_ corrupt, isn't he? They _need_ a core transfer."

Glados asked the automated systems to get on with it.

Z: "Can understand why _she_ wants to rush at least."

Wheatley _almost_ screwed himself over, thanks to his sarcasm.

S: "It _still_ ends in a stalemate? They said a replacement was _required_!"

Mi: "This is why I don't like bureaucracy."

Hir: "It's a good thing Chell has some _training_ as a stalemate resolver."

A fire broke out in the stalemate resolution annex, the facility still intact enough for the emergency sprinklers to work.

Hik: "Good thing he didn't find that _earlier_ , eh?"

Ke: "Certainly would've made our _deaths_ more certain."

To the cheering of Glados and the consternation of Wheatley, Kensuke began making his way to the annex. "Okay, can't get in _this_ way."

Ky: "Good thing you got a few _portal surfaces_ , then."

Ke: "Oh yeah." Both portals were placed. "Let's end th-"

Wheatley initiated part _five_ of his plan, Chell flying across the room. "Oh you _asshole_!"

R: "I must say, that was _another_ good idea on his part."

Chell displayed her immense tenacity by _getting right back up_. "Holy _shit_ girl, you literally just got _bombed_ and you're _still_ going?!"

S: "Someone for us to look _up_ too, eh Kyo?"

Ky: "You fucking _know it_!"

She looked to Wheatley, immediately grabbing her portal gun once more.

The roof above her gave way.

A beat passed. "...Oh my Gods." Kensuke quietly realised, eyes going wide at the _glorious_ sight in the night sky. "This isn't about to happen, is it?"

Ritsuko couldn't help but smirk, herself gathering what was to pass. "You know what that portal gel is made of, Kensuke."

Ke: "I sure _do_!" A wide grin grew on his face, as he double checked his portals. "It's made of _MOON_!"

_Moonlight's Embrace_ **(2:21:25)**

The portal gun fired, as everyone fell silent. "Ken? Did you just..."

A twinkle.

Before the air began rushing out. "I sure _did_ , Kyo!" Laughing like a madman all the way.

Mi: "You just did that." She couldn't believe it. "You shot a portal on the fucking _moon_!"

Ma: "She doesn't grab _onto_ something, _she'll_ be on the moon soon enough."

T: "The fact she even _did_ this is awesome enough."

Chell was dragged out, but grabbed onto Wheatley just in time.

Hik: "Oh Gods it really _is_ the moon."

S: "Holy _shit_." She awed, as they looked down on _Earth_.

R: "And near an _original_ moon landing, as well."

Z: "You guys _already_ landed on the moon?"

Ke: "This is so fucking _insane_! Who the hell would even _think_ to do that?!"

Hir: "We know her name. _Chell_."

Wheatley begged Chell to _let go_.

Ma: "And he _still_ only cares for himself!"

Ke: "If I have to die in the vacuum of space, I'm taking _him_ with me!"

The Space Core got what he wanted, almost tossing Chell from Wheatley.

T: " _They'll_ be happy about that."

If Wheatley was capable of bodily functions, he would have required a change in pants upon hearing the voice of _Glados_. "Ohh is _he_ gonna get shot to space as well?" Thought Kyoko.

Mi: "After all that I _hope_ he does!"

She said she was _not_ coming back.

Z: "Aha! I think he's gone!"

Wheatley was knocked away, his desperate begging fading into the distance as he was given the Nightmare Moon treatment.

Ke: "Well I know _we're_ probably dead, as well. But at least _he's_ gone!"

Ky: "Fucks sake, _I'd_ call that a badass death."

Lucky for her, Glados thought otherwise. "...Wait, we're _not_ dying?!"

Ma: "She _actually_ saved us?"

R: "I suppose she _does_ keep her promises."

Chell soon fell unconscious, as Glados started moving herself back.

_Destati_ **(2:20:30)**

They saw her awaken, in an elevator.

And with the company of a couple of robots. "Oh Gods they're _adorable_!"

Ky: "I bet _they're_ the co-op bots."

R: "I doubt _Maya_ would complain if they were."

She _squeed_.

Amazingly, Glados showed _relief_ as Chell awoke.

T: "Wow, it's almost as if she's turned a new leaf."

Z: "Maybe she _won't_ kill us."

Mi: "It _does_ sound like she's learnt the value of friendship, at least."

S: "And friends don't kill one another."

Ke: "Unless you're Rei and Kaworu."

S: "Well, _yeah_."

T: "I still dunno _how_ they got together."

Hik: "Love's a wonderful thing, eh Toj?" As she deliberately rubbed up against him. "Seems even murderous computers can learn something _close_ to that."

Ma: "Love's a whole _'nother_ ballgame, but _friendship_ is a good start."

Caroline was deleted, the lights immediately becoming cooler.

Ma: "Oh well _never mind_!"

Ky: "So d'ya think she'll keep up her end of the bargain to _not_ kill us?"

Hir: "We _are_ pretty hard to kill, aren't we? Maybe she'll just turn us loose or something."

Glados certainly admitted as much.

Mi: "Can't deny she had an _easier_ life before we came along, eh?"

Z: "You know _something_ has gone wrong when you get shoved into a _potato_."

R: "Rather _understandable_ she calls us a _lunatic_ , then."

Ma: "Especially since we _almost_ sent her to the moon."

Ritsuko did well to suppress her laugh at Maya's small pun.

Ky: "Oh wow, she _is_ turning us loose."

Ke: "Ain't _that_ a change."

S: "There's _probably_ a twist to this." She muttered, as Glados told her to never come back.

Mi: "Oh I gotta remember _that_ line."

_Cara Mia_ **(2:23:45)**

The elevator went up and up and up, alongside the music.

Stopping at a door.

Hir: "And here's the _trap_."

Turrets were revealed, and deployed.

S: "Knew it."

Hik: "Bit of a _stupid_ end for Chell, isn't it."

Z: "Well, we thought her dead anyway, didn't we?"

The turrets _weren't_ firing. "...Why aren't they shooting?" Thought Misato.

...They started _singing_.

Ky: "Ah no."

Ma: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

R: "Let her have her fun, Kyoko." With a soft smile, as the song continued.

Ke: "This must've been what they were _rehearsing_ for."

Mi: "It's quite a _nice_ song, admittedly."

The elevator went onward and upward, passing by several scenes of various turrets.

Before revealing a veritable _choir_ of turrets, one soloing. "There's so _many_!"

R: "And I bet they're _all_ about to sing, as well."

They began their opera, the fat turret leading.

Ma: "That's so _cute_!"

T: "What the hell is _that_ turret in the back?"

Ke: "...Is that the _animal king_ turret?"

Mi: "It has a _crown_ , so I'd assume so."

King Turret began the baritone.

S: "Quite the sendoff for _Chell_ , isn't it?"

Hik: "I wonder if Glados is trying to _say_ something for her? Composing a damn _opera_ for her."

T: "The only person _I_ know that composed a _song_ for his girlfriend was _Shinji_."

Hikari laughed. "And _she_ certainly appreciated it, didn't she?"

The singing continued as the elevator went further up, through yet more derelict facility.

And at it's apex, Chell was released into a field of wheat, on a bright summer's day

R: "I'm not sure _what_ Glados was on about, that all looks perfectly _fine_."

Ke: "Maybe whatever happened with Black Mesa didn't affect the _world_."

Hir: "I _still_ don't know what happened at Black Mesa."

Ky: "Well if you _wanna_ play it, Ken could probably lend you a copy and a computer if you need it."

Hiro and Zero Two looked between one another. "Yeah we can go for that."

From behind her, a rattling.

And from out the shed, the _original_ Companion Cube.

Ma: "Aww and she even has a _friend_!"

~~~

**(2:25:50)**

The door slammed.

And the credits started. "She's singing _again_?"

"Hey, she has a nice voice!"

"The interface looks a _lot_ more slick, as well." Thought Misato. "So, how was _this_ game, Kensuke?"

"Fucking _awesome_!" He exclaimed, bouncing off his chair. "Holy hell that _ending_. Who the hell would even _think_ about that?"

"Obviously _Valve_ did." Mused Zero Two.

"Well, it's good to see you _enjoyed_ this, Kensuke." Ritsuko chuckled. "We'll be sure to give you a call if any other video game comes through a Rift."

"And you bet I'll _play_ it."

"And not _just_ because you can claim it's _work_." Prodded Kyoko.

"It _is_ work, technically." Said Ritsuko. "They are _Rift Materials_. It's NERV's discretion to go through them; see _what_ they are."

"And _how_ they can be useful to us." Added on Misato. "Speaking of, will the Magi _audit_ both games?"

The Subcommander nodded. "They'll see if there's any of those transmissions in the first one we missed, and then we'll trawl through _this_ one. See if we can squeeze anything good out of it."

"I doubt _anyone_ would complain if you were able to get that _co-op_ working." Toji remarked. "So since I'm starting to see these sorts of _highly_ classified materials from _other dimensions_ , I take it that's a good mark for my potential to become _pilot_?"

"I mean, it'd be a good way to keep you _silent_ about this." Chuckled Misato. "But in all seriousness, you've _seen_ how our new pilot system works. And... I _really_ want to move to it." As _she_ became more serious. "Though... I _know_ it's a lot to think about for you two."

"You don't _have_ to if you don't _want_ to." The Subcommander added on, as the song kept going. "We'll let you two sleep on it, discuss it between you two. And... if you agree, we'll make sure it's worth your while, alright?"

A small spot of quiet, as Toji thought. "...Look, as long as it means I can help protect _Hikari_ from whatever monsters come our way, I'm all in."

She blushed. "...You're _terrible_ at negotiating, Toj." Chastising to hide her feelings. "When they hired _me_ , I managed to net _paid for university_ for _all_ the pilots."

Scratching the back of his head. "Y'know I'm not _too_ much of a people person. I _bashed_ Shin-man when I first met him."

"Hell, you did that to _me_ when we first met." Deadpanned Kensuke. "That might as well be your standard greeting."

"Yeah yeah, just prove my point why don'tcha." Rolling his eyes. "Ya see why I tend to leave the talking to _Hikari_."

"Ah, you have a way with words with people you're _close_ with." Hikari nudged.

"Still, point still stands." Ritsuko began again. "Sleep on it, take your time. Do what's best for _both_ of you."

"I will." He confirmed.

"All the while you were discussing his potential _job prospects_ here, Glados has been _roasting_ us!" Kyoko exclaimed.

"This whole _song_ has just been jabbing at Chell, hasn't it?"

"And she isn't even _thinking_ of Wheatley." Thought Maya.

"Probably thinking if he ever _somehow_ came back, she'd _murder_ him." As he continued to listen. "Though... a part of me is thinking she didn't _actually_ delete Caroline."

"She _is_ Caroline." Firmed Ritsuko. "She cannot delete her unless she wanted to delete _herself_. I think she just said what she said to Chell to prevent _her_ from thinking too much about it."

"Hey, did we ever catch _that_ song?" Kensuke queried, as the credits began to wrap up. "Exile Villify."

" _Still Alive_ we know of, _Want You Gone_ is obviously _this_ one." Ritsuko ran through. "...No I don't believe we've _encountered_ that song."

"If it's _credited_ , it must be _somewhere_." Thought Zero Two.

To which Ritsuko shrugged. "It's something to _find_ , then."

**(2:28:15)**

The credits ended, and the screen shut down.

Revealing Wheatley and the Space Core in... well, _space_.

"Oh _now_ he fucking apologises!"

"Took him long enough, eh Kyo?" Prodded Sayaka.

"And it only took him getting _banished_ to _space_."

"A _bit_ extreme, but at least he's not _dead_."

"We _wanted_ him dead, Maya." Misato muttered.

"...I think the Space Core is _orbiting_ Wheatley." Noted Ritsuko.

"At least _they're_ enjoying what happened." Zero Two chuckled.

"Not _Wheatley_."

"Oh yeah, but who cares what _he_ thinks now?"

"Hopefully for the _Space Core's_ sake, he doesn't have to spend _too long_ around Wheatley."

"I think the Space Core is _lucky_ , Toj. It doesn't have the mental capacity to understand Wheatley's _lack_ of mental capacity."

"Odds are, they'll eventually run out of power anyway." Ritsuko thought. "They _can_ run on as few as 1.1 volts, but even _that_ would drain without an outside source."

"So he _is_ dead?"

A nod at Misato's suggestion.

" _Good_." She thought. "Hopefully he doesn't go landing in _our_ world."

**(2:29:00)**

And they were back at the menu.

"Heh, they even changed the _menu_." Maya noted.

"Well, I guess that's us _done_ now." Kensuke sighed. "Almost a shame."

"All good things and all that, Ken." Kyoko ran her hand over his arm.

"And maybe if the _Subcommander_ can get it working, we'll be doing the _co-op_ soon enough."

"Heh, I'll certainly see what I can do. Might not be for a short while; we'd essentially have to _reverse engineer_ the entire game and whatever network it ran on."

"Just sic the Magi on them, like _everything_."

Ritsuko rolled her eyes at Misato's suggestion. "You know how they're like running _this_ , right? I'm not running it until we can get resource usage to at most _half_ of the Magi. That way if we _have_ to run two instances of this, we won't _deep fry_ their brains."

"Well, make sure you get _us_ involved, if you get it working." Zero Two suggested. " _I_ certainly wouldn't mind playing with my darling, eh?"

"It _does_ seem like fun." He smiled. "I'm sure _you two_ wouldn't mind as well." Directed towards Toji and Hikari.

"Pretty sure I'll fry _my_ mind doing it." He huffed. "But I _definitely_ wouldn't mind. It's... always pretty nice playing games with you, Hikari."

"Likewise, Toj." She smirked, as they both got up. "I take it we're dismissed?"

The Subcommander nodded. "We can take it from here. Once you exit, Kensuke."

"...Oh yeah."

He quit out, swapping himself out with the Subcommander. "Make sure you keep us _informed_ about what goes on with this, Subcommander."

"We will, don't worry." As she waited for the prompt to return. "Since it _does_ concern you, somewhat."

He went towards Hiro and Zero Two. "You two wanna go on a bit of a trek to _my_ house?"

They craned their heads.

"Computer."

"... _Ohh_ , yeah alright!"

"Do you really have _that_ many computers that you can just let them _pick and choose_ , Kensuke?"

Chuckling and nodding at Maya's question. "Yeah."

"Ya do know he _trash picked_ that Octane of his." Muttered Kyoko.

"And that's probably the best computer he's even _found_." Chuckled Sayaka. "Though it _is_ kinda fun, scavenging for that kind of stuff."

"What, you two just spend your weekends scavving for old computers and fixing them up?"

All three nodded. "We don't just _fuck_ all day and night, Commander. I _know_ we're teens and we all _very_ much love one another, but we have _other_ hobbies."

"If you know _who_ I live with, you can understand my thinking."

She barked a laugh. "I'm sure if we _were_ allowed to live together, we'd be like that."

"My point exactly."

To which she poked her tongue. "C'mon, you guys!"

The five soon left, as Ritsuko logged out of this terminal. "And you two, think about it, alright?"

Hikari and Toji nodded, before they too made their leave.

She sighed. "At least the _Magi_ survived this."

**VIDEO STOP (2:30:05)**

"Miraculous, isn't it." Flatly mentioned the Commander.

"They _were_ running flat out, Misato." As Maya checked her terminal. "Magi loads returning to nominal levels."

"Inform the facility that Magi maintenance has concluded, and regular operations can continue."

"Yes Sempai!" As she did just that, on her terminal.

"And I imagine _you_ want to check on your other half, Misato."

"You _know_ it, Rits." She poked her tongue, before she too left.

"So what are the chances she's married and/or _with child_ by the end of the year, Sempai?"

The Sempai couldn't help but chuckle. "You see it too, don't you." As she went to _another_ terminal. "She's even _more_ smitten with him than usual, isn't she?"

"Least it sounds like she's _enjoying_ her time, without her charges."

"Wasn't obvious _before_?"

To which she sighed, going to her terminal.

"...I know you're still struggling with that, Maya. But... she _is_ fine."

"I know. It's... just _longing_ , isn't it."

She turned back to her terminal, simply wanting to get some work done to distract herself from those thoughts.

At least until she was hit in the back of the head with something _soft_. "...Did you just throw a pillow at me, Sempai?"

"... _No_?"

"Wha?"

Maya turned around in her chair and looked around, trying to find _what_ hit her.

Her eyes went wide, as she realised _what_ is was.

And she _squeed_ , picking it up. "Sempai, look!"

It was a plush turret, around the same size of her head.

And yes, it _was_ as adorable as Maya would've hoped for.

Ritsuko just rolled with it. "Hopefully _that_ can help cheer you up, then." The Sempai couldn't help but smile, as Maya _snuggled_ it, before she propped it up next to her terminal. "...It _is_ kind of annoying you got hit with something _soft,_ though."

"Ehehe..." She awkwardly laughed. "How weird would it be if I bought this home and put it on the couch or the bed or something?"

"Knowing _what_ it is, a bit." She chuckled. "Good thing _I'm_ a bit weird too."

Another squee. "And you're not as weird as _some_ Ritsukos I know of, Sempai."

"I got _that_ going for me, at least."

The two of them now a bit more cheered up, they began trawling through the various data that these two video games had to offer.

"...Hey Sempai? Were we done with that Mahou Shoujo Kensuke lended us?"

A beat.

"Damn it, I forgot to give that back to him."

Maya giggled. "He's coming in for work tomorrow, Sempai. You can give it back to him _then_."

* * *

## 3\. After End

Kensuke open the door to his rather _sizeable_ room and hit the lights, still decked out with figurines and the ensign of the JMSDF (which _almost_ resulted in him getting his ass kicked, according to Rei).

And a whole heap of computers. "Jeez, _that's_ a lot."

"Ah he has _more_ in the spare room." Shrugging.

"Plus, _I'd_ say it gives some _charm_ to it."

"Not _just_ because you share a bed with him, I'm sure." Prodded Zero Two.

"Only on weekends, unfortunately."

"At least until Ken can _find_ a place somewhere, now he's got a well paying job."

"And when we're _old_ enough." Kensuke remarked. "I don't think NERV would allow me to get an apartment until I'm _out_ of school, at least."

"A shame we can't age _faster_ , eh?" Kyoko prodded. "So what computer d'ya two want?"

The two Klaxosaurs glanced between one another. "Anything that _plays_ the original Half Life, honestly."

"Well _that_ should be easy enough."

Grabbing a beige, mid sized tower from the pile of computers, he got it connected to the various peripherals required. "Looks like a bit of a _wreck_."

"You would've been talk of the town if you had this computer back in '98, Zero Two." He chuckled, applying power. "Pentium 3, 256mb of RAM, TNT2 graphics."

"I don't think _either_ of us know what those words mean." Hiro flatly prodded.

To which all three snickered. "Even _we_ know those terms, by now."

"Basically means it's good enough to play just about _anything_ you wanted. Hell, even _nowadays_ it's still pretty good."

A harsh noise played over the speakers. "Always _hated_ that startup sound." Kyoko muttered.

"That looks... kinda similar to _Whistler_."

"It's a couple generations removed, but it gets the job done." Kensuke shrugged. "It's either that or _Millennium_ , and you _really_ need a golden goose of a computer to get that running properly."

The two Klaxosaurs blinked. "I just wanna play Half Life."

"Heh, alright."

As the computer was being shut down, Kensuke gathered a spare monitor, some spare peripherals and cables, and a _spool_ of burnt CDs. "I'm sure _one_ of those is Half Life, but it'd give you guys _other_ things to mess around with."

"So you're just giving us all this without a _tutorial_ on how to use a computer or anything."

All three of them shrugged. "Windows is a _baby's_ system. If a damned _secretary_ can use it, _you_ can too!"

They couldn't really argue with that. "What's a secretary?"

"Right, other world and all that."

"You two'll be fine." As the tower was placed in front of them with the _other_ peripherals. "Match the plugs in the right holes, make sure everything's connected to power, and that should be all. I'm pretty sure you guys have my number from when I tried _calling_ you a while ago, so you can fall back on _that_ if you encounter something weird."

The two nodded. "Okay, I have _one more question_ , though."

"Shoot."

Zero Two indicated to the pile of computer parts at her feet. "How on Earth are we getting this to the _Geofront_ , where our apartment is?"

The Puella and Kensuke looked between one another. Kyoko couldn't help but smirk.

~

The sun had now set, and Hiro and Zero Two were dragging the computer and various computer parts in a _wagon_ , along the street to the nearby station that lead to the Geofront. "How is it so _heavy_?!"

"Oh don't be like _that_ , darling!" While Hiro was breaking a sweat dragging this wagon, Zero Two was practically _skipping_. "Seeing the sights and stretching our legs is _never_ a bad thing, eh?"

~

The perpetual daylight of Antarctica at this time was havoc on his body clock, but it was well worth it for Spencer Makinami. "Set it down." He spoke into a handheld radio, the sound muffled by his full body radiation suit.

A crane slowly descended, dropping its cargo onto the deck of the glorified freighter he had hired. "Never thought we'd be seeing _you_ here again, Voyager." Quietly remarking.

"Do you think you'll _find_ anything?"

"I doubt there would be anything _physically_ , other than impact damage." Before he pointed to his suit. "Never hurts to be _careful_ , though."

Back to his radio. "Drop the buoy and let's get out of here."

Lack of ozone and the general _feeling_ of this cursed place generally meant trips down here were few and far between, and always fleeting.

Didn't remove the need for Makinami and company to _monitor_ this desolate wasteland.

Soon enough, there was only the buoy left, diligently monitoring their surroundings, beaming them to several satellites for all to see.

And just in case.

~

Blue eyes fluttered open.

"Heh, finally awake?"

Asuka gave a small stretch, still holding onto Shinji. "This is practically the _only_ time we can sleep in so late, Shin-chan. I'm making the _most_ of it."

An amused chuckle. "Suppose that's what _those two_ are doing, as well."

She looked down to the foot of their bed, seeing Rei and Kaworu curled up together.

"Heh. I'm pretty sure we need to say those _five_ now, Shinji."

With her foot, she prodded the two of them. "Oi, you guys up?"

"... _Now_ we are." Murmured Kaworu.

"Rei says she wants to rest for a bit longer."

"So she's put _you_ in charge?"

Eliza as Rei nodded.  "And yes, she _knows_ it's midday."

"Nothing like a _sleep in_ , Eliza." Chuckled Kaworu, not particularly caring _who_ was currently in charge of Rei's body.

Asuka couldn't help but smile. "...I still can't believe you guys _still_ wanted to be with me, after how I rushed everyone."

While they were no longer doing anything _close_ to sexual with one another, Asuka... certainly _appreciated_ the company. And the warmth.

So, Rei and Kaworu dragged _their_ bed into Asuka and Shinji's room. 'One big sleepover', Rei described it as.

Of course, now the room was practically _all_ bed, not like that was a _bad_ thing. "We _do_ love you, Asuka." Softly remarked Rei, now in control, as she dragged Kaworu up with her to Asuka. "At least _this_ way, we can make sure you _know_."

She couldn't help but huff, as Rei cuddled up to her, and as Kaworu settled behind Rei. "Shows me you can love _without_ the whole banging bit."

"I haven't heard many _complaints_ about Misato's policy." Prodded Shinji.

"She _did_ have a point, Shinji." She sighed. "Though... I honestly like _this_ better. Just... _being_ with all of you."

"Much like how we are _normally_." Noted Kaworu.

"I certainly do not mind spending my time with you three."

"I think _everyone_ here feels that, Rei." Shinji chuckled.

A comfortable silence, Asuka enjoying the presence of those closest to her.

"...Heh. I love you guys."

Their little moment was interrupted by a light thud, coming from the end of their bed.

Rei grumbled. "I suppose it _has_ been a few days since we have had to deal with Rift Material."

" _You_ certainly have low hopes." Mused the fish, as he disengaged to investigate.

His own hopes immediately dropped to lows that rivalled his feelings during Elfen Lied. "Oy."

He held up a _sizeable_ doujin to the group, the cover depicting Asuka with _less_ clothing than she was currently wearing, leaning on Shinji.

_Everyone_ had unamused looks. They all knew how the _last_ doujin went.

Asuka perfectly encapsulated the feelings of the group with a single line: "Aww _shit_. Here we go again."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in After Chronicles...


End file.
